and the stars will tell for everyone
Title: and the stars will tell
For: everyone
Pairing: Lu Han/Yixing
Rating: PG
Length: 5000w
Summary: The world has ended and Lu Han’s just another lost boy trying to go home.
It’s been forever and a day since the world ended. The skies are blue again and little tufts of grass peek out from beneath rubble and dust. Although the roads are still broken, cracks running deep through cement and the signs lying broken on the ground, Lu Han can pick out the are signs of travel, the undeniable signs of life.
There's something beautiful about the way that spring approaches this year, Lu Han notices; it's a fresh new spring full of blues and greens and Lu Han welcomes the change, considering that dusty grey skies and fields of ash are all that he's ever known. It's a phenomenon for him, for the world to be so full of colour.
Lu Han's heard what the world was like before from some of the wandering Elders; storytellers that survived the days of ash and fire that ended all true civilizations. They told him that the world was once full of life and colour, full of melody and full of love. The half burnt books, salvaged from the great libraries that had been set alight during the final days before the end of the world, told also of a world where the grass was green and the skies a clear blue. Lu Han barely believed it, he barely allowed himself to believe it.
A soft tumble of rubble breaks Lu Han out of his thoughts as he spins to the side, eyes flickering quickly around. In the days following the end of the world, humanization degraded to the point where some became animals. Silently, Lu Han draws a dagger out and waits, ducking down behind the rubble as he listens. Bits and pieces of rubble crumble and fall beneath the footsteps of the stranger and Lu Han softens his breaths, keeping still until the stranger comes into sight.
The inside of the collapsed building isn't exactly a safe place to be camping out, but Lu Han doesn't have any better options so he tolerates it for a while - after all, it's not a permanent home, just a place to stay for a while, rest, and stock up on any supplies he would need for the next part of his journey to nowhere. It's a convenient place, there's a small, untainted stream nearby and Lu Han almost wants to hit himself. Clean water and shelter attracts life, he should have been more careful, more alert.
The stranger stops moving and he can't be more than a few meters away from the gap between two pieces of collapsed wall in which Lu Han has backed himself slowly into.
It's completely silent and Lu Han holds his breath. The stranger takes a step forward, and then another and Lu Han catches a flash of legs walk past him and stop. It's the perfect time to strike, while the stranger has his back turned and Lu Han knows that he really can't afford to let the stranger explore more of his makeshift home. He has food and water bottles inside, and due to his over-confidence that no one else would find him here; he hadn't even bothered hiding them.
The stranger starts walking again and taking advantage of the shuffle of rubble on the stone floor, throws himself out of his hiding place and catching sight of the intruder, which he realizes in the split second before tackling him to the ground, is a boy around his age.
It’s been a long time since Lu Han has seen another person, let alone a person his age but that doesn’t stop him from pressing the dagger down to the boy’s throat. He could be scouting for a larger group, he could still be dangerous.
Appearances could be deceiving and Lu Han didn’t want to be tricked, not a second time.
“What do you want?” he asks, and he presses the blade down just a little harder to emphasize his point.
“I was looking for a place to stay the night,” the boy responds, and Lu Han thinks that he looks eerily calm, situations considered, “I came in here because it looked empty and then you just jumped on me.”
Lu Han doesn’t move, instead he narrows his eyes at glares at the boy.
“Are you with anyone? Are you alone?” he continues, “Why are you here?”
“I’m a drifter,” the boy replies after a moment of hesitation, “I’m looking for Haven.”
At that, Lu Han scoffs.
“Haven?” he repeats, “A child’s dream. Everyone knows that there is no place on Earth that survived the End and that there’s no place that has even begun to pick up the pieces of civilization.”
The boy scowls at Lu Han’s words, glaring back up at him.
“Well if you’re done shooting down my dreams, perhaps you could get off my stomach.”
Lu Han probably would have flushed in embarrassment if the boy hadn’t been a stranger, but paranoia leaves no room for modesty. Keeping the blade pressed against the boy’s throat, Lu Han carefully raises himself up and to the side of the boy, and only when he’s crouching with both feet resting firmly on the ground does he release the boy.
He scrambles up, and sits cross-legged on the dusty ground, staring across at Lu Han.
“I’m Yixing,” he offers after a moment of silence, proffering a hand out.
Lu Han eyes the hand offered warily, but doesn’t take it.
“I’m Lu Han,” he replies, and the stranger named Yixing huffs slightly before pulling back his hand.
When Yixing doesn’t reply after that, an awkward silence descends upon them.
“So, you’re um,” Lu Han starts awkwardly, “looking for Haven?”
Yixing’s eyebrows raise and he looks almost amused when he replies.
“I thought you said it doesn’t exist,” he retorts, and Lu Han fumbles with a reply.
“Well, just because I don’t think that it exists, doesn’t mean that you can’t tell me about it?”
Yixing’s face is suspicious as he looks at Lu Han with narrowed eyes. It’s as if he thinks that Lu Han is simply looking for something else to ridicule him for, to call him naive and too idealistic for. Lu Han feels slightly offended at that thought; after all, he’s not that bad.
“Haven is... a place that my mother told me about,” Yixing begins carefully.
“And?” Every believer has heard about Haven from one sentimental family member or another, but Lu Han’s yet to find convincing enough evidence to allow him to also believe.
“She could describe it with such detail, it was amazing. I could see it every time I closed my eyes to rest.” Yixing pauses for a moment, and closes his eyes again as if re-imagining his idea of Haven, painting the scenery behind closed eyelids.
“How do you know it’s real though? That it’s not just a fantasy dreamed up by those who wish for it to be real?” Lu Han’s still skeptical, but he softens his tone. He can’t deny that he’s curious now. All his life, he’s only heard whispers of what this supposed ‘Haven’ is like; lush green fields, flowing rivers and bullshit that’s bound to be too good to be true.
Lu Han doubts that there’s any one place left on this earth where grass grows in fields and rivers aren’t acidic to the touch.
“It’s not only my mother,” Yixing replies, the defensiveness showing through slightly in his tone, “it’s a lot of people. I’ve met a lot of people on the roads. They’ve all heard the exact same thing, the details, they can’t all be wrong.”
“But what if they are? Have you ever consid-” Lu Han questions, almost painfully direct and Yixing winces.
“I have, so many times you wouldn’t believe. But, they just can’t be.” Yixing snaps halfway through Lu Han’s sentence, and it takes him by surprise. From the moment he had started speaking, even though Lu Han had implied Yixing as even stupid many times, Yixing had remained calm.
“Where are these people you claim to know of this same Haven then? Where’s your mother?” Lu Han attacks from another angle. Almost immediately, he regrets it as Yixing’s face crumples into a sad, sad grimace.
“Many people get lost on the roads,” Yixing says, and Lu Han almost envies the way that he’s able to keep his tone so even. “Some will never be able to find it again.”
Oh. Oh.
The implications of that one sentence run deep. Lu Han doesn’t need to ask further in order to understand. It’s not to say that he’ll take Yixing’s word as the truth-- people have been known to lie, cheat, create sob-stories for themselves to gain sympathy on the roads.
People do whatever it takes to survive, and Lu Han’s no different.
“I see.” Lu Han doesn’t know what to say; he’s never had anyone tell him something like this directly. “I’m sorry?”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” Yixing replies, and the moisture is gone from his eyes again.
It’s quiet in their little ruin, words are left unsaid and hover between them. Lu Han’s eyes flicker up and down over Yixing, examining him carefully once more.
Liars signs; Yixing shows none.
Lu Han listens again, carefully for the sounds of any approaching larger parties; apart from the crickets chirping somewhere outside, it’s silent.
All Yixing seems to be is another traveller on the roads, another lost boy; much like Lu Han.
Letting out a noticeably long breath, Lu Han lets his shoulders relax and takes a step back. As he turns his head slowly to the side, he waits for the tell-tale signs of betrayal; the sharp intake of breath or tensing of muscles before the strike comes, guilty look in the eyes or even a victorious, arrogant smile.
The signs don’t come but instead, out of the corner of his eyes, Lu Han only sees himself on the day he had met Yifan; relief that he really wasn’t the only one.
“I guess, we could stick together then?” The words slip past Lu Han’s lips without consultation from his head. He’s not sure what brings it on, he’s not sure why he’s able to just throw away his years of caution travelling the roads for a boy he’s just met.
Yixing looks up, his eyes widened and his lips part for a moment in surprise before stretching into a grin.
“Really?” he breathes, “are you serious? Why?”
What Lu Han really wants to say is that it’s because Yixing reminds him of himself, the Lu Han who had been so lost on the road before he’d found someone to travel with himself.
Instead, Lu Han just shrugs. “Safety in numbers? You seem alright and it’d be nice having someone around to share watch duties with.”
Lu Han thinks that Yixing looks slightly disappointed with his answer; his shoulder sag slightly and his eyes flicker down for a split second but the moment passes and Yixing’s smiling again.
“I’ll go get my stuff then?” Yixing asks, “I left it outside!”
“Yeah sure, go.” Lu Han says seemingly without a thought and watches Yixing bounce to his feet and away from him. It’s not until he turns the corner that Lu Han gets up and follows.
Lu Han watches Yixing closely.
--
He doesn't even bother looking around when he hears wheels turning along the ash-covered roads and footsteps approaching. Lu Han just closes his eyes and hopes no one sees him.
When he opens his eyes again, he sees someone break off from the group and walk towards him. Lu Han doesn't bother hoping, so he just closes his eyes again.
"Hey, you okay?" the stranger says, and from the sound of his voice, he's crouching down with his face level to Lu Han's. His voice is surprisingly gentle, and Lu Han breathes it in.
Lu Han spares the energy to open his eyes. "What do I look like?"
The man stares thoughtfully at Lu Han for a moment, taking him the way the shape of his ribs could be clearly seen even under the dim light of the lamp and the way his eyes had already lost all hope. He considers the question well.
"You look like somebody who is about to get a whole lot better."
--
It’s pitch black inside and Lu Han’s screaming. He’s screaming for them to ‘let him’ go because ‘he’s not dead, no, he can’t no... he can’t be dead’. Tears run down the sides of his face and he’s thrashing on the ground and--
Lu Han feels soft fingertips trailing down his cheeks, tracing his tears before wiping them away. Lu Han opens his eyes, but it’s useless. He can’t see anything, but he feels Yixing in front of him and he can almost see in his minds eye the concern in Yixing’s face.
“I’m okay,” Lu Han says quietly, slightly embarrassed at being caught in a nightmare. “I’m sorry for waking you.”
“Are you?” Yixing asks back, his voice exactly the way Lu Han had imagined it to be. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Suddenly, Lu Han is thankful for his lack of sight. If he couldn’t see Yixing, then there was a fair chance the Yixing couldn’t see him either.
“What was I saying?” Lu Han has a fair idea of what he was screaming. He remembers his nightmares well.
“You were screaming ‘let him go’ and that ‘he’ wasn’t dea--” Yixing stops mid-sentence.
“It’s fine,” Lu Han follows on shortly, “you can say what you want.”
“Sorry.”
Silence drags on between them, hanging in the darkness.
“I used to travel with someone else,” Lu Han suddenly starts, his voice cutting through the tension. “We were close.”
“Oh.” Yixing doesn’t sound disinterested, but rather as if trying to decide if he should press on further.
“Now all that’s left of him is the day he was taken away from me.” Lu Han’s voice is sad and low, so quiet it’s almost a whisper.
“I’m sorry.”
Moment later, Lu Han feels arms around his shoulders and his head somehow comes to rest on Yixing’s shoulder.
Lu Han grows fond of Yixing in the coming days. Despite first impressions, Yixing’s funny and full of strange kindness that’s rarely seen in these times. Lu Han almost feels sorry for doubting Yixing in the first few days of their acquaintanceship where he had followed Yixing around and interrogated him every time he thought that there was something amiss about him.
They start eating meals together, talking across bits of stale bread dipped in soup that’s lacking so many ingredients that they might as well have boiled water instead.
Travelling by day and finding or scraping together a shelter at night, they’re going nowhere and somewhere at the same time. Physically, they move from location to location, from one abandoned little town to the next but really, with no destination in mind, no progress to monitor, they might as well not be moving at all.
But still, Lu Han is thankful that Yixing is with him. Perhaps, he’s made a friend.
--
Lu Han gets better under the care of Yifan and his friends. Zitao, Qian, Mi, and the others were caring and genuinely friendly. They keep him a secret though-- the elders wouldn't have been happy with an extra mouth to feed so they keep him hidden inside Yifan and Zitao's shared tent, piecing together meals for him from their portions.
The quality of Lu Han's life gets better than it ever has been before.
But good things never last long.
The attacks start not long after Lu Han's recovery.
There are raiders in their world, killing other men and women, stealing their food and supplies to survive.
At first, Yifan's group had managed to fight them off fairly well but it was after the death of an Elder that things began to go wrong and blame started to escalate among the members of their travelling group.
Fingers were pointed and it wasn't long before Lu Han was discovered.
They gave him an ultimatum and Yifan only had two choices; force Lu Han to leave, or to leave with Lu Han.
Zitao told Yifan to take their tent with him and cried when they had left.
--
“Lu Han!” Yixing calls from outside the little shelter that they had hastily constructed from fallen pieces of debris for the night. “Come outside, look.”
Groaning, Lu Han rolls over onto his front. “I’m sleeping, come inside, its cold.”
“No!”
Just when Lu Han thinks that would be the end of the discussion, he hears Yixing shuffle inside and feels cool fingers wrap themselves around his wrist and tighten as they tug him up.
“What the fu-” Lu Han’s curse is only stopped halfway by the hurt kicked-puppy look on Yixing’s face. Lu Han actually kind of feels bad and he wonders what it is about Yixing that has the ability to do that to him.
“Okay. Fine.” Yixing, looking thoroughly put out mutters quietly, his shoulders sagging noticeably as he drops Lu Han’s wrist and turns back around to leave.
The back of Lu Han’s hand hits the cold paved ground hard. Biting back a gasp, Lu Han wriggles out of his sleeping bag and makes a lunge for Yixing’s hand while still half seated.
He makes contact, his fingers finding Yixing’s in the dark as they hold on tight.
“Wait, Yixing.” Now that he’s actually stopped Yixing, Lu Han’s not too sure what to say anymore.
Yixing turns back again, his eyes hopeful as they were expectant.
“Um.” Lu Han is coherent tonight. “I’m... sorry?” The words sound almost foreign on his lips, Lu Han doesn’t remember the last time he had apologized, he doesn’t remember the last time he had cared enough for anyone to apologize. There’s no one important in his life, not since-
“It’s okay. I know you’re tired. It was thoughtless of me to try take away your rest time. I should be the one that’s sorry.” Yixing looks upset at himself now, and Lu Han feels, if possible, even worse.
Scrambling to his feet, Lu Han doesn’t let Yixing go as he searches for words.
“No!” Yixing looks slightly scared and Lu Han thinks that he might have come off a bit too strong.
“I mean,” Lu Han amends himself in what his mother called an inside voice (back when they had an inside to live in), “no, you don’t need to feel sorry at all.”
Yixing doesn’t look convinced so Lu Han forces his pride back down his throat and continues.
“I was too harsh on you, you meant well and I haven’t really been the nicest or most trusting of people.” Admitting his wrongs is a concept bordering on unknown to Lu Han so the words come out awkward, but not in any way less sincere.
“Oh. It’s... okay?” Yixing’s obviously not used to this side of Lu Han either and he’s not quite sure how to respond.
“I’m up anyway now, what did you want before?” Lu Han asks, trying to break the awkwardness between them.
Yixing’s face lights up as he leans forward to grab Lu Han’s wrist again, but Lu Han gets there first, entwining their fingers together in a single, swift and determinative movement.
Lu Han tries to smile. It’s been so long since the last time he genuinely wanted to smile to reassure somebody that he’s not sure he remembers how. It seems to work, more powerfully than expected though as Yixing ducks his head slightly and breaks eye contact, shying away.
In the dark of their shelter, Lu Han can only see his silhouette.
“There’s stars tonight.” Yixing’s voice is so light it’s almost a whisper. A hopeful, breathless whisper.
Because they’ve never seen stars in their life.
In the breadth of a heartbeat, Lu Han jumps up from the spot he had been previously curled up and he’s halfway to the little door that they’d fashioned from a dead piece of wood, almost dragging Yixing behind him when he stops.
He looks back over his shoulder and Yixing is stumbling to a stop behind him.
“What do they look like?” Lu Han asks quietly. He’s not going out-- not tonight.
Yixing tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean? They’re just so beautiful. Just go out and see for yourself.”
Confusion has started ebbing into Yixing’s eyes. Lu Han almost feels bad for what he’s about the do but it’s still too early for him to forget.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” Lu Han bows his head, not wanting to face Yixing’s disappointment any further.
“Why?”
“I promised him I’d wait for the- when the first star sh-” Lu Han chokes on the air around him. His unspoken words fall from his lips and down his chest, around his ribcage and then finally tighten around his heart.
Yixing doesn’t reply to that and when Lu Han dares to look him in the eye again, his smile is only too understanding.
“I get it,” Yixing says, moving over to where his own mess of jackets and spare clothes were piled, “I’ll wait until you want to see stars again.”
--
"Here's a secret," Yifan whispers to Lu Han one night when they're curled up together in a blanket that Qian had snuck out to them as they left, " if you follow the brightest star north and Haven will be at the end of your journey."
"But stars don't exist anymore." Lu Han knows that stars are a thing of the past, of the time before the world ended in a sea of fire and ash so thick that it floats in the atmosphere still.
"Yes they do. I've seen them," Yifan says, his eyes bright. "There's these telescopes, stronger than our eyes that allow us to see stars. The group that I was with, they had one. The founders of Haven, they have one too."
“You still won’t know which way is north though,” Lu Han insisted and Yifan laughs slightly at his determination to be right.
“Here,” Yifan says, fumbling with a pocket button for a moment. Lu Han feels something being pressed into the palm of his hand.
It’s a little bronze compass.
Lu Han laughs with him, half humouring his friend and half wanting to believe. "Then we only have to wait until the stars show themselves again. Then we'll be able to see them again."
"Zitao, Qian, Henry, Mi." Yifan lists the names of their friends wistfully, counting them off on his fingers as if making sure he can still hold their memories close to heart. "Do you think they'll wait for us?"
"They'll wait." Lu Han curls up closer to Yifan, his hands finding Yifan's and grasping them firmly, reassuringly. "They'll wait."
--
Lu Han's sitting with his legs crossed beneath him, marking off another day on the calendar that he had scavenged from an old supermarket a while ago. It wasn't much help in telling him which day and month it was as it was severely outdated, but at least it would help him keep track of each and every day that passes him by.
He’s expecting Yixing back any minute now-- they’d stumbled upon another abandoned city the day before and Yixing had wanted to go back to explore. Lu Han had thought that scavanging for supplied was already a lost cause there but Yixing still had hope.
As always, Yixing comes bounding back into the door of the tent that they had found a few months ago just when Lu Han starts to worry.
“Lu Han! Lu Han!” he calls, “guess what?”
Lu han raises his head and shuffles himself around so he’s looking at an extremely excited Yixing.
“What?” he asks, “did you find something nice to eat?”
“No, I found something else!”
“Just tell me.”
Yixing pokes his tongue out at Lu Han, put out at being denied the chance to make Lu Han guess. It’s a favourite past-time of his, Lu Han’s noticed.
“There’s people nearby!”
Lu Han freezes on the spot. People aren’t good. People on the roads are dangerous.
He knows that Yixing’s never met anyone else before, he’d been born into a travelling group and had stayed there his whole life until he met Lu Han.
“Take me there,’ Lu Han says.
They wait until it’s later afternoon before they set out, Yixing leading the way the the large camp that he had found. It’s safer this way, with just enough light to guide them there and enough incoming darkness to aid their escape if the need arises.
Yixing takes them to a little ledge that he had observed the camp from earlier, check that they’re still there before beckoning Lu Han forward too.
The sight that greets him chills him to the bone.
Raiders.
“Oh my god,” Lu Han whispers and he’s backing away, his legs turning soft as he stumbles down to the ground. “We have to go.”
--
It's pitch black and Yifan's screaming and yelling for Lu Han to get out and run.
There are people outside, in front of their tent; Yifan lights a lamp and he can see silhouettes of people against the tent wall and the flickering glint of a blade in Yifan's hands. There's more yelling, harsh commands and suddenly, ice-cold air washes over Lu Han as the door of the tent opens.
Men force themselves into the tent and Yifan leaps back and cuts through the back wall, hooking a backpack onto Lu Han's arm before shoving him out into the night and he stumbles and stumbles and runs blind, the weight on one arm disorientating him and pulling him to the ground.
"Run, leave, go, Lu Han!"
The words echo in his head as he runs further and further away, blind in the darkness and suddenly he's at the edge of something and the rock is crumbling and Lu Han stumbles back again but he hears people behind him and--
--
Lu Han runs back to their tent and tries to take it down with shaking hands and uncoordinated actions. Yixing catches up to him when he’s got half of the first peg out from the crack in the dried up ground and Lu Han feels himself being pulled up off the ground and into Yixing’s arms.
Yixing pulls him close, his hands around the Lu Han’s wrists preventing him from break free. Yixing is stronger than Lu Han has ever realized.
“You’re okay, you’re safe now,” Yixing whispers into Lu Han’s ear. It’s comforting, it’s soothing, but Lu Han still can’t forget the fear he’d felt.
And without warning, Lu Han twists around and brings his head up and somehow, somewhere between “thank you” and “only with you,” their lips meet in an explosion.
“Are you sure?” Yixing breaks away first, gasping for breath because while Lu Han has known what he was going to do in the split second before, Yixing had no idea.
“Yeah,” Lu Han breathes back, “yeah.” There’s nothing else that he can say.
In response, Yixing pulls them around the side of the tent and without breaking his gaze, pulls the door to the side and Lu Han inside.
--
Lu Han wakes up at the bottom of a shallow canyon.
Once again, he’s alone.
--
When Lu Han wakes up, light is already streaming through the hole in the top front corner of the tent. Lu Han makes a mental note to himself to find something to fix it next time they stumble upon an old abandoned town or city.
Yixing’s still snoozing gently beside him and Lu Han thinks that he looks so peaceful in his sleep, the lines around his eyes smoothed out and the slightly tortured look that Lu Han has become to, gone.
Lu Han wonders if he’ll ever know what happened to Yixing before they met. He wonders if Yixing is as glad that he met Lu Han as Lu Han is glad he met Yixing.
He doesn’t wonder for much longer though, as Yixing shifts besides him and opens his eyes. “Good morning,” he mumbles sleepily. He’s smiling though, and Lu Han returns the smile and greeting easily.
“I’m so happy I met you,” Yixing says, looking up at Lu Han with head still resting on his makeshift pillow, “I thought you were going to beat me up or kill me on the day we met but…”
“I’m glad I didn’t,” Lu Han replies, because although he can’t deny considering both those options on the day that they had met, it’s true that he’s glad that they had ended up this way.
When Yixing fully wakes up and gets out of bed, the first thing they do is to take down the tent.
It’s time to move on, time to carry on searching for their means to survive. They move quickly away in the opposite direction that the raiders group they had seen the day before. Lu Han hopes that it’s enough to keep them safe.
Night begins to fall and there are still no signs of any civilization or shelter on the horizon so they stop and set up camp where they are.
Lu Han retreats inside the tent a little before it gets too dark and Yixing’s about to join when Lu Han calls out from inside; “Don’t, wait for me there.”
Fumbling around for something inside, Lu Han reaches inside his old bag and searches until his hand closes upon something solid and circular. With that in his hand, he steps outside to join Yixing.
They sit on the ground; side by side with legs drawn up to their chests and watching the last of the red dusk fade away.
“Someone told me that the brightest star North will lead you to Haven,” Lu Han says softly, turning his head to look at Yixing.
Yixing meets Lu Han’s eyes halfway, a smile slowly forming on his face. “Are you sure?”
“Certain.”
“That’s-” Yixing’s face suddenly falls. “But we don’t know which way is north.”
At that, Lu Han laughs and reaches down and entwines his fingers with Yixing’s for the briefest of moments, dropping something into his hand.
“What’s this?” Yixing asks, and Lu Han brings his hand back up so Yixing can hold the object up.
In the last of the dying light, a little round object glints in Yixing’s palm.
A little bronze compass.
For: everyone
Pairing: Lu Han/Yixing
Rating: PG
Length: 5000w
Summary: The world has ended and Lu Han’s just another lost boy trying to go home.
It’s been forever and a day since the world ended. The skies are blue again and little tufts of grass peek out from beneath rubble and dust. Although the roads are still broken, cracks running deep through cement and the signs lying broken on the ground, Lu Han can pick out the are signs of travel, the undeniable signs of life.
There's something beautiful about the way that spring approaches this year, Lu Han notices; it's a fresh new spring full of blues and greens and Lu Han welcomes the change, considering that dusty grey skies and fields of ash are all that he's ever known. It's a phenomenon for him, for the world to be so full of colour.
Lu Han's heard what the world was like before from some of the wandering Elders; storytellers that survived the days of ash and fire that ended all true civilizations. They told him that the world was once full of life and colour, full of melody and full of love. The half burnt books, salvaged from the great libraries that had been set alight during the final days before the end of the world, told also of a world where the grass was green and the skies a clear blue. Lu Han barely believed it, he barely allowed himself to believe it.
A soft tumble of rubble breaks Lu Han out of his thoughts as he spins to the side, eyes flickering quickly around. In the days following the end of the world, humanization degraded to the point where some became animals. Silently, Lu Han draws a dagger out and waits, ducking down behind the rubble as he listens. Bits and pieces of rubble crumble and fall beneath the footsteps of the stranger and Lu Han softens his breaths, keeping still until the stranger comes into sight.
The inside of the collapsed building isn't exactly a safe place to be camping out, but Lu Han doesn't have any better options so he tolerates it for a while - after all, it's not a permanent home, just a place to stay for a while, rest, and stock up on any supplies he would need for the next part of his journey to nowhere. It's a convenient place, there's a small, untainted stream nearby and Lu Han almost wants to hit himself. Clean water and shelter attracts life, he should have been more careful, more alert.
The stranger stops moving and he can't be more than a few meters away from the gap between two pieces of collapsed wall in which Lu Han has backed himself slowly into.
It's completely silent and Lu Han holds his breath. The stranger takes a step forward, and then another and Lu Han catches a flash of legs walk past him and stop. It's the perfect time to strike, while the stranger has his back turned and Lu Han knows that he really can't afford to let the stranger explore more of his makeshift home. He has food and water bottles inside, and due to his over-confidence that no one else would find him here; he hadn't even bothered hiding them.
The stranger starts walking again and taking advantage of the shuffle of rubble on the stone floor, throws himself out of his hiding place and catching sight of the intruder, which he realizes in the split second before tackling him to the ground, is a boy around his age.
It’s been a long time since Lu Han has seen another person, let alone a person his age but that doesn’t stop him from pressing the dagger down to the boy’s throat. He could be scouting for a larger group, he could still be dangerous.
Appearances could be deceiving and Lu Han didn’t want to be tricked, not a second time.
“What do you want?” he asks, and he presses the blade down just a little harder to emphasize his point.
“I was looking for a place to stay the night,” the boy responds, and Lu Han thinks that he looks eerily calm, situations considered, “I came in here because it looked empty and then you just jumped on me.”
Lu Han doesn’t move, instead he narrows his eyes at glares at the boy.
“Are you with anyone? Are you alone?” he continues, “Why are you here?”
“I’m a drifter,” the boy replies after a moment of hesitation, “I’m looking for Haven.”
At that, Lu Han scoffs.
“Haven?” he repeats, “A child’s dream. Everyone knows that there is no place on Earth that survived the End and that there’s no place that has even begun to pick up the pieces of civilization.”
The boy scowls at Lu Han’s words, glaring back up at him.
“Well if you’re done shooting down my dreams, perhaps you could get off my stomach.”
Lu Han probably would have flushed in embarrassment if the boy hadn’t been a stranger, but paranoia leaves no room for modesty. Keeping the blade pressed against the boy’s throat, Lu Han carefully raises himself up and to the side of the boy, and only when he’s crouching with both feet resting firmly on the ground does he release the boy.
He scrambles up, and sits cross-legged on the dusty ground, staring across at Lu Han.
“I’m Yixing,” he offers after a moment of silence, proffering a hand out.
Lu Han eyes the hand offered warily, but doesn’t take it.
“I’m Lu Han,” he replies, and the stranger named Yixing huffs slightly before pulling back his hand.
When Yixing doesn’t reply after that, an awkward silence descends upon them.
“So, you’re um,” Lu Han starts awkwardly, “looking for Haven?”
Yixing’s eyebrows raise and he looks almost amused when he replies.
“I thought you said it doesn’t exist,” he retorts, and Lu Han fumbles with a reply.
“Well, just because I don’t think that it exists, doesn’t mean that you can’t tell me about it?”
Yixing’s face is suspicious as he looks at Lu Han with narrowed eyes. It’s as if he thinks that Lu Han is simply looking for something else to ridicule him for, to call him naive and too idealistic for. Lu Han feels slightly offended at that thought; after all, he’s not that bad.
“Haven is... a place that my mother told me about,” Yixing begins carefully.
“And?” Every believer has heard about Haven from one sentimental family member or another, but Lu Han’s yet to find convincing enough evidence to allow him to also believe.
“She could describe it with such detail, it was amazing. I could see it every time I closed my eyes to rest.” Yixing pauses for a moment, and closes his eyes again as if re-imagining his idea of Haven, painting the scenery behind closed eyelids.
“How do you know it’s real though? That it’s not just a fantasy dreamed up by those who wish for it to be real?” Lu Han’s still skeptical, but he softens his tone. He can’t deny that he’s curious now. All his life, he’s only heard whispers of what this supposed ‘Haven’ is like; lush green fields, flowing rivers and bullshit that’s bound to be too good to be true.
Lu Han doubts that there’s any one place left on this earth where grass grows in fields and rivers aren’t acidic to the touch.
“It’s not only my mother,” Yixing replies, the defensiveness showing through slightly in his tone, “it’s a lot of people. I’ve met a lot of people on the roads. They’ve all heard the exact same thing, the details, they can’t all be wrong.”
“But what if they are? Have you ever consid-” Lu Han questions, almost painfully direct and Yixing winces.
“I have, so many times you wouldn’t believe. But, they just can’t be.” Yixing snaps halfway through Lu Han’s sentence, and it takes him by surprise. From the moment he had started speaking, even though Lu Han had implied Yixing as even stupid many times, Yixing had remained calm.
“Where are these people you claim to know of this same Haven then? Where’s your mother?” Lu Han attacks from another angle. Almost immediately, he regrets it as Yixing’s face crumples into a sad, sad grimace.
“Many people get lost on the roads,” Yixing says, and Lu Han almost envies the way that he’s able to keep his tone so even. “Some will never be able to find it again.”
Oh. Oh.
The implications of that one sentence run deep. Lu Han doesn’t need to ask further in order to understand. It’s not to say that he’ll take Yixing’s word as the truth-- people have been known to lie, cheat, create sob-stories for themselves to gain sympathy on the roads.
People do whatever it takes to survive, and Lu Han’s no different.
“I see.” Lu Han doesn’t know what to say; he’s never had anyone tell him something like this directly. “I’m sorry?”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” Yixing replies, and the moisture is gone from his eyes again.
It’s quiet in their little ruin, words are left unsaid and hover between them. Lu Han’s eyes flicker up and down over Yixing, examining him carefully once more.
Liars signs; Yixing shows none.
Lu Han listens again, carefully for the sounds of any approaching larger parties; apart from the crickets chirping somewhere outside, it’s silent.
All Yixing seems to be is another traveller on the roads, another lost boy; much like Lu Han.
Letting out a noticeably long breath, Lu Han lets his shoulders relax and takes a step back. As he turns his head slowly to the side, he waits for the tell-tale signs of betrayal; the sharp intake of breath or tensing of muscles before the strike comes, guilty look in the eyes or even a victorious, arrogant smile.
The signs don’t come but instead, out of the corner of his eyes, Lu Han only sees himself on the day he had met Yifan; relief that he really wasn’t the only one.
“I guess, we could stick together then?” The words slip past Lu Han’s lips without consultation from his head. He’s not sure what brings it on, he’s not sure why he’s able to just throw away his years of caution travelling the roads for a boy he’s just met.
Yixing looks up, his eyes widened and his lips part for a moment in surprise before stretching into a grin.
“Really?” he breathes, “are you serious? Why?”
What Lu Han really wants to say is that it’s because Yixing reminds him of himself, the Lu Han who had been so lost on the road before he’d found someone to travel with himself.
Instead, Lu Han just shrugs. “Safety in numbers? You seem alright and it’d be nice having someone around to share watch duties with.”
Lu Han thinks that Yixing looks slightly disappointed with his answer; his shoulder sag slightly and his eyes flicker down for a split second but the moment passes and Yixing’s smiling again.
“I’ll go get my stuff then?” Yixing asks, “I left it outside!”
“Yeah sure, go.” Lu Han says seemingly without a thought and watches Yixing bounce to his feet and away from him. It’s not until he turns the corner that Lu Han gets up and follows.
Lu Han watches Yixing closely.
--
He doesn't even bother looking around when he hears wheels turning along the ash-covered roads and footsteps approaching. Lu Han just closes his eyes and hopes no one sees him.
When he opens his eyes again, he sees someone break off from the group and walk towards him. Lu Han doesn't bother hoping, so he just closes his eyes again.
"Hey, you okay?" the stranger says, and from the sound of his voice, he's crouching down with his face level to Lu Han's. His voice is surprisingly gentle, and Lu Han breathes it in.
Lu Han spares the energy to open his eyes. "What do I look like?"
The man stares thoughtfully at Lu Han for a moment, taking him the way the shape of his ribs could be clearly seen even under the dim light of the lamp and the way his eyes had already lost all hope. He considers the question well.
"You look like somebody who is about to get a whole lot better."
--
It’s pitch black inside and Lu Han’s screaming. He’s screaming for them to ‘let him’ go because ‘he’s not dead, no, he can’t no... he can’t be dead’. Tears run down the sides of his face and he’s thrashing on the ground and--
Lu Han feels soft fingertips trailing down his cheeks, tracing his tears before wiping them away. Lu Han opens his eyes, but it’s useless. He can’t see anything, but he feels Yixing in front of him and he can almost see in his minds eye the concern in Yixing’s face.
“I’m okay,” Lu Han says quietly, slightly embarrassed at being caught in a nightmare. “I’m sorry for waking you.”
“Are you?” Yixing asks back, his voice exactly the way Lu Han had imagined it to be. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Suddenly, Lu Han is thankful for his lack of sight. If he couldn’t see Yixing, then there was a fair chance the Yixing couldn’t see him either.
“What was I saying?” Lu Han has a fair idea of what he was screaming. He remembers his nightmares well.
“You were screaming ‘let him go’ and that ‘he’ wasn’t dea--” Yixing stops mid-sentence.
“It’s fine,” Lu Han follows on shortly, “you can say what you want.”
“Sorry.”
Silence drags on between them, hanging in the darkness.
“I used to travel with someone else,” Lu Han suddenly starts, his voice cutting through the tension. “We were close.”
“Oh.” Yixing doesn’t sound disinterested, but rather as if trying to decide if he should press on further.
“Now all that’s left of him is the day he was taken away from me.” Lu Han’s voice is sad and low, so quiet it’s almost a whisper.
“I’m sorry.”
Moment later, Lu Han feels arms around his shoulders and his head somehow comes to rest on Yixing’s shoulder.
Lu Han grows fond of Yixing in the coming days. Despite first impressions, Yixing’s funny and full of strange kindness that’s rarely seen in these times. Lu Han almost feels sorry for doubting Yixing in the first few days of their acquaintanceship where he had followed Yixing around and interrogated him every time he thought that there was something amiss about him.
They start eating meals together, talking across bits of stale bread dipped in soup that’s lacking so many ingredients that they might as well have boiled water instead.
Travelling by day and finding or scraping together a shelter at night, they’re going nowhere and somewhere at the same time. Physically, they move from location to location, from one abandoned little town to the next but really, with no destination in mind, no progress to monitor, they might as well not be moving at all.
But still, Lu Han is thankful that Yixing is with him. Perhaps, he’s made a friend.
--
Lu Han gets better under the care of Yifan and his friends. Zitao, Qian, Mi, and the others were caring and genuinely friendly. They keep him a secret though-- the elders wouldn't have been happy with an extra mouth to feed so they keep him hidden inside Yifan and Zitao's shared tent, piecing together meals for him from their portions.
The quality of Lu Han's life gets better than it ever has been before.
But good things never last long.
The attacks start not long after Lu Han's recovery.
There are raiders in their world, killing other men and women, stealing their food and supplies to survive.
At first, Yifan's group had managed to fight them off fairly well but it was after the death of an Elder that things began to go wrong and blame started to escalate among the members of their travelling group.
Fingers were pointed and it wasn't long before Lu Han was discovered.
They gave him an ultimatum and Yifan only had two choices; force Lu Han to leave, or to leave with Lu Han.
Zitao told Yifan to take their tent with him and cried when they had left.
--
“Lu Han!” Yixing calls from outside the little shelter that they had hastily constructed from fallen pieces of debris for the night. “Come outside, look.”
Groaning, Lu Han rolls over onto his front. “I’m sleeping, come inside, its cold.”
“No!”
Just when Lu Han thinks that would be the end of the discussion, he hears Yixing shuffle inside and feels cool fingers wrap themselves around his wrist and tighten as they tug him up.
“What the fu-” Lu Han’s curse is only stopped halfway by the hurt kicked-puppy look on Yixing’s face. Lu Han actually kind of feels bad and he wonders what it is about Yixing that has the ability to do that to him.
“Okay. Fine.” Yixing, looking thoroughly put out mutters quietly, his shoulders sagging noticeably as he drops Lu Han’s wrist and turns back around to leave.
The back of Lu Han’s hand hits the cold paved ground hard. Biting back a gasp, Lu Han wriggles out of his sleeping bag and makes a lunge for Yixing’s hand while still half seated.
He makes contact, his fingers finding Yixing’s in the dark as they hold on tight.
“Wait, Yixing.” Now that he’s actually stopped Yixing, Lu Han’s not too sure what to say anymore.
Yixing turns back again, his eyes hopeful as they were expectant.
“Um.” Lu Han is coherent tonight. “I’m... sorry?” The words sound almost foreign on his lips, Lu Han doesn’t remember the last time he had apologized, he doesn’t remember the last time he had cared enough for anyone to apologize. There’s no one important in his life, not since-
“It’s okay. I know you’re tired. It was thoughtless of me to try take away your rest time. I should be the one that’s sorry.” Yixing looks upset at himself now, and Lu Han feels, if possible, even worse.
Scrambling to his feet, Lu Han doesn’t let Yixing go as he searches for words.
“No!” Yixing looks slightly scared and Lu Han thinks that he might have come off a bit too strong.
“I mean,” Lu Han amends himself in what his mother called an inside voice (back when they had an inside to live in), “no, you don’t need to feel sorry at all.”
Yixing doesn’t look convinced so Lu Han forces his pride back down his throat and continues.
“I was too harsh on you, you meant well and I haven’t really been the nicest or most trusting of people.” Admitting his wrongs is a concept bordering on unknown to Lu Han so the words come out awkward, but not in any way less sincere.
“Oh. It’s... okay?” Yixing’s obviously not used to this side of Lu Han either and he’s not quite sure how to respond.
“I’m up anyway now, what did you want before?” Lu Han asks, trying to break the awkwardness between them.
Yixing’s face lights up as he leans forward to grab Lu Han’s wrist again, but Lu Han gets there first, entwining their fingers together in a single, swift and determinative movement.
Lu Han tries to smile. It’s been so long since the last time he genuinely wanted to smile to reassure somebody that he’s not sure he remembers how. It seems to work, more powerfully than expected though as Yixing ducks his head slightly and breaks eye contact, shying away.
In the dark of their shelter, Lu Han can only see his silhouette.
“There’s stars tonight.” Yixing’s voice is so light it’s almost a whisper. A hopeful, breathless whisper.
Because they’ve never seen stars in their life.
In the breadth of a heartbeat, Lu Han jumps up from the spot he had been previously curled up and he’s halfway to the little door that they’d fashioned from a dead piece of wood, almost dragging Yixing behind him when he stops.
He looks back over his shoulder and Yixing is stumbling to a stop behind him.
“What do they look like?” Lu Han asks quietly. He’s not going out-- not tonight.
Yixing tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean? They’re just so beautiful. Just go out and see for yourself.”
Confusion has started ebbing into Yixing’s eyes. Lu Han almost feels bad for what he’s about the do but it’s still too early for him to forget.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” Lu Han bows his head, not wanting to face Yixing’s disappointment any further.
“Why?”
“I promised him I’d wait for the- when the first star sh-” Lu Han chokes on the air around him. His unspoken words fall from his lips and down his chest, around his ribcage and then finally tighten around his heart.
Yixing doesn’t reply to that and when Lu Han dares to look him in the eye again, his smile is only too understanding.
“I get it,” Yixing says, moving over to where his own mess of jackets and spare clothes were piled, “I’ll wait until you want to see stars again.”
--
"Here's a secret," Yifan whispers to Lu Han one night when they're curled up together in a blanket that Qian had snuck out to them as they left, " if you follow the brightest star north and Haven will be at the end of your journey."
"But stars don't exist anymore." Lu Han knows that stars are a thing of the past, of the time before the world ended in a sea of fire and ash so thick that it floats in the atmosphere still.
"Yes they do. I've seen them," Yifan says, his eyes bright. "There's these telescopes, stronger than our eyes that allow us to see stars. The group that I was with, they had one. The founders of Haven, they have one too."
“You still won’t know which way is north though,” Lu Han insisted and Yifan laughs slightly at his determination to be right.
“Here,” Yifan says, fumbling with a pocket button for a moment. Lu Han feels something being pressed into the palm of his hand.
It’s a little bronze compass.
Lu Han laughs with him, half humouring his friend and half wanting to believe. "Then we only have to wait until the stars show themselves again. Then we'll be able to see them again."
"Zitao, Qian, Henry, Mi." Yifan lists the names of their friends wistfully, counting them off on his fingers as if making sure he can still hold their memories close to heart. "Do you think they'll wait for us?"
"They'll wait." Lu Han curls up closer to Yifan, his hands finding Yifan's and grasping them firmly, reassuringly. "They'll wait."
--
Lu Han's sitting with his legs crossed beneath him, marking off another day on the calendar that he had scavenged from an old supermarket a while ago. It wasn't much help in telling him which day and month it was as it was severely outdated, but at least it would help him keep track of each and every day that passes him by.
He’s expecting Yixing back any minute now-- they’d stumbled upon another abandoned city the day before and Yixing had wanted to go back to explore. Lu Han had thought that scavanging for supplied was already a lost cause there but Yixing still had hope.
As always, Yixing comes bounding back into the door of the tent that they had found a few months ago just when Lu Han starts to worry.
“Lu Han! Lu Han!” he calls, “guess what?”
Lu han raises his head and shuffles himself around so he’s looking at an extremely excited Yixing.
“What?” he asks, “did you find something nice to eat?”
“No, I found something else!”
“Just tell me.”
Yixing pokes his tongue out at Lu Han, put out at being denied the chance to make Lu Han guess. It’s a favourite past-time of his, Lu Han’s noticed.
“There’s people nearby!”
Lu Han freezes on the spot. People aren’t good. People on the roads are dangerous.
He knows that Yixing’s never met anyone else before, he’d been born into a travelling group and had stayed there his whole life until he met Lu Han.
“Take me there,’ Lu Han says.
They wait until it’s later afternoon before they set out, Yixing leading the way the the large camp that he had found. It’s safer this way, with just enough light to guide them there and enough incoming darkness to aid their escape if the need arises.
Yixing takes them to a little ledge that he had observed the camp from earlier, check that they’re still there before beckoning Lu Han forward too.
The sight that greets him chills him to the bone.
Raiders.
“Oh my god,” Lu Han whispers and he’s backing away, his legs turning soft as he stumbles down to the ground. “We have to go.”
--
It's pitch black and Yifan's screaming and yelling for Lu Han to get out and run.
There are people outside, in front of their tent; Yifan lights a lamp and he can see silhouettes of people against the tent wall and the flickering glint of a blade in Yifan's hands. There's more yelling, harsh commands and suddenly, ice-cold air washes over Lu Han as the door of the tent opens.
Men force themselves into the tent and Yifan leaps back and cuts through the back wall, hooking a backpack onto Lu Han's arm before shoving him out into the night and he stumbles and stumbles and runs blind, the weight on one arm disorientating him and pulling him to the ground.
"Run, leave, go, Lu Han!"
The words echo in his head as he runs further and further away, blind in the darkness and suddenly he's at the edge of something and the rock is crumbling and Lu Han stumbles back again but he hears people behind him and--
--
Lu Han runs back to their tent and tries to take it down with shaking hands and uncoordinated actions. Yixing catches up to him when he’s got half of the first peg out from the crack in the dried up ground and Lu Han feels himself being pulled up off the ground and into Yixing’s arms.
Yixing pulls him close, his hands around the Lu Han’s wrists preventing him from break free. Yixing is stronger than Lu Han has ever realized.
“You’re okay, you’re safe now,” Yixing whispers into Lu Han’s ear. It’s comforting, it’s soothing, but Lu Han still can’t forget the fear he’d felt.
And without warning, Lu Han twists around and brings his head up and somehow, somewhere between “thank you” and “only with you,” their lips meet in an explosion.
“Are you sure?” Yixing breaks away first, gasping for breath because while Lu Han has known what he was going to do in the split second before, Yixing had no idea.
“Yeah,” Lu Han breathes back, “yeah.” There’s nothing else that he can say.
In response, Yixing pulls them around the side of the tent and without breaking his gaze, pulls the door to the side and Lu Han inside.
--
Lu Han wakes up at the bottom of a shallow canyon.
Once again, he’s alone.
--
When Lu Han wakes up, light is already streaming through the hole in the top front corner of the tent. Lu Han makes a mental note to himself to find something to fix it next time they stumble upon an old abandoned town or city.
Yixing’s still snoozing gently beside him and Lu Han thinks that he looks so peaceful in his sleep, the lines around his eyes smoothed out and the slightly tortured look that Lu Han has become to, gone.
Lu Han wonders if he’ll ever know what happened to Yixing before they met. He wonders if Yixing is as glad that he met Lu Han as Lu Han is glad he met Yixing.
He doesn’t wonder for much longer though, as Yixing shifts besides him and opens his eyes. “Good morning,” he mumbles sleepily. He’s smiling though, and Lu Han returns the smile and greeting easily.
“I’m so happy I met you,” Yixing says, looking up at Lu Han with head still resting on his makeshift pillow, “I thought you were going to beat me up or kill me on the day we met but…”
“I’m glad I didn’t,” Lu Han replies, because although he can’t deny considering both those options on the day that they had met, it’s true that he’s glad that they had ended up this way.
When Yixing fully wakes up and gets out of bed, the first thing they do is to take down the tent.
It’s time to move on, time to carry on searching for their means to survive. They move quickly away in the opposite direction that the raiders group they had seen the day before. Lu Han hopes that it’s enough to keep them safe.
Night begins to fall and there are still no signs of any civilization or shelter on the horizon so they stop and set up camp where they are.
Lu Han retreats inside the tent a little before it gets too dark and Yixing’s about to join when Lu Han calls out from inside; “Don’t, wait for me there.”
Fumbling around for something inside, Lu Han reaches inside his old bag and searches until his hand closes upon something solid and circular. With that in his hand, he steps outside to join Yixing.
They sit on the ground; side by side with legs drawn up to their chests and watching the last of the red dusk fade away.
“Someone told me that the brightest star North will lead you to Haven,” Lu Han says softly, turning his head to look at Yixing.
Yixing meets Lu Han’s eyes halfway, a smile slowly forming on his face. “Are you sure?”
“Certain.”
“That’s-” Yixing’s face suddenly falls. “But we don’t know which way is north.”
At that, Lu Han laughs and reaches down and entwines his fingers with Yixing’s for the briefest of moments, dropping something into his hand.
“What’s this?” Yixing asks, and Lu Han brings his hand back up so Yixing can hold the object up.
In the last of the dying light, a little round object glints in Yixing’s palm.
A little bronze compass.