How we spent the whole night saying goodbye - One Shot
Title: How we spent the whole night saying goodbye
Fandom(s): U-KISS
Pairing(s): Kemaru
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 3,300 words
Warnings: Awful!English
Author's Notes: Just saw this on Twitter…Was too…IDEK…Just had to write it. Dedicated to all Kemaru fans that are still sad about the whole thing, especially kemaruland92 aka @asterong92, yeah I found out who you are :3 (lol, what if I’m wrong DX).
Kevin stared as Kibum took his fresh, clean and ironed clothes out of their shared closest, gently placing them on the bed he was sitting on. He stared as Kibum carefully folded them, making sure they were all of the same shape before one by one inserting them into the baggage he left on the same bed.
He just stared. Making no noise, no movement, and only staring without even blinking.
Kibum effectively blocked out Kevin’s presence in his head, packing like it was almost normal, like they were just going overseas. Only that he packed a little too many things, half of the closet, and that he wasn’t coming back.
Kevin stared.
Kibum looked around the room as if for a final inspection to check if he had left anything anywhere. “Kevin, the shirt you’re wearing is mine.”
Two heartbeats.
One.
Two.
Kevin reached for Kibum’s luggage and took out whatever he could, messily throwing them all around the room while screaming hysterically. Kibum looked at the mess and grabbed onto Kevin’s wildly flailing hands, resisting the younger boy from moving anymore.
“Go away! Go away!” Kevin cried. “You’re gonna leave anyway, just leave now! Don’t touch me!”
“Kevin.” Kibum calmly replied, tightening his grip around Kevin’s thin wrists and keeping them by Kevin’s side. Swiftly switching his hands position, he embraced Kevin’s body tight and grabbed onto Kevin’s head by the back, kissing the younger boy senseless.
Kevin whimpered softly into the kiss, and the fire in him slowly spread to all parts of him, aching and burning for more. His tongue fought fiercely with Kibum’s, hands clutching onto the older’s hair and pulling him closer.
Kevin fell back on the bed, pulling Kibum down with him, causing their lips to stay locked. Kibum pulled away as he heard Kevin’s muffled mewl, cupping the younger’s face with a gentle look in his eyes.
“I can’t go to bed without your goodnight kiss…” Kevin whispered, voice so weak as if he was about to break.
Kibum pulled Kevin up from his lying down position and hugged Kevin’s head tightly, like a father protectively keeping his baby safe. Kevin sobbed quietly, a few hiccups slipping past his mouth as he circled his arms around Kibum’s neck, wanting Kibum’s body warmth to comfort him somehow.
“We-” Kevin coughed, nose nasally from the crying after five minutes. “We haven’t watched the sunrise as you said.”
“Sunrise is six hours away.” Kibum gently reminded, rocking from side to side like he was pacifying a baby.
“I don’t want you to leave, you promised me you wouldn’t.” Kevin choked on his tears, coughing some more and trying to will away his urge to wail loudly. “At least- at least fulfill one that you can. Watch the sunrise with me.”
Kibum nodded, looking down at Kevin’s head and watching it move closer, move further, move closer to him as his ribcage expanded and contracted from his breathing. Wanting to watch the sunrise but refusing to leave the position he currently was in, Kevin bit his lower lip and questioned himself if he was going to stay in this comfortable spot.
Kibum opened his mouth and wondered what he should do to break the silence. Silence was never golden with Kevin, he loves to talk, he loves to babble, he loves to sing. It was…heart-breaking to see Kevin this way.
“Finally, erase me. Finally, this might be hard on you. Finally, I will remember those (sweet memories) just for you.” Kibum sang softly.
Kevin covered his ears almost instantly, shaking his head furiously. “Don’t sing that song! Don’t!”
Kibum raised Kevin’s chin and placed a light kiss on the younger’s lips. “All right, I won’t. Do you want to leave now?”
Kevin hesitated, but nodded anyway.
Kibum then picked up the messed up clothes and did a rough folding to be quick, stuffing them slightly-but-not-really neatly before zipping up the bag. He figured he would have to leave the shirt on Kevin behind, just so Kevin wouldn’t break down again.
A parting gift…?
“Do you hate them?” Kevin quietly asked, rubbing his hands against the mattress. No more sharing of bed, just Kevin and Kevin alone.
“I have to agree I don’t have awesome vocals.” Kibum avoided the question, offering Kevin his hand. “Let’s go?”
Kevin frowned sadly. “Why must that one bad comment always bring you down? You’re confident, well-loved and constantly supported by Kiss Mes, don’t bother about what they say!”
“Negativity shoots the insecure part of us. I saw you cry many nights when people say you sing horribly at debut. Negative things just tend to look bigger, causing every positive comment to look like ants.” Kibum shrugged. “Kevin, are you coming?”
Kevin sighed at the truth of Kibum’s words, climbing onto Kibum’s back instead of holding the older’s hand and nodding against Kibum’s shoulder. “Let’s go.”
-
Kevin held onto Kibum’s hand tightly, forcing the older to drive with only one hand. Kevin tried to sound a little more positive through the journey, wanting to keep their last night together as a sweet and not sad memory.
“Do you remember when was the first time I made you sleep with me?” Kevin grinned.
“The time you lost your teddy, don’t even make me remember it.” Kibum joked, face serious when he felt a squeeze. “Teddy’s back in your room, that’s good news.”
Kevin quietly nodded, biting his lower lip, knowing he said something wrong. “Erm, how about the time we hugged at the first concert!”
“Of course I can’t forget it.” Kibum smiled, frowning when he saw Kevin fidgeting.
“We…won’t sing together again.” Kevin muttered, tightening his grip around Kibum’s hand. What’s wrong with him? He promised himself to sound positive!
“I’ll call you.” Kibum firmly said. “We’ll sing together till you’re tired of my voice and go to sleep. Then we’ll meet in your dreams.”
Kevin kept silent, not wanting to question what the older meant by “meet in your dreams”.
“Do you remember the first time we kissed?” Kevin blushed at Kibum’s question, nodding furiously.
“The accidental one or the intentional one?” Kevin smiled shyly, unconscious reaching for his lips with his other hand.
“Both?” Kibum chuckled, ruffling the younger’s hair.
“Of course.” Kevin giggled. “I still remember Xander-hyung pushing me and saying that the demon has came! And then you ran to me with vampire-like teeth, coming onto me but I was busy laughing at you and you couldn’t stop in time, so we fell to the floor and you stole my first kiss.”
Kibum smiled at the way Kevin recollected the memory, already in a building’s carpark searching for a carpark lot. “How about the intentional one?”
“I cried so badly, of course I remember!” Kevin sat on the edge of the chair, excited. “I was annoyed at myself being unable to dance to the feeling Man Man Ha Ni needed, repeating the steps continuously and getting everyone to help me. Even Dongho couldn’t save me, so I got so angry at myself and started screaming at my bag, throwing it all around the practice room. Everyone got so afraid of me they decided to gather around, while you threw an empty bottle at my head and told me to get a grip on myself.”
Kibum smiled gently, looking at Kevin as he finished parking his car. “Seems like I’m too mean.”
“I like it.” Kevin smiled back. “I like that you’re not afraid to be different, not afraid of me when I’m not like myself.”
“Let’s bring this conversation to the rooftop. Shall we?” Kibum cocked his head to a side, while Kevin nodded and got out of the car.
Kibum locked the car and raised his eyebrows when Kevin clung onto his arm. He shook the slight amusement away, walking with Kevin to the lift lobby. Kevin then rambled on how he looks like a little girlfriend clinging onto her boyfriend as he looked at the reflective surface of the lift’s entrance.
Kibum looked at his reflection while kissing the top of Kevin, Kevin squeaking slightly as the younger saw Kibum’s actions through the mirror.
“Why aren’t you finishing your recollection of our first kiss?” Kibum questioned gently, pulling Kevin with him as the lift reached their level.
“I cried harder.” Kevin started. “But I ran to you and cried harder, knowing you’ll be able to comfort me like you always do.”
Kibum pressed the highest level button, humming softly as Kevin continued.
“Everyone else left to give me the space I need, and then you apologised for being mean but was dead serious when you told me I should get a grip on myself, and I shouldn’t bring myself down so easily. You said, “You can do everything, as long as you give yourself some time to adjust.” I disagreed, ready to protest but you kissed me.”
Kibum chuckled at the way Kevin mimicked his voice, ruffling Kevin’s hair. “I don’t speak like that.”
“Ah, that’s not the point.” Kevin giggled. “The point is you kissed me and kissed me again. Then you returned to your mean side and went, “See? You can kiss me back too, as long as you adjust to the weird feeling.” And then I was all sad because I thought you liked me back, but then you acted as if it was just to comfort me, which made me sadder.”
Kevin pouted at the memory, while Kibum didn’t mind as he circled his arm around Kevin’s waist and dragged him along to the platform on the rooftop.
“But then you saw my eyes and hesitated.” Kevin took in a deep breath, the air cleaner and cooler from up above.
“I saw you sadder than before. And that tore me apart, you know I never liked it, and at that
point, it was obvious I did it.” Kibum explained his side of the story, taking the last few steps before sitting by the edge of the building. There was a knee-high barrier which reached their chest when they sat down, protecting them from falling.
“So you apologised.” Kevin nodded. “You kissed me again and said my kisses weren't meant to explain something so trivial, but something deeper and you said you understood the message it sent you.”
“And you didn't get it.” Kibum chuckled. “I left it hanging and you ended up bugging me about it, not even realising you mastered the art of arrogant looks for Man Man Ha Ni, because you were busy looking at me and wondering if clues would just leak out suddenly.”
“Hey, that was annoying of you.” Kevin sulked, leaning his head on Kibum's shoulder nevertheless. “I was so bothered by it.”
“You could still sleep well.” Kibum shrugged, a hand around Kevin's waist to keep him close, as if afraid of losing him.
“You were there.” Kevin replied simply, strings in his heart tugged jerkily as he remembered the current situation.
Kibum didn't reply. He waited for Kevin to pick up the silence and do something about it.
“And then, one day you got annoyed with my endless bugging-”
“It was your horrible denseness.”
“-fine, that you threw your hands up and yelled you give up. Then you slammed me to the wall and kissed me, pulling away and asking me fiercely what that looks like.”
“That's kinda funny a question.” Kibum mused. “I must have forgotten how to properly ask a question.”
“Yeah, and I said it looked like you were angry.” Kevin continued. “And I walked away, not wanting you to be angry, but I made you angrier, and you finally decided to tell it to my face.”
“I had a small voice nagging at me that you were acting only to hear it directly.” Kibum laughed. “Or did you?”
“I really didn't know, but I was glad to know it was true.” Kevin beamed. “That you love me.”
“And you love me.”
“But that's a universal truth.” Kevin giggled. “Everyone knows that.”
“It’s sweeter from your lips.” Kibum turned leaned down, kissing Kevin gently.
Kibum then pulled away, smiling softly. Kevin rested his head on Kibum’s shoulder, staring at the dark sky, with streetlights and commercial buildings still brightening the city below.
He sighed. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Kibum only squeezed Kevin’s hand tighter.
-
Kevin fell asleep while waiting for the sunrise. Kibum checked his watch and reached for Kevin’s handphone, searching for the camera function and filming steadily despite the weight on his left shoulder.
-
Kevin found himself on his own bed the next morning, face frowning as he woke up. “Kibummie-hyung?”
There wasn’t a reply, and Kevin quickly sat up, looking around.
Kibum was gone.
He bit his lip, mind wondering if he had seen the sunrise. Somehow, he just didn’t have a recollection of it.
His handphone vibrated at the very moment, signalling that a text message had arrived.
“I figured you’ll be awake by now, seeing as you have schedules today. I’m sorry I couldn’t say a proper goodbye. I didn’t want to wake you up, but don’t worry, we did watch the sunrise. And we’ll watch it again and again in the future. If you really want to see it, check out a certain video I took.”
Kevin cursed himself for giving in to tiredness, but curiously checking out the video Kibum took. He navigated around his phone, seeing a half an hour long clip inside.
-
“It’s five o’clock in the morning, I’m dead beat but I’m still awake. Beside me is a really silly boy, who started sleeping about three hours ago despite asking me to watch the sunrise with him.” Kibum said, using his own handphone’s flash light to create lighting so their faces could be seen in the dark. “The sun would rise in about an hour, I think. I should conserve batteries, but since this silly boy’s phone is fully charged, I’d just abuse it.”
“P.S. I say he’s silly, but I love him.” Kibum sighed. “I’m usually not one who speaks all these cheesy things and speak about memories then breaking down. That’s not me, but Kevin, I want you to know how much I cherish them, every second with you.”
“The day you came bouncing into my life, you looked chubbier, a bit fat, a bit different from now.”
Kibum slightly frowned in the video, before turning the camera to face the sky. “I see a hint of the sunrise, weird, the sun is early.”
“But you were cute, no one can deny that. You had this childish voice, along with childish actions, and everyone liked you immediately. I didn’t. To me, you look like an immature idiot that came to a territory without knowing what awaits you. Korea wasn’t all fun and games, but that’s how you acted. Then I realised, you could take what was being thrown at you, you are just dumbly optimistic.”
Kevin pouted, wondering if that was a praise.
“Don’t pout, it’s a compliment.” Kibum chuckled, as if knowing Kevin’s reaction beforehand. “You see the light peeking out? It’s about five fifteen right now. Anyway, you wanted me to be your friend. You just demanded me to be your friend because Youngkyung-hyung and Sungsoo-hyung are a bit too old and treat you like a baby, and you think I’d treat you like a proper friend since we’re just a year apart. I just rolled my eyes and called you a baby. You thought that meant I would be your friend.”
“Somehow that became reality, because I can’t deny I got to know you better through your endless bugging.” Kibum chuckled. “The way you’d talk about serious matters suddenly and ask me if I thought we would succeed. I said, why not? We’re all pretty good singers. You said we needed more than good vocals to survive. We needed publicity, luck and fans. You thought it’d be a hard road, and asked me why I chose this path.”
“I threw the question back at you. You’re younger, from another country, looking more fragile. You said you don’t want to study, don’t want to be a doctor, a lawyer, or anything else but a singer. You dislike blood, you don’t like laws. You just wanted to sing. Can’t say I didn’t look at you in awe, having so much passion for singing. You were probably a good student in school, if everything that’s stopping you from having a stable income is blood, laws, and whatever else.”
“Nope, I didn’t have a flair for studying, either.” Kevin giggled. “Like you.”
“I found out your looks are just a face. You are stronger than people think you are. I admit I was a bit hesitant on leaving, partly due to whatever I’m leaving behind, and a small part because of you. I thought you’d get through it, I don’t really need to worry for you, and thus I left without so much of a goodbye. I did follow Xing and saw you were doing fine, resting assured as I rearranged my life and figure out what I really wanted to do.”
“The sun is rising, pity I don’t want to wake you up.” Kibum narrated. “The colours bursting out from a spot, hidden by the clouds until it rise further up to see the city. No wonder you wanted to see the sunrise so badly, it’s beautiful, even when it hasn’t really started.”
“I wanted to sing. I decided I really did. I searched for a company again and trained, harder than before. I wanted to succeed this time, I wanted to be able to sing to a wide audience like my brother. And then you came strolling in with a cool aura, introducing yourself to the other members as I checked out a video I took of myself practising.”
“You came to say hi, and became surprised when you saw me. I smiled first, ruffling your hair as if it was normal, and you started crying. I was a bit frightened, since I don’t usually deal with tears, but you just hugged me and the most normal thing for me to do is to return it. Our members wondered what could have happened between us, but they didn’t probe. I was glad to see you again, but no, I didn’t start loving you then.”
“Actually, who knows when I started loving you?” Kevin got excited, seeing the sun come steadily into view. “Xander-hyung was the first to be curious after seeing the both of us so close. “Do you like him?” He asked me, and I replied yes. Why wouldn’t I like you? Then I understood his question and raised my eyebrows, unable to say no but not knowing if the answer was yes either. I just told him to go away. I like you a lot, a friend I wouldn’t want to lose. Xander-hyung didn’t think too much, shrugging and thinking maybe it’s just the culture. Boys born in Korea are more prone to liking a friend a lot that it starts looking weird.”
“I started pondering about it, and more members came to ask me what I really felt. Did you have them asking you too? They made me think, and the more I thought about it, the more certain I was. Maybe, I did love you after all.”
The sun was now proudly standing above buildings, the whole course recorded down.
“Nope, no longer a maybe.” Kibum turned the camera so he was filming himself. He adjusted it a little and filmed him kissing Kevin’s head. “It’s true, Kevin Woo.”
“I do, I do love you.”
-
“0330 signifies a new start.” Kevin writes in his diary, but his smile was intact. “It doesn’t mean everything before has to end.”
-
Just LOOK AT THE WORD COUNT. Sweet.
Fandom(s): U-KISS
Pairing(s): Kemaru
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 3,300 words
Warnings: Awful!English
Author's Notes: Just saw this on Twitter…Was too…IDEK…Just had to write it. Dedicated to all Kemaru fans that are still sad about the whole thing, especially kemaruland92 aka @asterong92, yeah I found out who you are :3 (lol, what if I’m wrong DX).
Kevin stared as Kibum took his fresh, clean and ironed clothes out of their shared closest, gently placing them on the bed he was sitting on. He stared as Kibum carefully folded them, making sure they were all of the same shape before one by one inserting them into the baggage he left on the same bed.
He just stared. Making no noise, no movement, and only staring without even blinking.
Kibum effectively blocked out Kevin’s presence in his head, packing like it was almost normal, like they were just going overseas. Only that he packed a little too many things, half of the closet, and that he wasn’t coming back.
Kevin stared.
Kibum looked around the room as if for a final inspection to check if he had left anything anywhere. “Kevin, the shirt you’re wearing is mine.”
Two heartbeats.
One.
Two.
Kevin reached for Kibum’s luggage and took out whatever he could, messily throwing them all around the room while screaming hysterically. Kibum looked at the mess and grabbed onto Kevin’s wildly flailing hands, resisting the younger boy from moving anymore.
“Go away! Go away!” Kevin cried. “You’re gonna leave anyway, just leave now! Don’t touch me!”
“Kevin.” Kibum calmly replied, tightening his grip around Kevin’s thin wrists and keeping them by Kevin’s side. Swiftly switching his hands position, he embraced Kevin’s body tight and grabbed onto Kevin’s head by the back, kissing the younger boy senseless.
Kevin whimpered softly into the kiss, and the fire in him slowly spread to all parts of him, aching and burning for more. His tongue fought fiercely with Kibum’s, hands clutching onto the older’s hair and pulling him closer.
Kevin fell back on the bed, pulling Kibum down with him, causing their lips to stay locked. Kibum pulled away as he heard Kevin’s muffled mewl, cupping the younger’s face with a gentle look in his eyes.
“I can’t go to bed without your goodnight kiss…” Kevin whispered, voice so weak as if he was about to break.
Kibum pulled Kevin up from his lying down position and hugged Kevin’s head tightly, like a father protectively keeping his baby safe. Kevin sobbed quietly, a few hiccups slipping past his mouth as he circled his arms around Kibum’s neck, wanting Kibum’s body warmth to comfort him somehow.
“We-” Kevin coughed, nose nasally from the crying after five minutes. “We haven’t watched the sunrise as you said.”
“Sunrise is six hours away.” Kibum gently reminded, rocking from side to side like he was pacifying a baby.
“I don’t want you to leave, you promised me you wouldn’t.” Kevin choked on his tears, coughing some more and trying to will away his urge to wail loudly. “At least- at least fulfill one that you can. Watch the sunrise with me.”
Kibum nodded, looking down at Kevin’s head and watching it move closer, move further, move closer to him as his ribcage expanded and contracted from his breathing. Wanting to watch the sunrise but refusing to leave the position he currently was in, Kevin bit his lower lip and questioned himself if he was going to stay in this comfortable spot.
Kibum opened his mouth and wondered what he should do to break the silence. Silence was never golden with Kevin, he loves to talk, he loves to babble, he loves to sing. It was…heart-breaking to see Kevin this way.
“Finally, erase me. Finally, this might be hard on you. Finally, I will remember those (sweet memories) just for you.” Kibum sang softly.
Kevin covered his ears almost instantly, shaking his head furiously. “Don’t sing that song! Don’t!”
Kibum raised Kevin’s chin and placed a light kiss on the younger’s lips. “All right, I won’t. Do you want to leave now?”
Kevin hesitated, but nodded anyway.
Kibum then picked up the messed up clothes and did a rough folding to be quick, stuffing them slightly-but-not-really neatly before zipping up the bag. He figured he would have to leave the shirt on Kevin behind, just so Kevin wouldn’t break down again.
A parting gift…?
“Do you hate them?” Kevin quietly asked, rubbing his hands against the mattress. No more sharing of bed, just Kevin and Kevin alone.
“I have to agree I don’t have awesome vocals.” Kibum avoided the question, offering Kevin his hand. “Let’s go?”
Kevin frowned sadly. “Why must that one bad comment always bring you down? You’re confident, well-loved and constantly supported by Kiss Mes, don’t bother about what they say!”
“Negativity shoots the insecure part of us. I saw you cry many nights when people say you sing horribly at debut. Negative things just tend to look bigger, causing every positive comment to look like ants.” Kibum shrugged. “Kevin, are you coming?”
Kevin sighed at the truth of Kibum’s words, climbing onto Kibum’s back instead of holding the older’s hand and nodding against Kibum’s shoulder. “Let’s go.”
-
Kevin held onto Kibum’s hand tightly, forcing the older to drive with only one hand. Kevin tried to sound a little more positive through the journey, wanting to keep their last night together as a sweet and not sad memory.
“Do you remember when was the first time I made you sleep with me?” Kevin grinned.
“The time you lost your teddy, don’t even make me remember it.” Kibum joked, face serious when he felt a squeeze. “Teddy’s back in your room, that’s good news.”
Kevin quietly nodded, biting his lower lip, knowing he said something wrong. “Erm, how about the time we hugged at the first concert!”
“Of course I can’t forget it.” Kibum smiled, frowning when he saw Kevin fidgeting.
“We…won’t sing together again.” Kevin muttered, tightening his grip around Kibum’s hand. What’s wrong with him? He promised himself to sound positive!
“I’ll call you.” Kibum firmly said. “We’ll sing together till you’re tired of my voice and go to sleep. Then we’ll meet in your dreams.”
Kevin kept silent, not wanting to question what the older meant by “meet in your dreams”.
“Do you remember the first time we kissed?” Kevin blushed at Kibum’s question, nodding furiously.
“The accidental one or the intentional one?” Kevin smiled shyly, unconscious reaching for his lips with his other hand.
“Both?” Kibum chuckled, ruffling the younger’s hair.
“Of course.” Kevin giggled. “I still remember Xander-hyung pushing me and saying that the demon has came! And then you ran to me with vampire-like teeth, coming onto me but I was busy laughing at you and you couldn’t stop in time, so we fell to the floor and you stole my first kiss.”
Kibum smiled at the way Kevin recollected the memory, already in a building’s carpark searching for a carpark lot. “How about the intentional one?”
“I cried so badly, of course I remember!” Kevin sat on the edge of the chair, excited. “I was annoyed at myself being unable to dance to the feeling Man Man Ha Ni needed, repeating the steps continuously and getting everyone to help me. Even Dongho couldn’t save me, so I got so angry at myself and started screaming at my bag, throwing it all around the practice room. Everyone got so afraid of me they decided to gather around, while you threw an empty bottle at my head and told me to get a grip on myself.”
Kibum smiled gently, looking at Kevin as he finished parking his car. “Seems like I’m too mean.”
“I like it.” Kevin smiled back. “I like that you’re not afraid to be different, not afraid of me when I’m not like myself.”
“Let’s bring this conversation to the rooftop. Shall we?” Kibum cocked his head to a side, while Kevin nodded and got out of the car.
Kibum locked the car and raised his eyebrows when Kevin clung onto his arm. He shook the slight amusement away, walking with Kevin to the lift lobby. Kevin then rambled on how he looks like a little girlfriend clinging onto her boyfriend as he looked at the reflective surface of the lift’s entrance.
Kibum looked at his reflection while kissing the top of Kevin, Kevin squeaking slightly as the younger saw Kibum’s actions through the mirror.
“Why aren’t you finishing your recollection of our first kiss?” Kibum questioned gently, pulling Kevin with him as the lift reached their level.
“I cried harder.” Kevin started. “But I ran to you and cried harder, knowing you’ll be able to comfort me like you always do.”
Kibum pressed the highest level button, humming softly as Kevin continued.
“Everyone else left to give me the space I need, and then you apologised for being mean but was dead serious when you told me I should get a grip on myself, and I shouldn’t bring myself down so easily. You said, “You can do everything, as long as you give yourself some time to adjust.” I disagreed, ready to protest but you kissed me.”
Kibum chuckled at the way Kevin mimicked his voice, ruffling Kevin’s hair. “I don’t speak like that.”
“Ah, that’s not the point.” Kevin giggled. “The point is you kissed me and kissed me again. Then you returned to your mean side and went, “See? You can kiss me back too, as long as you adjust to the weird feeling.” And then I was all sad because I thought you liked me back, but then you acted as if it was just to comfort me, which made me sadder.”
Kevin pouted at the memory, while Kibum didn’t mind as he circled his arm around Kevin’s waist and dragged him along to the platform on the rooftop.
“But then you saw my eyes and hesitated.” Kevin took in a deep breath, the air cleaner and cooler from up above.
“I saw you sadder than before. And that tore me apart, you know I never liked it, and at that
point, it was obvious I did it.” Kibum explained his side of the story, taking the last few steps before sitting by the edge of the building. There was a knee-high barrier which reached their chest when they sat down, protecting them from falling.
“So you apologised.” Kevin nodded. “You kissed me again and said my kisses weren't meant to explain something so trivial, but something deeper and you said you understood the message it sent you.”
“And you didn't get it.” Kibum chuckled. “I left it hanging and you ended up bugging me about it, not even realising you mastered the art of arrogant looks for Man Man Ha Ni, because you were busy looking at me and wondering if clues would just leak out suddenly.”
“Hey, that was annoying of you.” Kevin sulked, leaning his head on Kibum's shoulder nevertheless. “I was so bothered by it.”
“You could still sleep well.” Kibum shrugged, a hand around Kevin's waist to keep him close, as if afraid of losing him.
“You were there.” Kevin replied simply, strings in his heart tugged jerkily as he remembered the current situation.
Kibum didn't reply. He waited for Kevin to pick up the silence and do something about it.
“And then, one day you got annoyed with my endless bugging-”
“It was your horrible denseness.”
“-fine, that you threw your hands up and yelled you give up. Then you slammed me to the wall and kissed me, pulling away and asking me fiercely what that looks like.”
“That's kinda funny a question.” Kibum mused. “I must have forgotten how to properly ask a question.”
“Yeah, and I said it looked like you were angry.” Kevin continued. “And I walked away, not wanting you to be angry, but I made you angrier, and you finally decided to tell it to my face.”
“I had a small voice nagging at me that you were acting only to hear it directly.” Kibum laughed. “Or did you?”
“I really didn't know, but I was glad to know it was true.” Kevin beamed. “That you love me.”
“And you love me.”
“But that's a universal truth.” Kevin giggled. “Everyone knows that.”
“It’s sweeter from your lips.” Kibum turned leaned down, kissing Kevin gently.
Kibum then pulled away, smiling softly. Kevin rested his head on Kibum’s shoulder, staring at the dark sky, with streetlights and commercial buildings still brightening the city below.
He sighed. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Kibum only squeezed Kevin’s hand tighter.
-
Kevin fell asleep while waiting for the sunrise. Kibum checked his watch and reached for Kevin’s handphone, searching for the camera function and filming steadily despite the weight on his left shoulder.
-
Kevin found himself on his own bed the next morning, face frowning as he woke up. “Kibummie-hyung?”
There wasn’t a reply, and Kevin quickly sat up, looking around.
Kibum was gone.
He bit his lip, mind wondering if he had seen the sunrise. Somehow, he just didn’t have a recollection of it.
His handphone vibrated at the very moment, signalling that a text message had arrived.
“I figured you’ll be awake by now, seeing as you have schedules today. I’m sorry I couldn’t say a proper goodbye. I didn’t want to wake you up, but don’t worry, we did watch the sunrise. And we’ll watch it again and again in the future. If you really want to see it, check out a certain video I took.”
Kevin cursed himself for giving in to tiredness, but curiously checking out the video Kibum took. He navigated around his phone, seeing a half an hour long clip inside.
-
“It’s five o’clock in the morning, I’m dead beat but I’m still awake. Beside me is a really silly boy, who started sleeping about three hours ago despite asking me to watch the sunrise with him.” Kibum said, using his own handphone’s flash light to create lighting so their faces could be seen in the dark. “The sun would rise in about an hour, I think. I should conserve batteries, but since this silly boy’s phone is fully charged, I’d just abuse it.”
“P.S. I say he’s silly, but I love him.” Kibum sighed. “I’m usually not one who speaks all these cheesy things and speak about memories then breaking down. That’s not me, but Kevin, I want you to know how much I cherish them, every second with you.”
“The day you came bouncing into my life, you looked chubbier, a bit fat, a bit different from now.”
Kibum slightly frowned in the video, before turning the camera to face the sky. “I see a hint of the sunrise, weird, the sun is early.”
“But you were cute, no one can deny that. You had this childish voice, along with childish actions, and everyone liked you immediately. I didn’t. To me, you look like an immature idiot that came to a territory without knowing what awaits you. Korea wasn’t all fun and games, but that’s how you acted. Then I realised, you could take what was being thrown at you, you are just dumbly optimistic.”
Kevin pouted, wondering if that was a praise.
“Don’t pout, it’s a compliment.” Kibum chuckled, as if knowing Kevin’s reaction beforehand. “You see the light peeking out? It’s about five fifteen right now. Anyway, you wanted me to be your friend. You just demanded me to be your friend because Youngkyung-hyung and Sungsoo-hyung are a bit too old and treat you like a baby, and you think I’d treat you like a proper friend since we’re just a year apart. I just rolled my eyes and called you a baby. You thought that meant I would be your friend.”
“Somehow that became reality, because I can’t deny I got to know you better through your endless bugging.” Kibum chuckled. “The way you’d talk about serious matters suddenly and ask me if I thought we would succeed. I said, why not? We’re all pretty good singers. You said we needed more than good vocals to survive. We needed publicity, luck and fans. You thought it’d be a hard road, and asked me why I chose this path.”
“I threw the question back at you. You’re younger, from another country, looking more fragile. You said you don’t want to study, don’t want to be a doctor, a lawyer, or anything else but a singer. You dislike blood, you don’t like laws. You just wanted to sing. Can’t say I didn’t look at you in awe, having so much passion for singing. You were probably a good student in school, if everything that’s stopping you from having a stable income is blood, laws, and whatever else.”
“Nope, I didn’t have a flair for studying, either.” Kevin giggled. “Like you.”
“I found out your looks are just a face. You are stronger than people think you are. I admit I was a bit hesitant on leaving, partly due to whatever I’m leaving behind, and a small part because of you. I thought you’d get through it, I don’t really need to worry for you, and thus I left without so much of a goodbye. I did follow Xing and saw you were doing fine, resting assured as I rearranged my life and figure out what I really wanted to do.”
“The sun is rising, pity I don’t want to wake you up.” Kibum narrated. “The colours bursting out from a spot, hidden by the clouds until it rise further up to see the city. No wonder you wanted to see the sunrise so badly, it’s beautiful, even when it hasn’t really started.”
“I wanted to sing. I decided I really did. I searched for a company again and trained, harder than before. I wanted to succeed this time, I wanted to be able to sing to a wide audience like my brother. And then you came strolling in with a cool aura, introducing yourself to the other members as I checked out a video I took of myself practising.”
“You came to say hi, and became surprised when you saw me. I smiled first, ruffling your hair as if it was normal, and you started crying. I was a bit frightened, since I don’t usually deal with tears, but you just hugged me and the most normal thing for me to do is to return it. Our members wondered what could have happened between us, but they didn’t probe. I was glad to see you again, but no, I didn’t start loving you then.”
“Actually, who knows when I started loving you?” Kevin got excited, seeing the sun come steadily into view. “Xander-hyung was the first to be curious after seeing the both of us so close. “Do you like him?” He asked me, and I replied yes. Why wouldn’t I like you? Then I understood his question and raised my eyebrows, unable to say no but not knowing if the answer was yes either. I just told him to go away. I like you a lot, a friend I wouldn’t want to lose. Xander-hyung didn’t think too much, shrugging and thinking maybe it’s just the culture. Boys born in Korea are more prone to liking a friend a lot that it starts looking weird.”
“I started pondering about it, and more members came to ask me what I really felt. Did you have them asking you too? They made me think, and the more I thought about it, the more certain I was. Maybe, I did love you after all.”
The sun was now proudly standing above buildings, the whole course recorded down.
“Nope, no longer a maybe.” Kibum turned the camera so he was filming himself. He adjusted it a little and filmed him kissing Kevin’s head. “It’s true, Kevin Woo.”
“I do, I do love you.”
-
“0330 signifies a new start.” Kevin writes in his diary, but his smile was intact. “It doesn’t mean everything before has to end.”
-
Just LOOK AT THE WORD COUNT. Sweet.