FIC: Boys Keep Swinging (Part 2) for epithalamium002
Title: Boys Keep Swinging
Author: midnitemaraud_r
Recipient: epithalamium002
Rating: (Hard) R
Highlight for Warnings: *Underage (6th year/16) sexual activities: wanking, frotting, and a wee bit of oral sex ; 'Colourful' language*
Word Count: ~13,000 *coughs*
Summary: With the full moon falling on Christmas Day, Remus plans to spend the holidays alone at Hogwarts and practise his abysmal potions work, while not-in any way, shape, or form-contemplating his attraction to Sirius. Fortunately, nothing ever goes as planned.
Author's Notes: See part one.
"I'm telling you, Prongs, it's not gonna work. We need more Billywig stings! Stop being such a stubborn arse already!"
No, his life would never be perfect, Remus thought rather bitterly, his face twisted in a grimace, but could he not have anything for himself that didn't somehow turn to shit?
"I'm stubborn? You're the one who's wrong! Look-If we can shoot them high enough in the first place, the Billywigs won't matter-they're just for effect in getting all the little explosions to zoom around in the patterns we charm!"
The last time James and Sirius had had one of their little 'disputes', he'd ended up with festering boils inside his mouth, and his toenails had grown four feet before he'd been able to administer the counter-curse, hampered as he'd been by the boils. It hadn't restored his toenails to their normal size, but it had at least stopped them growing any further at the time.
"That's what I mean! I'm telling you we need more to sustain it!"
Remus sighed, watching his two friends...loudly disagreeing. Both of their hands were inching closer to their wands, and his own hovered just over his own robe pocket, fingers twitching with impatience. He idly wondered what would happen if he stunned them both first, but knew it was nothing more than a fancy.
"Bugger this," Peter said and transformed, scurrying under the closest bed with an indignant squeak. Remus couldn't quite blame him; last time Peter had been levitated with such force, he'd slammed into the ceiling, fallen, and broken his nose, collarbone and leg. Luckily, Madam Pomfrey had taken pity on them both.
Sirius was pointing his finger in James' face, then down at the simmering cauldron and back at James in quick succession, stabbing it in the air to emphasize his point. Remus wasn't even listening anymore.
He was still exhausted, even though he'd spent most of the entire day yesterday sleeping or resting in his bed. His friends had brought him food and drink, though he hadn't had much appetite and had merely nibbled on one of Mrs Potter's mince pies. The moon hadn't been too terrible, but he had been more sore than usual. He'd been grateful that his friends had been there, that they'd sacrificed their own holidays for him. However, the moment James had returned, Sirius had changed.
Not changed-he was still himself after all-but his attitude had. He'd pulled away, aloof and oddly distant to the point of near skittishness at having any physical contact with Remus. It was as though the past week had never happened; James was back so Remus could go bugger off now, thanks. It was even worse, because Sirius had never avoided him like this before, no matter how badly he'd cocked something up.
Last night, in the loo, he'd been cleaning his teeth. Sirius had gone to have a shower, and James and Peter had yawned and gone off to bed, James eager to check that the potion was coming along properly, and Peter even more eager to browse the new grot mag he'd acquired while home. He'd waited for Sirius to finish, and had approached him quietly while he was towelling off, put his arms around him, and kissed him gently between his shoulder blades.
"Moony!" Sirius had hissed, swinging around and pushing Remus away. "Not here!"
"James and Peter are probably asleep by now," he'd replied, waving a hand absently toward the door. "I'm a bit knackered myself, but..." He raised his eyebrows in invitation.
Sirius had actually looked frightened for a moment, and then he'd straightened up, tossed his head, and said, "We can't. I can't. I...Look, I'm sorry, Moony. Good night."
And that had been that.
Sirius had barely spoken to him all morning, and ignored him completely while he and James fussed over the potion, and Remus and Peter used extra-thick parchment to make small tubes for the second phase when the potion had solidified. A prank was a prank, after all, and Remus wasn't going to shirk his part just because Sirius was acting like an Erumpent's arse.
Speaking of Erumpents, he eyed the bricks which concealed the door to the secret crawlspace they'd discovered last year. A flask of Erumpent horn fluid was currently hidden inside. The fluid had been diluted with distilled water and a few drops of murtlap essence to help combat its unstable volatility, but Remus was still wary. James had nicked it weeks before, a harrowing experience in itself. So far it had yet to detonate, but Remus knew it was only a matter of time, especially as it was one of the ingredients in the potion presently the subject of a budding row.
A sudden flash of light caused him to jerk his head back from his contemplation of pending Erumpent horn explosions. He hadn't seen who'd drawn first, but James and Sirius were both firing hexes at each other, ducking behind bedposts and curtains, and peeking out to fire again.
One of Sirius' jinxes came perilously close to hitting the cauldron, and Remus sighed, pulling out his wand and summoning it, along with the small burner beneath. These little battles weren't actually dangerous in a life-threatening way, at least to the point that neither of them ever cast anything with vicious intent. It was their way of resolving disputes when neither of them would yield to what they considered 'persuasive argument'.
More like they tired of listening to the other shout, Remus knew from experience. When victory could not be achieved with words, a more discerning method was required. Occasionally it led to fisticuffs, but that was rare indeed. Mostly, it devolved into a scene like the one taking place before him-a contest of duelling skill and sheer will: who had the best aim, who exhibited the most creative and artistic spell-casting, and in the end, who was the last man standing.
Remus winced as his trunk glowed briefly and sprouted leafy vines, and ducked as a bolt of blue light flew past his head. He turned when he heard a strange honking sort of noise, and discovered a purple spotted flamingo with a quill nib for a beak. He shook his head in disbelief and transfigured it back into a passable quill, though it still had purple spots and twitched on the dresser, honking. He turned back, levitating the cauldron with the intention of moving it further out of the way.
Half the room was squawking, flashing, or otherwise misshapen in some way, and they still hadn't landed any significant hexes on each other. Still, they were both grinning madly, trading jaunty insults, and Remus really should have known better.
Sirius and James both popped out from their respective cover, James firing mere seconds before Sirius. Sirius stumbled as his feet transformed into gravy boats or soup tureens-it was hard for Remus to tell from his current vantage point, James' usual artistry apparently sacrificed in favour of speed-and fell forward as he fired back, unable to keep his balance. His hex struck James directly in his groin.
James froze, eyes wide, and wriggled his hips, shaking his leg as though trying to dislodge something, a deep frown on his face. There was a sound of ripping cloth, and a set of two small, pronged antlers poked through his robes, ash brown and very pointy. He let out a screech and pointed his wand at them, shrieking, "Get 'em off!" and frantically casting spells to try to vanish them, but only succeeded in making them larger and turning them green.
"What did you do to my knob?" he howled. "Black, you bastard!"
Sirius, trying to stand and discovering it impossible with his feet in their present form, had pulled himself up and was sat on the edge of Peter's bed shaking, his eyes tearing, mouth twisted and tremulous as he obviously struggled not to laugh.
Remus stared wide-eyed and incredulous, also struggling to contain bubbling laughter that tickled in his throat. He swallowed thickly and covered his mouth with his hand, but the hand holding his wand was shaking so badly, the cauldron bobbed up and down before him like it was hiccupping. Wormtail poked his head out from under the bed between Sirius' legs and squeaked with amusement, nose and whiskers twitching.
There was a thunder of footsteps on the stairs, and as the first fist pounded on the door-Giddings shouting for them to "open the fucking door now, you bastards!"-Sirius burst out laughing, pounding the bed with one hand and howling.
James narrowed his eyes. "That's it, you arsewipe," he said, raised his wand, and fired a spell at Sirius.
Peter squeaked loudly and ducked back under the bed, but Sirius had apparently been ready for retaliation. Wand held fast in his grip, he raised it and yelled, "Protego!"
Remus gaped as James' spell deflected, and a feeling a dread stole over him. The cauldron hovered directly in front of him. He pushed his hand out in front of him to shield his face and shied back, closing his eyes against the inevitable. Oh, Bloody He-
Remus stood frozen in place as the world ended around him in a booming, fiery, glittery ball of red and gold sparkles.
"Remus!" James yelled, apparently forgetting his temporary disfigurement. "What the hell did you do to my potion?"
Remus stared at him, blinking watery eyes through a haze of smoke and sparkles, completely speechless, mouth working silently. He realised rather gratefully that he still had both of his eyes and his mouth, and, it would seem as he peered down, his nose, too. Ears as well, though there was an incessant ringing in them, and James' voice had sounded like it had come from very far away. He raised a hesitant hand to his groin and sighed in relief.
Granted, when potions exploded it was usually his fault, but not this time. He'd never been in the middle of an explosion like that. It hadn't hurt-much. Some of the sparklers had stung where they'd touched bare skin, and he had several red splotches on the back of one hand and the palm of the other, but mostly they tingled, dancing over his chest, arms and head like mad fairies.
James, Sirius, and Peter-who had crawled fully out of his hiding place and transformed back-stood watching the fading display with awed expressions on their faces, Sirius clinging to a garland-wrapped bedpost to keep his balance. The air above Remus was still popping with small detonations, which sparked and glittered, and continued to rain down on Remus' head. Giddings had apparently given up his attempts to break down the door. Remus thought he heard muffled cursing coming from the vicinity, but that could just as easily have been the echoes of the explosion reverberating in his head.
He shook his head and blinked his eyes rapidly, noting something felt off, but not quite sure what.
"You were right, Padfoot. We need more Billywigs," James said rather clinically, ignoring the fact that his cock was still sporting a rack of green antlers which continued to poke through the rent in his robes.
"Hmm. Yeah. You think that'll be enough? Though I suppose we can always add an extra Levitation Charm to the potion itself once it's in the tubes," Sirius replied, tapping his finger against his chin.
Peter walked over to Remus, a sympathetic smile on his face. "You look like an owl," he said, reaching out to tentatively touch Remus' arm, then jerking it back as another sparkler fizzed and popped.
"Wormy," James called, "you'll have to make another trip to the dungeons."
"But-"
"Now. I need to get a new batch started right away. And see if you can find more Billywigs, especially the dried stings. That's the bit we really need. You still have the list from yesterday?"
"Don't forget the charcoal," Sirius put in. "Oh, and see if you can find any strontianite. I don't think the lithium we used is red enough, right, Prongs?"
"Stron-what?" Peter asked.
"It's a big reddish-brown rock, though Sluggy might have some already ground into powder. Remember we used it when..."
Remus sighed as James went on with his instructions. The smell of burnt hair was strong in his nose, and his eyelids felt kind of funny. He reached up to touch his lids, and balked as he felt stubbly ends where his lashes should be. Bugger me! Exploring further, he discovered the loss of half his right eyebrow, and the left felt a little singed as well, and as for his fringe...
He sighed again. "No, really, I'm fine. It's not like you should stop what you're doing and make sure I'm not permanently disfigured, or on fire or anything."
Remus glanced over at Sirius, who looked away rather guiltily. He exhaled strongly through his nose, touched his head to make sure he still had most of his hair, and stalked out the door, not bothering to close it behind him as he passed a gape-mouthed, red-faced Busby Giddings. The fizzles and pops had for the most part ceased as he walked stiffly down the stairs to the common room.
"Hey, Moony! Where ya going?" he heard James call, and studiously ignored him. He needed air, he needed quiet, and he needed to be as far away as possible from Sirius right now.
~*~
Remus considered going to see Madam Pomfrey, but quickly nixed that idea, deciding that with a little effort and a calmer state of mind, he could repair the damage himself. Unless an injury involved broken bones, spurting blood, gross disfigurement, or other serious spell damage, he preferred to wallow silently. He wondered if James would have to resort to her...'tender ministrations'. He laughed aloud, berating himself a moment later for thinking about James, because thoughts of James would inevitably lead to....
He clenched his fists. Damn and shite and bugger it all to hell. He was not going to think about him. Not even his name.
"I say, young man, you do look a rather serious fright," a portrait of a portly gentleman in a checked waistcoat said.
Remus ignored him, scowling at his ironic choice of words, and continued walking.
"Well! How rude."
He plodded down the staircase, past the third floor landing and the empty Charms corridor, his mind preoccupied but cognisant enough to remember to skip over the series of trick steps. This would be a rotten time to require rescuing, and with the school nearly deserted, it would likely be some time before any assistance was forthcoming.
Or perhaps not, he thought, as a gaggle of what looked to be first and second years, and possibly a few third years, from both Gryffindor and Ravenclaw bounded past him, bundled up in cloaks, scarves and hats. One boy yelped as his leg sank into one of the steps, but his friends grabbed his arms and yanked him out, laughing, and they continued on their way, not sparing Remus a glance.
He wasn't remotely dressed for it, but the notion of walking outside suddenly appealed to him. He reached the main hall and followed the students outside.
The blast of icy air was a bit shocking, and he fumbled to cast a Warming Charm. He finally managed a passing fair one and lit a small blue flame, which he held cupped in his hand. He'd taken about five steps when another gust of wind blew, dissipating both charms in its wake and sending a cyclone of snow whirling around him.
Going outside had been an utterly stupid idea! He clenched his chattering teeth, struggled to cast another Warming Charm, foregoing the fire for the moment, and trudged out into the knee-high drifts, stubbornness winning the day.
The younger students had gone off toward the greenhouses, so he turned in the other direction and set off toward the Quidditch pitch. He pulled the hood of his robe up, tugged his singed sleeves as far down over his hands as they would go, crossed his arms, and crammed his hands under his armpits, muttering under his breath.
It was stupid to go outside without proper clothing. It was really stupid to think he could get within five feet of a potion without it exploding for one reason or other. It was especially stupid to think his friends would show even the slightest sympathy to his plight, and it was monumentally stupid to trust Sirius Black with his heart.
He'd have been able to handle flat-out rejection, or at least he thought so, looking at it from this side of the equation. He'd never actually expected his yearnings to come to any kind of fruition, and after years of careful cultivation and experience, he was an expert at suffering in silence.
Another gust of wind caught him broadside, and the meagre remains of his current Warming Charm blew away with it. He cursed and cast another, his fingers so stiff that he couldn't let go his wand, even if he'd wanted to. At least he wouldn't lose it, he thought bitterly. He'd had Sirius for seven days, and lost him in the span of thirty seconds. Not quite a record-he'd lasted exactly three hours and one botched kiss with Maggie Holstrop in fourth year-but one he'd rather not lay any claim to either.
Those seven days had been dreamlike, and better than anything he'd ever imagined. They'd run about the school, exploring secret corridors and passageways exposed on the newly finished map, snogged in hidden alcoves, had it off in broom closets, supply cupboards, and a few of those secret passageways. They'd also found plenty of time to sneak out into Hogsmeade, and made Busby Giddings' life a living hell. It had been the most incredible week of his short life. He'd fancied Sirius for well on two years now, but it had only taken two days and eight orgasms for him to realise he was in love with the bastard.
He reached the stands and took shelter from the wind, casting yet another Warming Charm, and lighting another small fire in the palm of his hand. It felt nice as he held it up to his face, though he was careful not to lean too close. He could still smell his singed hair.
He was actually pretty decent at Charms, but for some strange reason, he couldn't quite grasp the complexities of Warming Charms. He was fine with them indoors, but introduce actual weather into the mix, and it all went to shit. Rather like his life at the moment. Perhaps it was poetic justice.
The impact, when it hit, took him by complete surprise. He fell forward face-first into the snow, his wand jolted out of his hand from the force of the collision. He struggled to turn over, grateful that the snow had cushioned the fall, but seized by a blind panic until he felt a wet tongue drooling on the back of his neck.
He rolled over onto his back, and glared up at the big black dog through slitted eyes. Padfoot bounded back and forth, barking with undisguised glee, and shook the snow off his coat, causing Remus to splutter and cover his face with his hands to avoid the onslaught, futile as the gesture was, considering his present condition. Padfoot trotted over and licked up the side of Remus' face, nose nuzzling at his ear.
"Quit it, you daft dog!" he scolded. Merlin's frozen balls, he was so exasperating! "What the hell are you doing here anyway? If you hadn't noticed, I left to get away from you lot."
Padfoot took a couple steps back and barked, dropping to his haunches and stretching out his legs before him. He lowered his head and whined, tongue lolling.
"You're damn right you should feel sorry," Remus said, turning away and scrabbling though the snow for his wand. His fire had gone out, extinguished by the snow, and his fingers were red and so numb he could barely feel them. A blast of warm air hit him, curled around his body as if coalescing into something solid, enveloping him and driving away the chill.
"Bloody show off," he muttered, returning to his search.
"Accio Remus' wand," Sirius said, and the wand flew out of a snowbank a yard away and into his hand.
"I hate you. I really hate you. Why are you here anyway? Just leave me alone."
"If I left you alone, you'd freeze to death, and how would I explain that to your mother?" Sirius said, nudging Remus' arm, and sliding Remus' wand into the pocket of his robe. "What the hell are you doing out here without a bloody cloak? You know your Warming Charms are shit."
"Ta, Sirius. Now go away and leave me be. Something, I might add, you were all too happy to do up until now."
Sirius cleared his throat, an awkward sound, and looked away, swallowing. "Moony," he said, "I...."
"My God, you're not going to apologise, are you? I don't know if I could handle that twice in one lifetime," Remus said lightly, silently cursing himself for being such a pushover, but he could never stay cross at Sirius for very long to begin with. He always forgave him, and the last time-and only time-Sirius had apologised with any sincerity...
Lost in thought, he hadn't seen Sirius lunge this time either, and before he could catch his breath, he was flat on his back, Sirius atop him, snogging him within an inch of his life.
Well this was...unexpected. Without thinking, his wrapped his arms around Sirius' warm back and felt the two separate warming charms merge, the currents shifting and flowing around them.
Sirius pulled back and sat up, straddling Remus' hips. "Shit, you're cold! And look at you," he said, a crooked grin on his face. He shook his head and drew his wand. "I'm tempted to keep you like this till we can get a photo. You look ridiculous, you know."
Remus narrowed his eyes. "And whose fault is that?"
Sirius laughed and flicked his wand, and Remus felt a tugging sensation around his eyes as new lashes sprouted. Another flick and his fringe crept down over his forehead.
"That's too long. Now it'll hang in my eyes even more," he said, swiping it back.
"I like it long."
"'Cause it hides my face better?" Remus said, wiggling his eyebrows which tingled as Sirius pointed his wand at them. "You'd better not grow those long, or even think about messing with them. I remember what you did to James' last term!"
Sirius laughed again, and bent down to kiss him between said eyebrows. He sat back up and looked at Remus, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth, and a troubled look in his eyes. He sighed. "I can't do it, Moony."
Remus stiffened, his heart thudding dully in his chest. Once had been bad enough. He didn't want to go through this again. He sat up and pushed Sirius off him, sending him sprawling in the snow. The Warming Charm he'd cast was weakening, and his toes were numb inside his soaked trainers.
"Just...Bugger off, Sirius. I can't do this anymore either. I'm not a bloody toy for you to play with when you're bored, and toss aside when you come to your senses."
"What are you talking about?"
"You. Me. Us. You said you can't do it. Then fine, if that's what it is, then that's what it is. I'll get over it, but just go away for now, okay?"
"That's not what I meant," Sirius said, sitting up. "I'm not tossing you aside, for fuck's sake."
"No? Did I just imagine last night? Did I mishear you not two minutes ago telling me yet again, 'Sorry, Moony, you're a nice bloke to hang around with, but the shagging thing is taking it a bit too far. I'd stay around for a chat and maybe a nice cuppa, but James is calling and I've better things to do.'"
"I never said that!" Sirius said, indignant.
"Not in those exact words, no, but it all means the same in the end," Remus said bitterly. "Don't worry, unlike the other, queerness isn't contagious. I'll see you later, Sirius," he added and got to one knee, making shift to stand.
"Would you just stop?" Sirius said, grabbing Remus' arm and pulling him back down. "Are you even listening to me?"
"My ears are still ringing, but I'm not deaf," Remus said, glaring at Sirius.
"Well then you're just daft."
"Last night you-"
"Bugger last night! I'm not talking about that. I know what I said. I was an idiot, all right?"
"No arguments here."
Sirius huffed. "I just...I mean, I don't know...It's-"
"Well, spit it out already, yeah? Before I freeze my bollocks off," Remus said, quickly losing patience.
"I can't tell James!"
"Tell James what?" Remus said, blinking in surprise.
"About us. About me."
"What, that you like boys? That you like me? Do you like me? You seem to like my cock and my mouth well enough."
"Don't be an arse, would I do...that with you if I didn't?"
"That? You mean sex, Sirius. It's sex. We had sex."
"Now who's the clever dick? I know it's sex. For fuck's sake, I was the one who had to make the first move because you just sat there gaping like a Plimpy!"
"I was not- " Actually, he had, at first anyway. He shook his head and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Fine. Why are you so worried about James? He knows about me, has known, in fact, for nearly two years, same as you."
Sirius rolled his eyes, and picked at his fingernail, putting it to his mouth and biting at it, then spitting into the snow. "I know. I was there that night. It's different, okay?"
"So it's fine if the werewolf is gay?"
Sirius stared at him. "It's-for fuck's-It's nothing to do with that!" he spluttered. "And besides, you're not gay."
"Oh, really? So I sucked you off Christmas morning for a lark, is that it? That time of the month?"
Sirius snorted. "I didn't say... Look, it's not... Oh, for-you're not exclusively gay, all right? You like girls, too."
Remus rubbed his temples and exhaled sharply. "What's that got to do with it? Does that make me less gay? I like blokes. I like you. I thought you liked me back. I'm not messing about with any birds, am I? And the one time I tried was an unmitigated disaster, as you well know. You teased me for months."
"Because I don't!"
"Don't what?"
"Like girls," Sirius said, his voice startlingly soft, almost broken, and bowed his head, toying with the hem of his jeans.
"Oh," Remus said, feeling rather stunned. "But you've...Oh," he said, understanding. He looked down at the snow piled between his legs, and swirled his finger slowly through the drift, his skin tingling as small clumps of flakes melted into smaller drops of water that ran in icy rivulets. The strength of the Warming Charm Sirius had cast had dwindled even further, and he shivered as an icy gust struck his exposed neck.
Sirius had gone on dates with girls, having far more success than any of them. Remus had seen him snogging a few of them occasionally, most recently Pippa Henderson, under these very stands after the first Quidditch match two months previous. But he didn't, unlike the rumours suggested, sleep around, nor had he ever had an actual girlfriend, at least not one he'd spent any significant time with. "I see," he said slowly raising his head.
Sirius looked wretched, worry etched on his face as if some ghostly hand had actually drawn it with quill and ink. "I tried, Moony. I did. But it's...I'm not...I can't...." He broke off, licking his lips nervously. "What if he..."
"He won't care," Remus said softly.
Sirius snorted again, and turned away, gazing out toward the Pitch.
"Look," Remus said, doing his best to sound reasonable. "Since the first day you met back in first year, you've done everything together. And neither of you can stand it when one of you does something-anything!-without the other, and then you get into a stupid contest over who does it better, and Peter and I end up in hospital.
"It's actually rather irritating how you hardly ever get cross with each other. Or when you do, it doesn't last more than a couple minutes. You can beat each other to a pulp, or hex each other stupid, and when it's over, you start laughing like a couple of loons and fall all over each other. Though if he had any sense, he wouldn't forgive you for hexing his knob earlier. Did you get it sorted or is he going to have to wear dragon hide gloves in order to wank for the rest of his life?
Sirius turned back and grinned at that. "It really was an accident," he said. "The cock part at least. But..." He shrugged, shaking his head and laughing. "The expression on his face was fucking priceless."
Remus chuckled. "It was, though I wasn't in much of a position to fully appreciate it at the time. Anyway, to get back to your dilemma, if he's forgiven you-which I'm sure he has because he has absolutely no sense and he always does-when he finds out, about you liking boys, I mean, he'll probably run out and try to shag Peter, just so you're not one up on him."
"You really think so?"
"Well, no, I think he'd probably draw the line at cock, unless of course he discovered that Lily...well, no, that's not even a remote possibility so it's not an issue, is it?" Remus said, waving his hand dismissively.
"Great. That's a help."
"When you found out I was a werewolf, you and James both thought it was fucking brilliant, and those were his exact words, too. You'd heard all the horror stories, you knew exactly what I was-"
"Most of that was utter bunk, and you know it."
"Yes, a lot of it was exaggerated or outright ridiculous, but the fact remains. I eat people, Sirius, or would if I ever got close enough, and you both knew this, and you didn't care. You think he's going to turn on you because you don't want to shag girls?"
Sirius squirmed uncomfortably, shivering. "My jeans are soaked through and my arse is frozen. Can we go inside yet?"
Remus sighed. "Pads, if it were reversed, and James was the one telling you, what would you say? Would you care?"
Sirius looked at him, incredulous. "'Course not!"
"Then there's your answer. After what-five and a half years is it? The two of you have been, and always will be practically inseparable. Sometimes I think McGonagall isn't quite joking when she says you share a bloody brain. He won't. Care, I mean. He loves you."
Sirius sat quiet for a few minutes, staring off toward the greenhouses now, where the lower years' epic snowball fight was still raging. Finally he turned back, wiped his nose on his sleeve, and got to his feet, pulling Remus up after him and dusting snow and crusted ice from Remus's backside, then his own.
"Right, let's go."
"Wouldn't you rather tell him alone? I mean, I'll go with you if you want, but I think-"
"To hell with James. He's too busy brewing the new batch of potion anyway, and I'm sure Peter's back from nicking the ingredients we need from Slughorn's stores. Takes three days to brew, you know, and then we'll need a full day to charm properly before we can load it into those tubes you and Peter made. It's four days till New Year's Eve."
"But-"
"Peter can help him with it. He knows what to do. I'll tell him later. And I will tell him. You're probably right. At least you'd better be," he said, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. "I can hex antlers on your knob if you're wrong, you know."
"Don't you even think about it, Black," Remus said, shaking his finger at him. "Then where-"
"Prefect's bath. Or a broom cupboard, or the bleeding Great Hall. I don't care. But we're going inside where it's warm, and I'm going to shag you rotten."
"Oh?" Remus bent down to tie his shoelace, which had come undone. If he was going to be monumentally stupid yet again, he might as well face it head on and do it with flair. And a lot of shagging. "The Great Hall, eh? Head Table?" he said, suppressing a grin and unobtrusively gathering a handful of snow.
"Hah! Under Dumbledore's crooked nose if I have to," Sirius said, rubbing his arms. "It's bloody freezing out here. Come on already."
"All right," he said, straightening up, and slinging his arm casually around Sirius' neck.
"Finally! And Moony, thanks, yeah? I know I've been a bit of an arse, and I-"
Remus reached to the neck of Sirius' jumper, dumped his handful of snow inside, and took off like a shot, laughing and stumbling in the deep drifts.
"-I'm going to fucking kill you, you bastard!" Sirius called after Remus' retreating back. "After I shag you!"
~*~
**End Notes:
1) The full moon actually fell on Christmas Day in 1977, which would have been their 7th year, but I cheated and took poetic license because I wanted to set this story during their 6th year. :-P And yes, it really was seventeen hours long, rising at approximately 4:18 p.m. (sunset was at 3:35 p.m.) and setting at 8:14 the following morning. Sunrise on the 26th that far north (using local Inverness time) wasn't until 8:59 a.m. Yes, I realise I'm a complete dork about these things, but there you go.
2) When Sirius tells Remus he's asking the wrong question, and proceeds to tell him the correct one-the idea for that bit of dialogue is rather shamelessly borrowed from Diana Gabaldon's Voyager, so if it sounded familiar, though worded slightly different, that's where my inspiration came from. Apologies to Ms. Gabaldon, but she's written so many hundreds of thousands of fabulous words, a few of them are bound to percolate and inspire.
Author: midnitemaraud_r
Recipient: epithalamium002
Rating: (Hard) R
Highlight for Warnings: *Underage (6th year/16) sexual activities: wanking, frotting, and a wee bit of oral sex ; 'Colourful' language*
Word Count: ~13,000 *coughs*
Summary: With the full moon falling on Christmas Day, Remus plans to spend the holidays alone at Hogwarts and practise his abysmal potions work, while not-in any way, shape, or form-contemplating his attraction to Sirius. Fortunately, nothing ever goes as planned.
Author's Notes: See part one.
"I'm telling you, Prongs, it's not gonna work. We need more Billywig stings! Stop being such a stubborn arse already!"
No, his life would never be perfect, Remus thought rather bitterly, his face twisted in a grimace, but could he not have anything for himself that didn't somehow turn to shit?
"I'm stubborn? You're the one who's wrong! Look-If we can shoot them high enough in the first place, the Billywigs won't matter-they're just for effect in getting all the little explosions to zoom around in the patterns we charm!"
The last time James and Sirius had had one of their little 'disputes', he'd ended up with festering boils inside his mouth, and his toenails had grown four feet before he'd been able to administer the counter-curse, hampered as he'd been by the boils. It hadn't restored his toenails to their normal size, but it had at least stopped them growing any further at the time.
"That's what I mean! I'm telling you we need more to sustain it!"
Remus sighed, watching his two friends...loudly disagreeing. Both of their hands were inching closer to their wands, and his own hovered just over his own robe pocket, fingers twitching with impatience. He idly wondered what would happen if he stunned them both first, but knew it was nothing more than a fancy.
"Bugger this," Peter said and transformed, scurrying under the closest bed with an indignant squeak. Remus couldn't quite blame him; last time Peter had been levitated with such force, he'd slammed into the ceiling, fallen, and broken his nose, collarbone and leg. Luckily, Madam Pomfrey had taken pity on them both.
Sirius was pointing his finger in James' face, then down at the simmering cauldron and back at James in quick succession, stabbing it in the air to emphasize his point. Remus wasn't even listening anymore.
He was still exhausted, even though he'd spent most of the entire day yesterday sleeping or resting in his bed. His friends had brought him food and drink, though he hadn't had much appetite and had merely nibbled on one of Mrs Potter's mince pies. The moon hadn't been too terrible, but he had been more sore than usual. He'd been grateful that his friends had been there, that they'd sacrificed their own holidays for him. However, the moment James had returned, Sirius had changed.
Not changed-he was still himself after all-but his attitude had. He'd pulled away, aloof and oddly distant to the point of near skittishness at having any physical contact with Remus. It was as though the past week had never happened; James was back so Remus could go bugger off now, thanks. It was even worse, because Sirius had never avoided him like this before, no matter how badly he'd cocked something up.
Last night, in the loo, he'd been cleaning his teeth. Sirius had gone to have a shower, and James and Peter had yawned and gone off to bed, James eager to check that the potion was coming along properly, and Peter even more eager to browse the new grot mag he'd acquired while home. He'd waited for Sirius to finish, and had approached him quietly while he was towelling off, put his arms around him, and kissed him gently between his shoulder blades.
"Moony!" Sirius had hissed, swinging around and pushing Remus away. "Not here!"
"James and Peter are probably asleep by now," he'd replied, waving a hand absently toward the door. "I'm a bit knackered myself, but..." He raised his eyebrows in invitation.
Sirius had actually looked frightened for a moment, and then he'd straightened up, tossed his head, and said, "We can't. I can't. I...Look, I'm sorry, Moony. Good night."
And that had been that.
Sirius had barely spoken to him all morning, and ignored him completely while he and James fussed over the potion, and Remus and Peter used extra-thick parchment to make small tubes for the second phase when the potion had solidified. A prank was a prank, after all, and Remus wasn't going to shirk his part just because Sirius was acting like an Erumpent's arse.
Speaking of Erumpents, he eyed the bricks which concealed the door to the secret crawlspace they'd discovered last year. A flask of Erumpent horn fluid was currently hidden inside. The fluid had been diluted with distilled water and a few drops of murtlap essence to help combat its unstable volatility, but Remus was still wary. James had nicked it weeks before, a harrowing experience in itself. So far it had yet to detonate, but Remus knew it was only a matter of time, especially as it was one of the ingredients in the potion presently the subject of a budding row.
A sudden flash of light caused him to jerk his head back from his contemplation of pending Erumpent horn explosions. He hadn't seen who'd drawn first, but James and Sirius were both firing hexes at each other, ducking behind bedposts and curtains, and peeking out to fire again.
One of Sirius' jinxes came perilously close to hitting the cauldron, and Remus sighed, pulling out his wand and summoning it, along with the small burner beneath. These little battles weren't actually dangerous in a life-threatening way, at least to the point that neither of them ever cast anything with vicious intent. It was their way of resolving disputes when neither of them would yield to what they considered 'persuasive argument'.
More like they tired of listening to the other shout, Remus knew from experience. When victory could not be achieved with words, a more discerning method was required. Occasionally it led to fisticuffs, but that was rare indeed. Mostly, it devolved into a scene like the one taking place before him-a contest of duelling skill and sheer will: who had the best aim, who exhibited the most creative and artistic spell-casting, and in the end, who was the last man standing.
Remus winced as his trunk glowed briefly and sprouted leafy vines, and ducked as a bolt of blue light flew past his head. He turned when he heard a strange honking sort of noise, and discovered a purple spotted flamingo with a quill nib for a beak. He shook his head in disbelief and transfigured it back into a passable quill, though it still had purple spots and twitched on the dresser, honking. He turned back, levitating the cauldron with the intention of moving it further out of the way.
Half the room was squawking, flashing, or otherwise misshapen in some way, and they still hadn't landed any significant hexes on each other. Still, they were both grinning madly, trading jaunty insults, and Remus really should have known better.
Sirius and James both popped out from their respective cover, James firing mere seconds before Sirius. Sirius stumbled as his feet transformed into gravy boats or soup tureens-it was hard for Remus to tell from his current vantage point, James' usual artistry apparently sacrificed in favour of speed-and fell forward as he fired back, unable to keep his balance. His hex struck James directly in his groin.
James froze, eyes wide, and wriggled his hips, shaking his leg as though trying to dislodge something, a deep frown on his face. There was a sound of ripping cloth, and a set of two small, pronged antlers poked through his robes, ash brown and very pointy. He let out a screech and pointed his wand at them, shrieking, "Get 'em off!" and frantically casting spells to try to vanish them, but only succeeded in making them larger and turning them green.
"What did you do to my knob?" he howled. "Black, you bastard!"
Sirius, trying to stand and discovering it impossible with his feet in their present form, had pulled himself up and was sat on the edge of Peter's bed shaking, his eyes tearing, mouth twisted and tremulous as he obviously struggled not to laugh.
Remus stared wide-eyed and incredulous, also struggling to contain bubbling laughter that tickled in his throat. He swallowed thickly and covered his mouth with his hand, but the hand holding his wand was shaking so badly, the cauldron bobbed up and down before him like it was hiccupping. Wormtail poked his head out from under the bed between Sirius' legs and squeaked with amusement, nose and whiskers twitching.
There was a thunder of footsteps on the stairs, and as the first fist pounded on the door-Giddings shouting for them to "open the fucking door now, you bastards!"-Sirius burst out laughing, pounding the bed with one hand and howling.
James narrowed his eyes. "That's it, you arsewipe," he said, raised his wand, and fired a spell at Sirius.
Peter squeaked loudly and ducked back under the bed, but Sirius had apparently been ready for retaliation. Wand held fast in his grip, he raised it and yelled, "Protego!"
Remus gaped as James' spell deflected, and a feeling a dread stole over him. The cauldron hovered directly in front of him. He pushed his hand out in front of him to shield his face and shied back, closing his eyes against the inevitable. Oh, Bloody He-
Remus stood frozen in place as the world ended around him in a booming, fiery, glittery ball of red and gold sparkles.
"Remus!" James yelled, apparently forgetting his temporary disfigurement. "What the hell did you do to my potion?"
Remus stared at him, blinking watery eyes through a haze of smoke and sparkles, completely speechless, mouth working silently. He realised rather gratefully that he still had both of his eyes and his mouth, and, it would seem as he peered down, his nose, too. Ears as well, though there was an incessant ringing in them, and James' voice had sounded like it had come from very far away. He raised a hesitant hand to his groin and sighed in relief.
Granted, when potions exploded it was usually his fault, but not this time. He'd never been in the middle of an explosion like that. It hadn't hurt-much. Some of the sparklers had stung where they'd touched bare skin, and he had several red splotches on the back of one hand and the palm of the other, but mostly they tingled, dancing over his chest, arms and head like mad fairies.
James, Sirius, and Peter-who had crawled fully out of his hiding place and transformed back-stood watching the fading display with awed expressions on their faces, Sirius clinging to a garland-wrapped bedpost to keep his balance. The air above Remus was still popping with small detonations, which sparked and glittered, and continued to rain down on Remus' head. Giddings had apparently given up his attempts to break down the door. Remus thought he heard muffled cursing coming from the vicinity, but that could just as easily have been the echoes of the explosion reverberating in his head.
He shook his head and blinked his eyes rapidly, noting something felt off, but not quite sure what.
"You were right, Padfoot. We need more Billywigs," James said rather clinically, ignoring the fact that his cock was still sporting a rack of green antlers which continued to poke through the rent in his robes.
"Hmm. Yeah. You think that'll be enough? Though I suppose we can always add an extra Levitation Charm to the potion itself once it's in the tubes," Sirius replied, tapping his finger against his chin.
Peter walked over to Remus, a sympathetic smile on his face. "You look like an owl," he said, reaching out to tentatively touch Remus' arm, then jerking it back as another sparkler fizzed and popped.
"Wormy," James called, "you'll have to make another trip to the dungeons."
"But-"
"Now. I need to get a new batch started right away. And see if you can find more Billywigs, especially the dried stings. That's the bit we really need. You still have the list from yesterday?"
"Don't forget the charcoal," Sirius put in. "Oh, and see if you can find any strontianite. I don't think the lithium we used is red enough, right, Prongs?"
"Stron-what?" Peter asked.
"It's a big reddish-brown rock, though Sluggy might have some already ground into powder. Remember we used it when..."
Remus sighed as James went on with his instructions. The smell of burnt hair was strong in his nose, and his eyelids felt kind of funny. He reached up to touch his lids, and balked as he felt stubbly ends where his lashes should be. Bugger me! Exploring further, he discovered the loss of half his right eyebrow, and the left felt a little singed as well, and as for his fringe...
He sighed again. "No, really, I'm fine. It's not like you should stop what you're doing and make sure I'm not permanently disfigured, or on fire or anything."
Remus glanced over at Sirius, who looked away rather guiltily. He exhaled strongly through his nose, touched his head to make sure he still had most of his hair, and stalked out the door, not bothering to close it behind him as he passed a gape-mouthed, red-faced Busby Giddings. The fizzles and pops had for the most part ceased as he walked stiffly down the stairs to the common room.
"Hey, Moony! Where ya going?" he heard James call, and studiously ignored him. He needed air, he needed quiet, and he needed to be as far away as possible from Sirius right now.
~*~
Remus considered going to see Madam Pomfrey, but quickly nixed that idea, deciding that with a little effort and a calmer state of mind, he could repair the damage himself. Unless an injury involved broken bones, spurting blood, gross disfigurement, or other serious spell damage, he preferred to wallow silently. He wondered if James would have to resort to her...'tender ministrations'. He laughed aloud, berating himself a moment later for thinking about James, because thoughts of James would inevitably lead to....
He clenched his fists. Damn and shite and bugger it all to hell. He was not going to think about him. Not even his name.
"I say, young man, you do look a rather serious fright," a portrait of a portly gentleman in a checked waistcoat said.
Remus ignored him, scowling at his ironic choice of words, and continued walking.
"Well! How rude."
He plodded down the staircase, past the third floor landing and the empty Charms corridor, his mind preoccupied but cognisant enough to remember to skip over the series of trick steps. This would be a rotten time to require rescuing, and with the school nearly deserted, it would likely be some time before any assistance was forthcoming.
Or perhaps not, he thought, as a gaggle of what looked to be first and second years, and possibly a few third years, from both Gryffindor and Ravenclaw bounded past him, bundled up in cloaks, scarves and hats. One boy yelped as his leg sank into one of the steps, but his friends grabbed his arms and yanked him out, laughing, and they continued on their way, not sparing Remus a glance.
He wasn't remotely dressed for it, but the notion of walking outside suddenly appealed to him. He reached the main hall and followed the students outside.
The blast of icy air was a bit shocking, and he fumbled to cast a Warming Charm. He finally managed a passing fair one and lit a small blue flame, which he held cupped in his hand. He'd taken about five steps when another gust of wind blew, dissipating both charms in its wake and sending a cyclone of snow whirling around him.
Going outside had been an utterly stupid idea! He clenched his chattering teeth, struggled to cast another Warming Charm, foregoing the fire for the moment, and trudged out into the knee-high drifts, stubbornness winning the day.
The younger students had gone off toward the greenhouses, so he turned in the other direction and set off toward the Quidditch pitch. He pulled the hood of his robe up, tugged his singed sleeves as far down over his hands as they would go, crossed his arms, and crammed his hands under his armpits, muttering under his breath.
It was stupid to go outside without proper clothing. It was really stupid to think he could get within five feet of a potion without it exploding for one reason or other. It was especially stupid to think his friends would show even the slightest sympathy to his plight, and it was monumentally stupid to trust Sirius Black with his heart.
He'd have been able to handle flat-out rejection, or at least he thought so, looking at it from this side of the equation. He'd never actually expected his yearnings to come to any kind of fruition, and after years of careful cultivation and experience, he was an expert at suffering in silence.
Another gust of wind caught him broadside, and the meagre remains of his current Warming Charm blew away with it. He cursed and cast another, his fingers so stiff that he couldn't let go his wand, even if he'd wanted to. At least he wouldn't lose it, he thought bitterly. He'd had Sirius for seven days, and lost him in the span of thirty seconds. Not quite a record-he'd lasted exactly three hours and one botched kiss with Maggie Holstrop in fourth year-but one he'd rather not lay any claim to either.
Those seven days had been dreamlike, and better than anything he'd ever imagined. They'd run about the school, exploring secret corridors and passageways exposed on the newly finished map, snogged in hidden alcoves, had it off in broom closets, supply cupboards, and a few of those secret passageways. They'd also found plenty of time to sneak out into Hogsmeade, and made Busby Giddings' life a living hell. It had been the most incredible week of his short life. He'd fancied Sirius for well on two years now, but it had only taken two days and eight orgasms for him to realise he was in love with the bastard.
He reached the stands and took shelter from the wind, casting yet another Warming Charm, and lighting another small fire in the palm of his hand. It felt nice as he held it up to his face, though he was careful not to lean too close. He could still smell his singed hair.
He was actually pretty decent at Charms, but for some strange reason, he couldn't quite grasp the complexities of Warming Charms. He was fine with them indoors, but introduce actual weather into the mix, and it all went to shit. Rather like his life at the moment. Perhaps it was poetic justice.
The impact, when it hit, took him by complete surprise. He fell forward face-first into the snow, his wand jolted out of his hand from the force of the collision. He struggled to turn over, grateful that the snow had cushioned the fall, but seized by a blind panic until he felt a wet tongue drooling on the back of his neck.
He rolled over onto his back, and glared up at the big black dog through slitted eyes. Padfoot bounded back and forth, barking with undisguised glee, and shook the snow off his coat, causing Remus to splutter and cover his face with his hands to avoid the onslaught, futile as the gesture was, considering his present condition. Padfoot trotted over and licked up the side of Remus' face, nose nuzzling at his ear.
"Quit it, you daft dog!" he scolded. Merlin's frozen balls, he was so exasperating! "What the hell are you doing here anyway? If you hadn't noticed, I left to get away from you lot."
Padfoot took a couple steps back and barked, dropping to his haunches and stretching out his legs before him. He lowered his head and whined, tongue lolling.
"You're damn right you should feel sorry," Remus said, turning away and scrabbling though the snow for his wand. His fire had gone out, extinguished by the snow, and his fingers were red and so numb he could barely feel them. A blast of warm air hit him, curled around his body as if coalescing into something solid, enveloping him and driving away the chill.
"Bloody show off," he muttered, returning to his search.
"Accio Remus' wand," Sirius said, and the wand flew out of a snowbank a yard away and into his hand.
"I hate you. I really hate you. Why are you here anyway? Just leave me alone."
"If I left you alone, you'd freeze to death, and how would I explain that to your mother?" Sirius said, nudging Remus' arm, and sliding Remus' wand into the pocket of his robe. "What the hell are you doing out here without a bloody cloak? You know your Warming Charms are shit."
"Ta, Sirius. Now go away and leave me be. Something, I might add, you were all too happy to do up until now."
Sirius cleared his throat, an awkward sound, and looked away, swallowing. "Moony," he said, "I...."
"My God, you're not going to apologise, are you? I don't know if I could handle that twice in one lifetime," Remus said lightly, silently cursing himself for being such a pushover, but he could never stay cross at Sirius for very long to begin with. He always forgave him, and the last time-and only time-Sirius had apologised with any sincerity...
Lost in thought, he hadn't seen Sirius lunge this time either, and before he could catch his breath, he was flat on his back, Sirius atop him, snogging him within an inch of his life.
Well this was...unexpected. Without thinking, his wrapped his arms around Sirius' warm back and felt the two separate warming charms merge, the currents shifting and flowing around them.
Sirius pulled back and sat up, straddling Remus' hips. "Shit, you're cold! And look at you," he said, a crooked grin on his face. He shook his head and drew his wand. "I'm tempted to keep you like this till we can get a photo. You look ridiculous, you know."
Remus narrowed his eyes. "And whose fault is that?"
Sirius laughed and flicked his wand, and Remus felt a tugging sensation around his eyes as new lashes sprouted. Another flick and his fringe crept down over his forehead.
"That's too long. Now it'll hang in my eyes even more," he said, swiping it back.
"I like it long."
"'Cause it hides my face better?" Remus said, wiggling his eyebrows which tingled as Sirius pointed his wand at them. "You'd better not grow those long, or even think about messing with them. I remember what you did to James' last term!"
Sirius laughed again, and bent down to kiss him between said eyebrows. He sat back up and looked at Remus, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth, and a troubled look in his eyes. He sighed. "I can't do it, Moony."
Remus stiffened, his heart thudding dully in his chest. Once had been bad enough. He didn't want to go through this again. He sat up and pushed Sirius off him, sending him sprawling in the snow. The Warming Charm he'd cast was weakening, and his toes were numb inside his soaked trainers.
"Just...Bugger off, Sirius. I can't do this anymore either. I'm not a bloody toy for you to play with when you're bored, and toss aside when you come to your senses."
"What are you talking about?"
"You. Me. Us. You said you can't do it. Then fine, if that's what it is, then that's what it is. I'll get over it, but just go away for now, okay?"
"That's not what I meant," Sirius said, sitting up. "I'm not tossing you aside, for fuck's sake."
"No? Did I just imagine last night? Did I mishear you not two minutes ago telling me yet again, 'Sorry, Moony, you're a nice bloke to hang around with, but the shagging thing is taking it a bit too far. I'd stay around for a chat and maybe a nice cuppa, but James is calling and I've better things to do.'"
"I never said that!" Sirius said, indignant.
"Not in those exact words, no, but it all means the same in the end," Remus said bitterly. "Don't worry, unlike the other, queerness isn't contagious. I'll see you later, Sirius," he added and got to one knee, making shift to stand.
"Would you just stop?" Sirius said, grabbing Remus' arm and pulling him back down. "Are you even listening to me?"
"My ears are still ringing, but I'm not deaf," Remus said, glaring at Sirius.
"Well then you're just daft."
"Last night you-"
"Bugger last night! I'm not talking about that. I know what I said. I was an idiot, all right?"
"No arguments here."
Sirius huffed. "I just...I mean, I don't know...It's-"
"Well, spit it out already, yeah? Before I freeze my bollocks off," Remus said, quickly losing patience.
"I can't tell James!"
"Tell James what?" Remus said, blinking in surprise.
"About us. About me."
"What, that you like boys? That you like me? Do you like me? You seem to like my cock and my mouth well enough."
"Don't be an arse, would I do...that with you if I didn't?"
"That? You mean sex, Sirius. It's sex. We had sex."
"Now who's the clever dick? I know it's sex. For fuck's sake, I was the one who had to make the first move because you just sat there gaping like a Plimpy!"
"I was not- " Actually, he had, at first anyway. He shook his head and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Fine. Why are you so worried about James? He knows about me, has known, in fact, for nearly two years, same as you."
Sirius rolled his eyes, and picked at his fingernail, putting it to his mouth and biting at it, then spitting into the snow. "I know. I was there that night. It's different, okay?"
"So it's fine if the werewolf is gay?"
Sirius stared at him. "It's-for fuck's-It's nothing to do with that!" he spluttered. "And besides, you're not gay."
"Oh, really? So I sucked you off Christmas morning for a lark, is that it? That time of the month?"
Sirius snorted. "I didn't say... Look, it's not... Oh, for-you're not exclusively gay, all right? You like girls, too."
Remus rubbed his temples and exhaled sharply. "What's that got to do with it? Does that make me less gay? I like blokes. I like you. I thought you liked me back. I'm not messing about with any birds, am I? And the one time I tried was an unmitigated disaster, as you well know. You teased me for months."
"Because I don't!"
"Don't what?"
"Like girls," Sirius said, his voice startlingly soft, almost broken, and bowed his head, toying with the hem of his jeans.
"Oh," Remus said, feeling rather stunned. "But you've...Oh," he said, understanding. He looked down at the snow piled between his legs, and swirled his finger slowly through the drift, his skin tingling as small clumps of flakes melted into smaller drops of water that ran in icy rivulets. The strength of the Warming Charm Sirius had cast had dwindled even further, and he shivered as an icy gust struck his exposed neck.
Sirius had gone on dates with girls, having far more success than any of them. Remus had seen him snogging a few of them occasionally, most recently Pippa Henderson, under these very stands after the first Quidditch match two months previous. But he didn't, unlike the rumours suggested, sleep around, nor had he ever had an actual girlfriend, at least not one he'd spent any significant time with. "I see," he said slowly raising his head.
Sirius looked wretched, worry etched on his face as if some ghostly hand had actually drawn it with quill and ink. "I tried, Moony. I did. But it's...I'm not...I can't...." He broke off, licking his lips nervously. "What if he..."
"He won't care," Remus said softly.
Sirius snorted again, and turned away, gazing out toward the Pitch.
"Look," Remus said, doing his best to sound reasonable. "Since the first day you met back in first year, you've done everything together. And neither of you can stand it when one of you does something-anything!-without the other, and then you get into a stupid contest over who does it better, and Peter and I end up in hospital.
"It's actually rather irritating how you hardly ever get cross with each other. Or when you do, it doesn't last more than a couple minutes. You can beat each other to a pulp, or hex each other stupid, and when it's over, you start laughing like a couple of loons and fall all over each other. Though if he had any sense, he wouldn't forgive you for hexing his knob earlier. Did you get it sorted or is he going to have to wear dragon hide gloves in order to wank for the rest of his life?
Sirius turned back and grinned at that. "It really was an accident," he said. "The cock part at least. But..." He shrugged, shaking his head and laughing. "The expression on his face was fucking priceless."
Remus chuckled. "It was, though I wasn't in much of a position to fully appreciate it at the time. Anyway, to get back to your dilemma, if he's forgiven you-which I'm sure he has because he has absolutely no sense and he always does-when he finds out, about you liking boys, I mean, he'll probably run out and try to shag Peter, just so you're not one up on him."
"You really think so?"
"Well, no, I think he'd probably draw the line at cock, unless of course he discovered that Lily...well, no, that's not even a remote possibility so it's not an issue, is it?" Remus said, waving his hand dismissively.
"Great. That's a help."
"When you found out I was a werewolf, you and James both thought it was fucking brilliant, and those were his exact words, too. You'd heard all the horror stories, you knew exactly what I was-"
"Most of that was utter bunk, and you know it."
"Yes, a lot of it was exaggerated or outright ridiculous, but the fact remains. I eat people, Sirius, or would if I ever got close enough, and you both knew this, and you didn't care. You think he's going to turn on you because you don't want to shag girls?"
Sirius squirmed uncomfortably, shivering. "My jeans are soaked through and my arse is frozen. Can we go inside yet?"
Remus sighed. "Pads, if it were reversed, and James was the one telling you, what would you say? Would you care?"
Sirius looked at him, incredulous. "'Course not!"
"Then there's your answer. After what-five and a half years is it? The two of you have been, and always will be practically inseparable. Sometimes I think McGonagall isn't quite joking when she says you share a bloody brain. He won't. Care, I mean. He loves you."
Sirius sat quiet for a few minutes, staring off toward the greenhouses now, where the lower years' epic snowball fight was still raging. Finally he turned back, wiped his nose on his sleeve, and got to his feet, pulling Remus up after him and dusting snow and crusted ice from Remus's backside, then his own.
"Right, let's go."
"Wouldn't you rather tell him alone? I mean, I'll go with you if you want, but I think-"
"To hell with James. He's too busy brewing the new batch of potion anyway, and I'm sure Peter's back from nicking the ingredients we need from Slughorn's stores. Takes three days to brew, you know, and then we'll need a full day to charm properly before we can load it into those tubes you and Peter made. It's four days till New Year's Eve."
"But-"
"Peter can help him with it. He knows what to do. I'll tell him later. And I will tell him. You're probably right. At least you'd better be," he said, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. "I can hex antlers on your knob if you're wrong, you know."
"Don't you even think about it, Black," Remus said, shaking his finger at him. "Then where-"
"Prefect's bath. Or a broom cupboard, or the bleeding Great Hall. I don't care. But we're going inside where it's warm, and I'm going to shag you rotten."
"Oh?" Remus bent down to tie his shoelace, which had come undone. If he was going to be monumentally stupid yet again, he might as well face it head on and do it with flair. And a lot of shagging. "The Great Hall, eh? Head Table?" he said, suppressing a grin and unobtrusively gathering a handful of snow.
"Hah! Under Dumbledore's crooked nose if I have to," Sirius said, rubbing his arms. "It's bloody freezing out here. Come on already."
"All right," he said, straightening up, and slinging his arm casually around Sirius' neck.
"Finally! And Moony, thanks, yeah? I know I've been a bit of an arse, and I-"
Remus reached to the neck of Sirius' jumper, dumped his handful of snow inside, and took off like a shot, laughing and stumbling in the deep drifts.
"-I'm going to fucking kill you, you bastard!" Sirius called after Remus' retreating back. "After I shag you!"
~*~
**End Notes:
1) The full moon actually fell on Christmas Day in 1977, which would have been their 7th year, but I cheated and took poetic license because I wanted to set this story during their 6th year. :-P And yes, it really was seventeen hours long, rising at approximately 4:18 p.m. (sunset was at 3:35 p.m.) and setting at 8:14 the following morning. Sunrise on the 26th that far north (using local Inverness time) wasn't until 8:59 a.m. Yes, I realise I'm a complete dork about these things, but there you go.
2) When Sirius tells Remus he's asking the wrong question, and proceeds to tell him the correct one-the idea for that bit of dialogue is rather shamelessly borrowed from Diana Gabaldon's Voyager, so if it sounded familiar, though worded slightly different, that's where my inspiration came from. Apologies to Ms. Gabaldon, but she's written so many hundreds of thousands of fabulous words, a few of them are bound to percolate and inspire.