Comments | sabaceanbabe: Trueblood fic: A Trip With My Dad (pg-13)

sabaceanbabe

Trueblood fic: A Trip With My Dad (pg-13)

Sep 08, 2010 12:28

Title: A Trip With My Dad
Beta: none
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Jessica, Bill, Lafayette
Warnings: none that I can think of
Author's note: Written for trueblood_las round one, challenge 3: road trip.

( In contemporary terminology, Bill and Jessica must engage in a road trip. )

my fic, my true blood fic

Comments 6

wiliqueen September 8 2010, 16:48:46 UTC

I love it I love it I love it!

Bill finally facing up to that responsibility is my favorite thread on the show right now, and this does a great job of illuminating what's going on in both their heads. I hadn't really considered that he was consciously avoiding teaching Jessica because he would associate it with what Lorena did to him, but of course that makes perfect sense!

P.S. There was a terrific Jessica (in her Merlotte's uniform) running around Dragon*Con, but I never had a camera when I saw her.

sabaceanbabe September 8 2010, 20:51:50 UTC

Thank you! :D

I really don't like Bill in the books (although even so, he does have his good points), but I really do like him this season, and a lot of the good will is coming from him finally trying to do the right thing with Jessica (and the writers giving him some deeper layers than just Mr. Perfect).

I so wish I could've been there this year. *sniffle*

serendipityxxi September 9 2010, 04:11:29 UTC

Your Bill voice is fantastically in character here! I LOL'd so hard at it! :)

sabaceanbabe September 9 2010, 16:14:48 UTC

Thank you so much! Hee! :D

circury September 10 2010, 03:58:13 UTC

This is my favourite part:"Lessons he had learned under extreme duress and that he had never entirely accepted as The Way Things Must Be."
It's a good Bill voice, and really gets to the heart of the matter.
I also like that Bill is thinking of tutelage and acceptance and avoidance and all that good stuff.

I also have some criticism:
"He had only lit the fire for atmosphere, anyway; vampires did not feel cold the way humans did, and in any event, the summer night was warm."
Somehow, this sentence is awkward. I can't put my finger on it.

The talking in unison didn't work for me. It seemed too contrived, and I think that the idea of them coming to the same decision would have worked better if that last part were a little different.

---
When I read the LAS stories I make notes, and usually I record some criticism. Please tell me if you don't want me to post those to you.

sabaceanbabe September 10 2010, 16:55:01 UTC

Thank you so much for the concrit! I really appreciate it. :D

What you've pointed out here is excellent advertisement for the use of a good beta. (Well, that and also writing your fic earlier in the open time frame than just a few hours before it has to be turned in.)