Comments | rs_games: Day 17 - Team Sirius - Fic: Swear Not By the Moon

rsgamesmods in rs_games

Day 17 - Team Sirius - Fic: Swear Not By the Moon

Oct 17, 2012 06:58

Team: Sirius
Title: Swear Not By the Moon
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4,269
Summary: Some things can’t be hidden in the light of a full moon.
Notes: Unbetaed because I am a procrastinator. The title is from Act II, Scene II of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.

JULIET:
O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon ( Read more... )

team sirius, rs_games 2012, fic

Comments 19

TEAM REMUS bearshorty October 17 2012, 21:10:37 UTC

Having the parts be out of order worked really well. I figured out what secret Remus wanted to tell Sirius and it was great to see him struggle with it. And the part where Remus is all hurt and Sirius needs to figure out how to get him back and carries it - oh, my heart. Very lovely.

Re: TEAM REMUS ardentlyburning December 12 2012, 23:19:32 UTC

I'm glad the nonlinear narrative ended up working out! I was somewhat worried that I wouldn't be able to pull it off, or that it would just be annoying.

And nothing goes with Remus/Sirius quite like H/C goes with Remus/Sirius.

TEAM REMUS pavlablack October 18 2012, 01:11:00 UTC

Love the title, and the way you use the moon as a motif throughout the piece. Sirius's perspective is done very well, and I like how there is a certain amount of angst in the story (because I am an angst junkie) but also a fair bit of humor. I also really like how you portray Lily as formidable yet caring, the keeper of Remus's secrets. The structure of the piece works well too, and I love the broom that Sirius accidentally summons, and that you keep us in suspense by having Remus transform just as the boys have made their confessions to each other. The final image, of Sirius remembering Remus in his arms, is really lovely and a powerful place to end.

Re: TEAM REMUS ardentlyburning December 12 2012, 23:30:52 UTC

The title was a difficult one, so I'm really glad that it works! I was at a complete loss as to what to title it, and then I got that passage from Romeo and Juliet stuck in my head, so I went with that.

I try to handle Lily right because I think she often just becomes a prop in the story to get Remus and Sirius together, and I wanted her to have more of her own presence than that, even if that is part of the role she plays.

This is a lovely review to read, thank you!

(The comment has been removed)

ardentlyburning December 13 2012, 00:41:01 UTC

Thank you! Nonlinear storytelling is a favorite of mine, too!

TEAM SIRIUS rewrites24 October 19 2012, 02:51:12 UTC

As others have said, the non-linear aspect worked very well. I adored this ending too and for some reason this line You brought this on yourself, Prongs. Double Prongs cracked me up XD

Great job!

Re: TEAM SIRIUS ardentlyburning December 13 2012, 01:00:26 UTC

Thank you! Hearing that one of my lines actually made someone laugh is one of the biggest compliments I can receive, because I don't think I'm terribly great at pulling off humor!

TEAM SIRIUS eprime October 19 2012, 05:01:31 UTC

I really liked this. The story about how Remus became a werewolf was unique--another secret. That motif worked really well. It was all rather sweet and warm-hearted until you killed with that ending line. Agh! My heart!

Re: TEAM SIRIUS ardentlyburning December 13 2012, 01:08:54 UTC

Poor Remus just can't catch a break! XD

I thought secrets worked really well with the moon because they fit in nicely with the card's divinatory meaning, but of course, Remus and Sirius don't have the best track record with secrets, even if they do try.

Thanks for the review!