(Untitled)

[bookish_brownie]

 Title: Death is No Parenthesis
Author: bookish_brownie
Format and Word Count: ficlet (?), 302
Rating: PG
Prompt: 1, cummings poem
Warning: just the tiniest bit of innuendo
Summary: Tonks comforts Remus after Dumbledore's funeral.
Author's Note: I'm not completely sure about this. I used the prompt sort of loosely. I would greatly appreciate any

Comments

[magic_at_mungos]

Awww, that was really sweet.

[bookish_brownie]

Thanks!

[merryb87]

I think you made use of the prompt wonderfully! Though I do think it got a little corny when Tonks quoted that bit in the poem, that and I felt it was something more Remus would say, but thats just me! Wonderful piece of writing, you captured that scene nicely.

[bookish_brownie]

Thanks for the comment! I can see what you mean by Tonks' lin; thanks for pointing it out.

[iamweebles]

I very much like the idea of Tonks giving comfort to Remus - I think you did well with the dialogue here, although I agree with gijane7702 that the way you introduce the poem doesn't quite flow. Perhaps something more like,

"I thought so. There's a poem Dumbledore once told me... something about 'life not being a paragraph'?"

"'And death I think is no parenthesis.' Yes, e.e. cummings."

She nodded, "It was one of his favorites."

"You're right. Dumpledore wouldn't..." etc.

I do think though that the piece would be stronger without the second paragraph. You have a lot of emotion here and I think it's better handled through the dialogue than through an expository paragraph explaining how she thinks he feels. I like the physical description - the tense shoulders and the posture - but after that, it becomes too much telling and no showing.

[bookish_brownie]

Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I do like your way of introducing the poem better; I'll keep that in mind if I ever revise it. Thanks again.

[shimotsuki]

I like the way this ties together several aspects of these two characters and their relationship in a handful of words: Remus still needs some space, but there is also a developing trust and dependence between the two of them; then, there's the resolve to go on fighting, and the way his little spark of mischief comes to life.

[bookish_brownie]

Thank you very much!

[huffle_the_puff]

Oh, wow, I like! I thought it was very well-written and I could totally see it happening in the book. xD.

[bookish_brownie]

Thank you!