Butter Rum 8 & Pineapple 3
Author: Casey
Story: Nothing is Ever Easy (NIEE) universe, Post NIEE
Challenges: Butter Rum 8 (a bottle of rum) & Pineapple 3 (they’ll never know what hit them)
Toppings & Extras: Sprinkles & Malt (Summer Challenge Bunnies 36: "And you did WHAT?")
Word Count: 1,358
Rating: PG (warning for sheer insanity! :D)
Summary: Bri and Ani get ahold of alcohol. Shenanigans ensue.
Notes: Inspired by the FOTD Puckish and also the Ani and Bri bonding requested by a friend. I blame them for this. Completely just for fun. I apologize for the copious use of adverbs, but the situation seemed to call for it! (Malt 2 of 10)
“Seventy-five glasses of ale on the wall, seventy-five glasses of ale!” The last word was drawn out and surprisingly off-key for a song that, as far as memory served, did not particularly have a key to begin with.
Ani continued warbling, “drink one down...”
Bri suddenly sat bolt upright and almost overbalanced straight on to the floor, only managing to catch himself by grabbing Ani’s arm with his free hand. “Wait!” he gasped, flailing incoherently and sloshing liquor from the bottle liberally across the floor as he did so. “Why are the glasses...on the wall?” he asked her dramatically.
Ani patted vaguely at his shoulder, missing entirely as she took another draught from her bottle. “Because who the hell uses tables?”
This struck both of them as hysterical and it was a good minute before Bri could regain his breath enough to continue his point. “How do you even get glasses on a wall?”
She cocked her head, squinting intently at the nearest wall. “I have no idea.” Then she brightened, turning on Bri with an incredibly brilliant smile. “Let’s try it!”
“Huh?”
“Let’s go get glasses, cuz, you know, they’ll give ‘em to me, cuz I’m the Queen. So they gotta do as I ask, as long as I ask nicely, dontcha know!”
“That is amazing,” Bri proclaimed and leapt to his feet with surprising dexterity. “Come, Queen, let us…sojourn,” he waited for Ani to applaud and then continued, “to the kitchens to attempt our ‘speriment.”
A half hour later, the two of them returned to Ani and Ren’s quarters with a cart full of assorted glasses. The woman in charge of the kitchens overnight had smartly given them as many of the random old glasses, mugs and flutes as she could find, rather than giving the pair the good china. As much as this logically did not make a whole lot of sense with their goal, Ani and Bri were too far gone to think it through.
Ani pushed open the door and then helped Bri weave the clanging cart through the doorway. She then bounded off and returned a few moments later with a hammer and a box of nails.
“If we put enough of these in the wall, we can do it,” she said confidently, passing the hammer and the first nail to Bri.
They had done about a dozen when a clearing throat interrupted them. Bri spun and instantly beamed upon spotting Jez and Beau in the doorway. Both were rumpled and had obviously recently been asleep - Beau had an open robe on over his pale blue boxers while Jez wore an old shirt of Beau’s and a pair of thin cotton pants.
“What the hell are you,” that was as far as Jez got before Bri lurched over to her and threw his arms around her.
“Jez,” he said, drawing out her name far too long and giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “How are you?”
Jez managed to stay upright, reaching over and deftly plucking the bottle from Bri’s hands, passing it to Beau in one fluid motion. Beau blinked dumbly at the bottle and then hastily hid it behind his back as Bri stared first at his now empty hand and then accusingly at him.
“Ninety-nine glasses of ale!” Ani said happily, waving her bottle at the wall, which contained a dozen or more haphazard nails pounded into the wall in no specific pattern. Two of them held mugs with handles, but the rest remained empty.
“Where’s Ren?” Jez asked, prying Bri off.
“Rennymuffin?” Ani asked and then shrugged. “I don’t know!” she said brightly. “He’s so busy bein’ kingly an’ all, you know,” she added.
“What about Renie?”
“Renie’s sleepin’ over there,” Ani said, gesturing towards her daughter’s room on the other side of the large suite of rooms. “Sleepin’ like a baby! Because, well, she is one an’ all.”
Jez edged further into the room to take in the wall, Beau a step behind her, liquor bottle still hidden behind his back. “So what were you trying to do?”
“Tryin’ to prove that ninety-nine glasses of ale really can go on the wall!”
Beau scratched the side of his head, tilting it back and forth. “I would assume they meant on shelves,” he said finally.
When Bri and Ani looked at each other with wide eyes, total trouble spelled out in that simple look, Jez reached over and snagged the bottle back from Beau, taking a deep swig. “You do realize our bedroom is just on the other side of that wall, right?” she added, deciding that it was better not to engage the pair and maybe even convince them to disengage before things got even more out of hand.
“It is?” Bri asked and then looked at them. “Were you two sleeping?”
“It’s really late, you idiot,” she said.
They exchanged glances and then shrugged. “’speriments are important,” Bri informed them sagely.
“Sleep is more important,” Beau said dryly. “You know, kids and responsibilities?”
“Pfft, kids, who’s worried ‘bout kids?”
“You should be. Your kids are the worst in the lot,” Jez said. “Now will you stop hammering nails into the wall? You two might not want to sleep but the rest of the castle does.”
“But it’s fun!”
“My turn,” Beau muttered, swiping the liquor back and liberally helping himself.
“Oh! That’s where you got off to,” Kira said, appearing in the doorway and leaning against the doorjamb. She paused, taking in the chaos of the nails and glasses. “Do I even want to know?”
“Kira!” Bri said, throwing his arms open for her and beaming.
Both of Kira’s eyebrows shot way up at that. “Bri, have you been drinking?”
“Me? Drinkin’? Nahhhh,” Bri said.
She glanced at Beau and Jez. The former offered her Bri’s half empty bottle while Jez just shrugged. “We were trying to sleep until they started banging nails into our joint wall.”
After a moment’s consideration, Kira took the bottle and had some as well. “I suppose it’s a good thing I’d decided we were staying the night. The twins are fast asleep in Andy’s room anyway.”
“Drinks all around,” Ani said, raising her bottle in a toast.
“Where did all the alcohol come from?” Beau asked. “I don’t recognize the bottles.”
Kira peered at the one she held and then groaned. “Brighton Dall!”
He looked at her with wounded, wide eyes. “I didn’t do anything to deserve my full name,” he whined.
“These were a gift from our reserve for Ren’s birthday, you giant asshole!”
Bri now slipped to hide behind Ani. “It was her idea!”
Ani blinked as three sets of eyes turned on her. “Not my fault!” she said immediately. Then she paused. “What’s not my fault?”
“Whose idea it was to drink Kira’s gift.”
“My gift too,” Bri pouted.
“Not anymore, asshole.”
“There’s half left!” Ani said, seeming to grasp what was going on and pointing at the half empty box. “We only had two each. That leaves four for Rennymuffin’s birthday. That’s...a lot!”
“Not the way these two drink, apparently,” Beau muttered. Jez hid a snicker behind her hand while Kira rolled her eyes and offered a hand to her husband.
“C’mon, Dall, let’s get you to bed.”
“But we haven’t put ninety-nine glasses on the wall yet!” he whined.
“Tomorrow, big guy, okay?” she said patiently, rolling her eyes. “He’s sleeping on the couch for a week after this once he sobers,” she added aside to Jez and Beau.
Bri heaved a sigh. “Okay, fine, Kira,” he said, stumbling over and throwing an arm companionably around her.
Just then Ren appeared in the doorway and blinked at the five people assembled in his room. “What in the world?”
“Rennymuffin!” Ani cried and threw himself into his arms. Only long experience meant that Ren actually managed to catch her.
“Don’t ask, watch the nails and take your wife to bed,” Beau advised, patting him on the shoulder and then beating a hasty retreat with Jez as Kira assisted Bri out of the room and to the guest rooms they used when at the castle.
Story: Nothing is Ever Easy (NIEE) universe, Post NIEE
Challenges: Butter Rum 8 (a bottle of rum) & Pineapple 3 (they’ll never know what hit them)
Toppings & Extras: Sprinkles & Malt (Summer Challenge Bunnies 36: "And you did WHAT?")
Word Count: 1,358
Rating: PG (warning for sheer insanity! :D)
Summary: Bri and Ani get ahold of alcohol. Shenanigans ensue.
Notes: Inspired by the FOTD Puckish and also the Ani and Bri bonding requested by a friend. I blame them for this. Completely just for fun. I apologize for the copious use of adverbs, but the situation seemed to call for it! (Malt 2 of 10)
“Seventy-five glasses of ale on the wall, seventy-five glasses of ale!” The last word was drawn out and surprisingly off-key for a song that, as far as memory served, did not particularly have a key to begin with.
Ani continued warbling, “drink one down...”
Bri suddenly sat bolt upright and almost overbalanced straight on to the floor, only managing to catch himself by grabbing Ani’s arm with his free hand. “Wait!” he gasped, flailing incoherently and sloshing liquor from the bottle liberally across the floor as he did so. “Why are the glasses...on the wall?” he asked her dramatically.
Ani patted vaguely at his shoulder, missing entirely as she took another draught from her bottle. “Because who the hell uses tables?”
This struck both of them as hysterical and it was a good minute before Bri could regain his breath enough to continue his point. “How do you even get glasses on a wall?”
She cocked her head, squinting intently at the nearest wall. “I have no idea.” Then she brightened, turning on Bri with an incredibly brilliant smile. “Let’s try it!”
“Huh?”
“Let’s go get glasses, cuz, you know, they’ll give ‘em to me, cuz I’m the Queen. So they gotta do as I ask, as long as I ask nicely, dontcha know!”
“That is amazing,” Bri proclaimed and leapt to his feet with surprising dexterity. “Come, Queen, let us…sojourn,” he waited for Ani to applaud and then continued, “to the kitchens to attempt our ‘speriment.”
A half hour later, the two of them returned to Ani and Ren’s quarters with a cart full of assorted glasses. The woman in charge of the kitchens overnight had smartly given them as many of the random old glasses, mugs and flutes as she could find, rather than giving the pair the good china. As much as this logically did not make a whole lot of sense with their goal, Ani and Bri were too far gone to think it through.
Ani pushed open the door and then helped Bri weave the clanging cart through the doorway. She then bounded off and returned a few moments later with a hammer and a box of nails.
“If we put enough of these in the wall, we can do it,” she said confidently, passing the hammer and the first nail to Bri.
They had done about a dozen when a clearing throat interrupted them. Bri spun and instantly beamed upon spotting Jez and Beau in the doorway. Both were rumpled and had obviously recently been asleep - Beau had an open robe on over his pale blue boxers while Jez wore an old shirt of Beau’s and a pair of thin cotton pants.
“What the hell are you,” that was as far as Jez got before Bri lurched over to her and threw his arms around her.
“Jez,” he said, drawing out her name far too long and giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “How are you?”
Jez managed to stay upright, reaching over and deftly plucking the bottle from Bri’s hands, passing it to Beau in one fluid motion. Beau blinked dumbly at the bottle and then hastily hid it behind his back as Bri stared first at his now empty hand and then accusingly at him.
“Ninety-nine glasses of ale!” Ani said happily, waving her bottle at the wall, which contained a dozen or more haphazard nails pounded into the wall in no specific pattern. Two of them held mugs with handles, but the rest remained empty.
“Where’s Ren?” Jez asked, prying Bri off.
“Rennymuffin?” Ani asked and then shrugged. “I don’t know!” she said brightly. “He’s so busy bein’ kingly an’ all, you know,” she added.
“What about Renie?”
“Renie’s sleepin’ over there,” Ani said, gesturing towards her daughter’s room on the other side of the large suite of rooms. “Sleepin’ like a baby! Because, well, she is one an’ all.”
Jez edged further into the room to take in the wall, Beau a step behind her, liquor bottle still hidden behind his back. “So what were you trying to do?”
“Tryin’ to prove that ninety-nine glasses of ale really can go on the wall!”
Beau scratched the side of his head, tilting it back and forth. “I would assume they meant on shelves,” he said finally.
When Bri and Ani looked at each other with wide eyes, total trouble spelled out in that simple look, Jez reached over and snagged the bottle back from Beau, taking a deep swig. “You do realize our bedroom is just on the other side of that wall, right?” she added, deciding that it was better not to engage the pair and maybe even convince them to disengage before things got even more out of hand.
“It is?” Bri asked and then looked at them. “Were you two sleeping?”
“It’s really late, you idiot,” she said.
They exchanged glances and then shrugged. “’speriments are important,” Bri informed them sagely.
“Sleep is more important,” Beau said dryly. “You know, kids and responsibilities?”
“Pfft, kids, who’s worried ‘bout kids?”
“You should be. Your kids are the worst in the lot,” Jez said. “Now will you stop hammering nails into the wall? You two might not want to sleep but the rest of the castle does.”
“But it’s fun!”
“My turn,” Beau muttered, swiping the liquor back and liberally helping himself.
“Oh! That’s where you got off to,” Kira said, appearing in the doorway and leaning against the doorjamb. She paused, taking in the chaos of the nails and glasses. “Do I even want to know?”
“Kira!” Bri said, throwing his arms open for her and beaming.
Both of Kira’s eyebrows shot way up at that. “Bri, have you been drinking?”
“Me? Drinkin’? Nahhhh,” Bri said.
She glanced at Beau and Jez. The former offered her Bri’s half empty bottle while Jez just shrugged. “We were trying to sleep until they started banging nails into our joint wall.”
After a moment’s consideration, Kira took the bottle and had some as well. “I suppose it’s a good thing I’d decided we were staying the night. The twins are fast asleep in Andy’s room anyway.”
“Drinks all around,” Ani said, raising her bottle in a toast.
“Where did all the alcohol come from?” Beau asked. “I don’t recognize the bottles.”
Kira peered at the one she held and then groaned. “Brighton Dall!”
He looked at her with wounded, wide eyes. “I didn’t do anything to deserve my full name,” he whined.
“These were a gift from our reserve for Ren’s birthday, you giant asshole!”
Bri now slipped to hide behind Ani. “It was her idea!”
Ani blinked as three sets of eyes turned on her. “Not my fault!” she said immediately. Then she paused. “What’s not my fault?”
“Whose idea it was to drink Kira’s gift.”
“My gift too,” Bri pouted.
“Not anymore, asshole.”
“There’s half left!” Ani said, seeming to grasp what was going on and pointing at the half empty box. “We only had two each. That leaves four for Rennymuffin’s birthday. That’s...a lot!”
“Not the way these two drink, apparently,” Beau muttered. Jez hid a snicker behind her hand while Kira rolled her eyes and offered a hand to her husband.
“C’mon, Dall, let’s get you to bed.”
“But we haven’t put ninety-nine glasses on the wall yet!” he whined.
“Tomorrow, big guy, okay?” she said patiently, rolling her eyes. “He’s sleeping on the couch for a week after this once he sobers,” she added aside to Jez and Beau.
Bri heaved a sigh. “Okay, fine, Kira,” he said, stumbling over and throwing an arm companionably around her.
Just then Ren appeared in the doorway and blinked at the five people assembled in his room. “What in the world?”
“Rennymuffin!” Ani cried and threw himself into his arms. Only long experience meant that Ren actually managed to catch her.
“Don’t ask, watch the nails and take your wife to bed,” Beau advised, patting him on the shoulder and then beating a hasty retreat with Jez as Kira assisted Bri out of the room and to the guest rooms they used when at the castle.