Fic: Turn the Night on Fire for such_heights

[paulamcg]

Title: Turn the Night on Fire
Author: paulamcg
Recipient: such_heights
Rating: PG-13
Highlight for Warnings: *smoking of unidentifiable grass*
Word Count: 1,173
Summary: In December 1978 celebrating solstice according to Lily’s idea means waiting for the sunrise and more.
Prompts: sunrise (and a first time, and a specifically Wizarding winter tradition)
Beta: The

Comments

[crooked]

oh, this is lovely! there is a disjointed feeling to the way you've written it, but i do not mean that as a negative comment at all. it fits with the hazy feeling of sitting around a hookah, thick smoke swirling around and giving everybody a high, whether smoking themselves or not. and the supporting cast is brilliant too! <3

[paulamcg]

Thank you so much! I’m so glad to hear about the fitting disjointedness you’ve felt here. Lily, James and Peter were high enough to steal quite a lot of the space in this small piece, so it’s good they work well enough for you.

[quadrant_of_sky]

Very enjoyable, with a poetic feel. :)

[paulamcg]

Thank you for reading and commenting! I’m happy you’ve found this poetic and so enjoyable.

[brighty18]

Jim Morrison now lives in my head. LOL.

Siriusly, though, this is rich and lush and beautiful. I love the fact that it all takes place in a few, short minutes in a single (long) night. The simplicity of the setting added a real richness to the layers of imagery.

And it was so sensual! Such a simple touch of skin to provoke such a reaction (both in Sirius and in the reader.) The back pocket, beneath the hem of his shirt. It was all very visceral. Oh, and my inner-stone must add that the imagery of the water and the mouthpieces was very subtle and satisfying.

But the best part was that, for a few short paragraphs, we got the pleasure of residing in Sirius' head. And he has such lovely observations, but of the present and of the bigger picture.
But why should we entice and welcome the delaying sunrise with humble flames on our palms when wizards have always been able to do better than that? I can’t figure out what’s behind the rumours that the Ministry uses non-humans in the war. Why not us? They say only gold is needed. That’s why

[paulamcg]

Jim Morrison now lives in my head.
I hope you’ve succeeded in banishing Baccara!

Thank you so much for your beautiful words of sirius praise. You make me feel that this piece can have some merit despite - or even due to - its smallness.

I’m afraid I’m addicted to doing my best to make my readers simply share a single character’s mind (usually Remus’s) and here I’ve included various thoughts about the Marauders’ and Lily’s lives, in addition to current observations, so as to paint a fuller picture around these few minutes. (Unlike my Remus - who’s a painter) Sirius perhaps words everything in a rather straightforward way, at least in this state. It’s reassuring to hear that the simple touches work so well for you

I’m so happy I’ve managed to bring some joy to your day.

[epithalamium]

I always like reading fics where the Marauders get stoned, but it's doubly fun when Lily's with them. :)

There is a lot of sensory details, as is usual with your work, and they balance Sirius's train of thought very well. I like it that as he jumps from one observation to another, the immediate scene around him changes as well. I agree with crooked that the disjointed atmosphere you have set fits well with what's happening in the story.

I loved, loved this line in particular: In the darkness he slips one hand into the back pocket of my jeans while wrapping the other one around the neck of the jar. because the small details, the way that Sirius pulled away but later leaned against Remus, shows us how they interact with each other in front of other people.

And of course, Lily proposes to James. :)

[paulamcg]

Thank you for the wonderful, detailed comment!

I’m thrilled you appreciate the role I’ve given to Lily. I could have dedicated all of this small space to Remus and Sirius, but it looks like my Lily’s the instigator to a lot of what happens.

You also make me realise that small changes keep taking place - even though I could have as well focused on conveying what Sirius senses while in a particular position (next to Remus). While there are some accurate observations (as much as a couple of almost simultaneous ones, like in the line you quote), Sirius doesn’t dwell on them, and there’s something like gaps, too - as if Sirius’s consciousness faded for some moments - instead of any longer coherent conversation, for instance. The characters and objects are in restless, not quite functional motion.

And yes, if there’s any point in this, it must be Sirius’s dilemma about how to interact with Remus in front of other people. I’m so so glad you’ve found here some fun and some balance, too!

[epithalamium]

Oh, I'm glad you mentioned restless, because I got that feeling too and I couldn't quite put my finger to it. Lol.

[paulamcg]

Thank you for confirming that restlessness was the feeling you got. It’s so wonderful to go on poking about in the story, inspired by these lovely comments.

[magnetic_pole]

A lovely, dreamy feel. And Lily working at Gringott's with an interest in goblins! I like that. M.

[paulamcg]

I tend to do dreamy in my short stories. I’m glad if such a feel works here, too. And so happy you like those features in my Lily. I’ve mentioned her choice of career (perhaps unusual in fanon) in an earlier piece of writing, and now it occurred to me that this could make her interested in goblins, who play some roles in Remus’s childhood and later life, if not in his early adulthood. (There are several references to my other fics in this small thing.)

Thank you for your lovely comment and also for running the lovely fest. It means a lot to a slow writer of a huge WiP that here a humble contribution like this can get an overwhelmingly warm response.