"Ask" and "Hint" Cultures

[rowyn]

I had a long online conversation with some friends about "Ask" and "Guess" cultures (link is to a random article on the subject for those who aren't familiar with the concept). I'm going to use "Hint" here, because one person pointed out that (a) "Guess" is a misnomer because most people who grow up with people who do this are not guessing, they

Comments

[mrw42]

Two pieces of advice I often give to people about relationships are:

(1) Never let your partner forget your birthday or anniversary. If you think they might not remember, and you will be angry if they don't, _say something_. Don't wait until it is too late.

(2) If something is important to you, tell your partner. Don't assume they can read your mind, and are refusing to do something just to thwart you.

I guess that puts me more on the "ask" culture side, but it comes from having started out more on the "hint" side and realizing that being angry that someone didn't remember your birthday isn't anywhere near as fun as openly communicating and then celebrating it together.

[tuftears]

It's an interesting topic... I have to admit I'm not sure where I fall on that-- maybe the answer is that it depends on the situation and also changes as one's situation changes. As a kid, ask or hint about what one wants for one's birthday; as an adult, buy what one wants and cut out the middleman. I guess hint is just too subtle to get across to me, and asking people to do things works far better as a raid leader than hinting at one's raiders. :)