Fic: It Wasn't Over, Not Really for planetgal471
***
Moony let out a blood-curdling howl, crying out for his mate who had just been taken away on the back of a Hippogriff. His mate, whom he’d been without for twelve moons in each of the last twelve years, had finally come back to him, only to be snatched away again.
***
The morning after Sirius’ escape from Hogwarts, Remus put on a happy face for Harry and tried to assure the boy that everything would be fine, but at the same time his insides were tearing apart faster than he could get away.
By the time he reached the carriage that would take him to Hogsmeade so he could Apparate back to London, he felt as if he had been torn open from the inside. Old wounds, scars buried so deep that even he had nearly forgotten their existence, were torn open, leaving him too broken to Apparate without fear of splinching himself. Though, he thought morosely, he probably wouldn’t be able to tell if he had splinched himself or not, as he already felt as if he was missing vital organs and limbs.
With itching eyes and shaking hands, he entered the Three Broomsticks to travel home by floo rather than risk the inevitability of losing even more of himself. Rosmerta had looked at him with pity and ushered him into the backroom, informing him that the he was welcome to anything he wanted to take back on the floo trip.
Had Sirius been there, he would have immediately grabbed for a bottle or six of Firewhiskey, but it was the broken-hearted Remus who just took a handful of the shimmering powder and threw it into the fire before stepping in after it.
***
Remus spent the following moon cycle falling further and further into his depression, losing himself in the memories that had been awoken and drawn to the forefront of his mind. Memories, thoughts, and emotions he hadn’t felt in the twelve years since he had locked them away deep in his heart took over his body, pushing away calm, controlled Remus and drawing out impulsive and desperate Moony.
On the eve of the next full moon, even though Remus had been drinking the Wolfsbane Potion, he knew, Moony knew, something was going to be different.
Wolfsbane potion was not the miracle cure wizarding society believed it to be. It tamed the beast and allowed the human brain to remain in control during the full moon; however, the major drawback was that the human was completely aware of everything that was happening during the transformation.
Remus could remember the pain from when he was a child. He remembered his muscles aching for the two days leading up to and the three days following the full moon, but he was blessed not to remember the excruciating pain of the transformation in detail. As a child, when the transformation began and the beast took over, Remus was blissfully ignorant of everything that happened during the moon.
While the potion allowed Remus to remain in control of himself during the full moon, it also made him completely aware of the agonizing pain of the transformation, and thus was both a blessing and a curse. He no longer had to worry about what he might do, or whom he might harm, on those bright moonlit nights, and that alone was reason enough for him to take the potion.
But on that night, for the first time in his life, Remus wanted the beast to take over. He wanted the freedom that came with being able to forget everything, if only for a few hours. And that was how Remus knew that moon would be different than every other full moon he had experienced.
***
The full moon rose slowly, as it always did, calling to its children. It called to all manner of dark creature and wizard, inviting them to take part in the monthly rumpus. Remus could feel the pull of the moon, drawing out the beast with unspoken promises, and giving him free reign in the darkness.
In the pale moonlight, Remus screamed in pain while his bones elongated and twisted, tearing at his muscles and re-knitting them together to fit inside his new skin, until the human cries were indistinguishable from the howl of the wolf.
Moony was anxious and angry in the small house, but most of all, he was lonely. For one hundred and fifty two moon cycles he had been without his pack, without his mate, and he desired nothing more than to find them. To find him. The scent was light on the wind, but it was enough to tell Moony that Padfoot was close enough to find in the few hours before the moon would begin to wane.
Remus fought the losing battle against the beast until he gave into the wolf mentality when he realized just how near Padfoot was.
Finally granted the freedom he desired, the werewolf bolted from the cottage and straight into the woods, his nose lifted to follow the scent. For hours he followed the trail as the scent grew stronger, until it was all around him and he howled in frustration at the inability to find his mate.
Moony tore into the forest clearing at a full run. His large paws pounded furiously in the underbrush until he ran headlong into a solid piece of darkness and tumbled into a low bush. In seconds he was on his feet again, low to the ground and ready to attack whatever had gotten in his way.
A soft whimper echoed in the clearing, and in an instant, Moony had pounced on the cowering form of a large black dog. He nuzzled incessantly into the scruffy hair around the dog's collar, filling his senses with the smell he had craved for twelve years, and nipped at the other creature's shoulder until Padfoot stood warily under the weight of the werewolf.
Somewhere, lost in the recesses of Moony's mind, Remus knew things were quickly getting out of control, but the beast was in charge and had to fulfill its need for its mate.
Eagerly he mounted the black dog and locked his legs in place, frantically thrusting and humping the other animal, while both canines panted heavily in the silent forest. Moony pounded away into his mate until he climaxed just as Padfoot's front legs gave out, and they collapsed into a ball of warm bodies. In a tight, sated ball of warmth, Moony and Padfoot slept under the full moon.
Finally content after so many years, the beast's mind relaxed, allowing Remus to have conscious thoughts while the animals slept peacefully.
Padfoot… Sirius was back. And they'd just… he'd just… Remus didn't want to think about the damage he might have done. He just gotten Sirius back, and then proceeded to rape him under the influence of the full moon. He was terrified he would lose Sirius again when the other man woke and realized what had happened, but for the next few hours, at least, there was nothing he could do about it except to give into the overwhelming urge to sleep, comfortably wrapped around his lover and best friend.
***
Remus woke just as the sun began to rise, naked and damp on the dirty ground of the forest. The first thing he realized upon waking, even before he opened his eyes, was he had no memory of the transformation back into his human body. His muscles ached, but the excruciating pain was not present as it normally was after a moon. Instead, there was a sharp, uncomfortable pain in his thigh from where he was laying on a rock, and he opened his eyes slowly to inspect the damage from the night before.
He blinked several times as he tried to remember what had happened the previous night, only to have the memories come flooding back when he realized he was wrapped around a warm, fuzzy body and there was a heavy weight resting on his hip that snuffled and drooled onto his bare skin.
"Padfoot," he whispered almost reluctantly, gently stroking matted fur between the dog's ears. "I'm so sorry." It wasn't quite clear, even to Remus, whether he was apologizing for his actions last night or what had transpired almost thirteen years earlier, but the dog seemed to understand when he nudged his cold, wet nose into Remus' palm.
The thin, distraught man shivered when the dog's muscles rippled and wove in his arms. When the movement stopped, Remus discovered he was clutching Sirius tightly around the middle, and two tears fell silently from his right eye.
"Remus," Sirius' voice was thick from sleep and disuse. "What is it?"
"Last night, I…" Remus murmured from where his face was buried in Sirius' neck. "I'm sorry."
Hoarse laughter bubbled from Sirius' throat, echoing strangely in the morning air. "I always wondered what it'd be like," Sirius whispered in his ear truthfully and without regret. "I never told you because I knew you'd worry and say no."
Remus' breath caught in his throat when he understood the full weight of Sirius' words. For as much as his own actions and Sirius' admission horrified him, he found himself getting impossibly aroused at the thought of taking Sirius home and fucking him until they blacked out. "I just," Remus sighed, trying to will-away his obvious erection. "It wasn't supposed to be like that."
"Then take me home," Sirius whispered, threading his fingers into the soft hairs at the nape of Remus' neck and brushing his wrist against Remus' erection under the false pretense of holding the brown-haired man. "And show me what it was supposed to be like."
Remus jerked at the touch and pulled back just far enough to look at his lover's face, but not far enough to let go. Sirius looked older than he had even just four weeks earlier, when Remus had seen him for the first time in twelve years. His face was drawn and pale, his hair hung in limp strands around his face, and eyes were haunted.
"Sirius," the word came out almost as a whimper. They had both made disastrous mistakes and spent so many years apart that Remus couldn't begin to fathom how they could just move forward as if no time had passed. In the last twelve years, everything had changed. They had changed.
"Talk later," Sirius's voice was a low whisper. "I just want to go home. With you."
Remus dropped his chin in an almost imperceptible nod and Apparated them away.
So many things had been left unsaid all those years ago. Things they needed to discuss, things they needed to explain, things they needed to apologize for, but for the immediate future, Remus was content to just have Sirius back in his arms. They had all the time in the world, Remus realized with a smile upon their return home, because they were never finished. They may have lost their way for twelve long years, but their love had made sure they never truly lost each other.
Moony let out a blood-curdling howl, crying out for his mate who had just been taken away on the back of a Hippogriff. His mate, whom he’d been without for twelve moons in each of the last twelve years, had finally come back to him, only to be snatched away again.
***
The morning after Sirius’ escape from Hogwarts, Remus put on a happy face for Harry and tried to assure the boy that everything would be fine, but at the same time his insides were tearing apart faster than he could get away.
By the time he reached the carriage that would take him to Hogsmeade so he could Apparate back to London, he felt as if he had been torn open from the inside. Old wounds, scars buried so deep that even he had nearly forgotten their existence, were torn open, leaving him too broken to Apparate without fear of splinching himself. Though, he thought morosely, he probably wouldn’t be able to tell if he had splinched himself or not, as he already felt as if he was missing vital organs and limbs.
With itching eyes and shaking hands, he entered the Three Broomsticks to travel home by floo rather than risk the inevitability of losing even more of himself. Rosmerta had looked at him with pity and ushered him into the backroom, informing him that the he was welcome to anything he wanted to take back on the floo trip.
Had Sirius been there, he would have immediately grabbed for a bottle or six of Firewhiskey, but it was the broken-hearted Remus who just took a handful of the shimmering powder and threw it into the fire before stepping in after it.
***
Remus spent the following moon cycle falling further and further into his depression, losing himself in the memories that had been awoken and drawn to the forefront of his mind. Memories, thoughts, and emotions he hadn’t felt in the twelve years since he had locked them away deep in his heart took over his body, pushing away calm, controlled Remus and drawing out impulsive and desperate Moony.
On the eve of the next full moon, even though Remus had been drinking the Wolfsbane Potion, he knew, Moony knew, something was going to be different.
Wolfsbane potion was not the miracle cure wizarding society believed it to be. It tamed the beast and allowed the human brain to remain in control during the full moon; however, the major drawback was that the human was completely aware of everything that was happening during the transformation.
Remus could remember the pain from when he was a child. He remembered his muscles aching for the two days leading up to and the three days following the full moon, but he was blessed not to remember the excruciating pain of the transformation in detail. As a child, when the transformation began and the beast took over, Remus was blissfully ignorant of everything that happened during the moon.
While the potion allowed Remus to remain in control of himself during the full moon, it also made him completely aware of the agonizing pain of the transformation, and thus was both a blessing and a curse. He no longer had to worry about what he might do, or whom he might harm, on those bright moonlit nights, and that alone was reason enough for him to take the potion.
But on that night, for the first time in his life, Remus wanted the beast to take over. He wanted the freedom that came with being able to forget everything, if only for a few hours. And that was how Remus knew that moon would be different than every other full moon he had experienced.
***
The full moon rose slowly, as it always did, calling to its children. It called to all manner of dark creature and wizard, inviting them to take part in the monthly rumpus. Remus could feel the pull of the moon, drawing out the beast with unspoken promises, and giving him free reign in the darkness.
In the pale moonlight, Remus screamed in pain while his bones elongated and twisted, tearing at his muscles and re-knitting them together to fit inside his new skin, until the human cries were indistinguishable from the howl of the wolf.
Moony was anxious and angry in the small house, but most of all, he was lonely. For one hundred and fifty two moon cycles he had been without his pack, without his mate, and he desired nothing more than to find them. To find him. The scent was light on the wind, but it was enough to tell Moony that Padfoot was close enough to find in the few hours before the moon would begin to wane.
Remus fought the losing battle against the beast until he gave into the wolf mentality when he realized just how near Padfoot was.
Finally granted the freedom he desired, the werewolf bolted from the cottage and straight into the woods, his nose lifted to follow the scent. For hours he followed the trail as the scent grew stronger, until it was all around him and he howled in frustration at the inability to find his mate.
Moony tore into the forest clearing at a full run. His large paws pounded furiously in the underbrush until he ran headlong into a solid piece of darkness and tumbled into a low bush. In seconds he was on his feet again, low to the ground and ready to attack whatever had gotten in his way.
A soft whimper echoed in the clearing, and in an instant, Moony had pounced on the cowering form of a large black dog. He nuzzled incessantly into the scruffy hair around the dog's collar, filling his senses with the smell he had craved for twelve years, and nipped at the other creature's shoulder until Padfoot stood warily under the weight of the werewolf.
Somewhere, lost in the recesses of Moony's mind, Remus knew things were quickly getting out of control, but the beast was in charge and had to fulfill its need for its mate.
Eagerly he mounted the black dog and locked his legs in place, frantically thrusting and humping the other animal, while both canines panted heavily in the silent forest. Moony pounded away into his mate until he climaxed just as Padfoot's front legs gave out, and they collapsed into a ball of warm bodies. In a tight, sated ball of warmth, Moony and Padfoot slept under the full moon.
Finally content after so many years, the beast's mind relaxed, allowing Remus to have conscious thoughts while the animals slept peacefully.
Padfoot… Sirius was back. And they'd just… he'd just… Remus didn't want to think about the damage he might have done. He just gotten Sirius back, and then proceeded to rape him under the influence of the full moon. He was terrified he would lose Sirius again when the other man woke and realized what had happened, but for the next few hours, at least, there was nothing he could do about it except to give into the overwhelming urge to sleep, comfortably wrapped around his lover and best friend.
***
Remus woke just as the sun began to rise, naked and damp on the dirty ground of the forest. The first thing he realized upon waking, even before he opened his eyes, was he had no memory of the transformation back into his human body. His muscles ached, but the excruciating pain was not present as it normally was after a moon. Instead, there was a sharp, uncomfortable pain in his thigh from where he was laying on a rock, and he opened his eyes slowly to inspect the damage from the night before.
He blinked several times as he tried to remember what had happened the previous night, only to have the memories come flooding back when he realized he was wrapped around a warm, fuzzy body and there was a heavy weight resting on his hip that snuffled and drooled onto his bare skin.
"Padfoot," he whispered almost reluctantly, gently stroking matted fur between the dog's ears. "I'm so sorry." It wasn't quite clear, even to Remus, whether he was apologizing for his actions last night or what had transpired almost thirteen years earlier, but the dog seemed to understand when he nudged his cold, wet nose into Remus' palm.
The thin, distraught man shivered when the dog's muscles rippled and wove in his arms. When the movement stopped, Remus discovered he was clutching Sirius tightly around the middle, and two tears fell silently from his right eye.
"Remus," Sirius' voice was thick from sleep and disuse. "What is it?"
"Last night, I…" Remus murmured from where his face was buried in Sirius' neck. "I'm sorry."
Hoarse laughter bubbled from Sirius' throat, echoing strangely in the morning air. "I always wondered what it'd be like," Sirius whispered in his ear truthfully and without regret. "I never told you because I knew you'd worry and say no."
Remus' breath caught in his throat when he understood the full weight of Sirius' words. For as much as his own actions and Sirius' admission horrified him, he found himself getting impossibly aroused at the thought of taking Sirius home and fucking him until they blacked out. "I just," Remus sighed, trying to will-away his obvious erection. "It wasn't supposed to be like that."
"Then take me home," Sirius whispered, threading his fingers into the soft hairs at the nape of Remus' neck and brushing his wrist against Remus' erection under the false pretense of holding the brown-haired man. "And show me what it was supposed to be like."
Remus jerked at the touch and pulled back just far enough to look at his lover's face, but not far enough to let go. Sirius looked older than he had even just four weeks earlier, when Remus had seen him for the first time in twelve years. His face was drawn and pale, his hair hung in limp strands around his face, and eyes were haunted.
"Sirius," the word came out almost as a whimper. They had both made disastrous mistakes and spent so many years apart that Remus couldn't begin to fathom how they could just move forward as if no time had passed. In the last twelve years, everything had changed. They had changed.
"Talk later," Sirius's voice was a low whisper. "I just want to go home. With you."
Remus dropped his chin in an almost imperceptible nod and Apparated them away.
So many things had been left unsaid all those years ago. Things they needed to discuss, things they needed to explain, things they needed to apologize for, but for the immediate future, Remus was content to just have Sirius back in his arms. They had all the time in the world, Remus realized with a smile upon their return home, because they were never finished. They may have lost their way for twelve long years, but their love had made sure they never truly lost each other.