Reaching for Shadows
Title: Reaching for Shadows
Author: xlostheavenx
Genre: OS, Fluff, Angst
Warnings: Mention of Character Death
Rating: PG16
Bands: the GazettE
Pairings: AoixRuki
Synopsis: A thin layer of dust had settle on the surfaces, giving a translucent look to the objects that had once been collected and set up by the two of them to show off their life together.
Disclaimer: Don't own...
Comments: I guess I’ve been neglecting two of my favorite men lately, so I bring you this OS :) I miss writing these two so much and I’ll try to do more of it!!!
Reaching for Shadows
The door opened with a small click and he stepped inside slowly. He was almost amazed that his key still worked, but there had yet to be a time that it didn’t, even though in the back of his mind he knew it would be better if it didn’t. There was a small shadow covering half of the room cause by the half open drapes. He sighed and let himself in to the apartment. It had been a long time since he had been there, a long time since he wanted to. But as soon as he closed the door behind him, it seemed like he had never left.
His old apartment, their old apartment was not a place he liked to return to. So many memories filled the motionless rooms. A thin layer of dust had settle on the surfaces, giving a translucent look to the objects that had once been collected and set up by the two of them to show off their life together.
He sighed as he took a seat on the somewhat worn wood of the window sill, distorted by time and the light that constantly shone on it. It was in the place that he had sat and smiled as the world unknowingly burned down. The place where the news of the end of time first made it’s way to his ears traveling on unseen channels on ultrasonic frequencies through the air from one cell phone to another. Invisible particles that managed the break his heart and destroy him completely.
He had watched the dying evening light and still hadn’t moved as the red sun rose lighting up the room and displaying the broken pieces of plastic and metal that had slipped from his fingers to shatter on the floor.
He only came back here once or rather twice a year now, it was all he could anymore. At first he had come almost everyday until either Kai or Reita had to carry him because he was blinded by sorrow back to Uruha’s place where he was staying.
He had purposely left the place untouched, and even though he now had a new place he kept on paying rent on this one just so that he wouldn’t forget. Not that he could. It would be impossible to forget. But a part of him was scared to, scared of what he would lose if his memories all of sudden vanished.
Of course his heart might be whole again, he might feel like a person again, but even if he could trade in all the pain, all the suffering and endless nights of tears and cries, he doubted he would. He didn’t even think he could.
No, he thought as he gazed around at the forgotten corners of the room that were filled with just as many emotions as the places that they had made love on even if they didn’t stand out in his mind quite as much. Because the places that he had lost his favorite pen in or the place that he couldn’t reach when vacuuming so he had to seek help were just as important as the couch where they had watched old reruns of sitcoms that they had seen countless times late into the night before almost falling asleep in each others arms, their lips just barely touching.
He stood up and made his way down the hall towards the half open door to the bedroom. He only visited this room when he was in a good mood, or rather when he wasn’t feeling as sad.
The room was written with times that were too abstract for words and although he could only remember them it wasn’t by the specifics but by the intense, passionate feelings that could not be recreated with the clocks all spun around to turn back time because those moments were too perfect in the way they had first happened complete with imperfections and misplaced touches.
Words that were whispered even though they were alone, just so if the walls one day could talk they wouldn’t know the whole story and couldn’t speak of the secret emotions that could only be described by the look of eyes glistening under the moonlight that peeks through the clouds while rain falls and clouds cover the rest of the sky.
His fingers traced over the night table where papers with words written in fading ink were the only reminders that someone had lived life in the all but forgotten apartment. The sheets on the bed and the colour of the furniture showing that it hadn’t belong to just one person but two separate individuals who had somehow managed to find themselves and each other.
There were no empty spaces on the shelves, everything remain untouched since he had left still he didn’t dare to lay a hand on the bed where he had first heard ‘I love you’ whispered in his ear after he had evened out his breathing and pretended to sleep, just so he could make sure that those words were not in his dreams.
He left the room without moving the door or touching anything else safe for the feather touches he made with his fingers on the wall right underneath the light switch in remembrance of the last time he turned it off only to never turn it back on.
As he stood in the kitchen doorway and look ahead he saw himself in the mirror and swallowed when he realized that the only thing that had changed in the apartment was him. It had been years since he had left the apartment, he had gone through different hair colours and styles, different clothes, apartments, maybe a few friends, but the only thing that he hadn’t gotten through, the only thing that hadn’t changed was the love he felt, the love he still felt. It burned in his chest and it still twisted his stomach in knots although the one who he felt it for was no longer there. He would never be there again.
He blinked a few times in order to keep the tears that were threatening to come since he had left his car on the street to return to indulge in happier times, to pretend like the other man would still be there when he opened his eyes, but when he did open his eyes the only thing there was the still empty room and the barely there streaks of tears that now lined his cheeks.
He breathed in deeply before returning to the front door and putting his shoes back on. He glanced backwards only once over his shoulder, back into the past that he could no longer grab a hold of no matter how hard he tried. As he turned the door knob and the hall came back into view he wondered what it would be like if he wasn’t alone now, if he, if they could still live together in that apartment. He wondered it their relationship would have lasted this long or if they would have separated somewhere along the way, both of them becoming too different and having changed too much to be able to make it together. But he knew that they would have, deep down in the places that time and the rest of the world could not touch, he knew that they would have made it.
He stepped out into the hall, back into the world that no longer knew the presence of the single most important thing that he had lost, the one thing that he could not get back.
His eyes lingered on the door, his fingers raising to meet the wood touching it in a way that it almost hungered for the warmth that the place used to radiate, but maybe, just maybe it wasn’t the rooms but the person inside of them that had made the place home. He knew, it was impossible to fill up all the holes in his life, but now there was only one empty spot that was left and no matter how hard he tried, and god knew he had tried, he could never find something to take that spot.
He took his hand back, leaving ghost like fingerprints on the polished wood, yes, he knew that he was chasing ghosts now, he was reaching for shadows and yet he knew that there could be no shadows without light, and now that the light was turned off he had to try to find his way in the darkness. To live, if not for himself, then for the one person who’s life had been taken away from him.
He began to walk away his own shadow being stolen by the darkness as he stepped outside, but he was okay with that.
.:.My Fanfic Archive.:.
Author: xlostheavenx
Genre: OS, Fluff, Angst
Warnings: Mention of Character Death
Rating: PG16
Bands: the GazettE
Pairings: AoixRuki
Synopsis: A thin layer of dust had settle on the surfaces, giving a translucent look to the objects that had once been collected and set up by the two of them to show off their life together.
Disclaimer: Don't own...
Comments: I guess I’ve been neglecting two of my favorite men lately, so I bring you this OS :) I miss writing these two so much and I’ll try to do more of it!!!
Reaching for Shadows
The door opened with a small click and he stepped inside slowly. He was almost amazed that his key still worked, but there had yet to be a time that it didn’t, even though in the back of his mind he knew it would be better if it didn’t. There was a small shadow covering half of the room cause by the half open drapes. He sighed and let himself in to the apartment. It had been a long time since he had been there, a long time since he wanted to. But as soon as he closed the door behind him, it seemed like he had never left.
His old apartment, their old apartment was not a place he liked to return to. So many memories filled the motionless rooms. A thin layer of dust had settle on the surfaces, giving a translucent look to the objects that had once been collected and set up by the two of them to show off their life together.
He sighed as he took a seat on the somewhat worn wood of the window sill, distorted by time and the light that constantly shone on it. It was in the place that he had sat and smiled as the world unknowingly burned down. The place where the news of the end of time first made it’s way to his ears traveling on unseen channels on ultrasonic frequencies through the air from one cell phone to another. Invisible particles that managed the break his heart and destroy him completely.
He had watched the dying evening light and still hadn’t moved as the red sun rose lighting up the room and displaying the broken pieces of plastic and metal that had slipped from his fingers to shatter on the floor.
He only came back here once or rather twice a year now, it was all he could anymore. At first he had come almost everyday until either Kai or Reita had to carry him because he was blinded by sorrow back to Uruha’s place where he was staying.
He had purposely left the place untouched, and even though he now had a new place he kept on paying rent on this one just so that he wouldn’t forget. Not that he could. It would be impossible to forget. But a part of him was scared to, scared of what he would lose if his memories all of sudden vanished.
Of course his heart might be whole again, he might feel like a person again, but even if he could trade in all the pain, all the suffering and endless nights of tears and cries, he doubted he would. He didn’t even think he could.
No, he thought as he gazed around at the forgotten corners of the room that were filled with just as many emotions as the places that they had made love on even if they didn’t stand out in his mind quite as much. Because the places that he had lost his favorite pen in or the place that he couldn’t reach when vacuuming so he had to seek help were just as important as the couch where they had watched old reruns of sitcoms that they had seen countless times late into the night before almost falling asleep in each others arms, their lips just barely touching.
He stood up and made his way down the hall towards the half open door to the bedroom. He only visited this room when he was in a good mood, or rather when he wasn’t feeling as sad.
The room was written with times that were too abstract for words and although he could only remember them it wasn’t by the specifics but by the intense, passionate feelings that could not be recreated with the clocks all spun around to turn back time because those moments were too perfect in the way they had first happened complete with imperfections and misplaced touches.
Words that were whispered even though they were alone, just so if the walls one day could talk they wouldn’t know the whole story and couldn’t speak of the secret emotions that could only be described by the look of eyes glistening under the moonlight that peeks through the clouds while rain falls and clouds cover the rest of the sky.
His fingers traced over the night table where papers with words written in fading ink were the only reminders that someone had lived life in the all but forgotten apartment. The sheets on the bed and the colour of the furniture showing that it hadn’t belong to just one person but two separate individuals who had somehow managed to find themselves and each other.
There were no empty spaces on the shelves, everything remain untouched since he had left still he didn’t dare to lay a hand on the bed where he had first heard ‘I love you’ whispered in his ear after he had evened out his breathing and pretended to sleep, just so he could make sure that those words were not in his dreams.
He left the room without moving the door or touching anything else safe for the feather touches he made with his fingers on the wall right underneath the light switch in remembrance of the last time he turned it off only to never turn it back on.
As he stood in the kitchen doorway and look ahead he saw himself in the mirror and swallowed when he realized that the only thing that had changed in the apartment was him. It had been years since he had left the apartment, he had gone through different hair colours and styles, different clothes, apartments, maybe a few friends, but the only thing that he hadn’t gotten through, the only thing that hadn’t changed was the love he felt, the love he still felt. It burned in his chest and it still twisted his stomach in knots although the one who he felt it for was no longer there. He would never be there again.
He blinked a few times in order to keep the tears that were threatening to come since he had left his car on the street to return to indulge in happier times, to pretend like the other man would still be there when he opened his eyes, but when he did open his eyes the only thing there was the still empty room and the barely there streaks of tears that now lined his cheeks.
He breathed in deeply before returning to the front door and putting his shoes back on. He glanced backwards only once over his shoulder, back into the past that he could no longer grab a hold of no matter how hard he tried. As he turned the door knob and the hall came back into view he wondered what it would be like if he wasn’t alone now, if he, if they could still live together in that apartment. He wondered it their relationship would have lasted this long or if they would have separated somewhere along the way, both of them becoming too different and having changed too much to be able to make it together. But he knew that they would have, deep down in the places that time and the rest of the world could not touch, he knew that they would have made it.
He stepped out into the hall, back into the world that no longer knew the presence of the single most important thing that he had lost, the one thing that he could not get back.
His eyes lingered on the door, his fingers raising to meet the wood touching it in a way that it almost hungered for the warmth that the place used to radiate, but maybe, just maybe it wasn’t the rooms but the person inside of them that had made the place home. He knew, it was impossible to fill up all the holes in his life, but now there was only one empty spot that was left and no matter how hard he tried, and god knew he had tried, he could never find something to take that spot.
He took his hand back, leaving ghost like fingerprints on the polished wood, yes, he knew that he was chasing ghosts now, he was reaching for shadows and yet he knew that there could be no shadows without light, and now that the light was turned off he had to try to find his way in the darkness. To live, if not for himself, then for the one person who’s life had been taken away from him.
He began to walk away his own shadow being stolen by the darkness as he stepped outside, but he was okay with that.
.:.My Fanfic Archive.:.