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Chapter Six
Baralai's Headache Comes Back -- With a Vengence
Baralai had hardly slept, and didn’t even go through his usual morning routine before he forced himself to travel to the Moonflow.
Baralai had ignored his still-pounding headache because his message to the Al Bhed was so
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Comments 6
The opening is a bit clumsy with the multiple repetitions of the name Baralai. It sounds a bit like a primary grade reader to my ear.
However, you are covering ground very rapidly and arranging your discoveries and side issues well. I sense some sort of denoument in the offing. It is good to see you two back on schedule. Do clarify one thing for me - if you will. Is it your contention that the spirits on the FarPlane are not really dead, but when they are disturbed they become zombies - which by definition are the dead walking. And when the zombie is cut down, the spirit is actually dead and is cast out of the FarPlane? I am very confused about the degrees of death you are postulating. How about a tutorial. ;) And how about vampires? I like vampires better than zombies. More sex appeal even if they do have bad breath.
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You'll get more on the makeup of the zombies in the next chapter. Basically they are spirits, but something happens with the machinery that corrupts their spirits in some way and, by exposure to farplane energy, turns them back into fiends (albeit humanoids) like their spirits were never Sent. It undoes the Sending process, in a way.
Like I said, more exposition on this in the next chapter, and hopefully after that part is written, it'll make more sense in my head. ^^;
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Loving the story. Shame it will end soon. Won't it? Heh.
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=)
Thanks for commenting and I hope you enjoy reading the rest. (It'll end pretty soon.)
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