[ficlet] Day to Day (1/1, Kingdom Hearts, PG)
Title: Day to Day
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: PG
Summary: Axel focuses on what he has. Axel/Roxas
It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis. --Margaret Bonnano
--
There was this thing, this extraordinary thing, when he looked at Roxas, touched him, laughed at him, teased him, watched that face for the minutest change of expression because God knew it was so hard to get the boy to smile.
Axel would smile. He smiled because he'd heard it took more effort to frown, and because it annoyed the others, to see him smiling for apparently no reason. Well, perhaps annoyed wasn't the best word, but a good enough facsimile of it. He relished that shuttered expression that appeared in their eyes when he walked past them with a smile, and the twitch of lips would turn malicious as he could practically feel them wondering what the hell was making him so goddamn happy, relished knowing he was better than they were at this acting that they all did because they had so little else.
Sometimes he whistled, and laughed when Demyx winced at the mockery of a tune that would come out of his pursed lips. Demyx was too sensitive for this shit, for being a Nobody--it'd been years since he lost his heart, and he hadn't yet figured out what Roxas seemed to know instinctively, that there was no point in searching himself for emotions he wouldn't have until he had a heart.
Roxas. The newest and youngest member, who should have been a teenager laughingly rebelling against his parents, sneaking out in the middle of the night to illegally get smashed at a party with his friends and make an absolute fool of himself--Axel would have liked to have seen something like that. The Roxas he knew was too damn sober all the time, taking his existence--his non-existence--too seriously. Once, Axel called him a cold bastard to his face, but Roxas had stared at him impassively, as if he didn't give a shit what Axel thought of him.
That--that hadn't hurt, precisely, because it couldn't and Axel knew it, and though he had no problems with pretending to others, he wouldn't pretend to himself. It was too easy to end up like Demyx that way, spending all his time thinking about what he wanted instead of what he had. But what it was instead of hurt--well, why bother classifying it? Would it do him any good to know exactly what it was, why he was starting to want Roxas's good opinion of him, or anything else? Definitions were distractions from the reality of the situation, and Axel had always been a realist.
So he didn't think about what the not-hurt really was, or the strange, extraordinary thing that seemed to bloom in his chest where his heart should be, making his breath catch, causing him to shiver and stare, at the slightest flash of Roxas's blue eyes. And he didn't think about reasons when he kissed Roxas and Roxas kissed back, when hands clutched at his hips and lips sucked at his neck hard enough to leave bruises, when his own hands against the other's bare skin seemed to warm him up better than his own element did.
The reason didn't matter. Let the others dream about their future--Axel just wanted his now.
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: PG
Summary: Axel focuses on what he has. Axel/Roxas
It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis. --Margaret Bonnano
--
There was this thing, this extraordinary thing, when he looked at Roxas, touched him, laughed at him, teased him, watched that face for the minutest change of expression because God knew it was so hard to get the boy to smile.
Axel would smile. He smiled because he'd heard it took more effort to frown, and because it annoyed the others, to see him smiling for apparently no reason. Well, perhaps annoyed wasn't the best word, but a good enough facsimile of it. He relished that shuttered expression that appeared in their eyes when he walked past them with a smile, and the twitch of lips would turn malicious as he could practically feel them wondering what the hell was making him so goddamn happy, relished knowing he was better than they were at this acting that they all did because they had so little else.
Sometimes he whistled, and laughed when Demyx winced at the mockery of a tune that would come out of his pursed lips. Demyx was too sensitive for this shit, for being a Nobody--it'd been years since he lost his heart, and he hadn't yet figured out what Roxas seemed to know instinctively, that there was no point in searching himself for emotions he wouldn't have until he had a heart.
Roxas. The newest and youngest member, who should have been a teenager laughingly rebelling against his parents, sneaking out in the middle of the night to illegally get smashed at a party with his friends and make an absolute fool of himself--Axel would have liked to have seen something like that. The Roxas he knew was too damn sober all the time, taking his existence--his non-existence--too seriously. Once, Axel called him a cold bastard to his face, but Roxas had stared at him impassively, as if he didn't give a shit what Axel thought of him.
That--that hadn't hurt, precisely, because it couldn't and Axel knew it, and though he had no problems with pretending to others, he wouldn't pretend to himself. It was too easy to end up like Demyx that way, spending all his time thinking about what he wanted instead of what he had. But what it was instead of hurt--well, why bother classifying it? Would it do him any good to know exactly what it was, why he was starting to want Roxas's good opinion of him, or anything else? Definitions were distractions from the reality of the situation, and Axel had always been a realist.
So he didn't think about what the not-hurt really was, or the strange, extraordinary thing that seemed to bloom in his chest where his heart should be, making his breath catch, causing him to shiver and stare, at the slightest flash of Roxas's blue eyes. And he didn't think about reasons when he kissed Roxas and Roxas kissed back, when hands clutched at his hips and lips sucked at his neck hard enough to leave bruises, when his own hands against the other's bare skin seemed to warm him up better than his own element did.
The reason didn't matter. Let the others dream about their future--Axel just wanted his now.