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[bewaeltigung]

Germany seemed thoughtful, calculated, and just flat out bewildered. He wandered around the city a bit aimlessly trying to process what he'd heard. He got on his communicator, seeking some sort of help... but who exactly could he call upon? Maybe an anonymous comment might bring up something

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Ludwig... [Feliciano's voice is small and trembling.]

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Ve~ [He furrowed his brows slightly and remained silent as he tried to make some sense of all these conflicting feelings so he could put them into words. It was difficult, though, there was so much joy, so much pain and it was all mixed up together.]

I'm sorry because... [He took a deep breath. Starting at the beginning sounded like a good plan.] Because I didn't believe in you, I guess. I didn't trust you. I thought you didn't want to remember me. You never spoke of the past... [He met Ludwig's eyes for just a moment, then ducked his head shyly.] Or of us...

[Does he know that Holy Roman and he used to be in love? He doesn't know how to ask, so he decides not to. Suddenly, Italy laughs through the tears still running down his face and that just makes him cling all the harder to Ludwig. Talking to Ludwig as Holy Roman makes him feel shy and hesitant again, just like he used to be as little Chibitalia.]

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[He felt guilty for not remembering all of it, or really, hardly any of it. Italy's hurt was a lot to take, and that surprised him. It hurt to see him hurt and again, that tiny part of him that reacted so strangely to Italy when he was seen with Romano... it was full of self loathing now. He had to fix this somehow. Luckily for him he was aware of his and chibitalia's relationship. He didn't remember it but France had said something to that effect. And he knew what kind of person he was...]

Nein... I vould never vant to forget somezing like zat, Italy. [He hadn't remembered his past but he knew how he would handle things hypothetically. Most things he dealt with as serious issues and love would be no different. It required diligence, commitment, organization, and communication... which was also a lot like building a bridge or planning a business meeting. That's... just how he looked at things. He wasn't a romantic but at least he could be upfront. At least as long as he didn't think too much about the romance aspect.]

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(He hugged him impulsively again and fought bravely, though uselessly, against his tears.)
I'm glad. I'm very, very happy. All these years, I wondered if you couldn't remember or didn't want to. It hurt because I would never want to forget him... you. (That would take some getting used to.)

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[This is where it might get weird. He didn't remember being Holy Roman or being in love with Italy. He knew what France told him and that was it. Historically yes, he knew those facts. But that might not be enough for him to make it through this with Italy right now. But he'd try]

I am relieved. I can't remember, even now. I have... flashes of some zings... but not enough to draw anyzing significant from. I never knew vhat zose images in my head vere. I guess zat explains it. But I vould vant to know vhat happened. If I can remember zat vould be best for all of us.

[he thought about them, the random flashbacks he got. he used to think they were just him daydreaming so he squashed them before they distracted him from his work. But he remembered one. Picking a flower and putting it in a girl's hair... and then he remembered what France had said about
Italy]

...You used... to vear a dress?

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[Feliciano ducked his head with an embarrassed chuckle and nodded.] Ve~ I did, but I looked very cute in my maid dress! [He grinned sheepishly. It wasn't so much that he was embarrassed to have worn a dress as a child, he saw nothing wrong with it, but that he expected Ludwig to disapprove.]

[He turned quickly serious again and sighed softly, cuddling against Ludwig again.] It's alright if you don't remember. [That was something of a lie. It hurt. But it wasn't Ludwig's fault, after all.] You don't have to feel obligated to remember... or to be him, you know? I don't expect that of you. We both live very different lives now from the children we used to be. [He couldn't quite keep the wistfulness out of his voice and flinched with guilt as he heard it.] But! That is good. Different is good. I'm happy and you will be, too, once you stop being sad about the war. We're friends now.

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[Well Austria put him in it so if anything he was a bit disapproving of how well Roderick can discern gender. Other than that, he listened and he felt a wave of relief. He was being given time to sort this out with no obligation. Goodness, Italy for once was being a reasonable ally. He was beyond grateful.]

I... danke Italy.

Unt you are...happy now? [With that idiot? Really?]

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(He beamed, relieved that Ludwig seemed to be less burdened. When he asked if he was happy however, his smile faltered uncertainly.)

Ve- Lovi tries his best. It's difficult for both öf us, but we manage. He makes me happy often.

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I vill be honest, I do not like ze vay he treats you. [He was a bit stern in tone]

Love shouldn't be difficult. [He has to talk about it right now as if it was simply business. That's all. That is the only way he won't burst into a blushing, awkward, withdrawn German] Or abusive.

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[Feliciano squirms around a bit until he sat properly on Ludwig's lap. Not letting go of him yet, nope. He sighed poutily.] I don't know. Love has always been difficult for me! So difficult... and not very lucky. [He smiled fondly at Ludwig, hastening to reassure him.] But that's alright, because it's worth all the troubles! I never regretted falling for Holy Roman, though I cried many tears for him.

I won't lie, Lovino makes me cry, too. But he makes me very happy, too. [He was silent for a moment before he continued in a very soft voice.] I make him cry, too.

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[And Ludwig was okay with that for now, him sitting there. At least he was going to act like he was. He knew Feliciano would probably not move even if he told him to. He was good at not listening.]

I am glad you don't...regret me.

I make you cry too.

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[morethanpasta]

[He tilted his head to the side and regarded him with a thoughtful little smile on his lips.]

You do. But that is what happens. When we let ourselves love someone, we take the risk that they'll hurt us. I know that love is worth the pain.

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[And then it hit him... Italy was still in love with him. And... he had no plan]

I...I don't know vhat to say.

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(He blinked, hopelessly confused by Ludwig's reaction.)

Ve?

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[After some deliberation, Feliciano decided that it probably wasn't all that important. Ludwig could be odd at times. Like when he got flustered over the silliest things - or upset about perfectly reasonable behaviour like siestas and wanting to eat pasta in the desert