Fic: Resolutions for i_claudia
Title: Resolutions
Author: cindergal
Recipient: i_claudia
Rating: PG13
Highlight for Warnings: *None *
Word Count: 1053
Summary: It’s New Year’s Eve, and Remus has made a resolution.
Author's notes: Written for i_claudia‘s prompt, “midnight snowfall.” I hope you enjoy it! Many thanks to my wonderful betas mommanerd and szandara for their great suggestions.
Remus settles back against the wooden slats of the park bench, grateful for the briskness of the night air. It feels good against his skin, which is heated from too much cheap Muggle champagne and a fair amount of embarrassment. He tips his head back and takes in the night sky, watching the clouds chase across the surface of the half-moon. A weight settles next to him on the bench, slender and dark and a bit too close for comfort.
"That didn't take long," Remus says, giving him a sidelong glance.
"First place I looked. You're quite predictable, you know." Sirius gives Remus that wry grin that always makes his stomach do cartwheels. "Well...usually.”
Remus nods. "Well, it's New Year's, and I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, as they say. Suppose I still need to work on it a bit."
"New Year's resolutions and all that rot."
"And all that rot."
They just sit there for a few moments, shoulders touching, before Sirius finally speaks again.
"You kissed me," he says.
"I'm aware of that, yes."
"You kissed me in the middle of James and Lily’s party where anyone might have seen us...“
Remus rubs the back of his neck. “We were alone in the kitchen. No one saw.”
“And then you apparated away so fast I was afraid you'd splinch something important."
Remus' mouth quirks at the corners as he tries not to smile. "Not very Gryffindor of me, was it? But I assure you I am completely intact."
The breeze ruffles Sirius' hair, and he pulls his robes closer around him. "And actually, you didn't just kiss me, you snogged me. Rather thoroughly."
And you snogged me back, rather thoroughly, Remus does not say. Sirius had been quite enthusiastic, as a matter of fact. Right before he shoved Remus half way across the room.
Remus sighs inwardly because he can see how this is going to go. Sirius will continue to deny that all those looks and constant touches that drive Remus to distraction mean anything more than friendship, despite the fact that not even James is the recipient of the amount of physical affection Remus must endure. He will continue to date one witch after another and continue to find imaginary fault with each and every one, no matter how sweet or smart or beautiful they are. And he will laugh off their kiss as the result of too much drink and a sentimental mood. Well, he'd be half right. Remus is in a sentimental mood.
Remus takes a deep breath. "The last time you returned from a mission," he says, "you'd been hexed so badly that you couldn't get out of bed for two days, even with Poppy's best potions."
"Remus, I'm fine..."
"Just let me finish. The last time I went on a mission, I had to talk my way out of being torn apart by the pack of werewolves I was trying to infiltrate. They thought I was a traitor. Which, of course, I am."
"Moony - what?!"
The look of shock and concern on Sirius' face makes Remus' heart ache.
"It wasn't just that one time, Padfoot. It's something every time. For all of us. It's war. Every time one of us goes out, I keep thinking, what if I never see you again? Would I be able to live with the fact that I had never let you know how I feel? Would I be all right never saying, I love you and I want to be more than just your friend? And it's bloody New Year's Eve and yet another year has gone by and I'm not all right with that anymore."
Remus doesn't know what to expect from Sirius after this revelation. Getting angry and apparating away, making a joke, or even turning into Padfoot - the perfect form of avoidance - are all within the realm of possibility. Sirius quietly staring out across the park wasn’t on the list. The fact that Sirius doesn’t seem at all surprised is a little unnerving.
"I'm scared," Sirius finally says. "I'm just...really fucking terrified. Of everything. All the time."
Remus nods. "Me too."
He sits back and uses both hands to push the hair off his face. "I don't...I don't want to lose you..."
"I don't want to lose you either."
"And I don't want to hurt you." He’s gazing at Remus with those unearthly gray eyes of his which are intense even in the most mundane circumstances, let alone at a time like this. "I want very badly to say the right thing, here."
Remus wills his heart not to explode inside his chest. "Just say how you feel."
Sirius opens his mouth, then closes it again. He shakes his head. "I'll just fuck it up." But he doesn't leave, and that's something.
The night suddenly seems darker somehow, and Remus looks up again, noticing that the clouds are gathering overhead, blocking the light of the moon.
"It's going to snow," Sirius says, inhaling deeply. "I can smell it."
"I think you're more dog than human sometimes," Remus says, and Sirius laughs. "But I think you're right. I can feel it." He shivers, the almost-January air no longer refreshing, but just really bloody cold. He can feel the ache in his bones.
"Well that's what you get for apparating away without your robes. Idiot."
Sirius unfastens his own robe and puts his arm around Remus, wrapping him in as much of it as he can. "Merlin, you're like an ice cube."
Remus relaxes against Sirius' side, taking in his warmth. Sirius has always been a source of warmth and comfort and love, and even if it’s not the kind of love that Remus was hoping for, he's grateful for it.
They sit there together on the bench, quiet for a few moments. The park is still and silent, and a gentle snow begins to fall - big, soft flakes that get caught in Sirius hair. And Remus realizes that he's staring. Sometimes it seems like he's spent half his life staring at Sirius Black, but this time Sirius is looking back. Somewhere nearby a church bell rings, and as the clock strikes twelve, Sirius leans in, his breath mingling with Remus'. "Happy New Year, Moony," he says. Right before he kisses him.
Author: cindergal
Recipient: i_claudia
Rating: PG13
Highlight for Warnings: *None *
Word Count: 1053
Summary: It’s New Year’s Eve, and Remus has made a resolution.
Author's notes: Written for i_claudia‘s prompt, “midnight snowfall.” I hope you enjoy it! Many thanks to my wonderful betas mommanerd and szandara for their great suggestions.
Remus settles back against the wooden slats of the park bench, grateful for the briskness of the night air. It feels good against his skin, which is heated from too much cheap Muggle champagne and a fair amount of embarrassment. He tips his head back and takes in the night sky, watching the clouds chase across the surface of the half-moon. A weight settles next to him on the bench, slender and dark and a bit too close for comfort.
"That didn't take long," Remus says, giving him a sidelong glance.
"First place I looked. You're quite predictable, you know." Sirius gives Remus that wry grin that always makes his stomach do cartwheels. "Well...usually.”
Remus nods. "Well, it's New Year's, and I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, as they say. Suppose I still need to work on it a bit."
"New Year's resolutions and all that rot."
"And all that rot."
They just sit there for a few moments, shoulders touching, before Sirius finally speaks again.
"You kissed me," he says.
"I'm aware of that, yes."
"You kissed me in the middle of James and Lily’s party where anyone might have seen us...“
Remus rubs the back of his neck. “We were alone in the kitchen. No one saw.”
“And then you apparated away so fast I was afraid you'd splinch something important."
Remus' mouth quirks at the corners as he tries not to smile. "Not very Gryffindor of me, was it? But I assure you I am completely intact."
The breeze ruffles Sirius' hair, and he pulls his robes closer around him. "And actually, you didn't just kiss me, you snogged me. Rather thoroughly."
And you snogged me back, rather thoroughly, Remus does not say. Sirius had been quite enthusiastic, as a matter of fact. Right before he shoved Remus half way across the room.
Remus sighs inwardly because he can see how this is going to go. Sirius will continue to deny that all those looks and constant touches that drive Remus to distraction mean anything more than friendship, despite the fact that not even James is the recipient of the amount of physical affection Remus must endure. He will continue to date one witch after another and continue to find imaginary fault with each and every one, no matter how sweet or smart or beautiful they are. And he will laugh off their kiss as the result of too much drink and a sentimental mood. Well, he'd be half right. Remus is in a sentimental mood.
Remus takes a deep breath. "The last time you returned from a mission," he says, "you'd been hexed so badly that you couldn't get out of bed for two days, even with Poppy's best potions."
"Remus, I'm fine..."
"Just let me finish. The last time I went on a mission, I had to talk my way out of being torn apart by the pack of werewolves I was trying to infiltrate. They thought I was a traitor. Which, of course, I am."
"Moony - what?!"
The look of shock and concern on Sirius' face makes Remus' heart ache.
"It wasn't just that one time, Padfoot. It's something every time. For all of us. It's war. Every time one of us goes out, I keep thinking, what if I never see you again? Would I be able to live with the fact that I had never let you know how I feel? Would I be all right never saying, I love you and I want to be more than just your friend? And it's bloody New Year's Eve and yet another year has gone by and I'm not all right with that anymore."
Remus doesn't know what to expect from Sirius after this revelation. Getting angry and apparating away, making a joke, or even turning into Padfoot - the perfect form of avoidance - are all within the realm of possibility. Sirius quietly staring out across the park wasn’t on the list. The fact that Sirius doesn’t seem at all surprised is a little unnerving.
"I'm scared," Sirius finally says. "I'm just...really fucking terrified. Of everything. All the time."
Remus nods. "Me too."
He sits back and uses both hands to push the hair off his face. "I don't...I don't want to lose you..."
"I don't want to lose you either."
"And I don't want to hurt you." He’s gazing at Remus with those unearthly gray eyes of his which are intense even in the most mundane circumstances, let alone at a time like this. "I want very badly to say the right thing, here."
Remus wills his heart not to explode inside his chest. "Just say how you feel."
Sirius opens his mouth, then closes it again. He shakes his head. "I'll just fuck it up." But he doesn't leave, and that's something.
The night suddenly seems darker somehow, and Remus looks up again, noticing that the clouds are gathering overhead, blocking the light of the moon.
"It's going to snow," Sirius says, inhaling deeply. "I can smell it."
"I think you're more dog than human sometimes," Remus says, and Sirius laughs. "But I think you're right. I can feel it." He shivers, the almost-January air no longer refreshing, but just really bloody cold. He can feel the ache in his bones.
"Well that's what you get for apparating away without your robes. Idiot."
Sirius unfastens his own robe and puts his arm around Remus, wrapping him in as much of it as he can. "Merlin, you're like an ice cube."
Remus relaxes against Sirius' side, taking in his warmth. Sirius has always been a source of warmth and comfort and love, and even if it’s not the kind of love that Remus was hoping for, he's grateful for it.
They sit there together on the bench, quiet for a few moments. The park is still and silent, and a gentle snow begins to fall - big, soft flakes that get caught in Sirius hair. And Remus realizes that he's staring. Sometimes it seems like he's spent half his life staring at Sirius Black, but this time Sirius is looking back. Somewhere nearby a church bell rings, and as the clock strikes twelve, Sirius leans in, his breath mingling with Remus'. "Happy New Year, Moony," he says. Right before he kisses him.