Prompt 11, Prompt 12

[devonwood]

Title: Leaving
Author: Devonwood
Format & Word Count: Drabble; 470
Rating: PG-13, T
Prompt: Prompt 11 (“I Never”-Rilo Kiley), Prompt 12 (Suitcases)
Warning: Language, vague sexual references
Summary: It stung like something sickeningly sweet and bitter, dark chocolate, like fire and ice, like salt licking a recent wound.
Author's Note: I’ve jumped on the

Comments

[eshesh]

her heart had cried wolf several times

I love love love that phrase. And poor Tonks. Insecure and apparently absolutely right to feel that way.

[devonwood]

Thank you for the review. :)

I think Tonks needs a hug, lol.

[shimotsuki]

This piece sort of has two parts. The second part has great images -- the pain of memories, shower/cleansing/tears, "the wolf who cried man." I definitely enjoyed reading it.

But I can't help thinking how incredibly powerful it would be to let the first part stand on its own, ending with: He left. (Or maybe with the following sentence about her heart crying wolf.) The first part is so tightly structured, with small changes from stanza to stanza (yes, it's almost like poetry) that gradually grow more and more ominous and painful. It's beautiful. As vivid as the images in the second part are, I think that a version without the continuation would hit the reader with the impact of a large truck (er, lorry).

[devonwood]

Lol, I see what you are talking about. Originally, this was going to all be in "stanza" format, but my fingers ran away with me as I typed it up. :) I'll probably split this in half if I ever post it somewhere else, so that it flows like you suggested. :D

Thank you for the lovely review!

[lady_bracknell]

Like others, I really liked the idea of her heart crying wolf (which was a very nice tie-in and pun on her Patronus change, I thought).

I really liked the starkness of the begining, the brevity of it compared to the longer paragraphs at the end, as if Tonks couldn't quite bear to think about it, which was a nice way to give a sense of impending doom and a sense of Tonks' emotions without labouring the point.

Nicely done.

[devonwood]

Thank you for the wonderful review! :)

Tonks's mood transitions have always intrigued me; exactly how long did it take for her to finally realize that Remus wasn't going to come back? Or, at what point exactly did her hair turn brown? I just picked one and ran with it. :D

[jncar]

I like how he didn't break up with her straight away, because I think that in some regards, having the break-up be prolonged, sort of a dark spectre hanging over her, would almost be harder for her than finally having some closure. And you conveyed the emotion of that very well.

And I do like the rythym you establish in the semi-poetic part at the beginning.

And I like these phrases that you used: "her heart had cried wolf" and "the wolf who cried man".

Both phrases convey some very interesting ideas and emotions.

[devonwood]

Both phrases convey some very interesting ideas and emotions.

Thank you. I've always wanted to use a spin-off phrase of "the boy who cried wolf." :D

Thanks for the review!