honeydew root beer float with caramel
Story: Timeless { backstory | index }
Title: Bedlam
Rating: G/PG
Challenge: Honeydew #24: countdown
Toppings/Extras: root beer float, caramel
Wordcount: 1,034
Summary: The Ashdown family in the style of a sitcom: an introduction.
Notes: Warning: nothing happens in this.
[The camera pans up one of the large skyscrapers of Britannia City: this one is called Bedlam Spire, which can be read on a large neon sign travelling down one side. It begins to move towards a window near the very top of the tower.]
PIPER: [Voiceover] Living in a place called Bedlam means we have a lot to live up to. Don’t worry. We manage.
[Scene flashes to the inside of the home. It’s rather luxurious.]
PIPER: [Voiceover continues] Well, I’m Piper Ashdown and this is where I live. Although it’s never this empty... [People suddenly flash into existence. There are quite a few.] Better. So I suppose a round of introductions is necessary, right? Alright. Try to remember all this because I’m not going through it again.
[Camera focuses on TREVOR. He is drinking milk straight from the bottle and looking grouchy.]
PIPER: That’s my younger brother, Trevor. He’s fifteen and going through such a surly teenage phase right now. Or maybe that’s just the way he’s going to be forever. Either way it’s hilarious to laugh at him. Although not too loudly. If you hear someone shouting about how much they hate their life, their friends or their family... that would be Trevor.
[Next is LIBBY, writing in a diary.]
PIPER: Elisabeth. Libby for short. Thirteen, which means she is way less annoying than Trev-she’s also generally nicer. And she actually studies, which makes a change. Trev spends most of his time slamming doors as far as I can tell, and me? I just have too much of a life. And the littlest sister of us all isn’t academic in the least...
[Moves to ELLA, who is texting someone on a communicator.]
PIPER: Ella’s only eleven but she has a massive group of friends that she can’t bear to be separated from. They’re always ‘round here. I call them Barbie and the Barbites. She’s so annoying, and has a big mouth, too.
[EDWARD ASHDOWN and VERITY ASHDOWN are sat on a long sofa together. They’re deep in conversation and drinking wine.]
PIPER: Mum and Dad. They’re, well, they’re very special. Where to start? Dad’s gay. They’re still married but they’ve told us from the start that he’s gay. They’re always rabbitting on about how much they love each other and we mustn’t think they don’t just because they both have loads of other boyfriends. Er, yeah. There’s something else about them, too. They talk strangely and they’re a bit... they’re just strange. Definitely not like most other parents I’ve met, but they’re OK. Trevor gets really embarrassed but I think they’re pretty cool. Well, most of the time.
[The camera moves to middle-aged LOU. He is wearing a rather loud shirt, smiling contentedly as he tidies things on the coffee table into a neat pile. He has a bald patch and a kind face.]
PIPER: He’s called Louis Schwepp but we all call him Lou, or Lulu if we want something. He was one of Dad’s boyfriends and he sort of got... absorbed into the house. He loves to clean, see? He’s neurotic. He’s also really, really nice. Too nice, really. Don’t know how he and my dad were ever together. I don’t know if they still are. I don’t think so...
[Shows TARIQ, who smiles and waves at the camera.]
PIPER: And that’s my boyfriend. Tariq. Pretty nice guy, most of the time. We’ve nearly been together a year now, and he’s sort of been accepted as “one of us”, if you know what I mean. Very brave of him to even attempt to get to know us. He’s the only one-Libby and Ella are bit young to be seriously interested in that kind of thing, I guess, and Trevor is just too grumpy to ever get a girlfriend. Ever. Or boyfriend. Who knows?
[Next the camera moves to KESTREL, who walks in through the door. He is carrying a wild assortment of things; what looks like tennis racquets, boxing gloves, a box of Lego, camera around his neck and various other bits and pieces. Voice-over PIPER laughs.]
PIPER: Kes Porter is Libby’s best friend, and he’s almost always here too. He’s a weird kid, one of those that has a new hobby every other day-and each time he’s convinced it’s something he’s going to do for the rest of his life. You should see all the crap he has, it’s insane. Rooms filled with all sorts of stupid stuff. Model trains, badminton, rugby, rope-jumping, parrot-keeping...
[Camera now moves to two teenage girls, JUDY and SHELL. JUDY is painting her nails dark purple while SHELL is poring over a magazine and giggling at something.]
PIPER: And may I introduce you to our cousins, Judith and Michelle Prowse. They’re alright. Judy’s a bit surly but we get on. And Shell is adorable. They’re around here a lot. Their parents are my Uncle Isaac and Aunt Adele... I’m not sure why we call them that, we’re not actually related by blood. Dad said it’s a long story. They’re cool. Uncle Isaac’s easygoing and Aunt Adele is... well, yeah. You’ll see.
[ROSALIND walks out from a side-door and starts talking to KESTREL, laughing as she unloops the camera from his neck and starts looking at the pictures on it.]
Dad’s little sister, our Aunt Rosalind. Seriously, Dad adores her. She’s just about the only person in the world that can get away with anything in our house. She’s super nice, and she’s also way younger than my dad. Fourteen years of difference. ‘Cause she lives really close she’s always popping around. She has two foster kids, both toddlers, who I’m sure you will become very much acquainted with later on. They’re a hoot.
[Finally, sixteen-year-old PIPER comes into view. She’s wearing fur boots and has her dark blonde hair pulled into a low ponytail. She walks to join TARIQ sitting at the dining table.]
PIPER: And that’s me. Sixteen years old and living in a nuthouse. I mean, I don’t really mind the crowd, I guess-apart from when I’m trying to get something done. Sometimes they irritate the living hell out of me, but what else is family for?