Fic: One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back for wook77
With Sirius pressed right up against him, Remus can really only curse his bad luck silently.
Carefully shifting to make sure that Sirius would in no way brush against his growing erection, Remus also curses being a teenager in the same, silent breath.
Sirius, however, has no compunctions about breaking the silence.
"Fuck Moony, do you have any idea how bony your hip is? It's poking right into my thigh!" He mutters as he shifts, trying to alleviate his discomfort.
"Sorry," Remus hisses back through clenched teeth, resisting the urge to do something stupid. Like reach out and kiss his friend, nearly six years of friendship be damned. "Now shut up unless you want Filch to catch us."
Sirius falls silent, but in the darkness of the alcove they have secreted themselves in, Remus can feel his intent gaze on him. He wonders why; Sirius does not usually use that intense look unless it is something extremely important, like the time he first confronted Remus about being a werewolf.
And his erection likes the gaze. Remus is probably going to curse everyone and everything before the night is out.
"What?" He finally snaps at his friend, when he can bear the gaze no longer.
He hears Sirius swallow. "Moony…"
Remus' breath catches. The tone of Sirius' voice has changed. From it's whinging about the position they found themselves in, it has become dark and honey-smooth, like Sirius may whisper all the secrets of the universe to him; or perhaps how he would speak to a lover, spilling sweet words of affection.
Remus quickly brushes the second thought off before it can take too much root. He has seen Sirius with too many girls to think that he would swing the other way.
"Yes?" He prompts. He hopes Sirius has not noticed how breathless he sounds.
But before Sirius can continue with what he wishes to say, the tapestry covering their hiding place is flung aside, and Filch is standing before them crowing his triumph.
--
Two weeks later, Remus has completely forgotten the Incident Behind the Tapestry.
When Remus opens the door to his dormitory for the first time in three days, other thoughts pervade his mind, all clawing at him, tearing at his mind and conscience. He is so preoccupied that he only senses the unnatural silence and dreaded anticipation around him only when he is halfway to his bed.
His steps falter, but he completes his journey with a single-minded determination. Flicking his wand towards the curtains, he makes them close to give him a modicum of privacy, before lying down on his bed.
"Mr. Black told Mr. Snape how to get into the tunnel, and he accidentally saw your transformation taking place…"
Taking a deep breath to prevent hysteria, Remus numbly begins to systematically lie out the thoughts going on in his head.
He wonders if James and Peter will still talk to him after this incident. He has always suspected that they never fully comprehended how dangerous he is; it would not surprise him if this became a wake up call to them. Selfishly, he hopes not. One of the reasons why he was in the hospital wing for so long is because no one had been around that night to keep him from wounding himself.
He would have to apologise to Snape, when he got the chance. Not that it would go well, but it was the least he could do. Come to think of it, he should probably apologise to the teachers as well, for having to deal with this incident.
He had been assured that he would not be expelled, but a small part of him was still afraid of it happening.
Remus let his thoughts circulate, resolutely not thinking of the instigator of the debacle.
--
"I'm sorry."
Remus does not acknowledge the voice.
"Fuck, Remus, I've been apologising for days, and I don't know what else to say! I-"
Remus quietly packs his bag and walks out of the common room.
--
(Sirius stares at the entrance, before burying his face in his hands. He completes his sentence to the empty room
"I love you and I've been wanting to tell you since the time we were caught by Filch and it hurts that you're ignoring me, even if this whole shit pile is my fault. Fuck.")
--
A week more of Sirius' apologies, and Remus' temper finally snaps.
Before he knows what he is doing, he can hear Sirius' back slam against the door of their dormitory. A small part of him vaguely notes the blood on Sirius pristine white and utterly expensive shirt, and realises with surprise that he had dug his nails into his palms so hard that it had drawn blood.
For some reason, this utterly insensible observation laces his rage with lust
Remus is self-aware enough to know that a lot of his anger is also at himself for still liking, wanting Sirius even after everything he has done, and the lust and anger and everything breaks Remus' inhibitions. Remus snarls before coiling his hand through Sirius' hair and yanking.
The kiss is wild and painful, teeth clacking together as Sirius yelps in pain and surprise. Remus is past caring, and with a low growl, thrusts his tongue into Sirius mouth, tasting him as he has wanted to since the school year started; licking, exploring, claiming, wanting more. Remus draws his head back for a split second to get a breath, before yanking at the other boy's hair to draw him down again, and bites, hard, on Sirius' bottom lip; for some illogical reason finding retribution for his bloody hands when he tastes the coppery tang on his tongue.
Then Sirius draws back a bit, eyes too intense, like that night behind the tapestry, and says "Moony", and suddenly everything has changed. Sirius' mouth is on his, and his tongue is in his mouth doing things that are making Remus go weak in the knees. Teeth scrape against lips, tongues battle curl and twine and frantically together, as though neither can get enough.
Suddenly, something hits the back of Remus' knees and he yelps in surprise, falling down, only to come into contact with something soft. Belatedly, he realises that Sirius had guided them to a bed (Peter's, he thinks, from the black mark on the ceiling, a remnant of when James had accidentally let off some fireworks in the dorm), but soon stops thinking altogether when Sirius begins peeling his shirt off and tracing his tongue over the newly exposed skin.
When his shirt is off fully, Remus closes his eyes, allowing Sirius to trace random patterns on his skin. His hands reach out and grip Sirius' hair, although it is no where close to how rough he had gripped it before. He moans; this is what he has been wanting for much too long. He chokes back a cry as Sirius traces a particularly long path down, stopping near his navel.
Shuddering, Remus opens his eyes. "Oh god, Sirius, I lo-"
Remus stops short, body stiffening.
Sirius, feeling the change in body language, looks up from where he had been tracing the scars with his tongue. The particular one that Sirius had been tracing was less than two weeks old.
Awareness and shock suddenly dawn in Sirius' eyes, and he looks horrified. "I'm sorry," He mutters for the last time, before fleeing.
Remus does not move for a long while.
--
They do not talk again until summer, when Sirius' dramatic exit from the Black family overshadows everything else. Remus has forgiven Sirius for some time by that point, and now felt that he can look at Sirius in the eye without flinching with guilt at what he nearly drove Sirius to do.
He carefully never mentions what nearly happened.