Comments | rt_challenge: All That I Am / part 2 (prompt 10)

shimotsuki in rt_challenge

All That I Am / part 2 (prompt 10)

Mar 11, 2008 23:15

Title: All That I Am (part 2 of 4)
Author: shimotsuki
Format & Word Count: Fic installment, 1193 words
Rating: PG
Prompt: 10, awake
Warning: mild profanity
Summary: Remus makes the choice to go home again, but now he must convince Tonks that he is home for good. What can he possibly say this time, if even wedding vows were not enough?
Author's Note: ( Read more... )

shimotsuki, prompt 10

Comments 17

bookish_brownie March 12 2008, 03:51:50 UTC

Well done! This is really close to how I imagine their reunion going. It makes sense for Tonks to feel betrayed after Remus promised to be with her, and it would take time to rebuild that trust. But I also like your sense of hope at the end, that they will eventually regain what they've lost.

shimotsuki March 12 2008, 15:28:56 UTC

It makes sense for Tonks to feel betrayed after Remus promised to be with her

Agreed! It's one thing for him to refuse to marry her in the first place, but something else entirely for him to marry her and then leave again.

Thanks very much for the comment -- I'm happy to hear you're enjoying this.

fthpfthpfthp March 12 2008, 05:07:25 UTC

I can just picture them both sleeping on opposite edges of the bed. The way you describe it ("like a wall between us") puts the tender closeness of the ending into stark contrast against their earlier awkward coolness.

...But she does not let go. So neither do I.

*sigh*

shimotsuki March 12 2008, 15:43:58 UTC

Thanks for the comment -- I'm glad to hear that the contrast I was going for in the last scene came through. Tonks's defenses are down when she's asleep, so what she's really feeling seeps out: her need for Remus, and her fear that he will leave again.

philotic_net March 12 2008, 07:30:47 UTC

I love that you decided to do this in parts because it would take time for them to rebuild after what they went through. I love Dora's attitude in this. She loves him so much but the trust just isnt there anymore. Ted and Andomeda's reactions really rang true to me as well. And Remus making up a bed in the guest room. so typical. You really have these characters down. Can't wait for the rest! :)

shimotsuki March 12 2008, 15:54:35 UTC

Aw, thanks for the encouraging comments! I'm glad the characters' reactions feel right to you, and that you're enjoying the story.

As for posting this in parts, I've been hoping that it would help build the mood (instead of just breaking up the thread of the story), but also, it would've been too hard to make myself wait for prompt 23 in order to post the whole thing at once. ;)

pinkhairedauror March 12 2008, 16:17:46 UTC

Oooh my! I really am loving this... (then again, as I was charged recently, I can be occasionally cruel to Remus ahem.) But I cannot resist the heart-wrenching beauty of them being so close... and yet so far.

WELL done, and I'm looking forward to the next part!

shimotsuki March 12 2008, 19:50:03 UTC

Thanks -- I'm happy you're still enjoying the story!

I guess you can say I'm being mean to both Remus and Tonks here, but ... canon made me do it. ;)

mrstater March 13 2008, 03:00:28 UTC

You continue to rip my heart out with this take on the reunion. I think what really makes this section is how sparse the dialogue and the internal monologue both are -- I really get the sense of how uncomfortable the situation is now, as if Remus is holding his breath and walking on tiptoe. I feel a bit like that as I read, especially when Ted came in ( ... )

shimotsuki March 13 2008, 22:38:31 UTC

Thank you so much for your lovely comments. (I'm sorry about the heart-ripping, but I'm glad it's doing its job. ;P) I'm especially glad to hear that the tense and uncomfortable mood I was going for came through; I wanted a contrast between the importance of "words" in the first part of the fic, and an awkward lack of words here.

he's there for as long as Tonks wants him to be (which must have hurt her, there in the dining room, because he still doesn't get it)
More on this coming in later installments, but it's actually an improvement, since at least he's stopped overriding her wish for him not to leave...

And of course the last scene is really lovely.
Thank you! I'm so glad you thought so.

I'm really looking forward to what's next, as things seem to be looking up for them.
The other prompts I'm using are 'compass' and 'whole', FWIW. ;)