Maybe We're a Bliss of Another Kind || Bob/Patrick || PG
Title - "Maybe We're a Bliss of Another Kind"
Author - runthegamut
Pairing - Bob/Patrick
Rating - PG
Word Count: 1067
Summary - Bob and Patrick have a passive-aggressive battle over the trash.
Disclaimer - Not real. Never happened. Fake fake fake.
A/N's - Written for okubyo_kitsune in the super_bandom fic exchange with the following prompt: "They lived together. Some sort of domestic bliss." Idea gakked from drusillathemad who engaged in a trash war of her own. Title from "Bliss" by Tori Amos.
Bob didn’t consider himself to be a neat freak so much as he considered Patrick to be a total slob. He lived with Patrick ten days before he couldn’t stand it anymore and made a chore list. It went by week and covered every task in every room of their apartment. Patrick tried, he really tried, but he still managed to forget to do at least one task on his list each week. Bob would just stare at the list he had slapped up on the fridge, tugging his lip ring.
“You were supposed to mop the floor this week?” he’d ask, knowing the answer.
Patrick would cringe from his place on the couch, fingers frozen over the strings of his guitar. “Er, yeah. Sorry,” he’d say, genuinely apologetic.
Bob would just nod his head, his eyes still on the list, and stand in that defensive posture that Patrick knew meant he wouldn’t be getting head that night. Patrick tried, he really tried not to forget his chores.
***
Of course, Patrick’s responsibility to do a given chore only extended to what was written on the list; he wasn’t about to volunteer for extra work. So when Patrick found the garbage filled to the can’s brim, he only paused to glance over at the chore list long enough to see “trash” written next to Bob’s name for the week. He grinned, glad that it wasn’t his responsibility to take it out, and did what any twenty-something male would do; he tugged up the sides of the garbage bag so it wouldn’t spill over and dropped the crumpled paper on top.
***
Bob made it home from the studio late, bustling through the door with a bag of In-N-Out Burger clutched in his hand. “Hey,” he nodded to Patrick, who was on the couch and had his feet kicked up on the coffee table, engrossed in a movie.
“Hey,” Patrick said happily as he raised his head to smile at Bob. “How did things go today?”
“Eh,” Bob replied, giving a shrug. “A lot of sitting around and waiting.” He pulled the burger from the packaging and crumpled it up with one hand. Turning to throw it away, he saw the garbage bag unfolded and sticking up from the can.
He knew it was his week to take out the trash, but he’d taken it out for Patrick innumerable times when it was Patrick’s week. No, he was going to ignore it and let Patrick deal with it when the chores changed in a few days. Without a word, he tossed the wrapper in the trash before going to sit next to Patrick on the couch.
***
Once the trash had reached the top of the bag, the trick, Patrick found, was to carefully balance any and all garbage in the center and let it slope down naturally until it found its resting place. Sometimes the new piece of trash would slip right down the side and fall to the floor, but bending it over to pick it up was a lot less work than wrestling the bag from the can and taking it out to the dumpster.
***
Bob let out an annoyed grunt as he glared at the garbage, now precariously close to toppling over. He knew he should just take it out, but he wasn’t going to give in now, dammit. He refused to let Patrick win.
Besides, maybe if he let it go long enough, Patrick would realize how gross it was to live with a slob.
***
Patrick didn’t even hesitate when throwing away the plastic wrap from the new Rhymefest record, just hitched the side of the garbage bag up with one hand and shoved the trash down with the other, carefully using the plastic to guard his hand as he did. “Huh,” he thought. “Freed up another three inches.”
***
Bob was not amused when he pulled the used filter from the coffee pot the next morning and discovered the extra space in the garbage. He flipped the filter over and dumped the rinds over the top, hoping Patrick would think twice before shoving his hand in the garbage again.
***
Patrick avoided the problem entirely by scooping up the peel from his apple and dropping it into a plastic grocery bag, tying a knot with the handles, and depositing it neatly on top of the mounding garbage.
***
Bob would have given Patrick points for ingenuity if he hadn’t been too busy cursing his name.
***
As stubborn a bastard as Bob could be, Patrick had one advantage in this war, Bob thought. Patrick was both stubborn and apparently accustomed to living in squalor. Looking at the garbage was making Bob’s skin crawled. “Fuck,” he muttered as he heaved the bag up, grumbling as he carried it down to the dumpster.
When Patrick came in from rehearsal, the change caught his eye immediately. He glanced into the kitchen and found the garbage can sitting empty with a clean, new bag lining it. Bob sat on the couch, arms folded across his chest as he watched television with narrowed eyes.
“Whatcha watchin’?” Patrick wondered as he walked into the room slowly.
Bob stopped chewing on his lip and glanced up. “Back to the Future,” he mumbled as he looked down again.
“Yeah?” Patrick asked, raising his eyebrows as he made a beeline to the couch. “How far in are you?”
Bob paused a moment, sighing before answering. “He just went back in time and stole the kid’s scooter to make a skateboard.”
“Awesome!” Patrick grinned, plopping down on the couch next to Bob. “So I didn’t miss Biff getting buried in manure?”
Bob gave a reluctant smile, as he unfolded his arms. “Nah, you’re just in time.” He draped one arm halfway over the back of the couch and slid down in his seat.
Patrick leaned in and turned slightly, reclining back into the crook of Bob’s arm. “Sweet,” he replied, his head resting against Bob’s chest. “The garbage is looking… less full.”
One corner of Bob’s mouth curled up as he gave a snort. “Yeah, the garbage fairy must have come and taken it out.”
Patrick tipped his head back to look up at Bob. “Garbage fairy’s getting lucky tonight,” he replied, arching an eyebrow.
Bob slid his arm down, curling it around Patrick’s chest. “He fuckin’ better,” he laughed.
Author - runthegamut
Pairing - Bob/Patrick
Rating - PG
Word Count: 1067
Summary - Bob and Patrick have a passive-aggressive battle over the trash.
Disclaimer - Not real. Never happened. Fake fake fake.
A/N's - Written for okubyo_kitsune in the super_bandom fic exchange with the following prompt: "They lived together. Some sort of domestic bliss." Idea gakked from drusillathemad who engaged in a trash war of her own. Title from "Bliss" by Tori Amos.
Bob didn’t consider himself to be a neat freak so much as he considered Patrick to be a total slob. He lived with Patrick ten days before he couldn’t stand it anymore and made a chore list. It went by week and covered every task in every room of their apartment. Patrick tried, he really tried, but he still managed to forget to do at least one task on his list each week. Bob would just stare at the list he had slapped up on the fridge, tugging his lip ring.
“You were supposed to mop the floor this week?” he’d ask, knowing the answer.
Patrick would cringe from his place on the couch, fingers frozen over the strings of his guitar. “Er, yeah. Sorry,” he’d say, genuinely apologetic.
Bob would just nod his head, his eyes still on the list, and stand in that defensive posture that Patrick knew meant he wouldn’t be getting head that night. Patrick tried, he really tried not to forget his chores.
***
Of course, Patrick’s responsibility to do a given chore only extended to what was written on the list; he wasn’t about to volunteer for extra work. So when Patrick found the garbage filled to the can’s brim, he only paused to glance over at the chore list long enough to see “trash” written next to Bob’s name for the week. He grinned, glad that it wasn’t his responsibility to take it out, and did what any twenty-something male would do; he tugged up the sides of the garbage bag so it wouldn’t spill over and dropped the crumpled paper on top.
***
Bob made it home from the studio late, bustling through the door with a bag of In-N-Out Burger clutched in his hand. “Hey,” he nodded to Patrick, who was on the couch and had his feet kicked up on the coffee table, engrossed in a movie.
“Hey,” Patrick said happily as he raised his head to smile at Bob. “How did things go today?”
“Eh,” Bob replied, giving a shrug. “A lot of sitting around and waiting.” He pulled the burger from the packaging and crumpled it up with one hand. Turning to throw it away, he saw the garbage bag unfolded and sticking up from the can.
He knew it was his week to take out the trash, but he’d taken it out for Patrick innumerable times when it was Patrick’s week. No, he was going to ignore it and let Patrick deal with it when the chores changed in a few days. Without a word, he tossed the wrapper in the trash before going to sit next to Patrick on the couch.
***
Once the trash had reached the top of the bag, the trick, Patrick found, was to carefully balance any and all garbage in the center and let it slope down naturally until it found its resting place. Sometimes the new piece of trash would slip right down the side and fall to the floor, but bending it over to pick it up was a lot less work than wrestling the bag from the can and taking it out to the dumpster.
***
Bob let out an annoyed grunt as he glared at the garbage, now precariously close to toppling over. He knew he should just take it out, but he wasn’t going to give in now, dammit. He refused to let Patrick win.
Besides, maybe if he let it go long enough, Patrick would realize how gross it was to live with a slob.
***
Patrick didn’t even hesitate when throwing away the plastic wrap from the new Rhymefest record, just hitched the side of the garbage bag up with one hand and shoved the trash down with the other, carefully using the plastic to guard his hand as he did. “Huh,” he thought. “Freed up another three inches.”
***
Bob was not amused when he pulled the used filter from the coffee pot the next morning and discovered the extra space in the garbage. He flipped the filter over and dumped the rinds over the top, hoping Patrick would think twice before shoving his hand in the garbage again.
***
Patrick avoided the problem entirely by scooping up the peel from his apple and dropping it into a plastic grocery bag, tying a knot with the handles, and depositing it neatly on top of the mounding garbage.
***
Bob would have given Patrick points for ingenuity if he hadn’t been too busy cursing his name.
***
As stubborn a bastard as Bob could be, Patrick had one advantage in this war, Bob thought. Patrick was both stubborn and apparently accustomed to living in squalor. Looking at the garbage was making Bob’s skin crawled. “Fuck,” he muttered as he heaved the bag up, grumbling as he carried it down to the dumpster.
When Patrick came in from rehearsal, the change caught his eye immediately. He glanced into the kitchen and found the garbage can sitting empty with a clean, new bag lining it. Bob sat on the couch, arms folded across his chest as he watched television with narrowed eyes.
“Whatcha watchin’?” Patrick wondered as he walked into the room slowly.
Bob stopped chewing on his lip and glanced up. “Back to the Future,” he mumbled as he looked down again.
“Yeah?” Patrick asked, raising his eyebrows as he made a beeline to the couch. “How far in are you?”
Bob paused a moment, sighing before answering. “He just went back in time and stole the kid’s scooter to make a skateboard.”
“Awesome!” Patrick grinned, plopping down on the couch next to Bob. “So I didn’t miss Biff getting buried in manure?”
Bob gave a reluctant smile, as he unfolded his arms. “Nah, you’re just in time.” He draped one arm halfway over the back of the couch and slid down in his seat.
Patrick leaned in and turned slightly, reclining back into the crook of Bob’s arm. “Sweet,” he replied, his head resting against Bob’s chest. “The garbage is looking… less full.”
One corner of Bob’s mouth curled up as he gave a snort. “Yeah, the garbage fairy must have come and taken it out.”
Patrick tipped his head back to look up at Bob. “Garbage fairy’s getting lucky tonight,” he replied, arching an eyebrow.
Bob slid his arm down, curling it around Patrick’s chest. “He fuckin’ better,” he laughed.