(Untitled)

[bratty_jedi]

Title: Cut
Author: bratty_jedi (Rachael)
Format: Ficlet (~500 words)
Rating: All Audiences
Prompt: January 4 (tear (suggested by jesspallas)) and January 6 (tense: second person)
Warning: Angst.
Summary: The constant ache in your chest, the burning of tears in your eyes, the longing coursing through your blood, and the anger poisoning your mind are all far too

Comments

[molly_coddles]

I like this. The frustration with trying to 'straighten things out' - the gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair - is such a telling thing. Then the almost ritualistic cutting of her hair reminds me of the custom of grieving widows in some cultures. Yet she doesn't cut it all off...

Fantastic!

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks so much. I'm so glad Tonks' emotions came through clearly in her actions. I was thinking vaguely of ritualistic hair cutting, though not specifically of widows. Your comment about Tonks' actions in that light and not cutting off all of it makes the piece seem a bit more symbolic and makes me seem smarter than I am, so from now on I think I shall claim to have intended that all along. :)

[molly_coddles]

You are just more brilliant that you even know. ;)

[jncar]

I really like how you use the second person in this. Usually that pov feels very detatched to me, but in this piece it actually feels very personal.

The idea here is really unique and interesting. I never would have thought that her natural hair might be super-long because she never cuts it.

And using the hair cutting as a sort of admission of defeat was very touching. Plus, the idea of her going to get a hair-cut touch-up from Molly leads very well into the "tea and sympathy" scene.

Well done.

[bratty_jedi]

Thanks so much. I'm not usually a fan of second person and have never tried it, but I was interested in giving it a shot when I saw the prompt and hoped it would work with this. I'm so glad it did and you like it.

I'd never really thought about the hair thing either, but it seemed like a good idea when it popped into my head. It was one of those thoughts that just kind of made sense to me once it occurred to me. I did intend to tie in with the tea and sympathy. There's only, what, two weeks between OotP and HBP? That isn't very long for Tonks to go from pink at the train station to brown at the Burrow. Remus' mission and whatever emotional upheavals make Tonks lose her powers have to happen on a fairly compressed timeline so I try to blend it all when I deal with that week or two.

Thanks again.

[shimotsuki]

This piece has a lot of impact. I like the way you make Tonks indecisive about cutting her hair, seeing it as a sign of admitting defeat.

The constant ache in your chest, the burning of tears in your eyes, the longing coursing through your blood, and the anger poisoning your mind are all far too painful, tell you that you are far too alive, to match this listless vision hovering before your eyes.

That's a really good point, and one I don't seem to have seen made before. Maybe one of the reasons why Tonks has trouble morphing is because all of her energy is being diverted into her anger and her frustration. I guess I'd been assuming that her drab appearance meant that she was simply feeling numb or frozen, but now having read your story, I agree that it would equally well be in character for her to be feeling the kinds of things you describe -- at least at first.