Stay with Me
Author: ryosukekoibito
Pairing: Hikato
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own much of anything.
Summary: Keito had known it would be this way. He just hadn't known how much it would hurt.
A/N: My first songfic! I'm rather nervous about it. This was rather obviously inspired by Stay with me by Sam Smith. So...yeah. Tell me what you think!
Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand
But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man
"This was a mistake." Keito hears Hikaru mumble as he slowly tries to open his eyes, and just like that Keito knows today is going to be absolutely wretched. He leans in, wrapping an arm around his bedmate's bare chest, pulling the older man close in the hope that he can pretend for just a few moments more that everything is okay. That this feeling in his chest is reciprocated by the amazing man in his arms. But then he looks over, and sees the heart wrenching discomfort in Hikaru's eyes, a plainly apologetic expression on his face, and after a second Hikaru pulls away, sitting up.
These nights never seem to go to plan
I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?
"We shouldn't have done this." Hikaru covers his eyes with his hands for a moment, as if trying to comprehend the night they'd had together. "I shouldn't have done this. I know better." Keito didn't know what to say. He too sat up, his eyes trailing over Hikaru's lean muscular body. It had been so welcoming and inviting last night. Now it was closed off from him, untouchable. All he wanted to do was hold Hikaru. But the warm desire Hikaru had held for him the night before as he'd kissed Keito, as he'd lain Keito bare was clearly gone. Keito felt himself becoming upset, but he felt that Hikaru was wrong; because it was he that should have known better. He didn't say any of this. He just reached out for Hikaru's hand, unable to stop himself, and he murmured
"I'm sorry." Hikaru stared down at their intertwined fingers, his eyebrows furrowed together seriously at the sight of such a plain sign of affection, and he said just as quietly
"I've got to go." Keito felt his grip on Hikaru's hand automatically squeeze tighter.
Oh, won't you stay with me?
'Cause you're all I need
This ain't love, it's clear to see
But darling, stay with me
"No―" Keito feels the word fall from his lips before he can think enough to shut them. He curses internally, biting his lip and scrunching his eyes shut harshly. He feels so stupid. He feels so desperate. He had known before they'd slept together that Hikaru didn't return his feelings. He knew that Hikaru didn't love him. But the opportunity presented to him had been too amazing to pass up. Because for the first time ever, Hikaru had wanted him. He had wanted Keito the same way Keito had wanted him for years. He'd known things would be this way. What he hadn't known was how much it would hurt. And now...now he felt like he would do anything―anything in the world―just to keep Hikaru here, in this hotel bed with him. And he felt himself choking up, felt the tears welling up in his eyes, as he begged, the words rough in his throat. "Stay. Please."
Why am I so emotional?
No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control
The tears slipped down his cheeks, and he bowed his head, trying to hide them, at least a little bit. He cursed quietly, frustrated with himself. He was a wreck, his heart falling to pieces in his chest, and now Hikaru knew. Now Hikaru knew just how big of a mistake he had made. Just how ruined Keito was, and it was pathetic. This behavior was simply pathetic. And Keito hated himself for it. He wiped at his eyes furiously, but in doing so he let go of Hikaru's hand, giving the older man an easy escape. An out. But Hikaru didn't move. The older man just sat there, looking at him. Watching him. And then he just said
"Okay."
And deep down I know this never works
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt
At that Keito felt a fresh wave of tears wash over him, and he choked them down, taking deep shuddering breaths, and with each exhale a mantra of apologies left his lips, because he felt so ashamed. But Hikaru―beautiful Hikaru, gorgeous Hikaru―just leaned in, wrapping his arms around Keito's shoulders and pulling him to his chest, before lowering the both of their bodies back into the bed, so that they were lying facing the same direction, Keito curled up in his arms. Keito could feel Hikaru's heartbeat, calm and steady in his chest and he could smell the comforting scent of the older man, and he pressed himself as close to his bedmate as he possibly could, their bare bodies flush against one another.
And he knew that eventually Hikaru would leave him. He knew that this was not love. But somehow despite that, in Hikaru's arms he felt perfect. Hikaru's arms seemed to shelter him from the truth, and he felt the ache in his chest subside a little as he felt Hikaru's nose bury into his hair. And for just a little longer, he could pretend that his heart wasn't broken. He could pretend, while wrapped up in Hikaru, that he was not truly alone.
Oh, won't you stay with me?
'Cause you're all I need
This ain't love, it's clear to see
But darling, stay with me