[DVD commentary][Had Hizashi been the older son AU] 6 - chuunin exam take two
This commentary was requested by mariagoner.
The original fic is here.
Title: Things That Could Have Happened Had Hizashi Been The Older Son.
Author: runespoor7
Rating: PG-13
Summary: series of unrelated drabbles/fics. So far, series include various flavours of implied Neji-Hina-Naru combinations, but it's really Hyuuga centered gen with occasional cameos of other characters.
Notes: just so you know, this was born out of my getting infuriated whenever it starts being said that Hinata would be happier in the Branch House. Rather than risking incoherence before my screen every time I came across the idea, I thought I'd play with it. :p
As far as Neji-Hina-Naru combinations are concerned here, to me this one the beginning of unrequited Neji->Hina.
6.
Okay, first, I’ll start by saying that writing this was fun. A whole bucket of it, though I was very aware I was teetering on the gap of Hinata!Sue, but I did manage to argue my original wariness away, so heh. I R THE QUEEN OF RATIONALISATION.
When the time for the chuunin exam came, Gai-sensei didn't nominate his team, though the three rookie teams all entered. Lee was distressed and swore he'd work harder, Tenten broke half a dozen training dummies in combined anger and resolve to prove she'd been totally ready; Neji accepted it with the thought that Gai-sensei, for all his Passionate Caps of Youth, knew better.
And here I let you know exactly what’s special about this AU. Playing hard to get so wasn’t the point. Tenten was devilishly difficult to write - I’m still not sure I did her justice, but it seems an adequate bet. And starting the running theme of what a little conformist Neji is.
Why didn't Gai nominate his team? You mean, besides the fact that if he had I wouldn't have been able to write this? Obviously he didn't think they were ready for it, which we know is IC from canon. It's even possible that, if you think he nominated them in canon because he felt they all and Neji in particular needed to confront themselves to unpleasant realities, he thought that such wasn't the case here.
He couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment, though, when he learnt that his one-year-younger cousin had made it to the finals; but he quickly stifled his envy as unbefitting of a clan heir, and he attended her fight with his father, inwardly wishing her the best luck.
Conformist and nice and respectful toward authority figures and normal, and don’t you just want to bring him home so he can meet your parents? …My poor Neji, you’re so alienated right now I’m not sure whether to laugh or be horrified with what I’ve written. But that, of course, is the point (the alienation, that is).
She likely didn't need it; she was a strong fighter, and her opponent was none other than Uzumaki Naruto, but still. Naruto too had made it to the finals, Neji thought as he caught a glimpse of Hinata's teammate Kiba only a few seats away, with the other Konoha genins who hadn't made it past the prelims, and Kiba wasn't a washout. Then again, Hinata was probably a lot stronger than Kiba.
More necessary backstory, plus me smudging with probabilities of seating arrangements. WHERE ARE LEE AND TENTEN? I DO NOT KNOW.
Hinata, as Neji was all too aware, was probably stronger than him too; it was one of the reasons Neji understood Gai-sensei had rather let them train one more year. He was okay with it, mostly; it wasn't like there was any urgency to the matter.
Unlike canon!Neji, he has no burning reason to prove his worth, and unlike canon!Hinata, he doesn’t have a gifted younger sibling threatening his position as the heir. All of this is necessary to strengthen Neji’s position as a calm, sensible boy. Killjoy. He’s not a disgrace to his family either, otherwise these first paragraphs would have been the ideal places to mention it. For instance, Neji thinks he’s stronger than Kiba.
Down in the arena, the two opponents were facing one another. They looked a bit lost, as if they weren't entirely sure of why they were here.
Neji looked at the other genins, hoping that they'd comment so he'd understand what it was about. Luckily he didn't have to strain his hearing too much.
"That's harsh for a match," Kiba judged.
Neji knows who Kiba is because he’s Hinata’s teammate.
"Why that?" asked a blond girl when her pink-haired friend grimly nodded. "Sakura? I mean, it's not like they're teammates or anything. I mean, even it was like, say, Sasuke and I, I'd certainly try my best shot. Of course I'd never be able to beat him in a thousand years, but I'd still give him hell."
I cut down on Ino’s original Valley speak. As a side-note, if an Ino/Sasuke fight had happened in canon, I’d probably be shipping InoSasu right now, instead of it being something like one of two Ino pairings I fail at, including the crack pairings, since Ino’s mostly about crack pairings as far as I’m concerned. (Except with Chouji. I can take the genuine love story of Ino and Chouji, provided the stars are in the right configuration.)
The other girl, Sakura, gestured to the arena, where the signal to start had just been given. "See them? They're not fighting the people they want to be fighting. At least, Naruto isn't."
NaruSakuSasu, baby.
"Hinata isn't either," Kiba commented. "Weird as it sounds, Hinata respects Naruto." He sounded like he couldn't for the life of him venture a guess why his teammate would arbour such outlandish feelings for the village clown.
At one point, Hinata was described as ‘his team leader’, but it didn’t fit.
Conversely, this was my first shot at my attempt to not let this ficlet turn into NaruHina, because I’d apparently been disturbingly good at hinting at it in some other ficlets. Branch!Hinata makes NaruHina palatable to me, who would have thought. At this point, I admit that it’s easy to think that Hinata has an admiring crush on Naruto (much like she does in canon), but honestly, I don’t think anyone in canon failed to pick up on Hinata’s crush. If it were also the case here, I think Kiba would just say it - and if Hinata had made him promise not to tell after he’d guessed, or something like it, I don’t think he’d be good enough an actor to sound genuinely bewildered.
"It sounds very weird," the blond deadpanned.
"But it makes sense," Sakura said decisively.
"Guys, they're starting," a chubby boy reminded.
Deadpanned/said/reminded. I swear I didn't play with a thesaurus.
This is me trying to not stretch time out of proportions. And showing, again, Sakura knowing Naruto. Ino’s remark establishes the wtf factor of awesome!ninja!Hinata respecting dead last Naruto, while Sakura’s comment establishes that like they do in the manga, those two have things in common. And like in the manga, Sakura’s the one saying it.
So, we can deduce that Hinata isn’t embittered or fatalistic the way Neji was in canon.
Hinata's hands were half-raised in a defensive position. So far as Neji could analyse, her stance wasn't very self-assured. She was waiting for an attack. Neji wondered if it was because she was sure that Naruto's style would bring him at Jyuuken range, or for some other reason.
It’s because she doesn’t want to fight him. Confused!Neji again.
Naruto had crossed his hands behind his neck and was looking at her with his head tilted back, with a frowning, pouting expression. He was barely taller than she was, Neji noted with some amusement.
Neji thinks something that isn’t purely practical! Also, Naruto’s pout and general relaxed attitude in front of Hinata’s wariness.
"Hey, Hinata," Naruto suddenly started. "Before I kick- before we fight. You know, your fight with Kabuto, what he said about spoiled children and all - well, I don't know if you were spoiled as a kid or something, but you don't fight that way, so… I don't think he really thought what he said. Kabuto's an okay guy. He helped us in the forest, he wanted to know where you were, with your team, 'cuz you were Konoha rookies too an' he said he thought you deserved to make it through the Forest." He paused. "Of course you were already out of the Forest, so it wasn't like you could've used his help anyway.
He’d started to say ‘before I kick your ass’, then changed his mind because durr, Hinata is nice and she hasn’t done anything to deserve that. He’s trying his best. (and by nice I mean not bragging herself.)
I have no idea what were Kabuto’s exact words, thus I do what I do best: muddle the issue and hope nobody notices! Weeeee!
Orochimaru-sama had given orders about seeing what could be done about the little Hyuuga girl, I imagine. Or Kabuto was just being zealous. Yes, I got a kick out of writing that oops, too bad, Team Eight was already out.
Why a match between Kabuto and Hinata? Well, there's the fact that in canon, Kabuto saves Hinata during the Neji/Naruto match and it's a part that I find hot and more than a little disturbing regarding Kabuto's motivations very interesting, which of course couldn't be replayed there. There's the fact that in my Celebrationverse, Hinata's tortured by Kabuto for a good three months and I never lose an opportunity to match/oppose them (blame mariagoner, I know I do). There's the fact that with Team Gai not in the exam, I needed to shuffle the matches.
The matches: no Neji/Hinata, Gaara/Lee or Temari/Tenten.
I kept every canon match but the following; Hinata>Kabuto, Gaara>Chouji, and Temari>Dosu. Every other match is the same as it is in canon. I know this means that no-one from the Sound team reaches the 3rd test (Kin loses to Shikamaru, Zaku to Shino, and Dosu gets his ass smashed by Temari), but guess what was the other possibility? Breaking the Ino/Sakura tie by having one of them being beaten by Dosu and the other by, say, Kankuro, and shuffling the remaining opponents. And to me, the Ino/Sakura relationship > Orochimaru's delusions of grandeur using his team as pawns. (Besides, Dosu never makes it to the actual third test anyway.)
Here's my reasoning for the matches that changed.
Hinata>Kabuto was my main priority there, of course.
OTOH, my interest for the Sound team is inexistent, whereas I love the Sand Siblings. I wanted to keep as many of the matches as close to canon as possible, because I intended the fic to be short, so I didn't want the reader to need to make conscious efforts to keep track of every match that diverged from canon. (ex: Temari>Zaku, Shikamaru>Yoroi, Kankuro>Sakura, Sasuke>Kin, Shino>Kabuto's other teammate, Dosu>Ino…)
But if I kept Dosu>Chouji, that meant Gaara was against Temari and, er, no. Temari would have forfeited as soon as the names were announced and that would have fucked with canon, complicating the future of a verse that I didn't intend to continue after that. Nobody would've seen Gaara in action, plus there wouldn't have been the TemaShika action during the third test. Just Wrong.
So I had to break Dosu>Chouji.
And I didn't want Temari to be a bitch to Chouji<3. Remember the ending of her fight against Tenten? That girl is not only ruthless, she can also be cruel, and, er, if she did anything to Chouji… Well, Shikamaru. Not saying TemaShika would've been totally impossible, after the Sasuke-in-a-bucket arc, but again, why add complications when they're not even the point of the fic?
On the other hand , Gaara snapping and/or being needlessly vicious was IC. (GaaChou :D) Admittedly, that'd give Shika much more motivation when going after Gaara, but that was okay. In any case, I'd like to point that Chouji's injuries were by no means similar to Lee's.
"So… yeah. Just thought I should, yanno, clear that up, cuz I don't think spoiled kids make good ninjas and you're good - even if I'd rather be fighting the bastard and everything, but never mind that."
NaruSasu, light of my life… And Naruto trying to patch things up between one of his friends (the word is used loosely, but in this ‘verse it’s not that big an exaggeration, I don’t think) and someone he’s decided he likes. There’s also an echo of Naruto from the Wave Country Arc, when he yells at Inari to stop crying, I think, in the way that he does assume there’s such a category as spoiled brats. This is pre-Gaara, pre-canon!Neji, pre-VoE Naruto. Relativism is even less his thing now than later on.
As Naruto fumbled with his apology, Neji's father tensed. Three meters away, Sakura was elbowing her friend. "See, I told you it's not Hinata he wanted to fight."
Neji activated his Byakugan. If he wanted to see his cousin's expression, he'd need as much focus as possible.
She acquiesced. "Thank you for your confidence, Naruto-kun, I appreciate it. But Kabuto-san wasn't talking about me."
"HA!" Naruto gloated. "I knew he was a good guy!" Then he frowned. "Hey, if he didn't mean you, then why did you get mad?"
Did I love writing Naruto claiming ‘I knew Kabuto was a good guy’? HELL YEAH. I shuffled the scene a couple of times so I could stick this exact sentence in. ^_____^
Hinata straightened, lowering her hands. "Mad, Naruto-kun?"
She had a very careful, soft voice. Neji barely needed to make an effort to register his father's reaction - a sudden blankness in his body language that had to mean he kept himself in tight check - and the loud snort coming from one of the genins. Apparently not everyone agreed with Naruto's interpretation of the Hinata/Kabuto fight.
Again, Neji isn’t as good here as he is in canon, re: 'barely needed to make an effort' .
Naruto made an impatient gesture. "Like the bastard. The times he gets real quiet and everything just becomes this straight path he's trying to blow up."
It was important that I had this sentence, because Naruto understands Sasuke’s tunnel vision very well. Hinata has her own versions of it. (cf the Neji/Hinata fight.)
"He's got a point there," Sakura muttered - Neji could read her lips.
This is the whole reason I had Neji activate his Byakugan.
"She's sure done a number on Kabuto before he forfeited. He was still at the hospital when I left, and he's a medic-nin in training." The chubby boy looked grave. Neji recalled an Akimichi genin had been taken to the hospital after being left half-dead by one of the visiting nins - Sabaku no Gaara.
Okay, so Kabuto? Was only playing with her to see what she was worth/what kind of issues she had, since he’d missed her in the Forest. Once he’d got enough material, he pretended to get his ass kicked. The mention of how he’s still at the hospital is meant to be a hint - Kabuto basically has the best regenerative powers in the series, he took a Rasengan to the chest and prevented the damage. If he’s still at the hospital, it’s to serve Orochimaru-sama’s interests.
Hinata had been made very angry by his remarks.
"Why'd you get like that if he didn't mean you - and who did he mean anyway? What d'you care about random lucky kids?"
Hinata was twirling a lock of hair between her fingers. Then she let it go. "Do you remember the rest of what he said?"
The blond didn't hesitate. "Yeah, he was speaking about choices. Children spoiled with choices don't deserve them. And he also said that freedom doesn't need to be painful."
Again, I have no earthly idea about Kabuto’s exact words. The last sentence, however, refers to a jab/veiled offer (unbeknownst to Hinata) he was making - to see if she’d be hypothetically interested in joining Orochimaru.
Neji looked at his father. He knew what that other genin, Kabuto, had spoken about, then. Him and the Main House. No wonder Hinata had got mad at that man. Still, surely his father wouldn't punish her for that.
Choices + freedom + people who have privileges just because they were born + pain (Hyuuga seal) = this is something about the Main House/Branch House system. That's how Neji understood what it was about.
She was a better ninja than Neji was, and so long as she didn't actually act above her position - but even allowing her to get angry at the mention of the heir and the Main House was letting her take liberties.
In the first part of the sentence, Neji is trying to convince himself; the second part is where the principle of reality strikes.
This part is about misdirection; Neji hears that Hinata's anger was related to the Hyuuga, and he immediately jumps to the conclusion that she was furious to be reminded of her position. Which would be a normal reaction, and which also hints that Neji isn't completely blind to the issues inherent to the Main House/Branch House system and he understands that Branch House members would get angry.
(That he'd realise that seems normal, but when you consider history for a moment, you realise that the minority in power is generally telling itself that of course the majority is happy to be mistreated - ex: slaves, colonised people, peasants, servants, factory workers, miners, women… It's less true now, but until the beginning of the XXth century and in some cases later, that was sadly sadly true.)
Neji knew that. It didn't mean he didn't have a nasty taste in his mouth at the thought of her punishment. What she lacked by birth, she earned by her strength - by her insane training - and she was still coming short.
Punishment, to Neji = Hyuuga curse seal.
He resolved to speak up for her to his father. As the heir, it was his duty.
Look, a turning point. Wherein Neji rationalises his trying to go against the rules because he is a woobie at heart. Confused, clueless Neji is its special kind of love.
Hinata was drumming her fingers together. "…It doesn't matter. I will tell you after the fight, if you want; the people it concerns are probably watching us now. It was about my clan's customs."
Actually, she says that because I'd started writing this long, beautifully melodramatic speech for her, chock-full with rhetorical figures and a controlled pace, and it didn't fit. Not for the character, not for the circumstances, not for the fic. So I stopped and started over. And over. And over. I spent several hours on what Hinata says, until I found something that I was reasonably happy with.
I still don't like the semi-colon all that much, and god knows I'm a semi-colon worshipper; I wasn't convinced it worked in Hinata's direct speech, but finally I decided to keep it because it makes the logical relation more apparent.
I didn't want what she said to be too blatant, because she's Hinata and she's incredibly more in control of herself here than Neji was when he fought Naruto in canon. Her loss of control then was more similar to Neji's own when he snaps at the end of his fight against her in the prelims, except she was icier than he was at that moment - she wanted to hurt Kabuto, but she held to that idea much longer than it took Neji to dash at her. Once again, Hinata tunnel vision, focused on I want to cause that person PAIN.
On the other hand, she couldn't be too elliptic either, because she's talking to Naruto. She's going to play it mysterious and stuff (not to mention that it'd be plain annoying).
This is the second time mention is made of Hinata's nervous habits. Her abilities have changed, but her core personality (whatever that is) hasn't changed that much from canon.
"The spoiled child thing, it was about an important person?"
I may be taking a huge intuitive leap there, but I think Naruto'd understand that much.
Hinata slowly nodded. "It's someone I am sworn to protect - he didn't have any more of a choice about it than I did, but - it's - it's complicated."
Note the phrase she uses. I am sworn, not I have sworn. The reason she cuts herself short is, again, because I didn't want to launch into an essay and have Hinata existential-emoing in the middle of a fight in front of everyone. (It was very different in canon between Neji and Naruto because that was a confrontation, which this definitely isn't.)
Also, she's a little confused herself. It's probable that when she was tearing into Kabuto, she realised that Neji wasn't anymore consciously responsible for the situation than she was, and at the same time she was taking his defence, and for that she did resent him. It didn't help Kabuto's case any, but that was probably his goal all along - make Hinata realise that even as she thought she was free, she was really only Neji's servant, protector.
Naruto's eyes crinkled. "Hey, you chose to take his defence then. T's a choice enough for me," he pointed out.
Naruto's easy-going, meaningful practicality. Or how to put an end to angstiness. Of course, everything is a choice. Cf Neji deciding to speak to his father about not punishing Hinata.
She smiled. "Yes." Then she shifted, bending forward, her palms turned upwards. It reminded Neji of something, but what - "Let us fight," she announced.
The 64 hands of Hakke, or something like it, which Hinata finally doesn’t use. My beta-listener made a face and told me I should cut it out, but I didn’t find a reason why, so I just went ahead and watched the moody shrug.
The blond grinned with a wild, jagged expression. "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Here Naruto does come out with his little sentence. As if he could possibly not. The discussion between Hinata and him has brought them closer, and thus now it’s okay to tell her that!
"You will try," Hinata answered without looking up.
That's part banter, part determination.
Kiba shook his head. "Unless he's got ten times better than he was a month ago, he's never even gonna touch her."
"I wouldn't put it past Naruto," Sakura retorted without taking her eyes away from the arena. "How I wish Sasuke was here…"
Down there, thirty Narutos were suddenly leaping forward. Neji started; mere bunshins, or?... (Kiba whistled.) Hinata stayed unmoving, and Neji watched with growing nervousness as Naruto came closer and Hinata made no move to dodge - maybe she intended to use his momentum against him.
Why thirty? Why thirty indeed.
He was only three meters away when Hinata tore into a blur - raw chakra spinning.
I like this image. Jyuuken is not just about gracefulness and flowing movements. (The distance is pulled out of my ass and should be ignored - and Naruto is still running towards her, so it's not that her Kaiten has a 3-meters radius.)
Neji's breath caught in his throat.
Next to him, a muffled protest escaped his father's lips.
Hizashi had never taught Kaiten to Neji; Neji thought his father knew best, and if he said that there was time - that no thirteen-year-old could correctly learn the divine whirlwind - then there had been no reason for Neji to insist.
He's the heir, a reasonably good genin, and has a seemingly attentive father. He has no reason to push himself to that.
But Hinata had done it, without anyone to guide her, she'd managed to learn the clan head's technique on her own.
("This is what she's capable of," Kiba commented. "Hinata's own impenetrable defence. In a fight, it's as effective as Gaara's Sand Shield.")
Supporter!Tenten has just been replaced by Supporter!Kiba. HEADDESK. HEADDESK, HEADDESK, HEADDESK.
Naruto had been sent twenty meters away, but he was now back on his feet, and still grinning. "Neat jutsu," he called. "But I'm gonna break through it anyway!"
Another distance that should be ignored and that took me a long, looooong time of worry before I fatalistically chose a number with a faint omg-this-is-such-bullshit sensation in my stomach.
"I know," Hinata answered. She was still smiling too, a bit more widely than before; her long hair was falling haphazardly around her face. There was a certain glint in her eyes.
She's pretty.
Neji was surprised by the thought, but less than by the second.
I want to fight her.
Do I need to explain that the two are intrinsically linked?
Had I planned on Neji to think that? No, I think it’s fair to say that it took me as much off-guard as it did him.
But he wouldn't be able to; he wasn't as strong a ninja. He wasn't a genius, who could catch up with the training Hinata had imposed upon herself since she was - how old, anyway?
LOL. This sentence felt very pleasant to write as well. Why yes, I love dramatic irony.
I want to fight her.
Repetition. The oldest rhetoric trick known to man, and I liiiiiiike iiiiiiit.
("Just you watch. Naruto'll surprise you," Sakura promised. Then, frowning: "Provided he doesn't lose his head and start showing off.")
I very much wanted Sakura to have the last word, because she’s one of my favourite characters and she has this wonderful, complete confidence in Naruto which is undercut by her wondering where this trust comes from. I wanted to show those two parts, and maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s one of the most IC lines I’ve written. It probably doesn’t deserve such attention, but I like it a lot and it’s the last line in the fic, so it’d be a focus/punchline even if I didn’t want it to.
I don’t need to tell you that Naruto won.
Justification for this: here, Neji-as-a-member-of-the-Main-House never had to push himself to insane lengths, whereas Branch House Hinata had of course every motivation to prove herself. As the heir, he's way too sensible to even think about learning Kaiten by himself at age thirteen, while Hinata… well, sanity never has been the defining trait of her personality - and I tried to hint that the results she got and how good she is didn't come half as easily to her as they did to Neji in canon. Here she's a genius of hard work, not a genius.
Also, re: Kabuto, because otherwise I know someone will ask; he took part in the tournament because Orochimaru-sama had ordered him to keep an eye on the most promising elements out of the youngsters, and Kabs had noted Hinata as being a)one of the strongest genins b)filled to the brim with issues that could be used to Orochimaru's advantage. He tried to watch her during the second test, but of course, as Naruto commented, Team Eight was already out of the Forest… So he stayed in hopes he'd be able to manipulate either her or her opponent in the prelims to see if she'd be a good recruit for Sound. When he had his answer, and so he wouldn't blow his cover/attract too much attention, he forfeited.
Usually I try to avoid explanatory notes like the plague, 'cause it's my belief the challenge in an AU is to make is self-contained and self-explanatory - stating the premise doesn't count - but here I thought it'd be pushing it not to make notes. Not the least because of Kabuto's presence.
The original fic is here.
Title: Things That Could Have Happened Had Hizashi Been The Older Son.
Author: runespoor7
Rating: PG-13
Summary: series of unrelated drabbles/fics. So far, series include various flavours of implied Neji-Hina-Naru combinations, but it's really Hyuuga centered gen with occasional cameos of other characters.
Notes: just so you know, this was born out of my getting infuriated whenever it starts being said that Hinata would be happier in the Branch House. Rather than risking incoherence before my screen every time I came across the idea, I thought I'd play with it. :p
As far as Neji-Hina-Naru combinations are concerned here, to me this one the beginning of unrequited Neji->Hina.
6.
Okay, first, I’ll start by saying that writing this was fun. A whole bucket of it, though I was very aware I was teetering on the gap of Hinata!Sue, but I did manage to argue my original wariness away, so heh. I R THE QUEEN OF RATIONALISATION.
When the time for the chuunin exam came, Gai-sensei didn't nominate his team, though the three rookie teams all entered. Lee was distressed and swore he'd work harder, Tenten broke half a dozen training dummies in combined anger and resolve to prove she'd been totally ready; Neji accepted it with the thought that Gai-sensei, for all his Passionate Caps of Youth, knew better.
And here I let you know exactly what’s special about this AU. Playing hard to get so wasn’t the point. Tenten was devilishly difficult to write - I’m still not sure I did her justice, but it seems an adequate bet. And starting the running theme of what a little conformist Neji is.
Why didn't Gai nominate his team? You mean, besides the fact that if he had I wouldn't have been able to write this? Obviously he didn't think they were ready for it, which we know is IC from canon. It's even possible that, if you think he nominated them in canon because he felt they all and Neji in particular needed to confront themselves to unpleasant realities, he thought that such wasn't the case here.
He couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment, though, when he learnt that his one-year-younger cousin had made it to the finals; but he quickly stifled his envy as unbefitting of a clan heir, and he attended her fight with his father, inwardly wishing her the best luck.
Conformist and nice and respectful toward authority figures and normal, and don’t you just want to bring him home so he can meet your parents? …My poor Neji, you’re so alienated right now I’m not sure whether to laugh or be horrified with what I’ve written. But that, of course, is the point (the alienation, that is).
She likely didn't need it; she was a strong fighter, and her opponent was none other than Uzumaki Naruto, but still. Naruto too had made it to the finals, Neji thought as he caught a glimpse of Hinata's teammate Kiba only a few seats away, with the other Konoha genins who hadn't made it past the prelims, and Kiba wasn't a washout. Then again, Hinata was probably a lot stronger than Kiba.
More necessary backstory, plus me smudging with probabilities of seating arrangements. WHERE ARE LEE AND TENTEN? I DO NOT KNOW.
Hinata, as Neji was all too aware, was probably stronger than him too; it was one of the reasons Neji understood Gai-sensei had rather let them train one more year. He was okay with it, mostly; it wasn't like there was any urgency to the matter.
Unlike canon!Neji, he has no burning reason to prove his worth, and unlike canon!Hinata, he doesn’t have a gifted younger sibling threatening his position as the heir. All of this is necessary to strengthen Neji’s position as a calm, sensible boy. Killjoy. He’s not a disgrace to his family either, otherwise these first paragraphs would have been the ideal places to mention it. For instance, Neji thinks he’s stronger than Kiba.
Down in the arena, the two opponents were facing one another. They looked a bit lost, as if they weren't entirely sure of why they were here.
Neji looked at the other genins, hoping that they'd comment so he'd understand what it was about. Luckily he didn't have to strain his hearing too much.
"That's harsh for a match," Kiba judged.
Neji knows who Kiba is because he’s Hinata’s teammate.
"Why that?" asked a blond girl when her pink-haired friend grimly nodded. "Sakura? I mean, it's not like they're teammates or anything. I mean, even it was like, say, Sasuke and I, I'd certainly try my best shot. Of course I'd never be able to beat him in a thousand years, but I'd still give him hell."
I cut down on Ino’s original Valley speak. As a side-note, if an Ino/Sasuke fight had happened in canon, I’d probably be shipping InoSasu right now, instead of it being something like one of two Ino pairings I fail at, including the crack pairings, since Ino’s mostly about crack pairings as far as I’m concerned. (Except with Chouji. I can take the genuine love story of Ino and Chouji, provided the stars are in the right configuration.)
The other girl, Sakura, gestured to the arena, where the signal to start had just been given. "See them? They're not fighting the people they want to be fighting. At least, Naruto isn't."
NaruSakuSasu, baby.
"Hinata isn't either," Kiba commented. "Weird as it sounds, Hinata respects Naruto." He sounded like he couldn't for the life of him venture a guess why his teammate would arbour such outlandish feelings for the village clown.
At one point, Hinata was described as ‘his team leader’, but it didn’t fit.
Conversely, this was my first shot at my attempt to not let this ficlet turn into NaruHina, because I’d apparently been disturbingly good at hinting at it in some other ficlets. Branch!Hinata makes NaruHina palatable to me, who would have thought. At this point, I admit that it’s easy to think that Hinata has an admiring crush on Naruto (much like she does in canon), but honestly, I don’t think anyone in canon failed to pick up on Hinata’s crush. If it were also the case here, I think Kiba would just say it - and if Hinata had made him promise not to tell after he’d guessed, or something like it, I don’t think he’d be good enough an actor to sound genuinely bewildered.
"It sounds very weird," the blond deadpanned.
"But it makes sense," Sakura said decisively.
"Guys, they're starting," a chubby boy reminded.
Deadpanned/said/reminded. I swear I didn't play with a thesaurus.
This is me trying to not stretch time out of proportions. And showing, again, Sakura knowing Naruto. Ino’s remark establishes the wtf factor of awesome!ninja!Hinata respecting dead last Naruto, while Sakura’s comment establishes that like they do in the manga, those two have things in common. And like in the manga, Sakura’s the one saying it.
So, we can deduce that Hinata isn’t embittered or fatalistic the way Neji was in canon.
Hinata's hands were half-raised in a defensive position. So far as Neji could analyse, her stance wasn't very self-assured. She was waiting for an attack. Neji wondered if it was because she was sure that Naruto's style would bring him at Jyuuken range, or for some other reason.
It’s because she doesn’t want to fight him. Confused!Neji again.
Naruto had crossed his hands behind his neck and was looking at her with his head tilted back, with a frowning, pouting expression. He was barely taller than she was, Neji noted with some amusement.
Neji thinks something that isn’t purely practical! Also, Naruto’s pout and general relaxed attitude in front of Hinata’s wariness.
"Hey, Hinata," Naruto suddenly started. "Before I kick- before we fight. You know, your fight with Kabuto, what he said about spoiled children and all - well, I don't know if you were spoiled as a kid or something, but you don't fight that way, so… I don't think he really thought what he said. Kabuto's an okay guy. He helped us in the forest, he wanted to know where you were, with your team, 'cuz you were Konoha rookies too an' he said he thought you deserved to make it through the Forest." He paused. "Of course you were already out of the Forest, so it wasn't like you could've used his help anyway.
He’d started to say ‘before I kick your ass’, then changed his mind because durr, Hinata is nice and she hasn’t done anything to deserve that. He’s trying his best. (and by nice I mean not bragging herself.)
I have no idea what were Kabuto’s exact words, thus I do what I do best: muddle the issue and hope nobody notices! Weeeee!
Orochimaru-sama had given orders about seeing what could be done about the little Hyuuga girl, I imagine. Or Kabuto was just being zealous. Yes, I got a kick out of writing that oops, too bad, Team Eight was already out.
Why a match between Kabuto and Hinata? Well, there's the fact that in canon, Kabuto saves Hinata during the Neji/Naruto match and it's a part that I find hot and more than a little disturbing regarding Kabuto's motivations very interesting, which of course couldn't be replayed there. There's the fact that in my Celebrationverse, Hinata's tortured by Kabuto for a good three months and I never lose an opportunity to match/oppose them (blame mariagoner, I know I do). There's the fact that with Team Gai not in the exam, I needed to shuffle the matches.
The matches: no Neji/Hinata, Gaara/Lee or Temari/Tenten.
I kept every canon match but the following; Hinata>Kabuto, Gaara>Chouji, and Temari>Dosu. Every other match is the same as it is in canon. I know this means that no-one from the Sound team reaches the 3rd test (Kin loses to Shikamaru, Zaku to Shino, and Dosu gets his ass smashed by Temari), but guess what was the other possibility? Breaking the Ino/Sakura tie by having one of them being beaten by Dosu and the other by, say, Kankuro, and shuffling the remaining opponents. And to me, the Ino/Sakura relationship > Orochimaru's delusions of grandeur using his team as pawns. (Besides, Dosu never makes it to the actual third test anyway.)
Here's my reasoning for the matches that changed.
Hinata>Kabuto was my main priority there, of course.
OTOH, my interest for the Sound team is inexistent, whereas I love the Sand Siblings. I wanted to keep as many of the matches as close to canon as possible, because I intended the fic to be short, so I didn't want the reader to need to make conscious efforts to keep track of every match that diverged from canon. (ex: Temari>Zaku, Shikamaru>Yoroi, Kankuro>Sakura, Sasuke>Kin, Shino>Kabuto's other teammate, Dosu>Ino…)
But if I kept Dosu>Chouji, that meant Gaara was against Temari and, er, no. Temari would have forfeited as soon as the names were announced and that would have fucked with canon, complicating the future of a verse that I didn't intend to continue after that. Nobody would've seen Gaara in action, plus there wouldn't have been the TemaShika action during the third test. Just Wrong.
So I had to break Dosu>Chouji.
And I didn't want Temari to be a bitch to Chouji<3. Remember the ending of her fight against Tenten? That girl is not only ruthless, she can also be cruel, and, er, if she did anything to Chouji… Well, Shikamaru. Not saying TemaShika would've been totally impossible, after the Sasuke-in-a-bucket arc, but again, why add complications when they're not even the point of the fic?
On the other hand , Gaara snapping and/or being needlessly vicious was IC. (GaaChou :D) Admittedly, that'd give Shika much more motivation when going after Gaara, but that was okay. In any case, I'd like to point that Chouji's injuries were by no means similar to Lee's.
"So… yeah. Just thought I should, yanno, clear that up, cuz I don't think spoiled kids make good ninjas and you're good - even if I'd rather be fighting the bastard and everything, but never mind that."
NaruSasu, light of my life… And Naruto trying to patch things up between one of his friends (the word is used loosely, but in this ‘verse it’s not that big an exaggeration, I don’t think) and someone he’s decided he likes. There’s also an echo of Naruto from the Wave Country Arc, when he yells at Inari to stop crying, I think, in the way that he does assume there’s such a category as spoiled brats. This is pre-Gaara, pre-canon!Neji, pre-VoE Naruto. Relativism is even less his thing now than later on.
As Naruto fumbled with his apology, Neji's father tensed. Three meters away, Sakura was elbowing her friend. "See, I told you it's not Hinata he wanted to fight."
Neji activated his Byakugan. If he wanted to see his cousin's expression, he'd need as much focus as possible.
She acquiesced. "Thank you for your confidence, Naruto-kun, I appreciate it. But Kabuto-san wasn't talking about me."
"HA!" Naruto gloated. "I knew he was a good guy!" Then he frowned. "Hey, if he didn't mean you, then why did you get mad?"
Did I love writing Naruto claiming ‘I knew Kabuto was a good guy’? HELL YEAH. I shuffled the scene a couple of times so I could stick this exact sentence in. ^_____^
Hinata straightened, lowering her hands. "Mad, Naruto-kun?"
She had a very careful, soft voice. Neji barely needed to make an effort to register his father's reaction - a sudden blankness in his body language that had to mean he kept himself in tight check - and the loud snort coming from one of the genins. Apparently not everyone agreed with Naruto's interpretation of the Hinata/Kabuto fight.
Again, Neji isn’t as good here as he is in canon, re: 'barely needed to make an effort' .
Naruto made an impatient gesture. "Like the bastard. The times he gets real quiet and everything just becomes this straight path he's trying to blow up."
It was important that I had this sentence, because Naruto understands Sasuke’s tunnel vision very well. Hinata has her own versions of it. (cf the Neji/Hinata fight.)
"He's got a point there," Sakura muttered - Neji could read her lips.
This is the whole reason I had Neji activate his Byakugan.
"She's sure done a number on Kabuto before he forfeited. He was still at the hospital when I left, and he's a medic-nin in training." The chubby boy looked grave. Neji recalled an Akimichi genin had been taken to the hospital after being left half-dead by one of the visiting nins - Sabaku no Gaara.
Okay, so Kabuto? Was only playing with her to see what she was worth/what kind of issues she had, since he’d missed her in the Forest. Once he’d got enough material, he pretended to get his ass kicked. The mention of how he’s still at the hospital is meant to be a hint - Kabuto basically has the best regenerative powers in the series, he took a Rasengan to the chest and prevented the damage. If he’s still at the hospital, it’s to serve Orochimaru-sama’s interests.
Hinata had been made very angry by his remarks.
"Why'd you get like that if he didn't mean you - and who did he mean anyway? What d'you care about random lucky kids?"
Hinata was twirling a lock of hair between her fingers. Then she let it go. "Do you remember the rest of what he said?"
The blond didn't hesitate. "Yeah, he was speaking about choices. Children spoiled with choices don't deserve them. And he also said that freedom doesn't need to be painful."
Again, I have no earthly idea about Kabuto’s exact words. The last sentence, however, refers to a jab/veiled offer (unbeknownst to Hinata) he was making - to see if she’d be hypothetically interested in joining Orochimaru.
Neji looked at his father. He knew what that other genin, Kabuto, had spoken about, then. Him and the Main House. No wonder Hinata had got mad at that man. Still, surely his father wouldn't punish her for that.
Choices + freedom + people who have privileges just because they were born + pain (Hyuuga seal) = this is something about the Main House/Branch House system. That's how Neji understood what it was about.
She was a better ninja than Neji was, and so long as she didn't actually act above her position - but even allowing her to get angry at the mention of the heir and the Main House was letting her take liberties.
In the first part of the sentence, Neji is trying to convince himself; the second part is where the principle of reality strikes.
This part is about misdirection; Neji hears that Hinata's anger was related to the Hyuuga, and he immediately jumps to the conclusion that she was furious to be reminded of her position. Which would be a normal reaction, and which also hints that Neji isn't completely blind to the issues inherent to the Main House/Branch House system and he understands that Branch House members would get angry.
(That he'd realise that seems normal, but when you consider history for a moment, you realise that the minority in power is generally telling itself that of course the majority is happy to be mistreated - ex: slaves, colonised people, peasants, servants, factory workers, miners, women… It's less true now, but until the beginning of the XXth century and in some cases later, that was sadly sadly true.)
Neji knew that. It didn't mean he didn't have a nasty taste in his mouth at the thought of her punishment. What she lacked by birth, she earned by her strength - by her insane training - and she was still coming short.
Punishment, to Neji = Hyuuga curse seal.
He resolved to speak up for her to his father. As the heir, it was his duty.
Look, a turning point. Wherein Neji rationalises his trying to go against the rules because he is a woobie at heart. Confused, clueless Neji is its special kind of love.
Hinata was drumming her fingers together. "…It doesn't matter. I will tell you after the fight, if you want; the people it concerns are probably watching us now. It was about my clan's customs."
Actually, she says that because I'd started writing this long, beautifully melodramatic speech for her, chock-full with rhetorical figures and a controlled pace, and it didn't fit. Not for the character, not for the circumstances, not for the fic. So I stopped and started over. And over. And over. I spent several hours on what Hinata says, until I found something that I was reasonably happy with.
I still don't like the semi-colon all that much, and god knows I'm a semi-colon worshipper; I wasn't convinced it worked in Hinata's direct speech, but finally I decided to keep it because it makes the logical relation more apparent.
I didn't want what she said to be too blatant, because she's Hinata and she's incredibly more in control of herself here than Neji was when he fought Naruto in canon. Her loss of control then was more similar to Neji's own when he snaps at the end of his fight against her in the prelims, except she was icier than he was at that moment - she wanted to hurt Kabuto, but she held to that idea much longer than it took Neji to dash at her. Once again, Hinata tunnel vision, focused on I want to cause that person PAIN.
On the other hand, she couldn't be too elliptic either, because she's talking to Naruto. She's going to play it mysterious and stuff (not to mention that it'd be plain annoying).
This is the second time mention is made of Hinata's nervous habits. Her abilities have changed, but her core personality (whatever that is) hasn't changed that much from canon.
"The spoiled child thing, it was about an important person?"
I may be taking a huge intuitive leap there, but I think Naruto'd understand that much.
Hinata slowly nodded. "It's someone I am sworn to protect - he didn't have any more of a choice about it than I did, but - it's - it's complicated."
Note the phrase she uses. I am sworn, not I have sworn. The reason she cuts herself short is, again, because I didn't want to launch into an essay and have Hinata existential-emoing in the middle of a fight in front of everyone. (It was very different in canon between Neji and Naruto because that was a confrontation, which this definitely isn't.)
Also, she's a little confused herself. It's probable that when she was tearing into Kabuto, she realised that Neji wasn't anymore consciously responsible for the situation than she was, and at the same time she was taking his defence, and for that she did resent him. It didn't help Kabuto's case any, but that was probably his goal all along - make Hinata realise that even as she thought she was free, she was really only Neji's servant, protector.
Naruto's eyes crinkled. "Hey, you chose to take his defence then. T's a choice enough for me," he pointed out.
Naruto's easy-going, meaningful practicality. Or how to put an end to angstiness. Of course, everything is a choice. Cf Neji deciding to speak to his father about not punishing Hinata.
She smiled. "Yes." Then she shifted, bending forward, her palms turned upwards. It reminded Neji of something, but what - "Let us fight," she announced.
The 64 hands of Hakke, or something like it, which Hinata finally doesn’t use. My beta-listener made a face and told me I should cut it out, but I didn’t find a reason why, so I just went ahead and watched the moody shrug.
The blond grinned with a wild, jagged expression. "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Here Naruto does come out with his little sentence. As if he could possibly not. The discussion between Hinata and him has brought them closer, and thus now it’s okay to tell her that!
"You will try," Hinata answered without looking up.
That's part banter, part determination.
Kiba shook his head. "Unless he's got ten times better than he was a month ago, he's never even gonna touch her."
"I wouldn't put it past Naruto," Sakura retorted without taking her eyes away from the arena. "How I wish Sasuke was here…"
Down there, thirty Narutos were suddenly leaping forward. Neji started; mere bunshins, or?... (Kiba whistled.) Hinata stayed unmoving, and Neji watched with growing nervousness as Naruto came closer and Hinata made no move to dodge - maybe she intended to use his momentum against him.
Why thirty? Why thirty indeed.
He was only three meters away when Hinata tore into a blur - raw chakra spinning.
I like this image. Jyuuken is not just about gracefulness and flowing movements. (The distance is pulled out of my ass and should be ignored - and Naruto is still running towards her, so it's not that her Kaiten has a 3-meters radius.)
Neji's breath caught in his throat.
Next to him, a muffled protest escaped his father's lips.
Hizashi had never taught Kaiten to Neji; Neji thought his father knew best, and if he said that there was time - that no thirteen-year-old could correctly learn the divine whirlwind - then there had been no reason for Neji to insist.
He's the heir, a reasonably good genin, and has a seemingly attentive father. He has no reason to push himself to that.
But Hinata had done it, without anyone to guide her, she'd managed to learn the clan head's technique on her own.
("This is what she's capable of," Kiba commented. "Hinata's own impenetrable defence. In a fight, it's as effective as Gaara's Sand Shield.")
Supporter!Tenten has just been replaced by Supporter!Kiba. HEADDESK. HEADDESK, HEADDESK, HEADDESK.
Naruto had been sent twenty meters away, but he was now back on his feet, and still grinning. "Neat jutsu," he called. "But I'm gonna break through it anyway!"
Another distance that should be ignored and that took me a long, looooong time of worry before I fatalistically chose a number with a faint omg-this-is-such-bullshit sensation in my stomach.
"I know," Hinata answered. She was still smiling too, a bit more widely than before; her long hair was falling haphazardly around her face. There was a certain glint in her eyes.
She's pretty.
Neji was surprised by the thought, but less than by the second.
I want to fight her.
Do I need to explain that the two are intrinsically linked?
Had I planned on Neji to think that? No, I think it’s fair to say that it took me as much off-guard as it did him.
But he wouldn't be able to; he wasn't as strong a ninja. He wasn't a genius, who could catch up with the training Hinata had imposed upon herself since she was - how old, anyway?
LOL. This sentence felt very pleasant to write as well. Why yes, I love dramatic irony.
I want to fight her.
Repetition. The oldest rhetoric trick known to man, and I liiiiiiike iiiiiiit.
("Just you watch. Naruto'll surprise you," Sakura promised. Then, frowning: "Provided he doesn't lose his head and start showing off.")
I very much wanted Sakura to have the last word, because she’s one of my favourite characters and she has this wonderful, complete confidence in Naruto which is undercut by her wondering where this trust comes from. I wanted to show those two parts, and maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s one of the most IC lines I’ve written. It probably doesn’t deserve such attention, but I like it a lot and it’s the last line in the fic, so it’d be a focus/punchline even if I didn’t want it to.
I don’t need to tell you that Naruto won.
Justification for this: here, Neji-as-a-member-of-the-Main-House never had to push himself to insane lengths, whereas Branch House Hinata had of course every motivation to prove herself. As the heir, he's way too sensible to even think about learning Kaiten by himself at age thirteen, while Hinata… well, sanity never has been the defining trait of her personality - and I tried to hint that the results she got and how good she is didn't come half as easily to her as they did to Neji in canon. Here she's a genius of hard work, not a genius.
Also, re: Kabuto, because otherwise I know someone will ask; he took part in the tournament because Orochimaru-sama had ordered him to keep an eye on the most promising elements out of the youngsters, and Kabs had noted Hinata as being a)one of the strongest genins b)filled to the brim with issues that could be used to Orochimaru's advantage. He tried to watch her during the second test, but of course, as Naruto commented, Team Eight was already out of the Forest… So he stayed in hopes he'd be able to manipulate either her or her opponent in the prelims to see if she'd be a good recruit for Sound. When he had his answer, and so he wouldn't blow his cover/attract too much attention, he forfeited.
Usually I try to avoid explanatory notes like the plague, 'cause it's my belief the challenge in an AU is to make is self-contained and self-explanatory - stating the premise doesn't count - but here I thought it'd be pushing it not to make notes. Not the least because of Kabuto's presence.