Up in Smoke: A Heisei Kumi Fanfic (10/36)
Author: ryosukekoibito
Pairing: Hikato, Chiitaro, Ariyama
Rating: R/NC-17
Warnings: Graphic Violence, Minor Character Death, Strong Language
Genre: Slice of life/Angst
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone.
Summary: After months of peace an attack leaves the Heisei Kumi reeling, and when an old enemy returns to the area reclaiming that peace starts to feel impossible.
A/N: The next installment in my Heisei Kumi AU, this one starts in the last days of December 2016 and continues on into 2017. If you'd like to read the other stories in this AU, please check out my masterlist. All Heisei Kumi fics have 平成組 next to their titles, to mark them as part of the AU! I'm like nine days late I'm so so so sorry. If it helps, I think this chapter is a really good one.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
In the next few days they had a funeral for the five dead underling boys. Keito had known it was coming, but he wasn’t really prepared. He hadn’t asked much about the funeral beforehand, Hikaru visibly upset whenever he returned from arrangements for the ceremony. It was a stiflingly somber affair, around a hundred boys and young men from the kumi in attendance. Keito ended up spending most of the day glued to Yuto’s side, trying to help his friend get through the funeral. Yuto had a tough time, tears constantly running down his ruddy cheeks, body quivering with grief and fatigue, and in consequence he was emotionally drained by the end of the day, collapsing into his bed and falling asleep as soon as they got home, not even bothering to change out of his suit.
Keito threw a blanket over Yuto’s lanky body, and he looked down at his sleeping friend for a moment, loosening his tie. He was tired, it had been a long day. He considered crawling into bed with Yuto, the bed inviting and the ladder to his own feeling like a rickety tribulation he wasn’t in the mood to conquer. Instead he ended up sitting down on the floor, his back pressed up against the bedpost, the spot at an angle that he could see Yuto out of the corner of his eye, in case Yuto needed him. The funeral had been horrible-not in its execution, all involved had done a fine job, no major mishaps during the proceedings-it was simply the fact that there had been a need for it at all.
Most of the underlings had taken the same approach as Yuto and had cried throughout the entire ceremony, especially the younger ones. Some of the older boys instead just had startlingly familiar numb looks of misery plastered across their dead eyed faces, and it was those looks that had hit Keito the hardest. Keito sighed, eyes wandering the room listlessly before settling on the lump that was Yuto’s body, processing the events of the day as best he could. His own exhaustion made that harder than it would have been otherwise, and it wasn’t long before he too fell asleep right there on the floor.
He was woken up in the early morning by a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. It startled him, and he jolted up, disoriented, immediately going to protect himself. He pushed back away from the hand, eyes searching the room, and it took him a moment to register where he was and why. Hikaru was standing over him, their leader in his sweatpants, his hair mussed from sleeping on it, and Hikaru said
“You can’t sleep on the floor all night idiot.” Keito just blinked, trying to force himself awake. “C’mon, get up.” Hikaru’s voice had gained a hint of affection to its tone. “At least get out of that suit.” Tired, and aware that he wasn’t fully awake Keito nodded, pulling himself to his feet. He almost asked why Hikaru was there, but his mouth wasn’t listening to his brain, only able to get out a few throaty grunts. He stumbled over to his dresser before Hikaru took over, stripping Keito down before rummaging through his dresser and pressing some sleepwear into his chest.
Keito was clumsy, nearly tripping a few times, but he did eventually get the ratty sweatpants on, Hikaru watching him, a small bemused smile on his lips. Keito reached for Hikaru as soon as he was changed, planting a kiss on his lips, and it might not have been the most skilled of kisses-he was still half asleep-but it made Hikaru smile, and Keito murmured a soft goodnight before crawling up the ladder and into his bunk bed. Hikaru watched, waiting for him to settle in, and it wasn’t until Keito had crawled under the covers and lain down before saying goodnight back, Keito barely awake when his boyfriend left the room.
The following day was spent by Yuto’s side, Yuto declaring that he wanted to practice with his gun, before dragging Keito to that empty warehouse. There wasn’t much talking, Keito doing a little bit of shooting, but mostly watching Yuto, trying to gauge just how upset he was. Yuto was a remarkably good shot, his accuracy rather unsettling as he sent plug after plug into the warehouse wall, his eyes cold. That night however, Yuto went to bed early, passing out immediately after dinner, and so after checking in to make sure he really was asleep Keito joined Hikaru in his room with him for the night. Hikaru put him at ease, the two of them snuggling up together under the covers, sloppy kisses placed on noses and foreheads, breathy half tired chuckles shared in the darkness before the fell asleep.
Keito was woken up a few hours later by a fist connecting with his cheekbone. One moment he had been completely relaxed, curled up against his boyfriend’s chest, and the next moment was pain and pure panic. He lurched awake, arms coming up to protect himself, face throbbing, heart pounding, and he scrambled to a sitting position, eyes flicking around for an enemy. His fear spiked when he peered out into the darkness and realized that no one was there. But then Hikaru’s foot connected with the back of his shin, and understanding washed over him as a sharp pang of pain ran up his leg.
Keito threw himself out of the bed, eyes watering from the pain, and he could feel his heart racing in his chest as he looked over at Hikaru. His boyfriend was thrashing, fighting some unseen enemy, his limbs tangled up in the sheets, his body slick with sweat, brow furrowed, eyes still closed. A nightmare. Hikaru had nightmares regularly, apparently he had for years, which was something Keito hadn’t ever had to deal with personally. Keito had them on occasion, but his nightmares were not recurring vivid terrors like Hikaru would have. Still, Hikaru’s nightmares had only gotten violent one other time with Keito in his bed, and Keito wasn’t prepared.
Keito was breathing heavy, the panic and adrenaline that had flooded his system muddling his thoughts, making him feel helpless, because this wasn’t an enemy he could just punch or grab. For a moment all he could do was watch Hikaru struggle, before a pained sounding whimper slipped past Hikaru’s lips, and he realized that doing something, anything, would be better than just standing there.
“Hey, Hikaru.” Keito murmured, reaching out but not actually touching his boyfriend, hands hovering near his shoulder. “Hikaru.” No response. “Hikaru!” He breached the remaining space, managing to dodge a flying elbow and get a grip on Hikaru’s shoulder. He gave it a squeeze, shaking it just a little, and as if in response Hikaru’s left arm connected with his outstretched one, shoving it aside roughly, his right fist swinging in Keito’s general direction, barely missing Ketio’s face. Keito yelped in surprise, the sound embarrassingly loud, and it was that noise that woke Hikaru up, his eyes snapping open, immediately scrambling up into a sitting position. He looked terrified, and Keito moved slowly, murmuring
“Hey. You’re okay, it was just a dream. You’re fine, everyone’s fine.” Hikaru was breathing heavy, positively drenched in sweat, eyes wild. And he stared at Keito for a moment unseeing, before reaching out a hand to him, and Keito leaned in, sitting on the bed and scooting in close. Hikaru immediately pressed himself up against Keito, Keito wrapping his arms around Hikaru’s sweat slicked shoulders, able to feel Hikaru trembling against his chest as his heart raced. Keito took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and cradling Hikaru, pulling him even closer, so that he was half in Keito’s lap. He was able to feel the hot, pulsing rush of blood in his face as it began to swell, but he tried not to think about it, pressing a kiss to the top of Hikaru’s head as he asked
“Do you want to talk about it?” Hikaru took a deep breath of his own, shrugging and sighing, and there was a long pause before he pulled himself up out of Keito’s lap so that he was sitting next to Keito, instead of huddled against him.
“It-it was kinda the usual; you know...dead people-dead, and drugs. Drugs, that I-and I fucking-” Hikaru’s voice was high pitched with stress, and he broke off, sighing again, one trembling hand coming up to wipe at his face. Keito ran his hand over Hikaru’s shoulders, and Hikaru leaned back into him a little bit, Keito murmuring words of comfort until he felt Hikaru relaxing against him. He prompted Hikaru one more time, to see if he wanted to talk about the dream, but Hikaru just shook his head, and Keito dropped the subject. He asked if Hikaru wanted anything, but Hikaru just murmured apologies for waking him up, which made Keito worry about being pushy.
They settled back into the bed, Keito feeling his face throbbing, and he considered getting up to check it in the mirror, and maybe get some ice for it, but then Hikaru tucked his face under Keito’s chin, and he knew he couldn’t leave Hikaru alone. His face was throbbing in protest at his decision, but Hikaru needed him more than his body did. He pressed kisses to the top of Hikaru’s head, and then his lips when Hikaru tilted his face up for Keito to kiss, Hikaru tasting of sweat and tears. The actions seemed to help Hikaru tremendously, and he curled up against Keito’s body, allowing Keito to shower him with affection.
Keito was able to feel Hikaru’s heartbeat slow to its normal speed, his breathing evening out, and he eventually managed to get back to sleep, much to Keito’s amazement. He wrapped his arms around Hikaru and simply lay there for a while, feeling his heartbeat in his face, trying to turn it to keep as much pressure off of it as he could. He was awake into the early morning, unable to relax enough to fall back asleep until the sun was beginning to rise. He wasn’t asleep long however, woken after no more than a few hours to fingertips on his face, and the sound of his lover cursing under his breath. He opened his eyes to see Hikaru leaning over him, brow furrowed, and as soon as Keito’s eyes were open he asked
“Keito, what the fuck happened to your face?!” Keito blinked and groaned, rolling onto his back and reaching up to rub at his eyes in an attempt to dispel some of his grogginess, but as soon as his fingers touched his face he hissed in pain, flinching away. Hikaru was frowning, and Keito looked over at his boyfriend, realizing that his left eye was swollen, not able to open fully. He was surprised. He knew he’d been hit pretty hard the night before, but he hadn’t considered what it would do to his body, too focused on Hikaru to think about the morning after. Hikaru looked rather frantic, and Keito felt concern of his own washing over him, and he asked
“How are you doing?” That question seemed to take Hikaru aback, and he frowned, not answering the question and instead just saying
“Keito, you have a black eye this morning that you did not have when we went to bed last night. That is what fucking matters right now.” He was serious, his tone sharp with anxiety, and Keito was startled by the level of panic Hikaru was displaying. He had a black eye, it wasn’t like he was even bleeding. But he knew that expressing his confusion and taking Hikaru’s concern lightly would not make the situation any better, or help him figure out why he was acting the way he was, so he said
“I’m fine, everything is okay. This is nothing, really. It just...it got rough last night.” Hikaru seemed to be getting more worked up the more he talked, and it wasn’t the reaction Keito had been hoping for at all, until he said “You had a nightmare, remember?” Hikaru stared at him for a moment, his eyes running over Keito’s face, the panic and confusion gone, instead replaced by something grave, and he asked, his voice small
“I did that to you?” Keito could practically taste the guilt in the air as the words left Hikaru’s lips, but as much as he wanted to he couldn’t really deny it.
“You were sleeping. I just was a little slow in my reactions, and you bopped me.” That wasn’t the whole truth either, but it sounded better than ‘you punched me while I was asleep’, and while Keito knew he wasn’t a prolific liar, this one seemed more like a half truth, and he hoped that Hikaru would believe him. He didn’t.
“I attacked you while we were sleeping.”
“It’s not your fault.” Keito assured his boyfriend, reaching out to hold his hand, but Hikaru pulled away just enough so that Keito couldn’t comfortably reach him, and that little motion hit Keito like a brick wall, and he realized that this was a much bigger problem than he’d thought it was. Hikaru was closing himself off before Keito’s eyes, withdrawing himself from Keito in a way that he had never done in the many years that Keito had known him. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Hikaru was shaking his head even before Keito had finished his sentence, and he said
“No.”
“Yes it is, it’s-”
“No. No it’s not.” Hikaru was insistent, and he had become very still, his extremities pulled close to his body, creating a noticeable space between himself and Keito on the bed. “It’s not, because I can’t do that to you. I-I’m your partner, and your leader, and I’m supposed to be protecting you, and not just you, but all of you. I can’t be hurting you. That’s the last thing I should be doing, and I can’t-” He sighed, but the action didn’t release any stress from his body, instead it seemed to serve to make him more tense. “I have a role, and as your leader and your partner I can’t be someone that hits you, or hurts you, ever.”
When he stopped talking they fell into a silence that seemed to stretch for an eternity, the seconds weighing on Keito as he struggled for something to say, something that would fix this, and make Hikaru understand that he was putting too much pressure on himself.
“I just-I don’t see it like that.” Keito finally said, and Hikaru looked over at him, his expression serious but neutral. “I don’t think you can take responsibility for protecting all of us, or even just me, all the time. You just can’t expect that of yourself. We are a team. You and I are partners. You didn’t hit me on purpose, it wasn’t intentional-you weren’t even awake for it-and you can’t be blamed for that. I don’t. I don’t blame you, or feel like...like I don’t know, like you let me down or slighted me in some way. One punch in the face isn’t going to break me. I’m not made of glass.”
“It’s not a matter of it you’re strong enough to handle it.” Hikaru protested, sounding himself rather fragile. “It’s a matter of right and wrong, and I shouldn’t hurt you.”
“It was one time.” Keito objected, the words barely out of his mouth before Hikaru said
“It could happen again though. I can’t promise that I won’t do that again. I can’t promise you’re safe in bed with me.” Hikaru wasn’t understanding, Keito realized, frustration beginning to brew in his stomach. He wasn’t picking the right words to make Hikaru understand, and it was upsetting, unsure if it was the limit of language, or his own inadequacy-probably the second one, he thought-that was causing this breakdown in communication. Regardless, it was apparent that he was failing, and the frustration that he wasn’t being understood made him ask, feeling himself becoming upset as sarcasm filtered into his tone
“So what? What’re you going to do, just not let me into your bed anymore?” The silence after that sentence was deafening, the unspoken allowance in the fact that it wasn’t immediately denied making Keito more afraid than he had been at any point the night before, and he felt fear at the silent suggestion of rejection crawling up his throat, and he protested immediately “That-Hikaru I don’t want that.”
“But Keito you’re not safe-”
“I don’t care!” Keito declared, able to hear the watery threat of tears in his voice, the tremble in his tone from his emotions rising, unable to do anything about it. “I don’t care if it happens a hundred more times. It’s worth it if I get to fall asleep next to you. One or two bruises is nothing compared to that.”
“Keito that’s not…” Hikaru was visibly frustrated now himself, a horrible expression on his face. “It’s not good to let me do this-” He gestured to Keito’s swollen eye. “-to you.” It was then that Keito finally understood, something clicking in his brain and he realized what was making Hikaru so reluctant to let this incident go. He took a deep breath, hoping he could find the right words, and he looked at Hikaru, waiting until Hikaru looked back at him before he said
“I am not a victim here. You are not abusing me. This is not some sort of battered wife syndrome, or some other unhealthy thing you have to try and save me from.” He took a shaky breath, but it didn’t calm him down, and he could feel the tears welling in his eyes, and he hated it. Hated how much of a crybaby he could be. “You and I-hell, all of us-with the shit we’ve seen and done, the occasional violent nightmare is to be expected. It’s what happens to people like us, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you bad, or make me weak; it’s just something we can deal with, and work on together. I just...I don’t want to stop sharing a bed with you, nightmares or no. Ever.”
He paused, feeling a tear roll down his cheek, and he wiped at it furiously, ignoring how that action made his face flare up in pain, and he asked, suddenly afraid, because he didn’t know what more he could do.
“So...so that’s what I want. What is it that you want, Hikaru?” The silence was heavy, and Hikaru shifted in his spot on the mattress, jaw clenching and unclenching a few times before he finally said
“I-fucking hell, Keito. I want you to stay. I want to keep waking up next to you.” Keito nodded, relief hitting him hard, and he asked, voice watery as the tears began coming full force
“Can, can I kiss you now?” Hikaru nodded, and a tear rolled down his own cheek, Keito reaching up to wipe it away, before leaning in and pressing his lips to Hikaru’s, melting into his boyfriend, the tension draining away as he kissed him. As soon as the kiss broke Hikaru moved to sit next to Keito, immediately wrapping his arms around Keito’s shoulders, and Keito leaned into him, the tears a release, and they just wouldn’t stop coming. It was cathartic, and in the back of his mind he knew that the lack of sleep and the stressful past few days were more so reasons for the crying than the argument with Hikaru was. That had simply been the catalyst.
He cried for almost an hour, before it eventually slowed and stopped, and after it was over he apologized for being a fucking baby, Hikaru laughing and brushing his hair away from his face, before leaning in to kiss him. Keito scrunched his face up, pulling back a little, and Hikaru blinked in surprise, before Keito said
“I’m all gross.” Hikaru chuckled at that, shaking his head bemusedly, and he leaned back in, love in his eyes as he assured him
“I don’t care.”
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