Fic for Mara
Title: But I'm Not Gay
Author: airspaniel
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairing: Barney/Royal
Word Count: 980
Notes: Mara demanded, and I obey. Also, for the lulz, as well as the hot.
It isn’t weird, right?
So a guy asked him to dinner and he said yes. Come on, it’s River Royal. What, he’s gonna say no to that? Say no to the man who freed him from prison, got him laid, gave him running water?
Please.
But it’s not weird, when River reaches past him to get the decanter of wine, just a little too close, brushing the back of his hand as he refills both of their glasses.
“So, you fancy yourself a finance mogul?” River says, conversationally, the hint of something teasing in his tone, and it doesn’t make Barney flush a little bit. It doesn’t.
Barney nods. “Oh, I know a thing or two,” he demurs, “though I’m not quite where I want to be yet.”
“I’m sure,” replies River, sipping his wine, and there’s no way that Barney notices the way the dark red liquid stains his lips just briefly before his tongue darts out to lick it away. “Know a lot about prudent investments?”
“I…” Barney starts, feeling weirdly off balance. He wants to impress this man, damnit; wants to show him how capable and competent he is, how clever and dude, this is just not what he had planned. “Yes, I’d like to think so.”
River smiles. “Good. I do so appreciate a man who knows where his head is at.”
And whoa… Whoa, there is no way he meant that the way it sounded.
Except… is that his foot? Rubbing against the back of Barney’s calf? He probably just has an itch or something. It’s cool.
“Say, Barney,” says River, looking at Barney over the rim of his glass, something speculative and definitely appreciative in his eyes.
“Yeah?” Barney responds intelligently. Wow, River’s eyes are kind of amazing. Really weird, right, with the three things and all; but also really intense. And really kind of pretty, in a way. For a dude.
“Would you like to go to bed with me?”
Barney blinks several times in quick succession. Because what?? How is he even supposed to answer that?
His mouth opens. “Yes, sir,” he says, and before his brain has caught on, River has pulled him away from the table and out of the room.
Fuck… What did he just say?
-----
“Oh my god!” Barney gasps, kind of amazed he even managed the words, because he’s never…
“’River’ will be quite sufficient,” laughs River, bucking his hips up just to watch Barney writhe helplessly. “Or ‘General,’ I suppose, ah, if you must.”
But fuck… Barney’s never done this before. Well, never from this side. Not even those few awkward yet somehow weirdly hot things with dudes that just happened sometimes were anything like this.
Not that he really counts those things that happened with dudes.
But this… oh god, this counts. This counts for a lot. Counts like whoa, and Barney can’t stop his hips from snapping back again; driving for more pressure against that place inside him that feels like fire, and god he’s always loved fire.
“River,” he pants. “General...” And River laughs, a sweet vibration that Barney can feel everywhere, Christ, and he leans down, intending to kiss River, but he ends up twisting his head to the side; laying flat against his chest as the angle changes and fuck, fuck, he doesn’t even know how to control this situation anymore. Doesn’t know if he ever could.
“Yes, that’s it,” River growls against his ear, a low sound that makes Barney’s stomach flip in a way he’s not at all comfortable thinking about, not even now. And then, oh, and then River’s hand wraps around his cock, and wow… Men are so much better at this than women. The hand thing, not the sex thing, although… God, for River, Barney might be willing to make an exception.
“Holding out on me?” River taunts, twisting his wrist, thrusting his hips harder, faster, and yeah; maybe Barney had been thinking about taking his time, making him wait for it, but now…
“God! Oh, yeah…” he says through clenched teeth, torn between arching forward into River’s hand or backward onto his cock, and he doesn’t care if that sounds kind of gay, he’s on the edge and he just needs a little bit more.
And Royal shudders into him, mouth open on a soundless cry, and yeah, that’s it, that’s all she wrote; Barney’s losing it, coming into River’s hand, clenching around him helplessly.
Oh. Oh.
Oh god, what did he just do??
River smiles lazily, nudging Barney off him and rolling him to his back in one fluid move, kissing him before his brain is back enough to protest.
And hey, wow, he’s really good. A lot of tongue, but that’s all right. It’s hot.
And y’know, he’s not really all that worried that this makes him gay. The exception that proves the rule, right? Plus, imagine the bonus confidence he’s gained by learning that he can please dudes just as well as chicks.
Not that he wants to. Just that he can.
Well, maybe just River. Barney wants to please him, kind of a lot.
Kind of all the time. Like as soon as he can get it up again.
He breaks the kiss, just long enough to breathe against River’s lips. “I’d do anything for you,” and what the fuck? That is so not what he was going to say.
River smiles, and Barney can feel the tension in his lips against his own, just barely. “Delightful,” he says. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
And Barney wants to take it back, wants to protest that no, dude, he’s not gay, and it doesn’t matter where his dick just was, Barney Stinson isn’t the kind of guy who’s just going to bend over and…
Fuck it.
He curves his hand around the back of River’s neck and kisses him harder.
Author: airspaniel
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairing: Barney/Royal
Word Count: 980
Notes: Mara demanded, and I obey. Also, for the lulz, as well as the hot.
It isn’t weird, right?
So a guy asked him to dinner and he said yes. Come on, it’s River Royal. What, he’s gonna say no to that? Say no to the man who freed him from prison, got him laid, gave him running water?
Please.
But it’s not weird, when River reaches past him to get the decanter of wine, just a little too close, brushing the back of his hand as he refills both of their glasses.
“So, you fancy yourself a finance mogul?” River says, conversationally, the hint of something teasing in his tone, and it doesn’t make Barney flush a little bit. It doesn’t.
Barney nods. “Oh, I know a thing or two,” he demurs, “though I’m not quite where I want to be yet.”
“I’m sure,” replies River, sipping his wine, and there’s no way that Barney notices the way the dark red liquid stains his lips just briefly before his tongue darts out to lick it away. “Know a lot about prudent investments?”
“I…” Barney starts, feeling weirdly off balance. He wants to impress this man, damnit; wants to show him how capable and competent he is, how clever and dude, this is just not what he had planned. “Yes, I’d like to think so.”
River smiles. “Good. I do so appreciate a man who knows where his head is at.”
And whoa… Whoa, there is no way he meant that the way it sounded.
Except… is that his foot? Rubbing against the back of Barney’s calf? He probably just has an itch or something. It’s cool.
“Say, Barney,” says River, looking at Barney over the rim of his glass, something speculative and definitely appreciative in his eyes.
“Yeah?” Barney responds intelligently. Wow, River’s eyes are kind of amazing. Really weird, right, with the three things and all; but also really intense. And really kind of pretty, in a way. For a dude.
“Would you like to go to bed with me?”
Barney blinks several times in quick succession. Because what?? How is he even supposed to answer that?
His mouth opens. “Yes, sir,” he says, and before his brain has caught on, River has pulled him away from the table and out of the room.
Fuck… What did he just say?
-----
“Oh my god!” Barney gasps, kind of amazed he even managed the words, because he’s never…
“’River’ will be quite sufficient,” laughs River, bucking his hips up just to watch Barney writhe helplessly. “Or ‘General,’ I suppose, ah, if you must.”
But fuck… Barney’s never done this before. Well, never from this side. Not even those few awkward yet somehow weirdly hot things with dudes that just happened sometimes were anything like this.
Not that he really counts those things that happened with dudes.
But this… oh god, this counts. This counts for a lot. Counts like whoa, and Barney can’t stop his hips from snapping back again; driving for more pressure against that place inside him that feels like fire, and god he’s always loved fire.
“River,” he pants. “General...” And River laughs, a sweet vibration that Barney can feel everywhere, Christ, and he leans down, intending to kiss River, but he ends up twisting his head to the side; laying flat against his chest as the angle changes and fuck, fuck, he doesn’t even know how to control this situation anymore. Doesn’t know if he ever could.
“Yes, that’s it,” River growls against his ear, a low sound that makes Barney’s stomach flip in a way he’s not at all comfortable thinking about, not even now. And then, oh, and then River’s hand wraps around his cock, and wow… Men are so much better at this than women. The hand thing, not the sex thing, although… God, for River, Barney might be willing to make an exception.
“Holding out on me?” River taunts, twisting his wrist, thrusting his hips harder, faster, and yeah; maybe Barney had been thinking about taking his time, making him wait for it, but now…
“God! Oh, yeah…” he says through clenched teeth, torn between arching forward into River’s hand or backward onto his cock, and he doesn’t care if that sounds kind of gay, he’s on the edge and he just needs a little bit more.
And Royal shudders into him, mouth open on a soundless cry, and yeah, that’s it, that’s all she wrote; Barney’s losing it, coming into River’s hand, clenching around him helplessly.
Oh. Oh.
Oh god, what did he just do??
River smiles lazily, nudging Barney off him and rolling him to his back in one fluid move, kissing him before his brain is back enough to protest.
And hey, wow, he’s really good. A lot of tongue, but that’s all right. It’s hot.
And y’know, he’s not really all that worried that this makes him gay. The exception that proves the rule, right? Plus, imagine the bonus confidence he’s gained by learning that he can please dudes just as well as chicks.
Not that he wants to. Just that he can.
Well, maybe just River. Barney wants to please him, kind of a lot.
Kind of all the time. Like as soon as he can get it up again.
He breaks the kiss, just long enough to breathe against River’s lips. “I’d do anything for you,” and what the fuck? That is so not what he was going to say.
River smiles, and Barney can feel the tension in his lips against his own, just barely. “Delightful,” he says. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
And Barney wants to take it back, wants to protest that no, dude, he’s not gay, and it doesn’t matter where his dick just was, Barney Stinson isn’t the kind of guy who’s just going to bend over and…
Fuck it.
He curves his hand around the back of River’s neck and kisses him harder.