91 Lanterns, for madelyn93
Title: 91 Lanterns
For: madelyn93
Pairing: Jongin/Lu Han
Rating: PG
Length: ~8,000
Summary: College!AU. Lu Han is national idol Kris Wu’s biggest fan, and Jongin is just in it for the ride.
Jongin almost gets knocked down in the subsequent stampede when Kris Wu's gate information suddenly changes on the arrival board. Someone nearly steps on his hand, but years of dance reflexes save Jongin from a brutal death as he rolls out of the way. Countless feet dash past him until a pair of Converse stops in front of Jongin. An arm pulls him up.
"Are you okay?" Lu Han asks, examining Jongin for visible injuries. His hands stay on Jongin's arm as he takes in the aftermath. Three girls are recovering from a collision, but the crowd has mostly migrated to gate 13A. Lu Han picks up the nearest gift bag, crumbled in the mass exodus, and hands it to a flustered girl.
"That was unreal," Jongin says, extracting himself from Lu Han's grip.
"I told you to dress for battle," Lu Han replies, already moving towards the mass of people at the end of the airport.
Jongin rubs his neck awkwardly. "Hyung, I don't want to tempt fate again."
"Don't be silly. Times a wastin' Jongin-ah," Lu Han says, transitioning from his Beijing dialect to smooth Korean. It's a sure indication that Lu Han isn’t taking Jongin seriously. Jongin first heard it months ago, when Lu Han pulled him into the noodle house while they traded Economics notes over bowls of beef noodle soup. Even back then, Kris Wu's photo had been Lu Han's cellphone wallpaper.
Jongin says nothing and slowly rejoins the crowd of girls wielding large cameras. He nearly gets hit by a lens until Lu Han tugs him out of a potential cat fight. "Get your phone out," Lu Han says in time for the airport to erupt in screams.
Kris Wu has stepped off his plane.
Jongin is good at following Lu Han's directions. He's made a habit of it, ever since getting lost on campus and tailing Lu Han to the music building months ago. Halfway through their trek, Lu Han had slowed down and hooked an arm around Jongin's elbow. When Jongin admitted to not having anyone to ask directions from, Lu Han had looked at him seriously and said, "I'll be your friend."
What Lu Han had really meant was "I'll be the bane of your existence."
"How was your great adventure?" Jongdae asks them, taking a seat across the table. He pushes Jongin's books aside to make room for his laptop, glancing up when no one responds. It's exam season, and Jongin honestly isn’t sure if he can keep up with everyone else.
"It was fruitful," Lu Han says pleasantly, now refreshing Tudou. Lu Han uses a VPN and reroutes his IP address through the university server. Whenever Lu Han clocks into the digital media lab in the library, he swipes into the building with Chanyeol's ID. Jongin thinks it’s revenge against Chanyeol for making fun of Kris’s “tiny mouth.”
Jongin only gets four pages into his book when Yixing joins them. As always, Yixing's mother has sent him too much food, something Jongin is grateful for. It's winter, and sometimes the only things keeping Jongin warm at night are the finicky heater in his dorm and the soup Yixing makes with his mother's recipe. Currently, Yixing is placing a crate of tangerines on top of the table. "Did you get to see your idol?"
Lu Han nods, handing Jongdae his homework back. He laughs when Jongdae declares his love for Lu Han in Chinese. "There were a lot of fans there."
Yixing hums in understanding, already opening his notebook. “Better luck next time?”
They work in silence after that, Jongin looking on Lu Han's screen to find Kris's baidu bar. Jongin gets through two more pages until Lu Han shoves a peeled tangerine under his nose. Jongin takes half and Jongdae snatches the other half. When Jongin looks again, he finds Lu Han squinting at his classical translation assignment while absently peeling another tangerine.
Times like this make Jongin feel beyond normal. It's the juxtaposition that baffles him. Lu Han sleeps through his 8 am class but has the energy to line up all night to see Kris lipsync two songs. Lu Han always treats Jongin to breakfast at their favorite place after midnight outings, Jongin half-sleeping in his bowl of congee while Lu Han checks weibo on his phone. Then it's back to classes, dance practice, and Baekhyun trying to steal Jongin's Chinese History homework.
When Jongin got wait-listed and later rejected at the Beijing Academy of Dance, he enrolled at Peking University with the help of a family friend and boarded a plane to China without looking back. The plan was to reapply after a year and improve his Chinese in the meantime. A semester later, all Jongin has are marginally acceptable grades, a weird friendship with Lu Han, and private dance classes three days a week with the famous Han Geng. Nowadays, the Beijing Dance Academy feels like a dream from another lifetime. It seems easier to be normal student and just dance twice a week, eating street food with his friends without having to watch his physique.
It's a nice thought, but Jongin no longer remembers days without shin splints and tenderness in the mornings. He has learned to equate soreness with productivity, and the scars on his ankle serve as a daily reminder for Jongin to keep pushing.
“I’ll make it happen,” he had said after Han Gang questioned Jongin’s goals. Han Geng had merely smiled at this announcement and pulled out the paper application from his desk, like he never doubted Jongin. It’s good, because Jongin has come too far in both time and distance.
Jongin's finals are as difficult as he expected them to be, but he finishes before most of his friends. Lu Han is the only other lucky soul, turning his final projects in early and using his time to bug everyone.
Lu Han is waiting outside of Jongin's dorm when Jongin returns from dance class. He sits on the floor while Jongin showers, throwing a towel at Jongin when he emerges from the bathroom. "Get dressed, Dongsaeng. We're taking a small trip."
The ease with which Lu Han switches between Chinese and Korean is what originally drew Jongin to him. Lu Han is studying comparative literature and claims to have harnessed his speaking skills by watching Korean dramas. Jongin knows Lu Han often trades music with Baekhyun and jams to girl bands. This is verified when Lu Han takes him to the local bookstore to pick up Rainy Yang's new album, featuring Kris. He also grabs JJ Lin and Hu Xia's CDs on the way to the register.
"Remember when I liked good music?" Lu Han asks, flipping through the stack of albums on sale. Jongin does not remember. He has never known a Lu Han that wasn't strangely obsessed with Kris.
They go back to Lu Han's apartment, where Minseok offers them left over take-out. Lu Han sheds his large winter jacket, pops the CD into the stereo, and skips right to the duet track.
"This song is shit," Lu Han decides one minute in.
"Okay, good." Minseok looks amused. "This means we don't have to pretend to like it, right?"
"You never have to pretend to like Kris," Lu Han says, turning around. "Even I don't like him."
"Right," Minseok says, not convinced. He heads for the library shortly after, leaving Lu Han and Jongin to Rainy Yang blasting on the stereo. Lu Han, thankfully, turns it off after two songs.
After dinner, they clean up and watch A Chinese Odyssey for the 5th time, "to improve your Chinese," Lu Han says. They're 30 minutes into the first movie, Jongin half leaning and half sleeping on the sofa arm, when Jongdae and Sehun invite themselves in. Jongdae insists that he needs a study break and Sehun insists otherwise.
Jongin watches Lu Han fetch them drinks. Jongdae requests a cocktail, but Lu Han returns with orange juice instead. "Don't break my CD," Lu Han says when Jongdae turns the disk over so Kris's picture faces the table.
"Who do you like more? Me or Kris?" Jongdae demands.
Lu Han wedges himself on the couch, between Sehun and Jongin. “Kris, obviously.” He resumes the movie and ignores Jongdae’s protests.
By the end of January, the campus empties as students head home for the Chinese New Year. Yixing invites them all to Changsha with the promise of home-made food. Minseok and Jongdae accepts, but Jongin declines. His application for the Beijing Dance Academy is finally finished, but Jongin has to get his video submission perfect if he wants an in-person audition.
He sends them off at the train station, listening to Jongdae babble about spring rolls and rice cakes to a half-listening Minseok. Jongin does not have the luxury of doting Chinese grandparents and a relaxing break. Han Geng has left him with a copy of the studio keys, and it sits heavily in Jongin pocket.
The first day of festivities finds Jongin in the empty studio. He practices through the afternoon and walks in on Lu Han chilling in Jongin's dorm. "They turned off the heater," Jongin explains when Lu Han fiddles with the temperature settings.
"Why are you living in seclusion?" Lu Han asks. "Come play with me."
“Why aren't you home,” Jongin wants to ask, but doesn't. They go to Lu Han's apartment and watch New Year’s programs. Lu Han pulls frozen dumplings from the freezer and boils them while Jongin watches a comedian introduce someone on tv. He's surprised to see traditional dancers perform to an enthusiastic audience.
Lu Han appears with a plate of dumplings. He shakes the bowl, separating the dumpling skins. "What are you thinking?"
Jongin is thinking about how he still has a long way to go. "Nothing." Jongin rolls his shoulders out. "I'm hungry."
Lu Han seems to have mixed two frozen bags, and he cringes upon finding cilantro in the filling. Jongin eats all the cilantro-pork dumplings and gives Lu Han the unbroken cabbage ones. Jongin is blowing absently at the skin of a hot dumpling when Kris Wu comes on screen.
"Huh," Lu Han says, grabbing a bottle of tsingtao. "I had no clue he was on here." He laughs when Jongin gives him a deadpan look. "Say, Jonginnie, want to eat out tomorrow? My treat."
Jongin shakes his head. "I want to practice."
Lu Han tsks at him, but Jongin knows Lu Han doesn't usually take no for an answer. Lu Han digs dubiously old sesame candy out of his pantry and peels a dozen oranges until Jongin insists that he's too full.
Lu Han changes the channel when the Beijing Orchestra begins playing the Chinese national anthem, and they watch children's cartoons until Jongin is half asleep again. Jongin wakes up to find Lu Han throwing a duvet on him and sticking stuffed animals between Jongin and the couch. Jongin flips over, setting a panda on his stomach. It's dressed in green communist gear, red handkerchief included.
"Zitao bought that for Minseokkie," Lu Han explains, dimming the lights in the room. He pauses when Jongin asks for another pillow. "Do you want to sleep on Minseok's bed instead?"
"Nope." Jongin turns over. "Good night, Hyung."
"Night," Lu Han says, his voice softer than Jongin ever remembers.
The next day, Lu Han goes to the studio with Jongin and watches him practice against the mirror. Lu Han plays with the video camera and records random things from Jongin's calves to his own reflection in the mirror. “You’re no fun,” Lu Han pouts, wandering into the empty lobby when Jongin begins ignoring his inane comments.
Jongin presumes Lu Han has left, but is pleasantly surprised when Lu Han reappears a few hours later with beverages: an aloe drink for himself and water for Jongin. Lu Han sits on the hardwood floor while Jongin stretches, checking his phone for updates. When Jongin makes a small sound, Lu Han gets up to push on Jongin's back, helping him stretch.
"Are you practicing again tomorrow?" Lu Han's breathing sends shivers down Jongin's back, but his hands are soft as they massage Jongin's shoulders.
Jongin looks back and almost meets Lu Han's face. Jongin ducks down and runs a hand through his bangs, damp with sweat. "No. I want to take a break."
Lu Han smiles, his eyes folding happily. "Good, I want to take you somewhere."
On the 3rd day of the Chinese New Year, business that had been closed during the prior festivities reopen. Prayers are held in order to be blessed with prosperity in the upcoming year. Lu Han explains all this as they wait in line at the most popular bookstore in Wangfujing along with approximately half of Kris Wu's baidu bar.
Jongin's height gives him an advantage, and he tiptoes to see over the sea of girls. The CD signing table is being set up, although the enclosed area is heavily moderated by a security team and the organizers. They check in at one of the tables, Jongin staring in disbelief when Lu Han pulls out seven identical CDs.
"Seven chances to win," Lu Han explains as he accepts the scratchers. The first five prizes are blank. On Lu Han's sixth turn, he wins entry into the CD signing. Jongin shakes his head and thinks about the lunch he was promised, marking dance moves in boredom.
They stay in line for thirty more minutes, Jongin trying to distinguish the chatter from a group of girls to their right. He turns around when someone shouts, and they find a girl being tugged by her father. She looks no older than thirteen, clad in a large down jacket. Jongin doesn’t like where this is going.
"I just need to draw again-"
"No," the father says. "You didn't win, just like I predicted. Stop misbehaving. I'm taking you home."
The girl looks about to cry, trying to slip out of her father's grasp to no avail. People are looking at them now, whispering behind their homemade posters. "Dad-"
"I told you this hobby was pointless. Stop wasting money. You need to give up on useless things and listen to me. I know what's good for you."
"Dad, please just let me draw again! You said I could come if I scored well on the placement exam." She pulls out another red envelope- no doubt pocket money from relatives. This doesn't work because her father snatches the envelope out of her hands, face stern. Jongin frowns, remember what it felt like to be her age, clutching ballet shoes in one hand while his relatives murmured disapprovingly.
"Stop," the father hisses, tugging on her. "You're embarrassing me. We're going home now. How did I raise you to be-"
"I have an extra voucher," Lu Han says, stepping in. The father abruptly lets go of his daughter's arm. Lu Han hands his winning scratcher to the girl, whose eyes are shining. "You can have it."
She stares at him, cheeks flushed. "Can I?"
"Please, you don't need to give that to her," the father says. "Xiaxia, don't take this nice gege's stuff. You can't get your way just by acting out."
"No," Lu Han insists, folding his ticket into Xiaxia's hands. "Take it. This is my gift to you." He smiles, kneeling down to meet her eyes. "And when you meet Kris Gege, tell him you did well on your placement exam, okay?"
"Okay," Xiaxia whispers back. She seems unwilling to let go of Lu Han's hand, but he bids her goodbye before walking away with Jongin in tow. They ignore the incredulous stares of other fans until arriving at the nearby starbucks a block away.
"You don't have an extra voucher," Jongin says.
Lu Han makes a noise of frustration, squatting down and burying his face in his arms. "I know," he mumbles through his jacket.
Jongin doesn't know what else to say, so he settles with "that was very kind, Hyung."
"Someone needs to be kind," Lu Han replies quietly, making clouds with his breath in the cold February air. He looks up at Jongin. "Do you still want food?"
"Yeah." Jongin smiles, and Lu Han smiles back.
Jongin is back in the studio the next morning. He begins filming the routine, recording multiple takes before calling it a day. This time, he goes straight to Lu Han's apartment and finds Lu Han putting up belated decorations. Jongin doesn’t understand why Lu Han is going through all this trouble.
"Today is the birthday of the God of Wealth," Lu Han explains, stepping down from his chair. "It's considered unwise to leave the house for too long, in case the God of Wealth should pay you a visit."
Jongin likes to make his own luck. He tells Lu Han this much and gets a smile in return. They play Chinese checkers while the rice cooks. After dinner, Lu Han declares it's time to marathon Naruto. Jongin falls asleep through the second episode and wakes up to find Lu Han by the window, staring at his phone.
Jongin rubs at his eyes. "Is it over?"
Lu Han chuckles and looks at Jongin. "No, Naruto is never over.” He pauses. “Do you want to go home with me and meet my parents tomorrow?"
Jongin considers this. He doesn't think Lu Han has gone home at all in the last week. Jongin feels like if he says no, Lu Han won't go either. He stretches his arms and says, "Sure."
They take the bus twenty minutes north to a residential district. Jongin feels like he's left Haidian as they walk through narrow alleys, rounding the corner to a large gate. Lu Han pushes the door open and leads Jongin into a quadrangle courtyard. A woman is sweeping the yard when they enter. She stares for a moment, eyes incomprehensible, then smiles. "Welcome home."
Lu Han moves the broom out of her hands. "Hi Mom. This is my friend."
Jongin bows.
"Well," she says, looking Lu Han over. "Now that you're finally home, let's tell your father to hurry back." There's something methodical about the way she sets a hand on Lu Han's back and leads them inside.
Lunch is unfamiliar. Lu Han's mother brings out the dishes when her husband returns with family friends, carrying alcohol in tow. "Oh," their other guest says upon spotting Lu Han. "Long time no see! How was your trip? Is your friend's grandmother feeling better?"
Lu Han smiles wryly, looking small in the large dining area. "She's good. I'm glad I got to see her."
"How was Changsha?" Lu Han's father asks as the table is being set.
"It was different," Lu Han replies, sounding equally un-invested in the conversation.
During the meal, the family friends chat about their recent trip abroad and asks Jongin where he's from. When Jongin replies, Lu Han's father tsks. "Lu Han likes to make foreign friends," he explains.
Lu Han is silent until another guests pipes, "How are your job prospects? Are you still doing translation work?"
Lu Han gives them an unrecognizable smile. "It's literary analysis. I enjoy it."
"You can always work at the embassy," the friend suggests. "With your father's position, you can definitely put your bilingual skills to good use. I've been trying to get my daughter to learn English, but she hates cram school."
"You flatter us," Lu Han's father says. "Lu Han's nowhere near good enough for that line of work. Maybe in the future, it'll be a possibility."
Lu Han stares at his rice and doesn't reply.
"Actually," Jongin cuts in before his brain catches up. "Lu Han is really good at what he does. He even won an award in his department. When the Korean ambassador came to visit, he was on the student team who gave him a tour around campus. He sounds just like a Korean person when he speaks and always helps our friends with homework..and...." Jongin trails off, face red. He wonders how silly he sounds, trying to defend someone more talented than him.
"Really now," Lu Han's father replies. "That's nice to know." He doesn’t address them again for the rest of dinner.
They leave an hour later, after Lu Han helps his mother wash the dishes. Lu Han doesn't speak again until they arrive at the bus stop, turning to look at Jongin. He says "Thank you" the same time Jongin blurts out "I'm sorry."
Lu Han sighs. "You didn't embarrass me. I embarrassed myself."
That's not true, Jongin wants to say. "Hyung," he asks. "Why did you tell them you went to Changsha with Yixing-hyung?"
Lu Han moves his bangs out of his face. "Because otherwise they would have expected me home."
"Why didn't you just go to Changsha?"
"Don't be silly." Lu Han turns around. "If I left Beijing, you'd be by yourself."
Jongin doesn't know how to respond, and Lu Han doesn't look like he needs a response. They ride the bus back to campus in silence, their thighs pressed together. Jongin wants to hug and thank Lu Han, but he thinks this friendship is already a blessing. The last thing he wants is to jinx it.
On the sixth day of the Chinese New Year, families visit the temple together. Jongin doesn't want to think about whether Lu Han is home with his insufferable father. He practices his audition routine over and over again until he gets the right shot. This is it, he thinks, and emails the recording to Han Geng.
Jongin stops by his dorm for the first time in days and picks up extra clothes. Lu Han leaves a message, telling him to eat the leftover dumplings. Jongin obliges and spends three hours on the phone with his mother, updating her on the status of his application.
"When are you coming home? Minah's wedding is coming up, and I'd hate for you to miss it." His mother asks. When he makes up an excuse, she pauses on the other end. He knows what she's about to say. "Jongin-ah, what if you don't get in a second time?"
Jongin closes his eyes. Time moves at a different rate in China, and sometimes Jongin likes to live in suspended belief that this will all last. However, he understands the art of bargaining. "Then I'll come home. For real. I promise."
On the seventh day of the Chinese New Year, Jongin walks into Lu Han's apartment to find familiar faces. Jongdae cheers at his entrance, insisting that Jongin joins their game of mahjong, while Minseok greets him without looking up from his tiles.
"You're back so early," Jongin says, for lack of a better response.
Jongdae grins, pushing Jongin into a seat. "I know you missed us. Plus, if Yixing-hyung's grandmother fed us any more food, I might turn into an actual dumpling. Now draw."
Jongin vaguely remembers the rules, but Jongdae's hand is shit. He’s about to complain when Lu Han leans over his seat and helps Jongin rearrange his tiles, Lu Han’s hair smelling of incense and tea. Lu Han looks up when Jongin stares a moment too long, smiling at Jongin's confused face. Jongin wonders if Lu Han was lonely with Jongin as his only companion.
They spend the week like this, Jongdae flipping lazily through the channels while Jongin waits. He waits for Lu Han to come back with food, for Jongdae to fall asleep so he can snatch the remote control, and for the edited version of his audition tape to be approved. The end of the festivities comes faster than Jongin expected. Zitao brings back a well fed pair from home; Baehyun waxes poetry about the beauty of Qingdao while Sehun conveys above average amounts of enthusiasm.
On the last day of the celebration, they pick Yixing up from the train station and attend the lantern festival in Sanlitun. Jongdae and Baekhyun run off at the first sight of lion dancers, and they lose Zitao and Minseok to the endless row of food carts. Even Yixing gets pulled into a crowd by his old roommate. Lu Han takes Jongin through the booths, examining craft tables while sampling sweet dumplings. When night falls, they walk under the row of red lanterns illuminating the street.
"The lanterns guide lost and ill-bred evil spirits home," Lu Han explains, looking up at a particularly bright one. "It's also a time to celebrate and cultivate positive relationships between people and families. Last year I came with just Yixing and Taozi." Lu Han doesn't spell it out, but Jongin knows. He, too, is grateful for their friends.
"What are these words?" Jongin asks, examining the back of the lantern. His Chinese reading comprehension is murky at best, but Jongin can identify riddles of some kind.
Lu Han saves him from disgrace and reads, "What’s full of holes but still holds water?"
Jongin has heard of this one before. "A sponge, right?"
Lu Han looks satisfied, moving to the next lantern. "Which is faster, hot or cold?" He give Jongin a few minutes before answering, "hot's faster because you can catch a cold."
Jongin nods wisely and asks for another, watching Lu Han duck under another lantern to squint at the words.
"What is it that everyone does at the same time?" Lu Han's smile drops a little and he falls silent.
Frowning, Jongin walks over and turns the lantern around. "What's the answer?"
"We grow old at the same time," Lu Han replies, turning to stare at the dancing lights in the distance. It feels like an eternity before he speaks again. "Do you think…. Nevermind.”
Jongin frowns. “Hyung. Just say it.”
Lu Han laughs in a way that suggests Lu Han doesn’t find this funny at all. “Maybe I've grown too much. Maybe Xiaxia's father is right and that some things are pointless."
Jongin doesn't think they're talking about Xiaxia anymore. He's hit with an overwhelming urge to hug Lu Han, but decides otherwise. Evasiveness is something they both practice, and Jongin wishes it wasn’t so. To ease the tension, Jongin painstakingly reads another riddle. "When is your mind like a rumpled bed?"
"I don't know," Lu Han whispers, eyes distant. It's not the Lu Han that Jongin remembers-- constantly tugging Jongin in the right direction and minding the details. Jongin wants to call Lu Han a distraction, but these days Lu Han is more of a focal point.
Jongin really likes Lu Han.
It's hard for him to admit this, when all he associates with Lu Han are impromptu soccer matches in jeans, misguided amusement at Jongin's pain, and strange fan tendencies. Lu Han is Jongin's best friend, someone who makes Jongin want to drop everything just to run to him. He doesn't think the opposite is true.
Still, Jongin sets his hands on Lu Han's shoulder and directs him away from the riddles. "You're never too old for anything. Look, even Baekhyun-hyung is learning to be nice."
Lu Han smiles at the sight of Jongdae falling off his stilts. Baekhyun's face is contorted in his attempt to keep the laughter down. Baekhyun waves at the sight of them and holds onto Lu Han for dear life when Jongdae demands to know what's so funny. Lu Han looks happier when Baekhyun drags them to the booth selling sesame-filling dumplings, but Jongin still wants to hug him.
The new semester is preceded by the approval of Jongin's application and a letter inviting him into the second round of auditions. He replaces the old calendar on his wall and circles March 13th, his audition date. "Are you ready?" Sehun asks as they make their way to chemistry lecture.
Jongin did less than impressive on his exams last semester. Passing Chemistry seems unlikely since Jongin can barely understand conversational Chinese, much less science lingo. One thing he is confident in, however, is dancing. When Jongin gives Sehun a thumbs up, Sehun tsks in approval.
With the bustle of students and the beginning of classes come another unexpected announcement: Kris Wu is holding his first concert in the Peking University Stadium. Jongin sees the concert date and laughs ironically.
"Why?" Chanyeol asks after class as they watch girls crowd around the announcement board. "He can barely sing. And his mouth is weirdly small. Who would even want to see him live?"
"I'm going to see him live," Lu Han declares at dinner that day. He talks a reluctant Yixing into joining him and begins drawing a battle plan. They're the first in line at the box office the following week, Lu Han sending them pitiful texts until Jongin leaves the library just to deliver them food in line.
"Jongin-ah, you're my favorite," Lu Han says while chewing through his meat bun. There are three people in line before them, but it's a pretty good ratio considering that Jongin had to walk past three dozen people just to find Lu Han and Yixing sharing ear buds in line.
Jongin doesn't acknowledge Lu Han's declaration of love, pulling a blanket out of his backpack. "Minseok-hyung insisted that I bring this. He doesn't want you to die of hypothermia."
Lu Han wraps it around him, making room for Yixing. "I knew he loved me."
"He just doesn't want to pay your rent," Yixing explains sagely, earning a chuckle from Jongin and a push from Lu Han.
Jongin gets roped into playing tap tap on Lu Han’s phone as he keeps them company. The line has curved around the drama building by the time Jongin looks up. His toes are numb when he bids them goodbye, stopping only when Lu Han's hand lands on Jongin's elbow.
"Don't get sick either," Lu Han says as he fixes Jongin's scarf. Lu Han’s eyelashes are long from this angle as he focuses on zipping up Jongin's jacket.
Jongin runs off before Lu Han can do more damage, sprinting back to the library. Sehun looks up from squinting at the periodic table and asks why he's so flushed, but Jongin makes an excuse about the cold. They're two hours into studying when Jongdae gets recruited into delivering the space heater and generator to their hyungs.
They take turns checking up on Lu Han and Yixing in the February weather. Jongin falls asleep on his laptop and wakes to the sound of Sehun mumbling about banana milk in his slumber. Jongdae is gone, leaving behind a sticky-note on Jongin's forehead telling them that he went home. It's time stamped at 1 am, and Jongin checks his phone to find that morning has already come. Jongin attempts to shake Sehun awake, but gives up and goes for a stroll. He picks up three cups of coffee and walks two blocks to the box office. Yixing is asleep on a newly acquired folding chair and buried under blankets as Lu Han sits on the ground, listening to his ipod. Jongin takes a seat next to Lu Han, pausing when Lu Han leans on his shoulder.
"I'm freezing my ass off," Lu Han says, accepting his hot coffee. He looks over at Yixing, tucked happily in his blanket burrito. "We loaned the heater to some girls from my Korean literature class." He sneezes.
Jongin does the only thing that comes to mind and brings his hands to cup Lu Han's cold cheeks. Jongin's palms are still warm from holding the coffee, but they cool under Lu Han's touch.
"Thanks," Lu Han whispers, closing his eyes. "I thought you'd be in bed."
Jongin shrugs. Lu Han's pestering texts had stopped by 2am, probably when he expected everyone to be asleep. "I thought you might need help."
"I'm bad at asking for helps when it matters," Lu Han says, opening his eyes as if he's shocked by this revelation. Sleep deprivation gets the best of them, and Lu Han is about to pull away when Jongin does it first.
"I know," Jongin says, looking intently at Lu Han before dropping his hand. "I am too."
"You what?" Yixing asks sleepily, rising from his seat and stretching.
"He thinks you've had enough sleep too," Lu Han replies pleasantly and yanks the blanket off Yixing. He puts it around his shoulder like a superhero cape and steals Yixing's seat.
"Why aren't you coming to this concert again?" Yixing asks, his hair resembling a mop as he blinks at Jongin.
"I don't even like Kris Wu," Jongin replies. It's close enough to the truth.
Lu Han and Yixing snatch row 2 seats. Lu Han celebrates by downloading a photoset from Kris's fansigning in Hong Kong and setting it as Chanyeol's wallpaper. Yixing celebrates by purchasing 5 kilograms of sweet potatoes. They sit in Lu Han's doorway for two weeks until Minseok nearly breaks his leg tripping over them.
"Take them back!" Lu Han demands over group text, but Yixing insists there is no more room in his kitchen. Jongdae has managed to purchase three boxes of lychees off season, effectively taking up half of their pantry.
Minseok makes an executive decision to eat all the potatoes. He draws a horrified face on a large one and snaps a photo of it being threatened by a cleaver. The picture is in everyone's inbox by that night. Baekhyun brings a stolen bunsen burner from lab and they take turns roasting sweet potato until Chanyeol turns the stove on in frustration, subsequently setting fire to his sweet potato. To clear the fumes, Lu Han opens all the windows and the balcony door.
This is how Jongin finds everyone crowded around the balcony after arriving late. Jongin hasn't eaten since going into the studio five hours ago, so he gratefully accepts the half-burnt potato that Zitao hands him. "What are you doing?" Jongin asks upon spotting the blanket and pillow fort. Even the couch has been moved closer to the balcony door.
"Star gazing," Chanyeol replies, fanning his mouth.
Jongin frowns. "In Beijing?"
Sehun leans over from his spot on the couch. "The sky is supposed to be unprecedentedly clear tonight." He gets distracted when Zitao pulls up something on his cellphone.
"He's in his room," Minseok says before Jongin even asks.
Jongin finds Lu Han sitting outside of his window, on the roof awning. He climbs out and joins Lu Han. The sky in Beijing makes Jongin misses Seoul, especially on warmer nights when he used to bike to the Seoul river with Taemin just to see the stars by the riverbank.
Lu Han gives him a small punch on the shoulder. "I heard about your audition. Good luck."
Jongin smiles, wide and toothy.
"When is it?"
"March 20th," he lies, watching Lu Han nod to himself. Jongin leans back, eyeing the nearby street lamps. He can see the particles floating in the air while Baekhyun and Jongdae's laughter rings from the balcony. Jongin wants to grab this moment and pocket it. Two wrongs don't make a right, but maybe being honest will ease his conscience. "Hyung. If I fail this audition again, I'm going back to Korea."
Lu Han sets a hand on Jongin's thigh. "I had a feeling you would."
Jongin doesn't know what he was waiting for. He certainly doesn't expect Lu Han to ask him to stay, but the disappointment still lingers in his chest. "Sometimes I think about quitting," Jongin says honestly, bringing his face to his knees.
"Don't quit, Jonginnie," Lu Han replies seriously, looking at Jongin. "I want to see you perform on stage. I want to see someone pursue what they love."
"What do you love, Hyung?" Jongin asks cautiously, ignoring the furious beating of his heart.
Lu Han looks away, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. "I don't love anyone.” He breaks off, and Jongin is afraid that Lu Han will stop speaking. Regardless, Lu Han’s shoulder sinks a little as he continues. “I just long for things. Unrequited love is so much better than a real one. It's perfect. As long as something is never even started, I never have to worry about it ending."
Jongin doesn’t recognize this person who looks like Lu Han, sounds like Lu Han, but is completely defeated. He feels the need to correct Lu Han, if only for his sake. "That may be true, but if you want something, just go for it."
Lu Han hums, eyes still on the street. "I think you’re in the position to go for it. What you love- It's dancing, right?"
Jongin is feeling brave tonight. He thinks about what kind of person he wants to be and channels his future self’s bravery. "Recently, I’ve been thinking that... I also love you." It takes the utmost self-discipline for Jongin to not look away in embarrassment. The ball is no longer in his court, leaving him exhilarated and terrified.
Lu Han shifts, turning to look at Jongin with wide eyes. His expression is uncomprehending for a moment. Lu Han opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
“I’m running after what I want, so you should too.” Jongin is climbing through the window before Lu Han can respond. He stops in the bathroom and takes a deep breath, face flaming. This is crazy. Jongin has gone crazy. He's short of sticking his face into the freezer when Sehun finds him leaning over the sink.
Sehun blinks. "Are you sick?"
"Yes," Jongin says, grabbing for his bag and fleeing for the door. He's stopped when Lu Han grabs his arm at the doorway.
"Can I think about it?" Lu Han asks softly.
Jongin nods furiously before he runs out.
"Are you guys fighting?" Is the first thing Jongdae asks when he catches Jongin at the campus store a week later, Jongin holding a pre-made lunch box.
Jongin isn't intentionally ignoring anyone. He's been busy writing lab reports with Sehun, going into the studio in his free time, and searching for an inexpensive suit for his sister's wedding. Lu Han is still thinking and all Jongin can do is stay on his feet.
"Nope, no one’s fighting," Jongin says with mock cheerfulness, flinching when Jongdae smacks him over the head with the chopsticks.
Jongdae concludes with "You're both weird" and goes off to look for toilet paper. He's not the only curious one, because Yixing calls him that Friday, concern evident in his voice as he tries to maintain a conversation with Jongin in muddy Korean.
"Don't worry about me, Hyung," Jongin says slowly, staring intently between two pairs of dance shoes. "Don't you have the concert tomorrow?"
"Jongin-ah," Yixing replies, his voice ringing clear. "Isn't your audition tomorrow?"
Jongin nearly drops his phone. He forgot that Yixing knew Han Geng.
"Do you... want me to come?" Yixing asks. It's a nice gesture, but Jongin has lied to too many people to accept that offer.
"No," Jongin insists. "And whatever you do, don't tell Lu Han-hyung."
"Jongin-ah, I think-"
"Promise, Hyung," Jongin hisses into the phone.
Yixing is quiet for a second. "I promise," he says at last.
Jongin wonders if this is a precaution against disappointment. He’s never cared so much about being let down before, and this isn’t even about dancing anymore.
Jongin arrives at the venue early on Saturday, eyeing the other applicants in the waiting room. Parents and friends also dominate the area, last minute tips flying across the room. It's almost dinner time, and he can hear people discussing where to go for food after this. Jongin stretches and thinks maybe he should have told someone the truth. Lu Han would forgive him for it. Probably.
Jongin calls his mother one last time. She wishes him luck and sends her love. Love, Jongin thinks, is not something he really comprehends anymore. He thinks about what it means to get derailed from his goals for someone else’s happiness, waking up at the crack of dawn just to keep Lu Han in line. He imagines Lu Han standing by himself underneath a row of red lanterns, searching for an answer he already knew.
Jongin looks up when a proctor calls his number. Jongin understands what it means to yearn for something. He has grown to love the shadow that follows.
A mother-daughter pair looks strangely at him when Jongin leaves the audition room. Jongin knows this is the end of the line. He walks to one end of the hallway and calls Lu Han, pressing palms to his face when it goes to voicemail. Jongin has to leave a message now or he’ll never get the courage again.
"Hyung, I'm sorry for lying," Jongin begins, closing his eyes to shut off the sounds around him. Every measure of his audition track is still embedded in Jongin’s memory, looping like Lu Han’s last words. "I've never been good at asking for things, but I really thought you would be an exception." Jongin takes a deep breath. "I just really wish you were he-"
"I'm here," Lu Han's voice rings from behind him, and Jongin abruptly jerks around.
Lu Han is standing behind Jongin, unsure, as he wipes his forehead with the back of his hands. There are mud on his sneakers and splashes of red on his cheeks. When Jongin stares, Lu Han smiles nervously. "Hi.”
“Hi,” Jongin replies.
Lu Han takes a step forward, and Jongin feels like his heart will burst with anticipation. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. I've decided to take your advice and go for I want."
Jongin is afraid to ask. "And what is that?"
"You," Lu Han says, smiling slowly until Jongin is returning it. He reaches for Jongin’s hands and squeezes. Jongin grins so widely that he both and Lu Han bursts into soft laughter. Jongin wants to save Lu Han’s words and play them a million times in his head. He gets distracted when Lu Han pulls him closer, smiling into Jongin's hair. "I know the answer to that riddle now."
"What riddle?" Jongin asks, aware of the way Lu Han strokes the inside of Jongin's arm.
"When is your mind like a rumpled bed?" Lu Han whispers into Jongin’s ear. He waits for a beat. "When it’s not made up, right? I've made up my mind now."
Jongin has a hard time letting go of Lu Han's hand on the way home, but it's better the second time when Lu Han runs his fingers through Jongin's freshly shampooed hair after a quick shower. He ruffles a towel over Jongin's head and kicks him lightly. It's only when Jongin looks up from his spot on the floor that Lu Han leans down from the couch and kisses him.
Lu Han tastes like winter, sesame-filled sweet dumplings, and sweat. "You're the one that needs a shower," Jongin says, laughing when Lu Han looks offended. Jongin pulls Lu Han up and tugs him towards the bathroom, yelping when Lu Han pokes the sensitive spots on his side and pins Jongin with his elbows against the wall.
That's when Yixing and Chanyeol burst through the door, Chanyeol throwing himself on the newly evacuated couch and shouting "That was the best concert ever!" Yixing, at least, has the decency to act like he's sorry for interrupting.
Jongin stares.
"He was the only one around." Lu Han nods at Chanyeol, who is donning a Kris Wu concert t-shirt. "After I had to rock-paper-scissors the truth out of that one."
Yixing smiles sheepishly. "Lu Han stormed out of line so fast." He goes on about the setlist to Lu Han, singing a bit of the new song. Jongin watches them nod to each other and is immensely grateful that Lu Han chose him. "You guys should have seen it. Chanyeol towered over three girls just to high-five Kris."
Chanyeol wiggles his fingers at them, laughing when Lu Han grabs Chanyeol's hand with both of his. "Who do you like more? Kris-hyung or Jongin?"
Lu Han makes a stink face at Chanyeol. "Ask me later."
Jongin is fine with that. Somehow, he already knows the answer.
"Excuse me, coming through!" Baekhyun shouts, squeezing between an annoyed-looking couple and making his way to Jongin at the other end of the reception hall. "I'm here to see the star of the show."
"Hyung," Jongin says when the others join Baekhyun. "I was in one performance with five other people. I'm hardly the star." Around them, family and friends chat excitedly with the other performers. The Mid Autumn Festival at the Beijing Dance Academy always attracts an eclectic pool of attendants, but Jongin never thought he would have to reserve ten tickets at the box office.
"I thought you were the best," Lu Han says, handing Jongin a bouquet of lilies. "My eyes were on you the entire time."
Jongin beams and accepts the flowers. They're caught in a smiling contest until Jongdae waves a hand in between them.
"Well, I can tell you whose eyes were not on Jonginnie," Baekhyun says, looking around the room for a sign of their tall friend. Yixing has run off to speak to Han Geng and Sehun is busy admiring the collection of performance outfits on display with Zitao. "Chanyeol was poking me the entire time, asking me if I saw Kris in the audience."
Minseok folds his arms. "Huh. Who'd have thought that Kris Wu would have a cousin performing here too?" He nods at Lu Han. "Don't you want to meet your hero?"
Lu Han pulls out a small poster decorated with Jongin's name and deer stickers. "I have another idol now." He puts it away when one of the Korean traditional dance instructors comes by to congratulate Jongin.
They slowly relocate everyone after Han Geng engages Jongin in a twenty minute long conversation about his three minute performance. Lu Han grabs Jongdae from gawking at the fairy dance performers and they save a lost Sehun from a group of older girls. “Women are dangerous,” Zitao says, wrapping his arm protectively around Sehun’s shoulder as Xiumin, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun join them in the lobby. For once, Jongin is thankful for having friends who don't know the difference between allemande and arabesque.
At last, Jongin successfully spots Yixing speaking to Song Qian and Wang Feifei, completely oblivious to the jealous gawks of the nearby students. Yixing's program has someone's number scribbled on it when he come back, looking confused. Lu Han is making fun of him when someone tall taps him on the back. Jongin's jaw drops.
"Excuse me, do you know where the nearest bathroom is?" The stranger asks.
"Down the hall, on the right," Lu Han says, looking up. His mouth opens.
"Thank you." Kris Wu smiles awkwardly at them and walks away.
It takes a second for anyone to move. "Go after him!" Baekhyun barks as Chanyeol runs off. They watch Chanyeol stop Kris en route to the loo, making wild motions with his hands.
"You can go talk to him too, you know," Jongin suggests, grinning. "I'll give you a free pass." When Lu Han hesitates, five pairs of hands push him away. Lu Han salutes them before joining Chanyeol and Kris.
"What a selfless boyfriend," Jongdae feigns wiping away his tears.
Jongin shrugs. "I almost got trampled at the airport because of him." He looks through the photos that Minseok took until Lu Han and Chanyeol wander back, Chanyeol looking dazed. "How was he?"
Lu Han loops an arm through Jongin's. "Surprisingly normal, and not as cute as you." He's delighted when Jongin makes an embarrassed noise.
At dinner, Jongin gets a new picture notification. Lu Han has uploaded a selca of himself, Chanyeol, and Kris Wu. The caption reads I met someone really cool today. Don't Worry, Jonginnie. I'd still choose you! xoxo. He looks up from his phone to find Lu Han putting food on Jongin’s plate.
"You're my favorite too," Jongin says, cheeks flaming. Lu Han’s face, however, brightens like Jongin is the best thing that has happened to him.
Jongin knows the feeling.
For: madelyn93
Pairing: Jongin/Lu Han
Rating: PG
Length: ~8,000
Summary: College!AU. Lu Han is national idol Kris Wu’s biggest fan, and Jongin is just in it for the ride.
Jongin almost gets knocked down in the subsequent stampede when Kris Wu's gate information suddenly changes on the arrival board. Someone nearly steps on his hand, but years of dance reflexes save Jongin from a brutal death as he rolls out of the way. Countless feet dash past him until a pair of Converse stops in front of Jongin. An arm pulls him up.
"Are you okay?" Lu Han asks, examining Jongin for visible injuries. His hands stay on Jongin's arm as he takes in the aftermath. Three girls are recovering from a collision, but the crowd has mostly migrated to gate 13A. Lu Han picks up the nearest gift bag, crumbled in the mass exodus, and hands it to a flustered girl.
"That was unreal," Jongin says, extracting himself from Lu Han's grip.
"I told you to dress for battle," Lu Han replies, already moving towards the mass of people at the end of the airport.
Jongin rubs his neck awkwardly. "Hyung, I don't want to tempt fate again."
"Don't be silly. Times a wastin' Jongin-ah," Lu Han says, transitioning from his Beijing dialect to smooth Korean. It's a sure indication that Lu Han isn’t taking Jongin seriously. Jongin first heard it months ago, when Lu Han pulled him into the noodle house while they traded Economics notes over bowls of beef noodle soup. Even back then, Kris Wu's photo had been Lu Han's cellphone wallpaper.
Jongin says nothing and slowly rejoins the crowd of girls wielding large cameras. He nearly gets hit by a lens until Lu Han tugs him out of a potential cat fight. "Get your phone out," Lu Han says in time for the airport to erupt in screams.
Kris Wu has stepped off his plane.
Jongin is good at following Lu Han's directions. He's made a habit of it, ever since getting lost on campus and tailing Lu Han to the music building months ago. Halfway through their trek, Lu Han had slowed down and hooked an arm around Jongin's elbow. When Jongin admitted to not having anyone to ask directions from, Lu Han had looked at him seriously and said, "I'll be your friend."
What Lu Han had really meant was "I'll be the bane of your existence."
"How was your great adventure?" Jongdae asks them, taking a seat across the table. He pushes Jongin's books aside to make room for his laptop, glancing up when no one responds. It's exam season, and Jongin honestly isn’t sure if he can keep up with everyone else.
"It was fruitful," Lu Han says pleasantly, now refreshing Tudou. Lu Han uses a VPN and reroutes his IP address through the university server. Whenever Lu Han clocks into the digital media lab in the library, he swipes into the building with Chanyeol's ID. Jongin thinks it’s revenge against Chanyeol for making fun of Kris’s “tiny mouth.”
Jongin only gets four pages into his book when Yixing joins them. As always, Yixing's mother has sent him too much food, something Jongin is grateful for. It's winter, and sometimes the only things keeping Jongin warm at night are the finicky heater in his dorm and the soup Yixing makes with his mother's recipe. Currently, Yixing is placing a crate of tangerines on top of the table. "Did you get to see your idol?"
Lu Han nods, handing Jongdae his homework back. He laughs when Jongdae declares his love for Lu Han in Chinese. "There were a lot of fans there."
Yixing hums in understanding, already opening his notebook. “Better luck next time?”
They work in silence after that, Jongin looking on Lu Han's screen to find Kris's baidu bar. Jongin gets through two more pages until Lu Han shoves a peeled tangerine under his nose. Jongin takes half and Jongdae snatches the other half. When Jongin looks again, he finds Lu Han squinting at his classical translation assignment while absently peeling another tangerine.
Times like this make Jongin feel beyond normal. It's the juxtaposition that baffles him. Lu Han sleeps through his 8 am class but has the energy to line up all night to see Kris lipsync two songs. Lu Han always treats Jongin to breakfast at their favorite place after midnight outings, Jongin half-sleeping in his bowl of congee while Lu Han checks weibo on his phone. Then it's back to classes, dance practice, and Baekhyun trying to steal Jongin's Chinese History homework.
When Jongin got wait-listed and later rejected at the Beijing Academy of Dance, he enrolled at Peking University with the help of a family friend and boarded a plane to China without looking back. The plan was to reapply after a year and improve his Chinese in the meantime. A semester later, all Jongin has are marginally acceptable grades, a weird friendship with Lu Han, and private dance classes three days a week with the famous Han Geng. Nowadays, the Beijing Dance Academy feels like a dream from another lifetime. It seems easier to be normal student and just dance twice a week, eating street food with his friends without having to watch his physique.
It's a nice thought, but Jongin no longer remembers days without shin splints and tenderness in the mornings. He has learned to equate soreness with productivity, and the scars on his ankle serve as a daily reminder for Jongin to keep pushing.
“I’ll make it happen,” he had said after Han Gang questioned Jongin’s goals. Han Geng had merely smiled at this announcement and pulled out the paper application from his desk, like he never doubted Jongin. It’s good, because Jongin has come too far in both time and distance.
Jongin's finals are as difficult as he expected them to be, but he finishes before most of his friends. Lu Han is the only other lucky soul, turning his final projects in early and using his time to bug everyone.
Lu Han is waiting outside of Jongin's dorm when Jongin returns from dance class. He sits on the floor while Jongin showers, throwing a towel at Jongin when he emerges from the bathroom. "Get dressed, Dongsaeng. We're taking a small trip."
The ease with which Lu Han switches between Chinese and Korean is what originally drew Jongin to him. Lu Han is studying comparative literature and claims to have harnessed his speaking skills by watching Korean dramas. Jongin knows Lu Han often trades music with Baekhyun and jams to girl bands. This is verified when Lu Han takes him to the local bookstore to pick up Rainy Yang's new album, featuring Kris. He also grabs JJ Lin and Hu Xia's CDs on the way to the register.
"Remember when I liked good music?" Lu Han asks, flipping through the stack of albums on sale. Jongin does not remember. He has never known a Lu Han that wasn't strangely obsessed with Kris.
They go back to Lu Han's apartment, where Minseok offers them left over take-out. Lu Han sheds his large winter jacket, pops the CD into the stereo, and skips right to the duet track.
"This song is shit," Lu Han decides one minute in.
"Okay, good." Minseok looks amused. "This means we don't have to pretend to like it, right?"
"You never have to pretend to like Kris," Lu Han says, turning around. "Even I don't like him."
"Right," Minseok says, not convinced. He heads for the library shortly after, leaving Lu Han and Jongin to Rainy Yang blasting on the stereo. Lu Han, thankfully, turns it off after two songs.
After dinner, they clean up and watch A Chinese Odyssey for the 5th time, "to improve your Chinese," Lu Han says. They're 30 minutes into the first movie, Jongin half leaning and half sleeping on the sofa arm, when Jongdae and Sehun invite themselves in. Jongdae insists that he needs a study break and Sehun insists otherwise.
Jongin watches Lu Han fetch them drinks. Jongdae requests a cocktail, but Lu Han returns with orange juice instead. "Don't break my CD," Lu Han says when Jongdae turns the disk over so Kris's picture faces the table.
"Who do you like more? Me or Kris?" Jongdae demands.
Lu Han wedges himself on the couch, between Sehun and Jongin. “Kris, obviously.” He resumes the movie and ignores Jongdae’s protests.
By the end of January, the campus empties as students head home for the Chinese New Year. Yixing invites them all to Changsha with the promise of home-made food. Minseok and Jongdae accepts, but Jongin declines. His application for the Beijing Dance Academy is finally finished, but Jongin has to get his video submission perfect if he wants an in-person audition.
He sends them off at the train station, listening to Jongdae babble about spring rolls and rice cakes to a half-listening Minseok. Jongin does not have the luxury of doting Chinese grandparents and a relaxing break. Han Geng has left him with a copy of the studio keys, and it sits heavily in Jongin pocket.
The first day of festivities finds Jongin in the empty studio. He practices through the afternoon and walks in on Lu Han chilling in Jongin's dorm. "They turned off the heater," Jongin explains when Lu Han fiddles with the temperature settings.
"Why are you living in seclusion?" Lu Han asks. "Come play with me."
“Why aren't you home,” Jongin wants to ask, but doesn't. They go to Lu Han's apartment and watch New Year’s programs. Lu Han pulls frozen dumplings from the freezer and boils them while Jongin watches a comedian introduce someone on tv. He's surprised to see traditional dancers perform to an enthusiastic audience.
Lu Han appears with a plate of dumplings. He shakes the bowl, separating the dumpling skins. "What are you thinking?"
Jongin is thinking about how he still has a long way to go. "Nothing." Jongin rolls his shoulders out. "I'm hungry."
Lu Han seems to have mixed two frozen bags, and he cringes upon finding cilantro in the filling. Jongin eats all the cilantro-pork dumplings and gives Lu Han the unbroken cabbage ones. Jongin is blowing absently at the skin of a hot dumpling when Kris Wu comes on screen.
"Huh," Lu Han says, grabbing a bottle of tsingtao. "I had no clue he was on here." He laughs when Jongin gives him a deadpan look. "Say, Jonginnie, want to eat out tomorrow? My treat."
Jongin shakes his head. "I want to practice."
Lu Han tsks at him, but Jongin knows Lu Han doesn't usually take no for an answer. Lu Han digs dubiously old sesame candy out of his pantry and peels a dozen oranges until Jongin insists that he's too full.
Lu Han changes the channel when the Beijing Orchestra begins playing the Chinese national anthem, and they watch children's cartoons until Jongin is half asleep again. Jongin wakes up to find Lu Han throwing a duvet on him and sticking stuffed animals between Jongin and the couch. Jongin flips over, setting a panda on his stomach. It's dressed in green communist gear, red handkerchief included.
"Zitao bought that for Minseokkie," Lu Han explains, dimming the lights in the room. He pauses when Jongin asks for another pillow. "Do you want to sleep on Minseok's bed instead?"
"Nope." Jongin turns over. "Good night, Hyung."
"Night," Lu Han says, his voice softer than Jongin ever remembers.
The next day, Lu Han goes to the studio with Jongin and watches him practice against the mirror. Lu Han plays with the video camera and records random things from Jongin's calves to his own reflection in the mirror. “You’re no fun,” Lu Han pouts, wandering into the empty lobby when Jongin begins ignoring his inane comments.
Jongin presumes Lu Han has left, but is pleasantly surprised when Lu Han reappears a few hours later with beverages: an aloe drink for himself and water for Jongin. Lu Han sits on the hardwood floor while Jongin stretches, checking his phone for updates. When Jongin makes a small sound, Lu Han gets up to push on Jongin's back, helping him stretch.
"Are you practicing again tomorrow?" Lu Han's breathing sends shivers down Jongin's back, but his hands are soft as they massage Jongin's shoulders.
Jongin looks back and almost meets Lu Han's face. Jongin ducks down and runs a hand through his bangs, damp with sweat. "No. I want to take a break."
Lu Han smiles, his eyes folding happily. "Good, I want to take you somewhere."
On the 3rd day of the Chinese New Year, business that had been closed during the prior festivities reopen. Prayers are held in order to be blessed with prosperity in the upcoming year. Lu Han explains all this as they wait in line at the most popular bookstore in Wangfujing along with approximately half of Kris Wu's baidu bar.
Jongin's height gives him an advantage, and he tiptoes to see over the sea of girls. The CD signing table is being set up, although the enclosed area is heavily moderated by a security team and the organizers. They check in at one of the tables, Jongin staring in disbelief when Lu Han pulls out seven identical CDs.
"Seven chances to win," Lu Han explains as he accepts the scratchers. The first five prizes are blank. On Lu Han's sixth turn, he wins entry into the CD signing. Jongin shakes his head and thinks about the lunch he was promised, marking dance moves in boredom.
They stay in line for thirty more minutes, Jongin trying to distinguish the chatter from a group of girls to their right. He turns around when someone shouts, and they find a girl being tugged by her father. She looks no older than thirteen, clad in a large down jacket. Jongin doesn’t like where this is going.
"I just need to draw again-"
"No," the father says. "You didn't win, just like I predicted. Stop misbehaving. I'm taking you home."
The girl looks about to cry, trying to slip out of her father's grasp to no avail. People are looking at them now, whispering behind their homemade posters. "Dad-"
"I told you this hobby was pointless. Stop wasting money. You need to give up on useless things and listen to me. I know what's good for you."
"Dad, please just let me draw again! You said I could come if I scored well on the placement exam." She pulls out another red envelope- no doubt pocket money from relatives. This doesn't work because her father snatches the envelope out of her hands, face stern. Jongin frowns, remember what it felt like to be her age, clutching ballet shoes in one hand while his relatives murmured disapprovingly.
"Stop," the father hisses, tugging on her. "You're embarrassing me. We're going home now. How did I raise you to be-"
"I have an extra voucher," Lu Han says, stepping in. The father abruptly lets go of his daughter's arm. Lu Han hands his winning scratcher to the girl, whose eyes are shining. "You can have it."
She stares at him, cheeks flushed. "Can I?"
"Please, you don't need to give that to her," the father says. "Xiaxia, don't take this nice gege's stuff. You can't get your way just by acting out."
"No," Lu Han insists, folding his ticket into Xiaxia's hands. "Take it. This is my gift to you." He smiles, kneeling down to meet her eyes. "And when you meet Kris Gege, tell him you did well on your placement exam, okay?"
"Okay," Xiaxia whispers back. She seems unwilling to let go of Lu Han's hand, but he bids her goodbye before walking away with Jongin in tow. They ignore the incredulous stares of other fans until arriving at the nearby starbucks a block away.
"You don't have an extra voucher," Jongin says.
Lu Han makes a noise of frustration, squatting down and burying his face in his arms. "I know," he mumbles through his jacket.
Jongin doesn't know what else to say, so he settles with "that was very kind, Hyung."
"Someone needs to be kind," Lu Han replies quietly, making clouds with his breath in the cold February air. He looks up at Jongin. "Do you still want food?"
"Yeah." Jongin smiles, and Lu Han smiles back.
Jongin is back in the studio the next morning. He begins filming the routine, recording multiple takes before calling it a day. This time, he goes straight to Lu Han's apartment and finds Lu Han putting up belated decorations. Jongin doesn’t understand why Lu Han is going through all this trouble.
"Today is the birthday of the God of Wealth," Lu Han explains, stepping down from his chair. "It's considered unwise to leave the house for too long, in case the God of Wealth should pay you a visit."
Jongin likes to make his own luck. He tells Lu Han this much and gets a smile in return. They play Chinese checkers while the rice cooks. After dinner, Lu Han declares it's time to marathon Naruto. Jongin falls asleep through the second episode and wakes up to find Lu Han by the window, staring at his phone.
Jongin rubs at his eyes. "Is it over?"
Lu Han chuckles and looks at Jongin. "No, Naruto is never over.” He pauses. “Do you want to go home with me and meet my parents tomorrow?"
Jongin considers this. He doesn't think Lu Han has gone home at all in the last week. Jongin feels like if he says no, Lu Han won't go either. He stretches his arms and says, "Sure."
They take the bus twenty minutes north to a residential district. Jongin feels like he's left Haidian as they walk through narrow alleys, rounding the corner to a large gate. Lu Han pushes the door open and leads Jongin into a quadrangle courtyard. A woman is sweeping the yard when they enter. She stares for a moment, eyes incomprehensible, then smiles. "Welcome home."
Lu Han moves the broom out of her hands. "Hi Mom. This is my friend."
Jongin bows.
"Well," she says, looking Lu Han over. "Now that you're finally home, let's tell your father to hurry back." There's something methodical about the way she sets a hand on Lu Han's back and leads them inside.
Lunch is unfamiliar. Lu Han's mother brings out the dishes when her husband returns with family friends, carrying alcohol in tow. "Oh," their other guest says upon spotting Lu Han. "Long time no see! How was your trip? Is your friend's grandmother feeling better?"
Lu Han smiles wryly, looking small in the large dining area. "She's good. I'm glad I got to see her."
"How was Changsha?" Lu Han's father asks as the table is being set.
"It was different," Lu Han replies, sounding equally un-invested in the conversation.
During the meal, the family friends chat about their recent trip abroad and asks Jongin where he's from. When Jongin replies, Lu Han's father tsks. "Lu Han likes to make foreign friends," he explains.
Lu Han is silent until another guests pipes, "How are your job prospects? Are you still doing translation work?"
Lu Han gives them an unrecognizable smile. "It's literary analysis. I enjoy it."
"You can always work at the embassy," the friend suggests. "With your father's position, you can definitely put your bilingual skills to good use. I've been trying to get my daughter to learn English, but she hates cram school."
"You flatter us," Lu Han's father says. "Lu Han's nowhere near good enough for that line of work. Maybe in the future, it'll be a possibility."
Lu Han stares at his rice and doesn't reply.
"Actually," Jongin cuts in before his brain catches up. "Lu Han is really good at what he does. He even won an award in his department. When the Korean ambassador came to visit, he was on the student team who gave him a tour around campus. He sounds just like a Korean person when he speaks and always helps our friends with homework..and...." Jongin trails off, face red. He wonders how silly he sounds, trying to defend someone more talented than him.
"Really now," Lu Han's father replies. "That's nice to know." He doesn’t address them again for the rest of dinner.
They leave an hour later, after Lu Han helps his mother wash the dishes. Lu Han doesn't speak again until they arrive at the bus stop, turning to look at Jongin. He says "Thank you" the same time Jongin blurts out "I'm sorry."
Lu Han sighs. "You didn't embarrass me. I embarrassed myself."
That's not true, Jongin wants to say. "Hyung," he asks. "Why did you tell them you went to Changsha with Yixing-hyung?"
Lu Han moves his bangs out of his face. "Because otherwise they would have expected me home."
"Why didn't you just go to Changsha?"
"Don't be silly." Lu Han turns around. "If I left Beijing, you'd be by yourself."
Jongin doesn't know how to respond, and Lu Han doesn't look like he needs a response. They ride the bus back to campus in silence, their thighs pressed together. Jongin wants to hug and thank Lu Han, but he thinks this friendship is already a blessing. The last thing he wants is to jinx it.
On the sixth day of the Chinese New Year, families visit the temple together. Jongin doesn't want to think about whether Lu Han is home with his insufferable father. He practices his audition routine over and over again until he gets the right shot. This is it, he thinks, and emails the recording to Han Geng.
Jongin stops by his dorm for the first time in days and picks up extra clothes. Lu Han leaves a message, telling him to eat the leftover dumplings. Jongin obliges and spends three hours on the phone with his mother, updating her on the status of his application.
"When are you coming home? Minah's wedding is coming up, and I'd hate for you to miss it." His mother asks. When he makes up an excuse, she pauses on the other end. He knows what she's about to say. "Jongin-ah, what if you don't get in a second time?"
Jongin closes his eyes. Time moves at a different rate in China, and sometimes Jongin likes to live in suspended belief that this will all last. However, he understands the art of bargaining. "Then I'll come home. For real. I promise."
On the seventh day of the Chinese New Year, Jongin walks into Lu Han's apartment to find familiar faces. Jongdae cheers at his entrance, insisting that Jongin joins their game of mahjong, while Minseok greets him without looking up from his tiles.
"You're back so early," Jongin says, for lack of a better response.
Jongdae grins, pushing Jongin into a seat. "I know you missed us. Plus, if Yixing-hyung's grandmother fed us any more food, I might turn into an actual dumpling. Now draw."
Jongin vaguely remembers the rules, but Jongdae's hand is shit. He’s about to complain when Lu Han leans over his seat and helps Jongin rearrange his tiles, Lu Han’s hair smelling of incense and tea. Lu Han looks up when Jongin stares a moment too long, smiling at Jongin's confused face. Jongin wonders if Lu Han was lonely with Jongin as his only companion.
They spend the week like this, Jongdae flipping lazily through the channels while Jongin waits. He waits for Lu Han to come back with food, for Jongdae to fall asleep so he can snatch the remote control, and for the edited version of his audition tape to be approved. The end of the festivities comes faster than Jongin expected. Zitao brings back a well fed pair from home; Baehyun waxes poetry about the beauty of Qingdao while Sehun conveys above average amounts of enthusiasm.
On the last day of the celebration, they pick Yixing up from the train station and attend the lantern festival in Sanlitun. Jongdae and Baekhyun run off at the first sight of lion dancers, and they lose Zitao and Minseok to the endless row of food carts. Even Yixing gets pulled into a crowd by his old roommate. Lu Han takes Jongin through the booths, examining craft tables while sampling sweet dumplings. When night falls, they walk under the row of red lanterns illuminating the street.
"The lanterns guide lost and ill-bred evil spirits home," Lu Han explains, looking up at a particularly bright one. "It's also a time to celebrate and cultivate positive relationships between people and families. Last year I came with just Yixing and Taozi." Lu Han doesn't spell it out, but Jongin knows. He, too, is grateful for their friends.
"What are these words?" Jongin asks, examining the back of the lantern. His Chinese reading comprehension is murky at best, but Jongin can identify riddles of some kind.
Lu Han saves him from disgrace and reads, "What’s full of holes but still holds water?"
Jongin has heard of this one before. "A sponge, right?"
Lu Han looks satisfied, moving to the next lantern. "Which is faster, hot or cold?" He give Jongin a few minutes before answering, "hot's faster because you can catch a cold."
Jongin nods wisely and asks for another, watching Lu Han duck under another lantern to squint at the words.
"What is it that everyone does at the same time?" Lu Han's smile drops a little and he falls silent.
Frowning, Jongin walks over and turns the lantern around. "What's the answer?"
"We grow old at the same time," Lu Han replies, turning to stare at the dancing lights in the distance. It feels like an eternity before he speaks again. "Do you think…. Nevermind.”
Jongin frowns. “Hyung. Just say it.”
Lu Han laughs in a way that suggests Lu Han doesn’t find this funny at all. “Maybe I've grown too much. Maybe Xiaxia's father is right and that some things are pointless."
Jongin doesn't think they're talking about Xiaxia anymore. He's hit with an overwhelming urge to hug Lu Han, but decides otherwise. Evasiveness is something they both practice, and Jongin wishes it wasn’t so. To ease the tension, Jongin painstakingly reads another riddle. "When is your mind like a rumpled bed?"
"I don't know," Lu Han whispers, eyes distant. It's not the Lu Han that Jongin remembers-- constantly tugging Jongin in the right direction and minding the details. Jongin wants to call Lu Han a distraction, but these days Lu Han is more of a focal point.
Jongin really likes Lu Han.
It's hard for him to admit this, when all he associates with Lu Han are impromptu soccer matches in jeans, misguided amusement at Jongin's pain, and strange fan tendencies. Lu Han is Jongin's best friend, someone who makes Jongin want to drop everything just to run to him. He doesn't think the opposite is true.
Still, Jongin sets his hands on Lu Han's shoulder and directs him away from the riddles. "You're never too old for anything. Look, even Baekhyun-hyung is learning to be nice."
Lu Han smiles at the sight of Jongdae falling off his stilts. Baekhyun's face is contorted in his attempt to keep the laughter down. Baekhyun waves at the sight of them and holds onto Lu Han for dear life when Jongdae demands to know what's so funny. Lu Han looks happier when Baekhyun drags them to the booth selling sesame-filling dumplings, but Jongin still wants to hug him.
The new semester is preceded by the approval of Jongin's application and a letter inviting him into the second round of auditions. He replaces the old calendar on his wall and circles March 13th, his audition date. "Are you ready?" Sehun asks as they make their way to chemistry lecture.
Jongin did less than impressive on his exams last semester. Passing Chemistry seems unlikely since Jongin can barely understand conversational Chinese, much less science lingo. One thing he is confident in, however, is dancing. When Jongin gives Sehun a thumbs up, Sehun tsks in approval.
With the bustle of students and the beginning of classes come another unexpected announcement: Kris Wu is holding his first concert in the Peking University Stadium. Jongin sees the concert date and laughs ironically.
"Why?" Chanyeol asks after class as they watch girls crowd around the announcement board. "He can barely sing. And his mouth is weirdly small. Who would even want to see him live?"
"I'm going to see him live," Lu Han declares at dinner that day. He talks a reluctant Yixing into joining him and begins drawing a battle plan. They're the first in line at the box office the following week, Lu Han sending them pitiful texts until Jongin leaves the library just to deliver them food in line.
"Jongin-ah, you're my favorite," Lu Han says while chewing through his meat bun. There are three people in line before them, but it's a pretty good ratio considering that Jongin had to walk past three dozen people just to find Lu Han and Yixing sharing ear buds in line.
Jongin doesn't acknowledge Lu Han's declaration of love, pulling a blanket out of his backpack. "Minseok-hyung insisted that I bring this. He doesn't want you to die of hypothermia."
Lu Han wraps it around him, making room for Yixing. "I knew he loved me."
"He just doesn't want to pay your rent," Yixing explains sagely, earning a chuckle from Jongin and a push from Lu Han.
Jongin gets roped into playing tap tap on Lu Han’s phone as he keeps them company. The line has curved around the drama building by the time Jongin looks up. His toes are numb when he bids them goodbye, stopping only when Lu Han's hand lands on Jongin's elbow.
"Don't get sick either," Lu Han says as he fixes Jongin's scarf. Lu Han’s eyelashes are long from this angle as he focuses on zipping up Jongin's jacket.
Jongin runs off before Lu Han can do more damage, sprinting back to the library. Sehun looks up from squinting at the periodic table and asks why he's so flushed, but Jongin makes an excuse about the cold. They're two hours into studying when Jongdae gets recruited into delivering the space heater and generator to their hyungs.
They take turns checking up on Lu Han and Yixing in the February weather. Jongin falls asleep on his laptop and wakes to the sound of Sehun mumbling about banana milk in his slumber. Jongdae is gone, leaving behind a sticky-note on Jongin's forehead telling them that he went home. It's time stamped at 1 am, and Jongin checks his phone to find that morning has already come. Jongin attempts to shake Sehun awake, but gives up and goes for a stroll. He picks up three cups of coffee and walks two blocks to the box office. Yixing is asleep on a newly acquired folding chair and buried under blankets as Lu Han sits on the ground, listening to his ipod. Jongin takes a seat next to Lu Han, pausing when Lu Han leans on his shoulder.
"I'm freezing my ass off," Lu Han says, accepting his hot coffee. He looks over at Yixing, tucked happily in his blanket burrito. "We loaned the heater to some girls from my Korean literature class." He sneezes.
Jongin does the only thing that comes to mind and brings his hands to cup Lu Han's cold cheeks. Jongin's palms are still warm from holding the coffee, but they cool under Lu Han's touch.
"Thanks," Lu Han whispers, closing his eyes. "I thought you'd be in bed."
Jongin shrugs. Lu Han's pestering texts had stopped by 2am, probably when he expected everyone to be asleep. "I thought you might need help."
"I'm bad at asking for helps when it matters," Lu Han says, opening his eyes as if he's shocked by this revelation. Sleep deprivation gets the best of them, and Lu Han is about to pull away when Jongin does it first.
"I know," Jongin says, looking intently at Lu Han before dropping his hand. "I am too."
"You what?" Yixing asks sleepily, rising from his seat and stretching.
"He thinks you've had enough sleep too," Lu Han replies pleasantly and yanks the blanket off Yixing. He puts it around his shoulder like a superhero cape and steals Yixing's seat.
"Why aren't you coming to this concert again?" Yixing asks, his hair resembling a mop as he blinks at Jongin.
"I don't even like Kris Wu," Jongin replies. It's close enough to the truth.
Lu Han and Yixing snatch row 2 seats. Lu Han celebrates by downloading a photoset from Kris's fansigning in Hong Kong and setting it as Chanyeol's wallpaper. Yixing celebrates by purchasing 5 kilograms of sweet potatoes. They sit in Lu Han's doorway for two weeks until Minseok nearly breaks his leg tripping over them.
"Take them back!" Lu Han demands over group text, but Yixing insists there is no more room in his kitchen. Jongdae has managed to purchase three boxes of lychees off season, effectively taking up half of their pantry.
Minseok makes an executive decision to eat all the potatoes. He draws a horrified face on a large one and snaps a photo of it being threatened by a cleaver. The picture is in everyone's inbox by that night. Baekhyun brings a stolen bunsen burner from lab and they take turns roasting sweet potato until Chanyeol turns the stove on in frustration, subsequently setting fire to his sweet potato. To clear the fumes, Lu Han opens all the windows and the balcony door.
This is how Jongin finds everyone crowded around the balcony after arriving late. Jongin hasn't eaten since going into the studio five hours ago, so he gratefully accepts the half-burnt potato that Zitao hands him. "What are you doing?" Jongin asks upon spotting the blanket and pillow fort. Even the couch has been moved closer to the balcony door.
"Star gazing," Chanyeol replies, fanning his mouth.
Jongin frowns. "In Beijing?"
Sehun leans over from his spot on the couch. "The sky is supposed to be unprecedentedly clear tonight." He gets distracted when Zitao pulls up something on his cellphone.
"He's in his room," Minseok says before Jongin even asks.
Jongin finds Lu Han sitting outside of his window, on the roof awning. He climbs out and joins Lu Han. The sky in Beijing makes Jongin misses Seoul, especially on warmer nights when he used to bike to the Seoul river with Taemin just to see the stars by the riverbank.
Lu Han gives him a small punch on the shoulder. "I heard about your audition. Good luck."
Jongin smiles, wide and toothy.
"When is it?"
"March 20th," he lies, watching Lu Han nod to himself. Jongin leans back, eyeing the nearby street lamps. He can see the particles floating in the air while Baekhyun and Jongdae's laughter rings from the balcony. Jongin wants to grab this moment and pocket it. Two wrongs don't make a right, but maybe being honest will ease his conscience. "Hyung. If I fail this audition again, I'm going back to Korea."
Lu Han sets a hand on Jongin's thigh. "I had a feeling you would."
Jongin doesn't know what he was waiting for. He certainly doesn't expect Lu Han to ask him to stay, but the disappointment still lingers in his chest. "Sometimes I think about quitting," Jongin says honestly, bringing his face to his knees.
"Don't quit, Jonginnie," Lu Han replies seriously, looking at Jongin. "I want to see you perform on stage. I want to see someone pursue what they love."
"What do you love, Hyung?" Jongin asks cautiously, ignoring the furious beating of his heart.
Lu Han looks away, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. "I don't love anyone.” He breaks off, and Jongin is afraid that Lu Han will stop speaking. Regardless, Lu Han’s shoulder sinks a little as he continues. “I just long for things. Unrequited love is so much better than a real one. It's perfect. As long as something is never even started, I never have to worry about it ending."
Jongin doesn’t recognize this person who looks like Lu Han, sounds like Lu Han, but is completely defeated. He feels the need to correct Lu Han, if only for his sake. "That may be true, but if you want something, just go for it."
Lu Han hums, eyes still on the street. "I think you’re in the position to go for it. What you love- It's dancing, right?"
Jongin is feeling brave tonight. He thinks about what kind of person he wants to be and channels his future self’s bravery. "Recently, I’ve been thinking that... I also love you." It takes the utmost self-discipline for Jongin to not look away in embarrassment. The ball is no longer in his court, leaving him exhilarated and terrified.
Lu Han shifts, turning to look at Jongin with wide eyes. His expression is uncomprehending for a moment. Lu Han opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
“I’m running after what I want, so you should too.” Jongin is climbing through the window before Lu Han can respond. He stops in the bathroom and takes a deep breath, face flaming. This is crazy. Jongin has gone crazy. He's short of sticking his face into the freezer when Sehun finds him leaning over the sink.
Sehun blinks. "Are you sick?"
"Yes," Jongin says, grabbing for his bag and fleeing for the door. He's stopped when Lu Han grabs his arm at the doorway.
"Can I think about it?" Lu Han asks softly.
Jongin nods furiously before he runs out.
"Are you guys fighting?" Is the first thing Jongdae asks when he catches Jongin at the campus store a week later, Jongin holding a pre-made lunch box.
Jongin isn't intentionally ignoring anyone. He's been busy writing lab reports with Sehun, going into the studio in his free time, and searching for an inexpensive suit for his sister's wedding. Lu Han is still thinking and all Jongin can do is stay on his feet.
"Nope, no one’s fighting," Jongin says with mock cheerfulness, flinching when Jongdae smacks him over the head with the chopsticks.
Jongdae concludes with "You're both weird" and goes off to look for toilet paper. He's not the only curious one, because Yixing calls him that Friday, concern evident in his voice as he tries to maintain a conversation with Jongin in muddy Korean.
"Don't worry about me, Hyung," Jongin says slowly, staring intently between two pairs of dance shoes. "Don't you have the concert tomorrow?"
"Jongin-ah," Yixing replies, his voice ringing clear. "Isn't your audition tomorrow?"
Jongin nearly drops his phone. He forgot that Yixing knew Han Geng.
"Do you... want me to come?" Yixing asks. It's a nice gesture, but Jongin has lied to too many people to accept that offer.
"No," Jongin insists. "And whatever you do, don't tell Lu Han-hyung."
"Jongin-ah, I think-"
"Promise, Hyung," Jongin hisses into the phone.
Yixing is quiet for a second. "I promise," he says at last.
Jongin wonders if this is a precaution against disappointment. He’s never cared so much about being let down before, and this isn’t even about dancing anymore.
Jongin arrives at the venue early on Saturday, eyeing the other applicants in the waiting room. Parents and friends also dominate the area, last minute tips flying across the room. It's almost dinner time, and he can hear people discussing where to go for food after this. Jongin stretches and thinks maybe he should have told someone the truth. Lu Han would forgive him for it. Probably.
Jongin calls his mother one last time. She wishes him luck and sends her love. Love, Jongin thinks, is not something he really comprehends anymore. He thinks about what it means to get derailed from his goals for someone else’s happiness, waking up at the crack of dawn just to keep Lu Han in line. He imagines Lu Han standing by himself underneath a row of red lanterns, searching for an answer he already knew.
Jongin looks up when a proctor calls his number. Jongin understands what it means to yearn for something. He has grown to love the shadow that follows.
A mother-daughter pair looks strangely at him when Jongin leaves the audition room. Jongin knows this is the end of the line. He walks to one end of the hallway and calls Lu Han, pressing palms to his face when it goes to voicemail. Jongin has to leave a message now or he’ll never get the courage again.
"Hyung, I'm sorry for lying," Jongin begins, closing his eyes to shut off the sounds around him. Every measure of his audition track is still embedded in Jongin’s memory, looping like Lu Han’s last words. "I've never been good at asking for things, but I really thought you would be an exception." Jongin takes a deep breath. "I just really wish you were he-"
"I'm here," Lu Han's voice rings from behind him, and Jongin abruptly jerks around.
Lu Han is standing behind Jongin, unsure, as he wipes his forehead with the back of his hands. There are mud on his sneakers and splashes of red on his cheeks. When Jongin stares, Lu Han smiles nervously. "Hi.”
“Hi,” Jongin replies.
Lu Han takes a step forward, and Jongin feels like his heart will burst with anticipation. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. I've decided to take your advice and go for I want."
Jongin is afraid to ask. "And what is that?"
"You," Lu Han says, smiling slowly until Jongin is returning it. He reaches for Jongin’s hands and squeezes. Jongin grins so widely that he both and Lu Han bursts into soft laughter. Jongin wants to save Lu Han’s words and play them a million times in his head. He gets distracted when Lu Han pulls him closer, smiling into Jongin's hair. "I know the answer to that riddle now."
"What riddle?" Jongin asks, aware of the way Lu Han strokes the inside of Jongin's arm.
"When is your mind like a rumpled bed?" Lu Han whispers into Jongin’s ear. He waits for a beat. "When it’s not made up, right? I've made up my mind now."
Jongin has a hard time letting go of Lu Han's hand on the way home, but it's better the second time when Lu Han runs his fingers through Jongin's freshly shampooed hair after a quick shower. He ruffles a towel over Jongin's head and kicks him lightly. It's only when Jongin looks up from his spot on the floor that Lu Han leans down from the couch and kisses him.
Lu Han tastes like winter, sesame-filled sweet dumplings, and sweat. "You're the one that needs a shower," Jongin says, laughing when Lu Han looks offended. Jongin pulls Lu Han up and tugs him towards the bathroom, yelping when Lu Han pokes the sensitive spots on his side and pins Jongin with his elbows against the wall.
That's when Yixing and Chanyeol burst through the door, Chanyeol throwing himself on the newly evacuated couch and shouting "That was the best concert ever!" Yixing, at least, has the decency to act like he's sorry for interrupting.
Jongin stares.
"He was the only one around." Lu Han nods at Chanyeol, who is donning a Kris Wu concert t-shirt. "After I had to rock-paper-scissors the truth out of that one."
Yixing smiles sheepishly. "Lu Han stormed out of line so fast." He goes on about the setlist to Lu Han, singing a bit of the new song. Jongin watches them nod to each other and is immensely grateful that Lu Han chose him. "You guys should have seen it. Chanyeol towered over three girls just to high-five Kris."
Chanyeol wiggles his fingers at them, laughing when Lu Han grabs Chanyeol's hand with both of his. "Who do you like more? Kris-hyung or Jongin?"
Lu Han makes a stink face at Chanyeol. "Ask me later."
Jongin is fine with that. Somehow, he already knows the answer.
"Excuse me, coming through!" Baekhyun shouts, squeezing between an annoyed-looking couple and making his way to Jongin at the other end of the reception hall. "I'm here to see the star of the show."
"Hyung," Jongin says when the others join Baekhyun. "I was in one performance with five other people. I'm hardly the star." Around them, family and friends chat excitedly with the other performers. The Mid Autumn Festival at the Beijing Dance Academy always attracts an eclectic pool of attendants, but Jongin never thought he would have to reserve ten tickets at the box office.
"I thought you were the best," Lu Han says, handing Jongin a bouquet of lilies. "My eyes were on you the entire time."
Jongin beams and accepts the flowers. They're caught in a smiling contest until Jongdae waves a hand in between them.
"Well, I can tell you whose eyes were not on Jonginnie," Baekhyun says, looking around the room for a sign of their tall friend. Yixing has run off to speak to Han Geng and Sehun is busy admiring the collection of performance outfits on display with Zitao. "Chanyeol was poking me the entire time, asking me if I saw Kris in the audience."
Minseok folds his arms. "Huh. Who'd have thought that Kris Wu would have a cousin performing here too?" He nods at Lu Han. "Don't you want to meet your hero?"
Lu Han pulls out a small poster decorated with Jongin's name and deer stickers. "I have another idol now." He puts it away when one of the Korean traditional dance instructors comes by to congratulate Jongin.
They slowly relocate everyone after Han Geng engages Jongin in a twenty minute long conversation about his three minute performance. Lu Han grabs Jongdae from gawking at the fairy dance performers and they save a lost Sehun from a group of older girls. “Women are dangerous,” Zitao says, wrapping his arm protectively around Sehun’s shoulder as Xiumin, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun join them in the lobby. For once, Jongin is thankful for having friends who don't know the difference between allemande and arabesque.
At last, Jongin successfully spots Yixing speaking to Song Qian and Wang Feifei, completely oblivious to the jealous gawks of the nearby students. Yixing's program has someone's number scribbled on it when he come back, looking confused. Lu Han is making fun of him when someone tall taps him on the back. Jongin's jaw drops.
"Excuse me, do you know where the nearest bathroom is?" The stranger asks.
"Down the hall, on the right," Lu Han says, looking up. His mouth opens.
"Thank you." Kris Wu smiles awkwardly at them and walks away.
It takes a second for anyone to move. "Go after him!" Baekhyun barks as Chanyeol runs off. They watch Chanyeol stop Kris en route to the loo, making wild motions with his hands.
"You can go talk to him too, you know," Jongin suggests, grinning. "I'll give you a free pass." When Lu Han hesitates, five pairs of hands push him away. Lu Han salutes them before joining Chanyeol and Kris.
"What a selfless boyfriend," Jongdae feigns wiping away his tears.
Jongin shrugs. "I almost got trampled at the airport because of him." He looks through the photos that Minseok took until Lu Han and Chanyeol wander back, Chanyeol looking dazed. "How was he?"
Lu Han loops an arm through Jongin's. "Surprisingly normal, and not as cute as you." He's delighted when Jongin makes an embarrassed noise.
At dinner, Jongin gets a new picture notification. Lu Han has uploaded a selca of himself, Chanyeol, and Kris Wu. The caption reads I met someone really cool today. Don't Worry, Jonginnie. I'd still choose you! xoxo. He looks up from his phone to find Lu Han putting food on Jongin’s plate.
"You're my favorite too," Jongin says, cheeks flaming. Lu Han’s face, however, brightens like Jongin is the best thing that has happened to him.
Jongin knows the feeling.