The Rivals

[gilpin25]

Title: The Rivals
Author: gilpin25
Format & Word Count: Fic; 4254
Rating: R
Prompts: Prompt 21 - blue, and Prompt 27 - Toilet roll holder
Warning: Mild swearing, implied sex
Summary: It was too much thinking that had got them into this mess, so it was only right it got them out of it.
Author's Note: I hesitate to say yet another after-the-hospital-fic, but

Comments

[joely_jo]

Great. Really great. I was saying to someone just the other day that the difference between a great fic and a mediocre fic was the ratio of dialogue to description. I personally prefer it weighted on the description side, and you've nailed it perfectly here. A lovely read. :)

[gilpin25]

I'd like to claim that I carefully weighed up how much dialogue and description this required, so that I sound as if I know what I'm doing, but the truth is I just wrote what I felt it needed at the time, lol. But I'm very glad you think I pulled it off as there's so many post-hospital fics out there, and I had fairly firm ideas about what I wanted to do with this, even though I'd never really envisaged toilet rolls playing a part... ;)

It's great to hear you enjoyed it so much. Thank you. :)

[lupinsmoon12391]

I don't agree with Joely_Jo about description/dialogue, as I'm more a dialogue women myself. But, I do agree about this fic and how the description works for it. Longer than I thought, ha, but nice. Your Tonks and Remus mesh well, and by that I mean better than most, though it feels different, if that makes any sense.

My fav. part because I'm a pathetic romantic:

She looked at him. “But it’s a start, isn’t it?

His eyes were searching her face as though he was memorising a picture of this moment that would last forever, and he shook his head in wonderment and held her to him as if he would never let go of her again.

“Stay with me,” he said. “Always.”

[gilpin25]

Obviously I'm a pathetic romantic as well, because I'm so pleased you liked that part. I was very keen not to have the usual "I love you's" when that was blatently obvious anyway, but I did think they deserved a bit of emoting at the end after all they'd been through! (And after all I'd put them through, as well;)).

I'm also glad you think they meshed well, because I hoped it was coming across in that way.

Thank you very much for such a nice review.

[lady_bracknell]

I really loved this. In fact, I'm pretty certain I'd like to use the words 'best', 'post-hospital wing fic' and 'ever' (I might toss in a 'one of' too, just to curb my natural urge towards hyperbole where your writing is concerned ;) ), because you so cleverly avoided all the things that make these fics so awful to read and delivered something with a real emotional resonance

[gilpin25]

I'm thrilled you like this; partly because it was one of my 'must-writes,' one I have thought about a fair bit, and one I really wanted to get right, and partly because I got about three-quarters of the way through it, with too many ideas going every which way but forward, and thought it was never going to come together as I hoped.

One of the advantages of doing it in a one-shot is that you can choose your starting point, and I wanted to start with Remus, as shattered and rocked as he is in the hospital scene, and trying to justify what had happened to himself as well as her. I think people can say all they like but in the end only you can see for yourself that you're wrong - even if it's wrong for the right reasons - and I liked the idea of him literally talking himself into the ground while she just listens, because she is already past this bit, it's him who has got to catch up with her.

I suppose the main idea behind it all was that these two were floating along on their cloud of lover's invincibility, nfwbls referred to the "

[kileaiya]

Your descriptions are lovely as always, and I love how you incorporated humour into this rather serious fic. So often post-hospital scene fics can feel like you’re reading the same thing over and over but this was a refreshing and original take on the scene.

From nowhere came a momentary vision of a very old, thin wizard, with a long silver beard and hair, chuckling along with her, and then it was gone.

I really loved that bit, Gil! It was such a marvellous touch.

Bravo!

[gilpin25]

Thank you! I'm really pleased you enjoyed it, that it did read as a different take on their reconciliation, and also that you liked the line about Dumbledore - one of the things that annoys me most about the Tonks bashing that goes on is the oft-repeated remark that the pink hair is disrespectful at his funeral etc., and shows that all she's thinking about is her love life. All I can say is, not for the first time, they must be reading different books to me if they think Dumbledore wouldn't greatly appreciate that, as well as the fact they're together, and, hopefully, would also find loo roll humour something to chuckle at. ;)

*Ahem* I'll get off my soapbox now! Anyway, all that to say, thank you for such a lovely review. You know it's always appreciated. :)

[no_sweeter_song]

The descriptions in this are lovely and I also enjoy the change in time. It's also nice to see it this way, that even though they instantly sought each other out again, they were smart enough to realise that things weren't by any means perfect. It was beautiful.

[gilpin25]

Really pleased you enjoyed this because I had a few nightmares along the way that it wasn't going to work as I hoped it would. And, yes, I don't think you can put an arguement of that severity or that length of time right in the blink of an eye, or even a single conversation, but that this time around they both knew they'd got to work at and value what they'd got, because they also knew what it was like to lose it. So perhaps older, wiser and, eventually, happier? I hope so, anyway!

Thank you for the lovely review. It's much appreciated.