Couldn't Be Happier

[cordy_estwynde]

Who: Cherry and Cordy
What: Waking Up
When: Early Monday
Where: Cordy's Place

Comments

[cherry_reyer]

Cherry had dreamed too. Another nightmare about Erik, singing songs in her head. The truly frightful part of that, though, had been that the dream wasn't scary anymore. Cherry was getting used to her horrifying encounters with the vampire prince, almost looking forward to them. She supposed it was probably because she missed her old life more than she cared to admit. Erik was a part of that life, for better or for worse.

"Sounds wonderful," she murmured, closing her eyes.

She gratefully accepted the blanket, pulling it close. As a bird, she had a high tolerance for cold, but once she turned back, she was just as much an icicle as the next person. "Sunshine sounds nice right about now." Miranda sounded nice too.

[cherry_reyer]

Lightly, Cherry rubbed Cordelia's side. Half of her wanted to comfort her, the other half was a little jealous. Which was ridiculous. Only a moron would be jealous of a dead guy. A dead, lying guy. A dead, lying, slightly racist guy. Oh, this was not healthy.

Change the subject. Change the subject.

"Maybe that's our future occupation. Air pirates. I think I could buckle some swash." A lame, lame joke, but it was the best she could do under the circumstances. "Great job. You get to make your own hours?"

[cordy_estwynde]

"I'm sure you'd make a wonderful air pirate," Cordy replied, relieved for the playful banter. She preferred light, pointless conversation right now. She couldn't handle anything deep at the moment.

"I'd have to be your wench, though," she continued, turning back to face Cherry when she was sure that she could put on a convincing smile. "I don't think I'd be cut out for the pirating business. Too dangerous for me."

[cherry_reyer]

"You're a lady," Cherry said. "You don't get to be a wench." She paused a moment. "Of course, 'wench' just means woman born in the country. You were born in a city and I was born..." She shrugged. "Din knows where I was born. Or maybe Nayru knows. That makes sense. Wisdom and all."

Shut up, shut up.

She fell silent, running her fingers through her hair. It was starting to get a little long, longer than she had ever worn it before. And her ass was down to a size she never thought she'd achieve, due to a rather meager diet of seeds and beans and the occasional rock, by accident.

And that was a good transition. "We should have breakfast," she said, "a real breakfast. With freshly squeezed juice and griddle cakes with jems and syrup. Maybe some frog juice..." Boy did that sound good.

[cordy_estwynde]

"I could leave the jems," Cordy replied. And the frog juice, for that matter. She'd never had much of a taste for Risan foods. The spices and intense flavors wer different from the usual, rich Hylian cuisine--though some people seemed to like them.

"But that does sound good. I'd like some fresh fruit. I wonder if I could hire Cho to make something for us." Though she knew that should probably be more careful with her funds if she were going to re-open the tavern, a splurge sounded like fun.

[cherry_reyer]

Cherry made a bit of a face. "So Cho is a scientist, a cook, and a farmer too?" she asked with a tease. "Who is she, exactly? Krysta Fanel?" Well, no, she wasn't Krysta Fanel. She didn't wear enough pink for that.

"I liked those berry things Cedric brought me," she continued after a moment. "Maybe we could find out where he found them." She hadn't seen much of Cedric lately, not since the two of them, well, technically, the three of them, tried to sort through her dream about Fatima. Truth to tell, Cherry hadn't really seen much of anyone on a regular basis, other than Cordelia.

Of course, that cry-fest with Bret was still doubtlessly haunting all three of them. And Cherry still didn't understand it entirely. She just knew that sometimes, people had to cry.

[cordy_estwynde]

Laughing, Cordy shook her head. "No, I meant to cook something for us, not to grow fruit for us. Although she really does have several impressive skills, doesn't she?" It had taken Cordy awhile to stop being amazed by Cho's various abilities. She was quite the little wonder woman.

She glanced at Cherry with a slight smile. "Although, to be fair, you're a little sickening yourself. You're a talented little witch, you're a marvelous dancer, you write songs, you can sing, and you're a brilliant teacher. Most of us can never hope to catch up to that." Which just made it all the more frustrating when Cherry was self-deprecating. If Cherry saw herself as being unskilled, how could anyone else ever hope to be impressive?

[cherry_reyer]

"Yeah, well, dancing is really useful for fighting epic battles against insane mermaids. Maybe they'll fancy a samba." She paused, chewing on her lower lip. "Thank you," she added in a gentler, softer voice. "It means a lot to me that you see me as being..." Worthwhile? Significant? Talented? Important? Something like that. She'd let Cordelia fill in the blank.

She closed her eyes, holding tightly to Cordelia. "I don't know what to do with myself, Cordy," she said softly. "I feel ready to jump out of my skin here. Or my feathers. I can't contribute anything without messing it up."

[cordy_estwynde]

It took a few seconds for Cordelia to figure out how to respond. It always caught her off guard when Cherry did the open-and-vulnerable thing. Usually she expressed her emotions with self-deprecation and sarcasm. This was more difficult, honesty required a more thoughtful response.

"I think everyone feels that way," she replied, speaking very slowly as she considered her words. Her fingers tenderly brushed against Cherry's side in affection. "You may have noticed that things don't go very well for people in Rowan. There's so much pain here. Look around at how all the races are all hurting each other."

Vulnerability time. Cordy cleared her throat. "I tried to help someone who was hurt and I ended up stuck in jail and helped cause a battle that got a lot of people killed." She frowned. "Things don't have a tendency to go well here. And the point is that even if things haven't gone how you've planned, that's not your fault. It's just the result of a series of events that aren't in your control."

[cherry_reyer]

"Maybe," Cherry replied softly, feeling the weight of Cordelia's words and appreciating the simple, cute-free honesty of it. "But that doesn't really answer my question." She paused. "Which is not to say that I was expecting you to solve my problems for me. I wasn't. I wouldn't do that to you, it would just be wrong."

She sighed softly. "I just wish I had something to contribute besides the occasional screw-up." Her tone wasn't sarcastic. It was painfully sincere. She believed what she meant.

The heel of her palm went into her mouth.

[cordy_estwynde]

At that, Cordy couldn't help but give Cherry an odd, half smile. "You feel that you have nothing to contribute?" she asked curiously, leaning her head against Cherry's. "Cher, I thought you'd figured that out by now."

She gently took Cherry's chin in her hand, turning Cherry's face toward hers. "You've been given a rare gift. You've been given the ability to heal others. And before you say it's not useful, think of how much pain and violence and death we've seen since we arrived. And think of the fact that you're probably only alive because a medic was able to help you."

She gently pressed her lips against Cherry's cheek. "The tree babies need you. They need someone that can help them when they get hurt, which is almost certain to happen over and over. Shouldn't you learn more about this healing thing so you can help them when that time comes?"

[cherry_reyer]

Cherry shrugged slightly. "Not to sound petty or anything but...they have Gu...David...whoever he is, for that. There's a whole too-many-cooks thing there and I don't want to step on any toes." She frowned slightly. "Besides, my healing spells actually cause more pain, apparently. Remember that loafing idiot guy? Gob? When I healed him, he was in agony. I might be slightly defective." Only the last statement was sarcastic.

"Anyway, I don't think I could be a healer. Seeing all that pain and suffering. I'm not strong enough for that. That's probably why I picked academia over medicine back in Hyrule. I was afraid of seeing all that...agony." She frowned, frustrated that she couldn't put all of her feelings in words. "I just don't think I'm cut out to be a healer."

[cordy_estwynde]

"Oh good gods, Cherry," Cordelia sighed. "You complain that there's nothing useful for you to do and then when you realize that there is, you decide you're not interested?" Cordelia shook her head. "If you don't want to learn how to help people, don't do it. But if that's the case, don't complain that you don't have any skills because you clearly do. They're just not the ones you want to have."

Cordelia wanted to say that she would have given anything to trade her useless parlor magic for Cherry's ability to help people. Maybe she could have done something to stop all the deaths that had take place, then. And maybe she wouldn't have felt so helpless when she saw Cherry in pain that day. And maybe, just maybe, she would have been able to do something for Mikney.

[cherry_reyer]

Cherry rolled onto her other side, closing her eyes. Cordelia didn't understand. She was so disappointed, she could almost hear something cracking inside of her. It was best just to swallow it. The throb in her head was getting loud again, flashing white in front of her eyes with every beat of her heart.

"Sorry I brought it up," she mumbled.

[cordy_estwynde]

"Don't do that."

Cordy took Cherry by the shoulder, turning her back over. "Don't push me away. I just don't get why you're upset. You say you have nothing useful to contribute, but that's clearly not the real problem. What is it that you want to contribute but can't?"

[cherry_reyer]

Cherry allowed Cordelia to turn her back over. She even opened her eyes. But she really didn't want to talk about it anymore. It seemed that no matter what Cherry said, it would be the wrong answer and she would be scolded again, like a child. And okay, maybe she sometimes acted childishly, but glass houses and stones...

"Something constructive," she said in a dead, dull voice. "But we both know what regard constructive things have here. I've barely seen a trace of the arts or of education." She shrugged. "That's all I know, Cordy. It's all I've ever done. The only other thing I'm cut out for is manual labor and even then, I'm nowhere near as strong as some of these big boys."

Something erupted inside of her. "Don't reply. Don't say anything if you're just going to bash me again. I can do that well enough on my own."

Much deflated, she added, "I don't want to talk about my lack of a life right now. Can we talk about something else please?"