Comments | runaway_tales: Vinegar 20: Frailty

bookblather in runaway_tales

Vinegar 20: Frailty

May 09, 2011 23:38

Title: Frailty
Main Story: In the HeartFlavors, Toppings, Extras: Vinegar 20 (best if used by ____), malt (miyabi's truth or dare: Did Farid ever regret doing what he did to Fatimah?), butterscotch, pocky chain, rainbow sprinkles, cherry (past-present-future tense shenanigans ( Read more... )

[topping] sprinkles, [challenge] vinegar, [extra] malt, [extra] pocky chain, [topping] butterscotch, [inactive-author] bookblather, [topping] cherry

Comments 17

niee87 May 10 2011, 13:53:37 UTC

I love the tense thing you did here! It works so well for this piece. The last line is a real kicker, although the whole thing is powerful. Well done!

bookblather May 11 2011, 04:34:32 UTC

The tense thing kind of happened by accident, but it does work really well so I'm glad it did. :D Thank you!

ichthusfish May 11 2011, 00:37:33 UTC

Aww... what a sad mess this situation all is. Such things often are. I can't find any sorrow for Farid somehow. It's sad that he never knows if he regrets it or not. The shift in tenses work wonderfully - very clever. Nicely done pocky chain :)

bookblather May 11 2011, 04:36:11 UTC

Farid is not the most introspective of men, and he finds it difficult to understand his own feelings once they start getting complex. And this situation is about as complex as it gets, and definitely a mess.

Thank you!

sarcasticsra May 11 2011, 11:58:01 UTC

Love the tense change-up in this; it works so well. I feel bad for just about everyone in this entire messed up situation; it's all-around not good for anyone, really.

Nice job!

bookblather May 12 2011, 03:20:02 UTC

Nope. No one got out of this without scars. Thank you so much!

triskaphobia May 15 2011, 03:53:15 UTC

Another well-written series -- you effectively portray how torn the narrator is.

bookblather May 18 2011, 04:30:05 UTC

Thank you very much! This... was not a good situation for anyone, so. Yes.