[Super Junior] Stronger than my fear 4/10
AN:
This is where the angst continues. But the kyuwook starts. B'D And ninja parings start to show up~
Stronger Than My Fears
Part 4: Tell them it's me who makes you sad
[Part 3]
“That shirt makes you look ridiculous.”
The lunch went well. The movie went well even though Ryeowook spilled all the pop corn all over the floor in the middle of the film. Kyuhyun had moped over it even after the movie had ended and he had made Ryeowook buy him a piece of a chocolate cake (and Ryeowook had been pleased to do so because Kyuhyun had paid for both the lunch and the movie). In the end, Kyuhyun had made him laugh.
“Ryeowook.”
Ryeowook snapped his head up and Hyukjae looked at him worried eyes.
“Jungsoo told me to come and see if you're alright.”
Ryeowook said nothing and the other man gazed over his shoulder. Ryeowook couldn’t see but he could bet Jungsoo was there, pointing and waving. Hyukjae sighed and sat down.
“Hae told me you went out with that Kyuhyun kid.”
Oh, nice.
“Was it that bad?”
“We weren’t on a date. Just hanging around. I was hanging around with a friend.” Ryeowook bit his lips because Hyukjae’s sad smile told him that he couldn’t hide the bitterness he was feeling from his voice.
“Sure, Hae also told me you would say that.”
“And do you and Hae go on dates?” Ryeowook snapped suddenly. Hyukjae blinked and when the realization hit him, his cheeks turned a little red.
“Are you, I don’t know, maybe…. dating now?” Ryeowook continued with a sharp annoyed tone. Hyukjae sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“No, we aren’t.”
Ryeowook snorted and hid his eyes behind his hands.
“Sure.”
“Ryeowook, really! You're being rude to your elder! We aren’t dating. That… that night was just a fling.”
The sad tone in Hyukjae’s voice made Ryeowook to look at him. The older male was leaning on his hands, side glancing somewhere else and not meeting Ryeowook’s eyes. Jungsoo’s unique laugh echoed in the almost empty café as that regular stranger said something. The book was lying on the table, forgotten, and Hyukjae flinched visibly.
“Oh.”
***
Ryeowook always wondered why he always stuck his nose in everybody else’s businesses. Why he was always wondering about Donghae, Heechul and now, Hyukjae’s relationship problems. He had his own to deal with too.
He glanced up as a glass was placed in front of him and the bartender smiled at him widely.
“Kibum said it’s on him.”
“Oh”, Ryeowook murmured and curled his fingers around the glass while his gaze followed the other bartender on the other side of the desk. Kibum caught his eyes and waved at him. The man in front of Ryeowook smiled as Ryeowook lifted his glass as if he was thanking him and turned his attention to another customer. When Kibum got to serving other people again, Ryeowook put his drink down and stared at it, wondering what he was really doing with his life.
“I haven’t seen you around. Kibum says he knows you.”
It was the smiling bartender again. Ryeowook smiled at him in return.
“Yeah, Kibum and I have the same acquaintances. And I know one of the dancers, too.”
The man’s smile brightened.
“Which one? I've known them forever since they perform here a lot. “
“Hangeng is my boss” Ryeowook stated bluntly.
The man burst out laughing and Ryeowook smiled kind of shyly before he gulped half of the drink down with one go.
“So, you are Ryeowook! He told me he had employed someone new. Kyuhyun was so pissed off because of that. I don’t see why because you seem like a pretty decent guy.”
Ryeowook shrugged and tapped the glass with his fingers.
“Oh, we have our bad and good moments. Mostly bad ones.”
“Don’t sound so sad. Nowadays he's pissed off by totally different reasons.”
Ryeowook glanced up at the man as he moved away to serve another customer. He licked his lips and wondered if he should ask the man about Kyuhyun. Kibum made his way towards him.
“Hi. Enjoying your drink?”
Ryeowook smiled.
“Yeah, thanks. You still remembered what I like.”
Kibum smiled and the other bartender was there as well, leaning on his hands and blinking at them. The man hummed as Kibum said his good-byes and went back to his side of the bar.
“I haven’t met anyone with the same name as you.”
Ryeowook blinked, confused at the sudden statement and the man smiled fondly at him.
“I tend to remember people’s names. My boyfriend had a friend named Ryeowook once. He always talked about him with so much affection. I bet he was in love with him.”
Ryeowook gazed at the other man. The man was handsome, black hair and even though he was short, he could smile cutely and innocently. Ryeowook didn’t miss his toned arms. The man had a thick layer of makeup on and Ryeowook wasn’t even sure if he hadn't bumped into him somewhere else life. But it wasn’t that that had caught his attention. It was the way the man was watching him. It wasn’t sadness, but something quite similar to that.
“What is his name? I mean your-“
“Wookie darling, there you are! I want you to come up front with me!”
Heechul was there and the bartender laughed whole heartedly.
“So you know Heechul too?”
“Of course he does, you knew that, idiot”, Heechul spat and dragged Ryeowook away from the bar towards the audience.
“My drink?”
“Oh please! With a pretty face like yours, I bet you'll get many more!” Heechul snarled, and Ryeowook wondered what had made him so bitchy tonight.
But then again, when his eyes met the dancers on the stage he kind of got it.
There wasn’t just one dancer he knew, because Hyukjae was standing there too, with Hangeng. Hangeng was fixing Hyukjae’s shirt and then leaning closer, whispering something to now red haired Hyukjae. Ryeowook himself had gotten a new package of hair dye in his bathroom, but Hyukjae had dyed his hair before him. As Ryeowook watched, he would bet his money on the fact that his boss’s hand lingered there a moment or two longer that it should. Heechul next to him seethed.
***
Ryeowook was entertaining himself while drawing ugly stick figures on his note book. He drew one, and mentally named it Hyukjae. Then he drew a heart and an arrow, pointing at the stick figure he named Jungsoo. Then he drew another unrequited heart and another arrow from a new stick figure he named Hangeng to Hyukjae. For Heechul's stick figure he drew ridiculous hair. He also drew another stick figure, but hesitated for a moment.
There was a snigger and he looked up. Kyuhyun was standing next to one of the shelves and was looking down at his cell phone. Hangeng was off so it was just the two of them. It had been four days since they saw the movie and Kyuhyun was like normal, a brat. Maybe Ryeowook was over analyzing everything but the smile that was creeping onto Kyuhyun’s face made Ryeowook suddenly draw bunch of broken hearts around the last figure.
***
It was commonly known that Kim Ryeowook was a heavy drinker. He didn’t drink that often, but when he did, he did it properly. And even though he didn’t drink often, he could still manage to stay cool and coordinated and he would drink others under the table faster than you would expect him to.
So Ryeowook didn’t blame Hyukjae as the other one stood there and stared at him while music was plastering through the players. His red-haired friend blinked and Ryeowook smiled at him, eyes closing and opening in slow pace.
“How much have you had? I know you’re a heavy drinker, but I think you've had enough.”
Ryeowook laughed hollowly and Donghae rolled his eyes, a little tipsy too.
“This isn't like you, you know.”
“I haven’t had enough yet! I can walk and talk perfectly fine~”, Ryeowook stated and tried to lean on his hand but his elbow slipped from the desk and he would have hit his face right to the sharp edge but, luckily, Hyukjae was faster and steadied him.
“Yup, definitely enough for you.”
Ryeowook laughed and smelled Hyukjae’s shirt. It smelled nice and it was warm too.
“I do love you, you know that~?”
“Ryeowook, yes, you have told me that already a bunch of times tonight. I love you too, but could you please try to be a little sober?”
Ryeowook hummed and snuggled closer. Hyukjae sighed and Ryeowook felt content, just being there in Hyukjae’s arms.
“Hyukjae, let's go. Kyuhyun's here, let’s give Ryeowook to him.”
Now the speaker was Hangeng and Ryeowook’s head snapped up.
“Oh, no Kyu. No, no, no.” Ryeowook mumbled and tried to back off but now Hangeng had a firm hold of him and was leading him towards the couch were Kyuhyun was seated, calmly sipping from his drink.
“Ryeowook, you are drunk.” was his greeting.
“I most likely am”, Ryeowook mumbled back, sticking his tongue out as Hangeng put him down next to Kyuhyun who smiled at them behind his bottle.
“Kyuhyun, take care of him.”
“Sure thing, like I had more interesting things to do than look after my drunk hyung. “
Hangeng nodded, ignoring all the venom in Kyuhyun’s voice, and dragged Hyukjae with him, Donghae already lost in the mass of people. Ryeowook sat there, staring at Kyuhyun who was looking at him too.
“Oh~ Fuck!”, Ryeowook blurted and let himself fall. Kyuhyun yelped as Ryeowook took his lap as a pillow.
“How much have you had?”
“Much.”
“Hm.”
There was silence between them, Kyuhyun said something to someone passing by and Ryeowook closed his eyes.
“Sure thing, use me as your personal pillow, I don’t mind”, Kyuhyun snorted after a while and moved his legs a bit and the older one whined.
“Don’t you even think about passing out.”
“Make me.”
Kyuhyun snorted and started to move his legs more. Ryeowook bolted up saying it was not a good place to have peace of mind.
“Well, parties aren't really known to be good places to have peace of mind.”
Ryeowook opened his mouth to say something but nothing came to his mind and he closed his mouth with a pout. Kyuhyun laughed at him and pulled him closer, letting his head rest on his shoulder. Ryeowook’s breath hitched. He felt how Kyuhyun started to murmur some song and how other one’s hand caressed his hair, fingers massaging his aching head.
It was weird, comfortably weird. Ryeowook snorted. This was stupid. Why was he even this drunk? Why couldn't he think straight? He couldn’t really make any kind of proper thought of the situation because every time he tried to reason himself out, something Kyuhyun did made him lose the track.
Kyuhyun made him lose track of his perfectly dull, sculptured life.
It felt so absurd and funny, so Ryeowook started to giggle. Kyuhyun glanced at him.
“What's so funny?”
“You. And me. Mostly me.”
“Sure, you're funny. Because it’s like you’re PMS-ing every day.”
“Well~ That’s not true.”
“Well~ Of course not. You aren’t a girl.”
Even bad and cheap jokes like that made Ryeowook burst out laughing, and Kyuhyun was smiling, probably only slightly amused that his half-assed jokes got Ryeowook giggling, swinging the bottle in his hand. Kyuhyun let him laugh for a good amount of time until Ryeowook was just out of air.
“Kyu~ Kyu~ Kyuhyunnie… “
“Hmm….”
Ryeowook lifted himself off of Kyuhyun’s shoulder and the younger one looked at him curiously.
“Don’t save me.”
Kyuhyun blinked and turned to look at him as Ryeowook corrected his position on the couch.
“What?”
Ryeowook nodded and laid his hands on Kyuhyun’s shoulders and tried to look straight into Kyuhyun’s eyes, but his own eyes got unfocused.
“Don’t save me and mess up with my boring life.”
Kyuhyun snorted and took a swig from the bottle.
“As if I would want to save you from your boring life.”
“Even better.”
Ryeowook closed his eyes but the world kept spinning. He let his hands fell down and he felt Kyuhyun steady him. He felt like going to sleep right now.
“That’s how you won’t have a broken heart also.”
They could hear people talking around them, and Ryeowook could clearly hear how Eunhyuk and Donghae made fools out of themselves, and how the party host, Heechul, laughed at something very loudly. And he could bet Kyuhyun hadn’t heard any of that.
“You know what, Ryeowook?”
“Hmm~”
“There's a thin line between saving someone and making someone fall for you.”
Ryeowook opened his eyes slowly, the bright light hitting his nerves badly. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what the other had to say. Kyuhyun leaned closer, his hand sliding down from Ryeowook shoulder and taking hold of his wrist.
“I’m not saving you. It’s not yours to decide if I’m going to end up with a broken heart or not.”
Ryeowook turned to stare at those dark brown eyes, not daring to gaze away in his drunken haze. Kyuhyun was leaning closer, making Ryeowook breathe unevenly.
“I’m just making you mine.”
[Part 5:]
This is where the angst continues. But the kyuwook starts. B'D And ninja parings start to show up~
Stronger Than My Fears
Part 4: Tell them it's me who makes you sad
[Part 3]
“That shirt makes you look ridiculous.”
The lunch went well. The movie went well even though Ryeowook spilled all the pop corn all over the floor in the middle of the film. Kyuhyun had moped over it even after the movie had ended and he had made Ryeowook buy him a piece of a chocolate cake (and Ryeowook had been pleased to do so because Kyuhyun had paid for both the lunch and the movie). In the end, Kyuhyun had made him laugh.
“Ryeowook.”
Ryeowook snapped his head up and Hyukjae looked at him worried eyes.
“Jungsoo told me to come and see if you're alright.”
Ryeowook said nothing and the other man gazed over his shoulder. Ryeowook couldn’t see but he could bet Jungsoo was there, pointing and waving. Hyukjae sighed and sat down.
“Hae told me you went out with that Kyuhyun kid.”
Oh, nice.
“Was it that bad?”
“We weren’t on a date. Just hanging around. I was hanging around with a friend.” Ryeowook bit his lips because Hyukjae’s sad smile told him that he couldn’t hide the bitterness he was feeling from his voice.
“Sure, Hae also told me you would say that.”
“And do you and Hae go on dates?” Ryeowook snapped suddenly. Hyukjae blinked and when the realization hit him, his cheeks turned a little red.
“Are you, I don’t know, maybe…. dating now?” Ryeowook continued with a sharp annoyed tone. Hyukjae sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“No, we aren’t.”
Ryeowook snorted and hid his eyes behind his hands.
“Sure.”
“Ryeowook, really! You're being rude to your elder! We aren’t dating. That… that night was just a fling.”
The sad tone in Hyukjae’s voice made Ryeowook to look at him. The older male was leaning on his hands, side glancing somewhere else and not meeting Ryeowook’s eyes. Jungsoo’s unique laugh echoed in the almost empty café as that regular stranger said something. The book was lying on the table, forgotten, and Hyukjae flinched visibly.
“Oh.”
***
Ryeowook always wondered why he always stuck his nose in everybody else’s businesses. Why he was always wondering about Donghae, Heechul and now, Hyukjae’s relationship problems. He had his own to deal with too.
He glanced up as a glass was placed in front of him and the bartender smiled at him widely.
“Kibum said it’s on him.”
“Oh”, Ryeowook murmured and curled his fingers around the glass while his gaze followed the other bartender on the other side of the desk. Kibum caught his eyes and waved at him. The man in front of Ryeowook smiled as Ryeowook lifted his glass as if he was thanking him and turned his attention to another customer. When Kibum got to serving other people again, Ryeowook put his drink down and stared at it, wondering what he was really doing with his life.
“I haven’t seen you around. Kibum says he knows you.”
It was the smiling bartender again. Ryeowook smiled at him in return.
“Yeah, Kibum and I have the same acquaintances. And I know one of the dancers, too.”
The man’s smile brightened.
“Which one? I've known them forever since they perform here a lot. “
“Hangeng is my boss” Ryeowook stated bluntly.
The man burst out laughing and Ryeowook smiled kind of shyly before he gulped half of the drink down with one go.
“So, you are Ryeowook! He told me he had employed someone new. Kyuhyun was so pissed off because of that. I don’t see why because you seem like a pretty decent guy.”
Ryeowook shrugged and tapped the glass with his fingers.
“Oh, we have our bad and good moments. Mostly bad ones.”
“Don’t sound so sad. Nowadays he's pissed off by totally different reasons.”
Ryeowook glanced up at the man as he moved away to serve another customer. He licked his lips and wondered if he should ask the man about Kyuhyun. Kibum made his way towards him.
“Hi. Enjoying your drink?”
Ryeowook smiled.
“Yeah, thanks. You still remembered what I like.”
Kibum smiled and the other bartender was there as well, leaning on his hands and blinking at them. The man hummed as Kibum said his good-byes and went back to his side of the bar.
“I haven’t met anyone with the same name as you.”
Ryeowook blinked, confused at the sudden statement and the man smiled fondly at him.
“I tend to remember people’s names. My boyfriend had a friend named Ryeowook once. He always talked about him with so much affection. I bet he was in love with him.”
Ryeowook gazed at the other man. The man was handsome, black hair and even though he was short, he could smile cutely and innocently. Ryeowook didn’t miss his toned arms. The man had a thick layer of makeup on and Ryeowook wasn’t even sure if he hadn't bumped into him somewhere else life. But it wasn’t that that had caught his attention. It was the way the man was watching him. It wasn’t sadness, but something quite similar to that.
“What is his name? I mean your-“
“Wookie darling, there you are! I want you to come up front with me!”
Heechul was there and the bartender laughed whole heartedly.
“So you know Heechul too?”
“Of course he does, you knew that, idiot”, Heechul spat and dragged Ryeowook away from the bar towards the audience.
“My drink?”
“Oh please! With a pretty face like yours, I bet you'll get many more!” Heechul snarled, and Ryeowook wondered what had made him so bitchy tonight.
But then again, when his eyes met the dancers on the stage he kind of got it.
There wasn’t just one dancer he knew, because Hyukjae was standing there too, with Hangeng. Hangeng was fixing Hyukjae’s shirt and then leaning closer, whispering something to now red haired Hyukjae. Ryeowook himself had gotten a new package of hair dye in his bathroom, but Hyukjae had dyed his hair before him. As Ryeowook watched, he would bet his money on the fact that his boss’s hand lingered there a moment or two longer that it should. Heechul next to him seethed.
***
Ryeowook was entertaining himself while drawing ugly stick figures on his note book. He drew one, and mentally named it Hyukjae. Then he drew a heart and an arrow, pointing at the stick figure he named Jungsoo. Then he drew another unrequited heart and another arrow from a new stick figure he named Hangeng to Hyukjae. For Heechul's stick figure he drew ridiculous hair. He also drew another stick figure, but hesitated for a moment.
There was a snigger and he looked up. Kyuhyun was standing next to one of the shelves and was looking down at his cell phone. Hangeng was off so it was just the two of them. It had been four days since they saw the movie and Kyuhyun was like normal, a brat. Maybe Ryeowook was over analyzing everything but the smile that was creeping onto Kyuhyun’s face made Ryeowook suddenly draw bunch of broken hearts around the last figure.
***
It was commonly known that Kim Ryeowook was a heavy drinker. He didn’t drink that often, but when he did, he did it properly. And even though he didn’t drink often, he could still manage to stay cool and coordinated and he would drink others under the table faster than you would expect him to.
So Ryeowook didn’t blame Hyukjae as the other one stood there and stared at him while music was plastering through the players. His red-haired friend blinked and Ryeowook smiled at him, eyes closing and opening in slow pace.
“How much have you had? I know you’re a heavy drinker, but I think you've had enough.”
Ryeowook laughed hollowly and Donghae rolled his eyes, a little tipsy too.
“This isn't like you, you know.”
“I haven’t had enough yet! I can walk and talk perfectly fine~”, Ryeowook stated and tried to lean on his hand but his elbow slipped from the desk and he would have hit his face right to the sharp edge but, luckily, Hyukjae was faster and steadied him.
“Yup, definitely enough for you.”
Ryeowook laughed and smelled Hyukjae’s shirt. It smelled nice and it was warm too.
“I do love you, you know that~?”
“Ryeowook, yes, you have told me that already a bunch of times tonight. I love you too, but could you please try to be a little sober?”
Ryeowook hummed and snuggled closer. Hyukjae sighed and Ryeowook felt content, just being there in Hyukjae’s arms.
“Hyukjae, let's go. Kyuhyun's here, let’s give Ryeowook to him.”
Now the speaker was Hangeng and Ryeowook’s head snapped up.
“Oh, no Kyu. No, no, no.” Ryeowook mumbled and tried to back off but now Hangeng had a firm hold of him and was leading him towards the couch were Kyuhyun was seated, calmly sipping from his drink.
“Ryeowook, you are drunk.” was his greeting.
“I most likely am”, Ryeowook mumbled back, sticking his tongue out as Hangeng put him down next to Kyuhyun who smiled at them behind his bottle.
“Kyuhyun, take care of him.”
“Sure thing, like I had more interesting things to do than look after my drunk hyung. “
Hangeng nodded, ignoring all the venom in Kyuhyun’s voice, and dragged Hyukjae with him, Donghae already lost in the mass of people. Ryeowook sat there, staring at Kyuhyun who was looking at him too.
“Oh~ Fuck!”, Ryeowook blurted and let himself fall. Kyuhyun yelped as Ryeowook took his lap as a pillow.
“How much have you had?”
“Much.”
“Hm.”
There was silence between them, Kyuhyun said something to someone passing by and Ryeowook closed his eyes.
“Sure thing, use me as your personal pillow, I don’t mind”, Kyuhyun snorted after a while and moved his legs a bit and the older one whined.
“Don’t you even think about passing out.”
“Make me.”
Kyuhyun snorted and started to move his legs more. Ryeowook bolted up saying it was not a good place to have peace of mind.
“Well, parties aren't really known to be good places to have peace of mind.”
Ryeowook opened his mouth to say something but nothing came to his mind and he closed his mouth with a pout. Kyuhyun laughed at him and pulled him closer, letting his head rest on his shoulder. Ryeowook’s breath hitched. He felt how Kyuhyun started to murmur some song and how other one’s hand caressed his hair, fingers massaging his aching head.
It was weird, comfortably weird. Ryeowook snorted. This was stupid. Why was he even this drunk? Why couldn't he think straight? He couldn’t really make any kind of proper thought of the situation because every time he tried to reason himself out, something Kyuhyun did made him lose the track.
Kyuhyun made him lose track of his perfectly dull, sculptured life.
It felt so absurd and funny, so Ryeowook started to giggle. Kyuhyun glanced at him.
“What's so funny?”
“You. And me. Mostly me.”
“Sure, you're funny. Because it’s like you’re PMS-ing every day.”
“Well~ That’s not true.”
“Well~ Of course not. You aren’t a girl.”
Even bad and cheap jokes like that made Ryeowook burst out laughing, and Kyuhyun was smiling, probably only slightly amused that his half-assed jokes got Ryeowook giggling, swinging the bottle in his hand. Kyuhyun let him laugh for a good amount of time until Ryeowook was just out of air.
“Kyu~ Kyu~ Kyuhyunnie… “
“Hmm….”
Ryeowook lifted himself off of Kyuhyun’s shoulder and the younger one looked at him curiously.
“Don’t save me.”
Kyuhyun blinked and turned to look at him as Ryeowook corrected his position on the couch.
“What?”
Ryeowook nodded and laid his hands on Kyuhyun’s shoulders and tried to look straight into Kyuhyun’s eyes, but his own eyes got unfocused.
“Don’t save me and mess up with my boring life.”
Kyuhyun snorted and took a swig from the bottle.
“As if I would want to save you from your boring life.”
“Even better.”
Ryeowook closed his eyes but the world kept spinning. He let his hands fell down and he felt Kyuhyun steady him. He felt like going to sleep right now.
“That’s how you won’t have a broken heart also.”
They could hear people talking around them, and Ryeowook could clearly hear how Eunhyuk and Donghae made fools out of themselves, and how the party host, Heechul, laughed at something very loudly. And he could bet Kyuhyun hadn’t heard any of that.
“You know what, Ryeowook?”
“Hmm~”
“There's a thin line between saving someone and making someone fall for you.”
Ryeowook opened his eyes slowly, the bright light hitting his nerves badly. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what the other had to say. Kyuhyun leaned closer, his hand sliding down from Ryeowook shoulder and taking hold of his wrist.
“I’m not saving you. It’s not yours to decide if I’m going to end up with a broken heart or not.”
Ryeowook turned to stare at those dark brown eyes, not daring to gaze away in his drunken haze. Kyuhyun was leaning closer, making Ryeowook breathe unevenly.
“I’m just making you mine.”
[Part 5:]