Lovino Vargas - 8th Bottle of Wine [Video]

[in_italia]

Hooooly.... FUCK!
[It's been months since he was last here. Well, from his perspective, at least. Over the ten days' absense, he had managed to completely forget about it and dismiss it as a dream. And now he's back, with a half-empty bottle of wine still in his hand from the celebrations he left. And he grimaces at the pocketwatch, dreading who

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[in_italia]

[The air feels tense, and he doesn't like it. He doesn't like it one bit.] Heated it too much, still waiting for it to cool down. [With a grumble, he pats Feli's head, feeling too nervous to do anything more.] Are you going to talk to me, or what?

[morethanpasta]

Ve~ I'm here, aren't I? [That sounded more defensive than he'd meant to, Feli realizes as soon as the words have left his mouth. He bites down on his bottom lip and peers at Lovi out of the corner of his eyes.] Of course I'll talk to you. Don't be silly.

[in_italia]

[Lovi rolls his eyes.] I mean are you going to explain this shit to me? Like why you get pissed off more easily? And why sex made you such an asshole? Maybe, while you're at it, what the hell I was like before that made you suddenly all fucked up with dealing with me now? [He keeps his voice carefully level, not accusing enough to make Feli too uncomfortable to answer. These are serious questions, not just things to nag about.]

[morethanpasta]

Ve~ [Feli hums and regards Lovi with tilted head.] These are many questions... and they're difficult to answer. [He sighs. He owes Lovi answers, but he doesn't have to be happy about it. So much for a quick dinner and hiding in bed, counting on the world being a brighter place in the morning.

Let's talk over dinner. [Feli grabs two plates and serves them generous helpings of lasagne. It's still steaming hot, but picking at the too hot food will give his hands something to do. Plates in hand, he hesitates. When he had cooked, he had hoped they would have dinner cuddling on the couch, but that prospect isn't very tempting right now. Yet eating in the kitchen, facing another across a table like strangers, isn't an attractive prospect either. Pouting a little, he leads the way to the living room.] Follow me. Do you even know your way around the house? I can show you around. Don't be surprised that the house is nothing like us, it was Austria's.

[in_italia]

[He follows quietly.] I kind of remember... I don't think I explored much. I just know how to get to the bedroom and kitchen. [This feels like stalling, and he doesn't like that. But whatever makes Feli more likely to talk, he guesses.]

[morethanpasta]

I haven't explored much, either. Mister Austria never liked me snooping. Every time I want to go exploring, I keep expecting him to pop up over my shoulder to berate me. I suppose it's our house now, but it doesn't feel like it.

[Stalling. So much stalling. But there is only so slowly you can walk to the living room without making it painfully obvious. He sits down cross-legged on the couch and pokes listlessly at his food. Stalling time's over. To quote one of Lovi's favourite words: fuck.]

Your first question was why I get more easily upset, wasn't it? [He sighs and gazes solemnly at Lovi.] Lovi, we've been together since September. It's been like this. [He waves his fork around.] Like today.

[in_italia]

[Lovi sits on the arm of the couch to eat. Why? Because Austria wouldn't have been impressed, partly. But mostly because anywhere else on the couch is relatively close to Feli. He can move down when he's comfortable again.]

All three months, huh...? [He can't say he's surprised. That doesn't stop him from feeling a little guilty.] Shit... so the other two answers are related, aren't they?

[morethanpasta]

Not that it's all bad! [He's suddenly feeling an urge of protectiveness for his relationship, flawed as it is. So he hastens to reassure, voice high-pitched from anxiety.] It's not! I said like today and there were good things today, there were, weren't there? Like all the times you let me cuddle you and kissed me and when you told me that you love me and after you woke up from your nap, you were so cute... You should get drunk more often if hangovers make you like that! It's just... [He stuffs a mouthful of lasagne into his mouth and chews thoughtfully.] We're always swinging back and forth between good and bad. It's nerve-wrecking! And I've been here since June, you since July... many things have happened. I know it's funny saying that because it's not a long time for us, but it is a long time here. [More poking at the lasagne.] I changed. I don't like myself all that much, either.

[in_italia]

[Those comments about his hung-over self make him blush. Suddenly, he's very much interested in poking the lasagne to cool it faster.] 'M all fucked up when I'm drunk, though. And I'm not fucking cute, damnit. Ever. [He grumbles and forces his tone from indignant to somber.] Yeah.. we've both beat the crap out of each other, accident or not... that counts as lots of shit happening. Fuck knows why I haven't stopped loving you yet, huh? [Well that suddenly seems like a stupid thing to say. Grumble grumble...]

[morethanpasta]

[Feli flinches visibly. He takes a deep breath and makes a conscious effort not to get emotional - or irritable, as has been the case increasingly lately.] Ve~ a relationship is hard work! You can't expect it to be easy. I didn't understand that at first. I thought it would solve all our problems. [He sighs.] I know better now. [Well, that sounded a little bitter.]

[in_italia]

[This is bordering on a stupid argument again, and he's not good at watching his mouth. Sigh.] So it fucked some shit up. That's bound to happen. And I'm pretty sure we're the only ones thinking this'll work, right? [And it sounds like Feli isn't even that sure.] I remember... the wine bastard bugged me a lot to "let you go back to Germany" because you "belonged with him" or some shit like that. Is that why you got pissed when I mentioned him? [Lovi trusts himself to get overly jealous when someone mentions Feli around Germany in general, fuck when they mention a relationship between them.]

[morethanpasta]

I don't! [He scowls at his lasagne and stabs it as if it had offended him personally.] No one has a right to decide who I belong with! [He looks up to shoot Lovi a sharp look.] Francis is just worried. He used to support us, you know, but that was before you beat me up out of stupid jealousy! [He takes a deep, calming breath. He's doing a lot of that lately.] I'm sorry. I'm just so frustrated. Every big fight we've ever had was about Germany. And don't say that's proof I shouldn't see him anymore!

[in_italia]

That's p-- [Fuck. He was about to say that. Now it's his turn to stab his lasagna.] Fuck him, he's not worth fighting over. I... I remember beating you up. Everything else is all foggy, but I remember beating you up. [His voice is hesitant, he doesn't really want to talk about it, but if they're going to be looking at reality for a while...] I just got scared... When you're with Germany, and when I think about you and Germany, I get so fucking scared... And I... fuck, I'm an idiot when I'm scared... [Nope, turns out he can't talk about it. Telling Feli just how fucked up his logic is, and how much he was thinking like a nation instead of like a person. Yeah no, he can't say that.]

[morethanpasta]

[Feli stares at him wide-eyed. Lovi may not realize it, but he's just admitted far more than he ever did before and suddenly, things that have left him puzzled and frustrated for months are beginning to make horrible sense. His stomach clenches painfully. He abandons his plate on the table and moves right to the edge of the couch, next to where Lovi is perched. He needs to be close to him, needs it so much that it hurts.] It's okay being scared, I know that it makes you do stupid things. But I'm with you... I wish you would start trusting yourself. [He reaches out tentatively for Lovi's hand, but hesitates to touch him, not quite certain that Lovi will permit it.]

[in_italia]

[Lovi stalls for just a second by leaning over to place his plate on the edge of the table, before taking Feli's hand and holding it loosely just because it seems stupid to squeeze it like he wants to.] Trusting people means they can hurt you. [And will hurt you.] Like fuck am I going to trust myself.

[morethanpasta]

[Feli has never cared all that much about looking stupid, so he squeezes Lovi's hand. He leans against him with a little coo.] Of course it hurts. Love is painful and it doesn't always have a happy end. You would never believe how much I've cried for my Holy Roman. But you have to take the bad, too, if you want to have the good.