Comments | runaway_tales: grapefruit #1 + cherry

hi_falootin in runaway_tales

grapefruit #1 + cherry

Aug 05, 2011 21:44

grapefruit 1. sure thing + cherry
story: second chances ; post high-school. wordcount: 721. rating: pg13.

He's been clicking through Wikipedia pages and promising himself each one will be the last. MIKE'S AWESOME THURSDAY NIGHT.

notes: I'm...very out of practice at writing. But I started this last month and figured I might ease into things by ( Read more... )

[challenge] grapefruit, [author] falootin, [topping] cherry

Comments 11

shayna611 August 6 2011, 04:56:43 UTC

I think the IM worked - breaking it up with the prose helped a lot so it wasn't just this wall of IM or anything and the chunks that were there were almost like dialogue.

Oh, Mike, Mike, non-committal Mike... I've missed your characters lately, you know that? And sure nothing huge happened here, but it was Mike and Darcy being Mike and Darcy and that is always just fine by me :)

hi_falootin August 6 2011, 05:40:40 UTC

oh, I'm glad it wasn't too hard to follow! I was kind of worried the way I broke it up might have been incomprehensible :P It was hard to tell after staring at it for a while.

but thank you! I'm glad you weren't bored, hehe. And I kinda missed my characters too ;)

sarcasticsra August 6 2011, 07:24:24 UTC

I do that with Wikipedia all the time. Potato chips of the internet. You can never click just one link. =P

Mike's uncertainty feels so natural, and I agree with Darcy: that is not the best reason to be in a relationship, quotes or no quotes. I like how you switched back and forth between prose and the straight up IM text--I actually do not think it was a failed experiment at all! Great job.

hi_falootin August 6 2011, 21:49:34 UTC

haha, that's a good analogy! XD

and thanks! I was afraid it might be a bit hard to follow, but I'm glad it worked.

ichthusfish August 7 2011, 01:57:21 UTC

I can't quite work out if I feel sorry for Mike or if he makes me want to laugh. His relationship with Lonnie seems pretty messed up at the best of times, but to drive him to wikipedia... I think the chat works fine. Nice work. Welcome back :)

hi_falootin August 15 2011, 03:56:52 UTC

that's pretty much how I feel about Mike all the time ;) thank you!

bookblather August 7 2011, 05:51:19 UTC

IDK, I think the IM conceit worked. It sort of emphasized how alone Mike felt. Also, I am glad I'm not the only one who reads about serial killers on Thursday nights. XD Good job!

hi_falootin August 15 2011, 03:58:03 UTC

oh, I'm glad it worked for you :) thanks so much (and sorry for all the late comment replies!)

gandolforf August 8 2011, 15:15:26 UTC

Aw, Mike. I've missed his uncertainty. This year sucks for him, though ):