Pistachio #12, Chocolate Custard #15
Author: Bella
Rating: PG-13
Challenge: Pistachio #12 (an apology), Chocolate Custard #15 (In These Arms - Bon Jovi)
Story Arc: Missing Melodies [ Characters/ Index]
Timeline: May 2009
Title: Fixes
Summary: Jasper gets a talking to and tries to fix things with Ryan.
Notes: Follows Hiding
Like the roses need the rain
Like the seasons need to change
Like the poets need the pain
I need you
In these arms tonight
It had all started with a kiss.
Jasper stops reading the texts and listening to the messages that Ryan left two days after the "Incident" (that's how Jasper refers to it in his mind, its easier that way). The first messages are asking to see him, to talk, to do something, anything. By the second day Ryan only asks for a sign that Jasper is alive and breathing. Jasper deletes all of them immediately, not even considering replying to them.
Chad and Heath talk about him behind his back, they don't remember the last time Jasper actually spent a few days in their company without running off to Ryan, much less not even mentioning the bassist's name. Jasper can't bring himself to care, thinking that if it keeps them off his back then he's happy.
Or as happy as he can be when he screwed up that badly. Jasper could never blame anyone but himself for his current position.
The Toronto Blue Jays don't win a game for four days after the Incident and the whole clubhouse is miserable. They quickly learned to avoid Jasper at all costs, his mood causing him to snap at his teammates. The players started to blame the first baseman for the team's problems and Jasper couldn't blame them. He knew his mood was bringing everyone else down.
Chad and Heath were the lucky ones elected to talk to Jasper after four days of sulking, the rest of the team citing friendship as the reason they had to talk to Jasper. Their teammates had all but fled the locker room when Chad and Heath went to talk to Jasper.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Chad asked as they approached the first baseman.
"I'm fine," Jasper replied, turning his back on his friends as he reached into his locker.
"Cut the bullshit Bennet. You've been fucking moping around here like a heartbroken thirteen year old girl. Then you snap at us. In case you haven’t noticed the team hasn't played well. I know you're not going to say what the hell is going on but its affecting the team now. So deal with it because your slump is going to start to become contagious," Chad yelled at Jasper, grabbing his shoulder so he could look at the first basemen.
"Fuck you," Jasper snarled, shaking Chad's hand off his shoulder and started throwing stuff into his bag.
"Jasper what the hell is going on?" Heath spoke before Chad could get started again.
"It's nothing," Jasper said.
"Look just deal with whatever is going on. We're sick of having to tiptoe around you," Heath said before grabbing Chad's arm to drag him out of the locker room.
Jasper sat down on the wooden bench in front of his locker and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his contact list till he reached Ryan's name and stopped, staring at the name.
******
The voicemails stopped after two days and the texts stopped after four. Jasper knew that Ryan had given up and Jasper had briefly wondered if he should just leave it at that.
It was the night after the the lecture from Chad and Heath when he finally got the courage to dial Ryan's number. He paced his apartment's living room as the phone rang and sighed in relief when it went to voicemail.
"Hey Ryan, it's Jasper. I know your mad at but I just wanted to say I- I mean I'm- Ryan just call me back or something please. We need to talk," Jasper spoke with a shaky voice and threw his cell phone at the couch after he hung up. He watched T.V. for a few hours before going to bed, grabbing his cell phone to put it on his bedside table.
He woke up to his cell ringing somewhere beside his head. Jasper answered it without looking at the call display, too tired to remember the phone call the night before.
"Hello," Jasper said groggily.
"Jasper," he heard a familiar voice on the other end.
"Ryan?"
"Yeah, you called me last night. You said we needed to talk," Ryan's voice was soft with only the tiniest bit of hope audible.
"You in Toronto?" Jasper asked.
"Yes."
"What about dinner tonight? My place?" Jasper asked.
"What time?" Ryan asked.
"Seven."
"See you then," There was a click and then Jasper could only hear dial tone. He threw the phone back on the nightstand and went to shower. Jasper needed to go grocery shopping since he hadn't been shopping since the Incident, which meant his apartment was sorely lacking in food.
*****
By the time Ryan called up to be let in Jasper was just trying to remember how to breathe. He felt the edge of a panic attack coming on, the distant feeling of doom and the need to get out of the room and to run away as far as he could.
He opened the door to see Ryan standing there with a sheepish smile, holding a bag in his left hand.
"I brought dessert," Ryan said when he noticed that Jasper was looking at the bag. "Its an apple pie. I know you like it."
"Make yourself at home," Jasper said as he took the bag out of Ryan's hands and let the bassist into the apartment. Ryan gave a half smile as he walked towards the living room and ended up curled up in the corner of the couch.
"You need any help?" Ryan asked, turned to face Jasper as he walked towards the kitchen.
"I'm good," Jasper replied. The pie went into the fridge and he went to pull the chicken wings out of the oven.
A half an hour later they sat in the living room, sauce all over their fingers, laughing at the T.V.
"I missed this," Ryan speaks so quietly that Jasper wasn't sure if he heard him right, wasn't sure if he was meant to hear.
"Me too," Jasper replied without even thinking. Ryan looked up at him, eyes widened in surprise and Jasper realized that Ryan never meant to say that out loud.
"What's going on Jasper? Why did you kiss me?" Ryan asked the million dollar question, as one shaking hand reached to the remote to turn the T.V. off.
"I don't know. I didn't mean to kiss you, I swear. I never wanted it to happen like that. I'm sorry," Jasper stood up slowly moving away from Ryan.
"So you wanted to kiss me?" Ryan asked, curiosity piqued as he stood up.
"I- yeah, I did. Didn't want to fuck everything up though. Little late for that now?"
"I returned the kiss Jasper," Ryan said. "I don't know if you remember but I did."
Ryan moved slowly towards Jasper, like he was some sort of wild, untamed animal and Jasper was unable to move from where he stood. He looked into Ryan's eyes as Ryan got closer.
"Just tell me one thing. Is this all some experimentation to see if you're gay? Because if it is I don't want to be apart of it. I don't want a broken heart and Alex will kill you if you hurt me. I don’t want to help him hid a body," Ryan was in Jasper's personal space, laughing softly at his joke, and Jasper could barely breathe.
"No. Never," Jasper whispered.
It ended how it began, with a kiss.
Rating: PG-13
Challenge: Pistachio #12 (an apology), Chocolate Custard #15 (In These Arms - Bon Jovi)
Story Arc: Missing Melodies [ Characters/ Index]
Timeline: May 2009
Title: Fixes
Summary: Jasper gets a talking to and tries to fix things with Ryan.
Notes: Follows Hiding
Like the roses need the rain
Like the seasons need to change
Like the poets need the pain
I need you
In these arms tonight
It had all started with a kiss.
Jasper stops reading the texts and listening to the messages that Ryan left two days after the "Incident" (that's how Jasper refers to it in his mind, its easier that way). The first messages are asking to see him, to talk, to do something, anything. By the second day Ryan only asks for a sign that Jasper is alive and breathing. Jasper deletes all of them immediately, not even considering replying to them.
Chad and Heath talk about him behind his back, they don't remember the last time Jasper actually spent a few days in their company without running off to Ryan, much less not even mentioning the bassist's name. Jasper can't bring himself to care, thinking that if it keeps them off his back then he's happy.
Or as happy as he can be when he screwed up that badly. Jasper could never blame anyone but himself for his current position.
The Toronto Blue Jays don't win a game for four days after the Incident and the whole clubhouse is miserable. They quickly learned to avoid Jasper at all costs, his mood causing him to snap at his teammates. The players started to blame the first baseman for the team's problems and Jasper couldn't blame them. He knew his mood was bringing everyone else down.
Chad and Heath were the lucky ones elected to talk to Jasper after four days of sulking, the rest of the team citing friendship as the reason they had to talk to Jasper. Their teammates had all but fled the locker room when Chad and Heath went to talk to Jasper.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Chad asked as they approached the first baseman.
"I'm fine," Jasper replied, turning his back on his friends as he reached into his locker.
"Cut the bullshit Bennet. You've been fucking moping around here like a heartbroken thirteen year old girl. Then you snap at us. In case you haven’t noticed the team hasn't played well. I know you're not going to say what the hell is going on but its affecting the team now. So deal with it because your slump is going to start to become contagious," Chad yelled at Jasper, grabbing his shoulder so he could look at the first basemen.
"Fuck you," Jasper snarled, shaking Chad's hand off his shoulder and started throwing stuff into his bag.
"Jasper what the hell is going on?" Heath spoke before Chad could get started again.
"It's nothing," Jasper said.
"Look just deal with whatever is going on. We're sick of having to tiptoe around you," Heath said before grabbing Chad's arm to drag him out of the locker room.
Jasper sat down on the wooden bench in front of his locker and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his contact list till he reached Ryan's name and stopped, staring at the name.
******
The voicemails stopped after two days and the texts stopped after four. Jasper knew that Ryan had given up and Jasper had briefly wondered if he should just leave it at that.
It was the night after the the lecture from Chad and Heath when he finally got the courage to dial Ryan's number. He paced his apartment's living room as the phone rang and sighed in relief when it went to voicemail.
"Hey Ryan, it's Jasper. I know your mad at but I just wanted to say I- I mean I'm- Ryan just call me back or something please. We need to talk," Jasper spoke with a shaky voice and threw his cell phone at the couch after he hung up. He watched T.V. for a few hours before going to bed, grabbing his cell phone to put it on his bedside table.
He woke up to his cell ringing somewhere beside his head. Jasper answered it without looking at the call display, too tired to remember the phone call the night before.
"Hello," Jasper said groggily.
"Jasper," he heard a familiar voice on the other end.
"Ryan?"
"Yeah, you called me last night. You said we needed to talk," Ryan's voice was soft with only the tiniest bit of hope audible.
"You in Toronto?" Jasper asked.
"Yes."
"What about dinner tonight? My place?" Jasper asked.
"What time?" Ryan asked.
"Seven."
"See you then," There was a click and then Jasper could only hear dial tone. He threw the phone back on the nightstand and went to shower. Jasper needed to go grocery shopping since he hadn't been shopping since the Incident, which meant his apartment was sorely lacking in food.
*****
By the time Ryan called up to be let in Jasper was just trying to remember how to breathe. He felt the edge of a panic attack coming on, the distant feeling of doom and the need to get out of the room and to run away as far as he could.
He opened the door to see Ryan standing there with a sheepish smile, holding a bag in his left hand.
"I brought dessert," Ryan said when he noticed that Jasper was looking at the bag. "Its an apple pie. I know you like it."
"Make yourself at home," Jasper said as he took the bag out of Ryan's hands and let the bassist into the apartment. Ryan gave a half smile as he walked towards the living room and ended up curled up in the corner of the couch.
"You need any help?" Ryan asked, turned to face Jasper as he walked towards the kitchen.
"I'm good," Jasper replied. The pie went into the fridge and he went to pull the chicken wings out of the oven.
A half an hour later they sat in the living room, sauce all over their fingers, laughing at the T.V.
"I missed this," Ryan speaks so quietly that Jasper wasn't sure if he heard him right, wasn't sure if he was meant to hear.
"Me too," Jasper replied without even thinking. Ryan looked up at him, eyes widened in surprise and Jasper realized that Ryan never meant to say that out loud.
"What's going on Jasper? Why did you kiss me?" Ryan asked the million dollar question, as one shaking hand reached to the remote to turn the T.V. off.
"I don't know. I didn't mean to kiss you, I swear. I never wanted it to happen like that. I'm sorry," Jasper stood up slowly moving away from Ryan.
"So you wanted to kiss me?" Ryan asked, curiosity piqued as he stood up.
"I- yeah, I did. Didn't want to fuck everything up though. Little late for that now?"
"I returned the kiss Jasper," Ryan said. "I don't know if you remember but I did."
Ryan moved slowly towards Jasper, like he was some sort of wild, untamed animal and Jasper was unable to move from where he stood. He looked into Ryan's eyes as Ryan got closer.
"Just tell me one thing. Is this all some experimentation to see if you're gay? Because if it is I don't want to be apart of it. I don't want a broken heart and Alex will kill you if you hurt me. I don’t want to help him hid a body," Ryan was in Jasper's personal space, laughing softly at his joke, and Jasper could barely breathe.
"No. Never," Jasper whispered.
It ended how it began, with a kiss.