(Untitled)

[maiden_rising]

Title: The Truth Will Set You Free
Author: maiden_rising
Rating: PG-13 (language and references to adult situations)
Word Count: 2400
Challenge: cinnamon raisin 23 (the truth will set you free)

More about Daniel and Eleanor, c. 23 years after the last piece I posted. I'm seeing a theme here: outdoor events, grass, toddlers. People who have read stories

Comments

[bookblather]

Ooh. I see why Eleanor was nervous. If it works for them, though, I'm not gonna bitch, and clearly Regina isn't either. I love her relationship with Eleanor here, and the way they banter back and forth, and the way Regina just manages to completely railroad Katie into not commenting. Your dialogue is pretty awesome.

[maiden_rising]

Thank you! Dialogue is my favorite thing to write. :) And thanks for reading a long-ish piece.

[smoothiegarten]

Oooooh. The whole piece, I was sitting here thinking "isn't Daniel her uncle?" so I'm glad I remembered right. I'm guessing that was why Jim kicked her out of the house? She seems like a great girl who wouldn't do anything else to merit that kind of reaction. (And also I did not know that uncle/niece marriages were legal in Oregon.)

Regina is quite awesome.

[maiden_rising]

Thank you! Regina is a fun character to write. And, yes, that's why Jim and Eleanor are estranged. I didn't know uncle/niece marriages were legal in Oregon, either, until I looked it up for this story.

[hi_falootin]

I love LOVE the opening paragraph; I feel like I can really see all the details. And this is a little thing, but I love how he tells her to eat the waffle and then admonishes her for it later when she's drunk XD I liked how all the characters interacted; it felt very natural and your dialogue is great as usual.

The two exposition moments I was thinking of when I mentioned there being a bit too much were where you were writing about Reggie and Eleanor's friendship and the scotch. Each of those asides just felt a tad too long and...more like telling than showing, I guess? But I still really liked it :)

And okay, so I think Regina is really awesome, especially at the end, but feel narcissistic saying so now lolll

[maiden_rising]

Thank you! I was wondering if there was too much detail in the opening paragraph, but I like all those details, so I'm glad it worked for you.

Having just skimmed back through the story, I see what you mean about the exposition. If some version of this piece makes it into the novel, I will trim accordingly.

Regina is very popular! Much like you yourself. <3

[shayna611]

ok, so of course I love Regina ;)

I really like the way you get your characters to play off each other and act so naturally - as far as I'm concerned characters are what it's all about, so it makes me happy to find authors that can make them properly come to life. The dialogue is great, and so are all the little details and the language in the prose. I look forward to seeing more :)

[maiden_rising]

Thank you very much! Regina is really fun to write, which I guess is not all that surprising. Character description, interaction, and dialogue are my favorite things to read and write, so I'm really glad you like what's going on here. :)