LJ Idol Week 5: Build A Better Mousetrap

[rswndrlst]

Annabelle, Owen, Mouse

He hears the sound a split second before he hears her gasp awake. The unmistakable metallic snap of the trap he set a few days earlier without telling her.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers into the darkness. “I had to.”

“It’s not me you have to apologize to Peter.” Annabelle says softly.

He knows. He kisses her bare shoulder and hopes

Comments

[tonithegreat]

I like where this went! I'm so glad it didn't go anywhere dark with the Mouse persona, which seemed a possibility. I liked how you managed to explain a fairly complicated person and relationship while still having action occur, and you managed to keep it to a nice length.

[rswndrlst]

Thank you for such thoughtful commentary! It's interesting that you mentioned it going dark because many of my first starts were along the horror vein (probably because I personally hate mousetraps and even refused to google the topic this week just in case).

I am relieved to hear the length is okay!

LJ Idol Week 5: Recommendations!

[livejournal]

User kickthehobbit referenced to your post from LJ Idol Week 5: Recommendations! saying: [...] writes about a non-standard relationship [...]

[eternal_ot]

This was great work! I am glad you din't take a bye...:) loved the concept.

[rswndrlst]

Oh gosh thank you! I need to learn to trust my instincts and stop doubting my work will speak to anyone else.

[kajel]

I enjoyed this. Nicely done.

[rswndrlst]

Thank you!

[onda_bianca]

I wasn't sure what to expect at first...I kind of was thinking something creepy/horror but the way this went was a nice surprise.

[rswndrlst]

I have had other comments that said they thought it might go dark. I guess because in my head Mouse was never "scary" I didn't realize it could be read that way but I think I like that it adds another layer of suspense to the story.

Thank you for reading and commenting!