Fic: For My Little Girl (Multi-crossover, FR-15ish, Xander-centric) Parts 1 thru 3
Title: For My Little Girl
Author: Rowaine
Fandoms: Will cover BtVS, NCIS, SG-1, SGA, CSI (various), Leverage, The Sentinel, Criminal Minds, and Numb3rs at times. Story is Xander-centric.
Rating: FR-15. Ish. A bit of foul language and a couple of make-out scenes but no more than kissing.
Pairing(s): Past Willow/Tara, hints of slash and het, final pairings will be made clear later.
Summary: He had to get out of town. It wasn’t just a fight for his own survival - not anymore - but for the future of a daughter he had yet to sire.
Warnings: Some fairly mild character bashing, adult language, almost but not quite mpreg of a sort…
Genres: A bit of angst, some funnies, some romance eventually.
Timeline: Ignore it. All. Seriously. Only pertinent timeline is for BtVS - but that changes almost immediately after Warren shot Buffy and Tara. Suspend all canon for the duration of this story.
Final Word Count: 71,870/50,000 WooHoo!
Author’s Notes: Written for 2013 NaNo on RoughTrade, organized by the delightful Keira Marcos. I’m a tad bit out of practice writing anything these days, as real life’s gotten in the way of fandom, but will do my best. Hope I haven’t thrown in too many cliches *lol* A few weeks ago, I threw out a challenge on Voracity’s Imaginings yahoo group - the idea would NOT go away, so I’m taking it up for NaNo this year.
Disclaimer: I am but a humble fanfiction author. I claim no moneys, gifts, donations or other worldly gain from the writing of this story. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, NCIS, CSI (all varieties), Criminal Minds, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, The Sentinel, and any other characters you may recognize belong to someone else.
Second AN to clarify some things: The whole point of the NaNo project (for those of you who've never heard of it or participated) is to write 'guilt free' - meaning unbeta'd, free range writing. Some people do stream of consciousness - which is close to mine but not quite. Hell, I barely managed to spellcheck reliably. What this means is that this is a very rough draft, but the good news is that it's complete. I'll probably have deleted scenes, outtakes or smut to add later, but this story is finished as is.
The second point of this NaNo - for me and only me - was not the word goal. Which I nearly doubled *blush* It was something more taxing. Those of you who have read my stories in the past will understand better, but I was determined to write a kid-centered fic and keep the rating below R. Excluding profanity and brief mentions of well-deserved torture, I managed to reach that goal too! So maybe the gods are through screwing with my life for awhile and more writing will happen.
Sorry for the extended Notes. On with the story!
Part 1
With Buffy in the hospital, the rest of the Scoobies were taking turns doing minor patrols.
Well, Xander admitted, at least I'm trying. Buffy can't, Giles is stunned, and Willow's... What on the hellmouth is Wills doing anyways? I get that she's mourning - we all are, we loved Tara nearly as much as she did - but she's being all secrety and stuff.
Once a month or so, they tried to patrol out as far as Kingman's Bluff. It was on the boundary of the hellmouth's influence, but they had hints of some ancient temple that Giles said warranted monitoring. So that's where Xander was. Plus, bonus, it was quiet. He really did understand Willow's grief. Hadn't he felt much the same when Jesse was killed? Not that she spent much time thinking of their childhood friend. When Buffy came into their lives, Willow seemed to abandon the years of friendship with Xander and Jesse. It made sense, he guessed, that she would hang on to the first girl friend she'd found that wasn't trying to change her into a fashion plate or take advantage of her giant brain. Not that Buffy didn't do some of that too, but at least she treated Willow better that some home improvement project.
Wandering around the ruins of the ancient temple, Xander's mind kept creeping back to how much Willow had changed from the sniffly little girl in pigtails crying over her broken yellow crayon. He missed his buddy, nearly as much as he missed Jesse. The Willow who ran around town with them, pranking the librarian and scolding like a mother hen, fixing boo-boos and playing doctor from her mother's medical texts. That girl was long gone, with college and new friends and ideas. Far, far gone with her beloved Tara being killed.
His thoughts drifting to the wonderful, shy young woman they'd recently lost, Xander was barely aware of his surroundings. He heard a voice chanting, but it took him a moment to recognize whose. Almost immediately, he was on alert - Willow was at the peak of Kingman's Bluff, a place suspected of holding awesome power to those petitioning an ancient deity. That, he knew, could be very bad, especially with her shaky emotional state.
“Too many gods to choose from... Attis, Nemesis, Lucina, Atropos... alright, not that one, I'm sorta pissed at her. Asclepius? Maybe. How about just one pantheon, that should work. And the Greek gods were all about vengeance and coming back from the /chokes/ dead.”
Xander walked toward the mourning young woman, being quiet without actually sneaking. So far she hadn't done anything to start a spell as he understood it.
“Gods of the ancient Greek, hear my plea! One of Hecate's maidens was taken sobs from her mortal life too soon, her work here unfinished. Aphrodite, I beg you to halt Atropos' vile scissors. Attis, Lucina, please bring her back to our lives. Nemesis!” Willow's voice breaks as she starts her last plea, her tears falling onto the stones at the highest part of the temple. “Nemesis, I beseech your power be added to your brothers and sisters in bringing Tara back into this world - her death was premature, she is needed so, so much. She has to come back, we need her, we love her, I... I can't do this without her.”
She's breaking, again. That's no spell! But prayers are just as powerful, Xander worried as he stepped toward his friend's shaking form. And much more unpredictable. Willow, what have you done?
“Please bring her back, however you can,” Willow's voice faded off into a whisper at the last words, her face turning white as she heard the unspoken answer to her prayer. “That wasn't what I meant!” Sliding down to her knees, she barely registered Xander's arms catching her. “She's going to be reborn. Oh Xander, she's coming back, but I've still lost her.”
He'd get the whole story out of her later. After getting them both off the windy bluff, with a good mug of hot chocolate and a box of tissues. Get her calmed down a bit. Because Xander knew through years of experience that a frantic Willow didn't always think about the consequences of her actions. And from the names he heard? Yeah, she was asking some of the wrong gods.
The trek down the rocky hillside was just hazardous enough to keep his attention. Too soon they were at his car, buckling in and heading back to town.
Part of him wanted to ask Giles for help, to see if maybe this... answered prayer could be altered or something. Maybe a way to make it safer for everyone. Especially Tara. But he honestly couldn't bring himself to bother the former watcher about it. Giles had taken to drinking as many meals as he ate, making his judgement a bit unreliable. And going to Buffy about it wouldn't be much better. She was a slay first, ask questions never sort - having to think about consequences? Not her strong suit. Anya would either cackle in glee over the whole thing, or get really worried about the ancient gods actually answering a prayer of this magnitude. Frankly, Xander was right with her on the worried. And Dawn, poor Dawn... she didn't need yet another trauma. Rumor had it that Spike had left town, not that he would be the best advice giver.
Which meant that Xander was on his own to deal with Willow's breakdown and possible pregnancy. Because the way she'd worded her prayer, and the look on her face when she was answered? Yeah, that's what it sounded like.
Less than a mile from the temple, Xander sent out his own silent prayer. Gods, I know Willow asked for this, for Tara to be brought back, but she can't be the mommy. Willow really believes that Tara was her soulmate. That would be way too weird, okay? We love Tara, we miss her like crazy, and we'd really love to have her back, but let someone else bring her into the world please. Someone who'll love and cherish her, not like her parents from this life. She's such a sweat, gentle soul. She deserves parents who will be good to her and give her all the love and opportunities that she couldn't have in this life.
On the ethereal realm, a small gathering of gods exchanged glances. The witch's prayer was heartfelt but selfish - not that unusual for humans. But the male's plea... he wanted the best for their fallen friend. Several smiles formed, some pleased and some wicked. They had time to plan. After all, it took nine months for a child to develop. With or without a standard womb.
~ * ~
Buffy's wounds had been healed by Willow's stolen power, but the doctors insisted she stay overnight for observation. This was Sunnydale - they didn't question her miraculous recovery. Dawn was allowed to stay in her room on a roll-away. With the Summers girls taken care of, Xander kept his mind occupied on helping Willow. His oldest living friend, no matter how far apart they'd grown, he couldn't desert her.
Puttering around in his kitchen with the makings for soup and grilled cheese - if ever there was a time for comfort food, this was it - Xander watched his Willow-shaped friend flinch and twitch in her sleep. And thank you, Goddess, for making sure she takes a nap. I know she's torn apart right now, but the rest can only help. Tomato soup, buttery grilled cheese, and more hot cocoa were ready in short order. He loaded up the coffee table before sitting down and gently shaking the redhead's foot.
“Hey Wills,” he said softly. “Let's get you fed and chocolated, then we'll figure this out, okay?”
Aching hazel eyes opened, their pain almost more than he could bear.
“Yeah, I know. You don't think you'll ever be hungry again. What's the point of eating or sleeping or taking a shower or going to work or school or anything really, when the one good thing in your life is gone? I get that, I really do!” Xander took her clammy hand in his own. “That was Jesse for me, Willow. We didn't talk about his death, it's like he didn't exist anymore for you. But he was closer than my friend, a brother, like my other half. I get it.”
Casting her eyes away from his earnest gaze, Willow's breath hitched. “I wasn't a good friend, I'm so sorry, Xander. Maybe... maybe you do understand.”
He snorted at that. “No maybe about it. If he was still alive, I figure me and Jesse would be together now.” At Willow's shocked look, he grinned. “Yeah, nothing happened, but we were that close. We even talked about it a few times, how we'd move in together after getting out of Sunnyhell High. Only need a single bedroom.”
“Oh, wow, huh.”
Snickering, Xander handed her a cup of soup. “You need to eat, then take a shower. Cus lady? You be one smelly chica,” he slipped into a truly horrible Mexican accent. Then his expression turned serious once more. “And then you and I are going to sit down and talk about your trip up the bluff.” Her eyes squeezed shut and she shook her head. “Yes, we are. We really, really are.”
He took the untouched soup from her hands and placed it on the table. “Willow girl, you prayed to some pretty ancient gods, after sucking a bunch of magic up and stealing power. You got an answer - I saw the look on your face - and weren't happy with it. Which means you need help, and hey, here I am. Just like I've been since the yellow crayon incident.”
Willow chanced a quick look at her oldest friend. He was right, she knew. And no matter how often she and Buffy put him down about not being any help... he was the common sense and stability in their lives. Tara had taken that place, but now? Tara was gone, Buffy wasn't going to be making much sense for awhile, and Xander... wouldn't let her bull her way through this.
“I've been a bad friend for a long time, huh?” she asked in a little girl voice.
Xander just nodded. “You have. I have. Buffy has. We've all been pretty horrible to each other. But if ever there's a time to grow the hell up, it's now. Tell me what answer you were given, Wills.”
Reaching over to pick up a triangle of sandwich, Willow pulled tiny bits off and dropped them into her tomato soup. The ripples never lasted long enough, but just that repetitive action gave her time to gather her thoughts. “They... they agreed. About T-t-tara being needed. /sniffle/ And that she could come back.” Bigger chunks of cheesy bread met their fate in a soupy death. “But she'd have to be reborn to someone who already loved her and would be a great caretaker... parent. Which they said couldn't be me.” Tears started to drip down her cheeks.
“Willow, look at me,” Xander demanded in a no-nonsense voice. “You can't be her mother and lover at the same time.” She gasped, as if that thought hadn't even occurred to her. Which it apparently hadn't. Goddess save me from the unthinking geniuses in the world. “Which means finding someone else to raise her. Someone who will be a good parent, not like those jackasses we had to run off.” She nodded emphatically. “Someone who will love and cherish her as the most special person in the world as a daughter.” Another nod, this one less enthusiastic. “It'll be like picking out the parents who'll adopt your child. We can search through all sorts of databases and articles to find the most protective, loving, smart people out there and choose from them who'll be her Mommy and Daddy.
“She won't be your Tara anymore, Wills,” he sadly said. “But she'll be back on earth, bringing her light and love and wonderfully caring nature to the world.”
Silently sobbing in both relief and loss, Willow threw her arms around Xander. He held on just as tightly, and they rocked back and forth to finally mourn the missing part of their lives.
And if the gods are benevolent, we'll see her again someday. Tara, I miss you so much. Not just for Willow's sake - you were the bright light that kept us from sliding into the darker parts of hunting. None of us will be the same without you here to gently guide us. But you deserve this second chance. If anyone in all of history deserves to live another lifetime, you do. I wish you the best, most loving and protective parents we can find.
Hallie cackled in glee. She hadn't even needed to prompt them. This was definitely going to be a satisfying case. Smirking to herself, she answered the summons. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.”
~ * ~
Over the next several days, Buffy was quite busy taking out her foul mood on every demon that hinted at being a threat to the safety of humans or kittens. The local poker circuit was shut down, cowering in fear at Willy's bar, and being purred into submission by the mass of tiny furballs they coudn't trade or eat.
While she was beating the fear of a frustrated, mourning slayer into the demon populace, Willow and Xander spent every waking minute researching and brainstorming. They both had the impression that the gods would give them a few weeks to make their decision about possible parents - although Xander kept having dreams where he personally was one of the dads. He chose not to share that with his buddy just yet, knowing that if he was one of the people responsible for raising the baby Tara he would have to move to be with the other father. She just didn't need that kind of stress along with everything else.
“You know, I could probably do a locator spell with some sort of genetic match to help our list,” Willow said out of nowhere. They had stopped for lunch on the fifth day, exhausted and more than a little frustrated. “It shouldn't be that difficult-”
Xander's hand went up in a 'hold on' gesture. “I'm sure there's something for that, Wills, but before you pull out the herbs we should talk with Giles. After your problems? Yeah, we want someone here who can monitor things a bit.” She gave him a kicked puppy look. “Don't even try that, Willow girl. You know how much trouble using magic has been for you. Tara was your tether, your counterbalance. Without her, I don't want you trying anything witchy unsupervised. Unless you'd like to call Ethan Rayne back? Yeah, so we talk to Giles. He loved Tara as much as the rest of us, he'll help.”
Unhappy with her buddy's doubts (however warranted) about her spellwork, Willow nodded and ate a bite of salad. “Fine, but we need to do it tonight. The new moon is one of the best times for stuff related to pregnancy, or y'know, childbearing stuff.”
Xander nodded he understood that much. “That should give us time to make sure he's dried out a bit. Maybe give him enough focus to get over his drinking some.” Until he figures out we'll have to move. Like Willow... hell, they're all going to take this badly.
Part 2
When it came down to making a decision, Xander wasn't the least surprised that Willow's list was full of geniuses. Dr. Spenser Reid - profiler and psychologist for the Behavior Analysis Unit of the FBI. Dr. Charlie Epps - math guru working at CalSci, with NSA and FBI ratings. Dr. Rodney McKay - astrophysicist. Dr. Daniel Jackson - archaelogist, anthropologist, linguist with at least 30 languages under his belt. Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard - currently playing Medical Examiner with DC's branch of NCIS, but might as well be “Where's Waldo”. Dr. Gil Grissom - CSI lead and world renowned bug expert. It wasn't hard to notice the trend. Dr. Bruce Banner - another physicist who apparently turned himself into a screaming green monster via some sort of radiation.
Xander's list had some of the same departments, but not the same people. He wasn't looking for IQ points like she was - he wanted someone who would really love, cherish and protect the precious life of a defenseless infant. Yes, smarts were important in many ways, but so were compassion and integrity and personal strength. And if some of his list had both? Well, maybe he could talk her around. With this being a magical, gods-induced conception... who was to say they only had to pick two sets of genes?
~ * ~
Giles was displeased. For nearly understandable reasons, Willow had called upon some powerful (should be retired) deities in her grief... and now they were supposed to be gathering information about the most likely father of an intended rebirth of her beloved Tara.
At least someone had the sense not to let the mourning, unstable witch do the spell alone. Although he was concerned that Xander was nearby - spells never seemed to go right around the boy. Giles refused to believe that it was Willow's fault for botching spellwork, trying to add a bit of pizazz to her performance. Surely she wasn't that careless.
A little voice in his head reminded him of a time he'd done exactly that to impress a certain chaos sorcerer.
From the next room, Xander let him know they were ready to begin. Candles and incense were lit, furniture moved to allow space, and the young woman sat in the middle of a circle.
“I do hope that it not a summoning circle, Willow,” the watcher scolded.
Blushing at the reprimand, she assured him, “Not really. I just seem to work best after casting the protective corners.” She nearly flinched at Xander's raised eyebrow. He couldn't possibly read minds - maybe it was paranoia.
“Wills, you promised...” Xander's voice held disappointment and censure.
Huffing, she tried to bluff her way through their combined frowns. “It was just a small viewing portal. I wanted to make sure she's alright.”
Xander walked over to her, intentionally scuffing the lines of the circle. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he squeezed a tiny bit of reassurance into his best friend. “Willow, after all that's happened, we don't need to take any chances of a botched spell. Or piss off any of the gods who answered you. If she wasn't alright, I'm pretty sure we'd know by now. Just do the paternity spell like we researched.”
It was easy to see how unhappy she was with those restrictions. Knowing her soulmate would be reborn wasn't enough - she wanted to see the blonde who'd kept her heart so safe and loved. Giles coughed, clearly indicating he was watching her movements. With a heavy sigh, she released the puppy eyes and began the plain, boring spell to show who would get the honor of raising her beloved.
Standing back toward the wall where he had the clearest view, Xander watched the redhead's frustration rise. He knew very well she would try something like that. Having been caught by both him and Giles must grate on her nerves. She's such a contradiction. Self-conscious and nervous, over-confident and cocky. Goddess, may she grow into a better balance, without needing someone at her side to do it for her.
The parchment laid carefully on the floor in front of Willow began to glow. If done correctly, the spell would take bits of Tara (in this case, a small wad of hair from her hairbrush) and divine her parents. Xander figured it wouldn't work properly since 1) Tara's body was no longer 'in use', and 2) her new parents hadn't been decided yet. But it made Willow feel useful, so why not?
Faster than any of them could read, names started appearing and disappearing from the paper. At the end, it flashed brightly and began to burn.
“Well, that wasn't any help,” Willow grumped. “I've got the stuff to do that portal spell, just give me a second-”
Thankfully, Giles stepped in before Xander had to. “No, Willow. I believe you have your answer, whether you choose to accept it or not. Tara's new parents have not been chosen - and isn't that what you and Xander were working on this past week? You are the ones responsible for determining who will raise her. Now cease your worrying and return to your research.”
Breathing a sigh of relief he didn't bother to mask, Xander started picking up the odds and ends of the spell, snuffing out candles as he went. The kicked puppy expression on his buddy's face failed to make him give into her demands. “Wills, we know she's being taken care of right now. We know she's going to have to grow up again, way before you can meet her. Which means that whoever is supposed to be her new parents, they aren't from around here. She'll definitely be safer growing up off the hellmouth.”
Seeing that her famous 'resolve face' was getting her nowhere, Willow tried producing a few tears. Neither man seemed affected by that either. She huffed loudly in annoyance. “I have a right to know where-”
“Stop.”
Mouth dropped in surprise, she stared at her mentor.
“I insist that you stop this silly attempt at manipulation right this instant,” Giles' voice was stern and held a touch of Ripper. “You are entitled to exactly nothing, whether Tara is your true soulmate or not. You prayed to the gods, thereby giving them ultimate authority over her well-being. You attempted to cheat by doing a paternity spell, which would get you out of making a decision on whom her parents would be.” He stared at her over the rims of his glasses. “And if the ingredients you've tried to hide behind your back are any indication, you were also going to attempt an aging spell once you'd found her. This will not occur.” He raised a hand to stop her protests. “You are not in control of this situation, Willow. It is no longer your decision, or concern. For the next eighteen years, you will have to accept that Tara is off limits to you.”
“Not that you're good at waiting for your lover,” Xander muttered under his breath. Lucky for him, his buddy wasn't listening. Giles heard, and manfully refrained from acknowledging the comment. Nor did he scold for it, which meant he agreed.
Clearing his throat, Giles shifted to take Willow's elbow and raised her off the floor. “I believe I've been remiss in your magical instruction. This being the end of the semester, perhaps you should consider taking a summer vacation, hmm? It would be little effort to see you onto a plane, and I'm certain the Devon coven will accept responsibility for your tutelage. I do hope they can instill you with better morals.”
Oh yeah, that's going to go over well, Xander thought with a snicker. Although she'll probably do what he says, since he's one of the few authority figures that actually pays attention to her actions. Blessing in disguise - she'll be gone by the time the decision is made. Summer break starts in two weeks.
~ * ~
Late on the tenth night after Kingman's Bluff, Xander drifted off to sleep. It had been a very long day. Hell, it'd been a long month. Even before the shooting, things hadn't been right. He was so exhausted that his body sent him into REM far faster than normal. Or something supernatural was kicking in. Had he been awake and thinking, Xander would bet on the weird and wacky first.
He woke in a garden on a long bench, surrounded by flowers and birds and assorted columns. The whole area looked like something straight out of a Xena episode. Several figures moved into view and he knew he wasn't far off with that guess.
“Greetings, young one,” said one of the men. “I am Attis, god of rebirth. My companions are Lucina, goddess of childbirth,” she inclined her head in acknowledgement, “Asclepius, god of health and medicine,” he offered a short wave of his hand, “Nemesis, goddess of vengeance,” she smirked, “and one of the Fates, Atropos,” she gave a brittle smile.
Xander stood quickly, proud that he hadn't stumbled and fallen off his perch in front of so many powerful beings. “Uh, hi! Sorry, didn't expect this sort of meeting. It was Willow's prayer, and her soulmate, so-”
Atropos interrupted his stammered apologies, “Your friend brought the situation to our notice, of course. However, your wish for the young lady's well being and happiness had far more to do with this gathering.”
“We agree that Tara Maclay was taken from her life too soon. She has the capacity to bring much light to the world,” Lucina took over. “We also agree with you - her new life should be to parents who will raise her with love and show respect for their placement as her guardians.”
Nemesis' grin was just this side of evil when she added, “Her former family will be shown the error of their ways. And I've had a few words with Hades and Tartarus concerning her murderer. They assure me that this Warren will be suitably chastized.”
Taking in the various expressions of his hosts, Xander knew the time had come to make a decision regarding Tara's new parents. He still had reservations about letting her go to total strangers, but since he'd gotten the impression that he would be her new father...
Asclepius nodded at him, reading his thoughts. “You are correct in that, Alexander.” He gave the mortal a long look. “Defender of men, a fitting name. Are you prepared to defend the reborn Tara as well?” Xander nodded at once. “And have you made up your mind on who will help you raise and provide for your new daughter?”
Stall, stall, stall! Gods, how do you stall gods? Several chuckles broke his mental rant. He groaned quietly. Gods who can read my mind. Great. Humiliation, hi, glad you could join the conversation.
“Relax, Alexander. You have several people in mind already. We approve of your choices so far,” the deity of physicians assured him. “We're here to offer you the chance to meet each of them, test their mettle and see how they would react to your rather unusual situation.”
He stood in silence for a moment, then forced himself to ask, “Unusual... am I going down in history as the first man to be pregnant?”
The goddesses twittered in laughter, as Attis answered, “Not really, but you will be the 'mother' of sorts.”
Xander let out a louder groan. “The girls are never going to let me live this down.”
Asclepius reached out and clapped him on the shoulder. “Their memories will be... modified a bit to allow you a respite. From what we have witnessed of your interactions, they have little faith in your abilities or intellegence. We are agreed that this must change enough to permit your departure from the mouth of hell.”
The sigh of relief caused another round of warm chuckles. “Love my girls, but sometimes...”
Attis nodded, looking as if he understood all too well. He held out a gold coin, offering it to the mortal. “With this, you may travel to meet each of your choices. You must think clearly of who you wish to see, and it will transport you to the nearest out-of-the-way location. We suggest you do so as quickly as possible. While the gestation of a child normally takes nine months, Tara's circumstances are different. You will need time to move away from the hellmouth and set up a home near whichever father will be assisting.”
“I can get one of them to help?” Xander asked in bewilderment. “The way I understood it, we only needed one person's genes to create... but that wouldn't mean they'd be around for... I'm sorry, maybe I'm missing something here.”
Nemesis gave a great sigh, echoed by Lucina, but it was Atropos who answered, “Your witch friend was told of this. It is unfortunate that she did not relay the information she was given. You will be one of the biological parents, yes. You have the responsibility to make sure at least one other person is constantly around to act as the other parent.”
“Tara is a pure soul,” the healing god went on, “one that will bring light and joy to all around her. She deserves the stability of a good home, the balance of two or more parental figures, and the opportunities to learn and grow that she was denied in this life. To that end, we are agreed. She may have more than two people as her biological parents. We leave that choice to you. Alexander, time is moving once more. In seven days we must know your answer.”
Morning light shined through the curtains of his bedroom. Huh, an all night chat. At least they left me feeling well rested. Reaching up to rub the sleep from his eyes, Xander just snorted at the coin in his hand. Subtle.
~ * ~
He quickly jotted a note to Willow, leaving it in the Magic Box's mail slot. Since it was her day to man the register, she was sure to find it. In a couple of hours, when it came time to open, and long after he'd made his first trip. It wasn't that he was trying to keep it a secret exactly... but he'd already started thinking of baby Tara as his. Picking the other parent or parents was a serious job, and one that didn't need Willow's emotional and irrational input. Damn her parents for not bothering to be around while she was growing up. She's so stunted in people skills - I've seen first graders who can read people better. How she thinks she could raise Tara alone... Just no.
The more time passed after his dreamtime meeting, the more Xander felt okay with this very weird and utterly right situation. He was going to pack up all his worldly goods (what Anya hadn't sold or taken), move to the other side of the country, and raise his best friend's formerly dead lesbian lover with a perfect stranger on the decision of a single interview. Yeah, the gods were definitely playing him. But at least it seemed like they were trying to do right by Tara. He'd ride it out for the time being, until something happened to make him want to scream at some meddling deities.
Taking the coin in his left hand, Xander gave a clear mental command of his first target.
~ * ~
“He will be a very good father to our little blessing.”
“We should offer a few suggestions toward his selection process.”
“Nonsense, brother! He has made some thoughtful choices.”
“Yes, but-”
“No. We have no need to step in at this point. So long as he makes his own decisions without assistance from his fair-weather friends, all will be well.”
Part 3
Xander landed in a dark alley. He could hear a few cars and some foot traffic nearby, figuring that this was as close as he could get to his first name without appearing in public. At least it isn't a nasty alley, no trash or rotting food to deal with.
Stepping out onto the street, he heard a woman's voice call out two names. One being the first on his list, the other was on Willow's.
A bobbing pigtail caught his attention as the voice chattered happily. The woman looked to be in her mid-twenties, definitely a goth, but with a bubbly personality that reminded him of Willow before Jesse's death. She bounced through the patrons of a sidewalk cafe to join four men. Hugging each in turn, she sat between an older man with a military haircut and a younger, slightly pudgy man in classic scholastic geek attire. The other two were as different as night and day - one an older gentleman that quietly screamed 'classy', the other a very handsome man in his early thirties who had a playboy look to him.
With so many people around, he wasn't likely to get a quiet word alone with anyone. The coin seemed to buzz in his hand, then a slight sparkle covered two of the men. Well, classy older guy or sporty younger. My guess is the older one's Dr. Mallard, which leaves-
“Tony!” the woman squealed, smacking him on the arm.
Yep, we have a winner. Maybe he's not as... flashy as he seems. At least he'd make a pretty baby. Probably has the protective part down too, with his type of job. But he looks like one of those frat guys we used to dodge to keep from being the butt of their jokes. Casually mean, self-important jocks with a sense of entitlement. Yay. Xander gave an internal sigh at the thought, but scolded himself. First appearances aren't everything. Lots of people put on a show for the world to keep their real self safe. You should know that all too well, Xanman.
Finding a seat at a tiny table off to the side, he ordered a light meal and sat back to eavesdrop. The quintet worked together, obviously, and were good friends. It was easy to see how much they all regarded Dr. Mallard, and that Tony had a sense of humor not too far off Xander's own. When the group finally finished their lunch and made to leave the area, Tony hung back to take care of the bill. Xander stood and followed him to the register. He was trying to be cool and casual about it, but failed.
“Want to tell me why you've been watching us?” the question tossed over a shoulder.
“Um...” Xander replied. With great eloquence. “I'm guessing you're going back to work now, so probably not the best time, but I'd like the chance to talk with you soonish. Sorta looking for someone and you're first on my list.”
Tony turned to offer his undivided attention, only his eyes flickering showed that he was probably inspecting and profiling this odd stranger. “Let me call the boss to let him know I'll be late. You won't have long unless we're talking about a Marine or Navy crime?”
Shaking his head, Xander told him, “No, more of a personal matter. Is there a park nearby? Public without being too near anyone else...”
They paid the waitress and walked in silence two blocks, arriving at a 'dog walking' park. Tony led them toward the farthest end and sat on a bench, making a 'well, go ahead' motion.
“Right, where to begin.” Xander frowned. He had sort of jumped the gun a bit, not stopping to consider how he would approach the topic with the prospective parents. “A few weeks ago, some lunatic shot two of my friends. One's okay now, but the other died. We... we're all still in that shocked state, you know?” Tony nodded, sympathy in his expression. “So anyway, the one who died, she was my best friend's lover. Soulmate even. And Willow nearly went off the deep end. She called on some major players to bring Tara back. Like ancient powers.”
Tony sighed. He thought he knew what might be coming.
“They agreed that Tara was needed and could come back to earth, but not the same.” Xander took a deep breath. This was the part he looked forward to least. “She's supposed to be reborn, and I got told to pick the parents.”
Alright, so he was wrong. And maybe questioning the young man's sanity wasn't a bad thing either.
“Yeah, I know. You don't need to ask if I'm nuts - not most days at least. It does sound like the plot for a bad B movie though.” He shrugged with a grin. “Seriously. Hey, maybe this will help.” Holding out the coin, he placed it on Tony's hand and waited.
The investigator turned the disk over in his hand. It was warm (body heat most likely), obviously old, and heavier than it appeared. He looked up to meet his strange visitor's eyes... and knew. However weird his story, this man was telling the truth.
“So, what? You want me to help you find a surrogate?”
Coughing, Xander retrieved the coin and placed it in his pants pocket. “Not exactly. You're one of the ones on the list of possible fathers. Your personality and character traits, well, you're the type I'd want to help raise Tara.”
Of all the abnormal things that had happened to him, getting the plague came to mind, this young guy propositioning him to have a kid together just bumped its way to the top of the list.
Tony lifted a finger to hold that thought, pulled out his cell phone and quickly dialed. “Hey boss, I'm going to need to take off for a bit. Yeah, I'll make up the time later. Call if we get a case. No, the reports are in your inbox, already proofread. Yes, Abby's got that, we're still waiting on the tests. Sure, I'll fill you in before dinner. Thanks.”
He closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath and said, “Let's start over. I'm Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.”
“Hey, Xander Harris.” They shook hands, then laughed. If it came out shaky, well, they were both 'guy' enough to ignore it. “What did you need to know?”
Tony grinned. “That should be my line.”
This time their laughter was more natural.
~ * ~
By that afternoon, Xander was convinced he could work with Tony DiNozzo, Special Agent. They were different enough to keep a balance, but shared a sense of humor and love of movies. He even found Tony attractive, which was not on his list of criteria. But it was certainly something to think about. Can't imagine having to raise a kid together, knowing that it would cut down our prospects of relationships. I don't know many women who would share the attention, especially if we ended up living in the same house. And here's where the gods are meddling, cus finding a guy attractive? Doesn't usually happen to me. By the looks of things, it doesn't happen to him very often either. So... what now?
They left the park, walking to Tony's car. He offered to introduce Xander to Dr. Ducky Mallard and made a quick call to set the time. That he was being a little sneaky and had called his boss to relay the message? Just a little bit of security. Plus Gibbs would need to know about something like this. If Tony ended up being a daddy, it would seriously cut down on overtime, stake-outs, and undercovers.
By the time they stopped at Gibbs' house, it seemed that they had touched on every important topic. Which superhero was better, favorite black and white film, best middle of the night food, breasts vs butts... and agreed on most. It was almost unnerving for Xander - for years he'd been without male friends, only to find someone he could happily get along with on this warped crusade. He wasn't complaining, but yeah, it was bizarre.
At least he'd had those fears about Tony's upbringing set to rest. No matter how priveledged his childhood looked from the outside, the agent's family was far from ideal. His opinions of how a kid should be raised were nearly parallel to Xander's own. It was something they could both work with.
They parked and walked inside without knocking. Xander wasn't really surprised to find Dr. Mallard and the older military guy already there. Tony offered introductions, and Xander started on his spiel again. The others seemed shocked when Gibbs kept his mouth shut about the supernatural aspects, but Ducky just rolled with it. He said he was flattered, but couldn't possibly take care of a child while dealing with his aging mother. He excused himself, leaving Tony and Xander to cope with Gibbs' questions.
Waiting til he heard the ME's car drive off, Gibbs gestured his guests into the kitchen. Coffee was handed out as they sat at the table. His gaze caught his senior agent's. “My main concern isn't you having to cut back hours or stop putting yourself in the line of fire so often. Tony, are you ready to settle down? I'm not saying you two will start a storybook romance, but how many of your women will tolerate you suddenly being a single dad, who may or may not be living with another guy.”
Tony nodded his agreement. “That was one thing we'd talked about. And honestly, I'm not sure. The fact is that this might be the only way I'll get a healthy kid of my own, boss. Even if I finally find Ms. Right, the chances that we could conceive are pretty slim. Damned plague screwed up my sperm.”
Xander watched the byplay between the two coworkers. He was pretty sure the older guy was interested in his teammate, but neither said as much so he let it go. He refused to get in the way of anyone's relationship - that's just the kind of guy he was. Especially after that mess with Willow smoochies.
Clearing his throat to stop the silent conversation going on, he said, “Alright, we've all got things to think over. So! I'm going to head off to the next on my list, give my little speech again, and then head home for some dinner and sleep. You've got my phone number and email address, so does Ducky, so if you guys make a decision... let me know, either way.”
They shook his hand and said goodbye, promising to get in contact with him in a few days. Those two needed time to talk over the heavy UST going on. Xander only hoped it would be before his deadline.
Walking down the quiet road, he kicked a few pebbles as he thought. Tony was a really good choice in several ways. And the DNA part with him having the plague? Yeah, he'd at least make part-daddy status. According to the meddlesome deities, he could pick up to four (plus himself) for the parental units. Only one really needed to stick around full time to help out.
And Tony wouldn't have to cut back so much of his normal routine. Probably make Gibbs happier that way as well. Favored uncle status to them both? Should've remembered to offer that placement more clearly. Oh well, wasn't that bad for my first attempt. At least no one shot at me, or called a psych ward.
If we hadn't set that rule about 'hadn't had kids and probably couldn't', Gibbs would be an excellent choice as well. And with the two of them at my back? Hell, wouldn't have to worry about Tara ever being bullied or mauled by some handsy jerk. But if I change the list for him... damn, that'd leave so many more options. Strict criteria is good, keeps me from beating my head against a wall of potential daddies. And isn't that such an amusing mental image? Gods, I need a nap!
With a quick shake of his head, Xander realized he'd made his way back to a more populated area. That just wouldn't do at all. He turned around to head back toward Gibbs' place, and settled his hand on the coin halfway there. A fast glance around showed no signs of life outside the occasional bird or small mammal. He needed to hit his next stop, but which would it be?
Xander was having a hard time concentrating on his next location. One of the gods (he thought the snickering sounded like Nemesis) kept putting some homoerotic thoughts into his head. In technicolor. And surround sound. Xander Harris was a guy - every other thought was sexual, sometimes more often than that. Like he'd once said to his girls, even linoleum made him hard. He really didn't need the help finding more material for his personal fantasies.
The gods, it would seem, were bored and needed a new target. So long as Tara was safe, happy and healthy, he'd just have to deal with matchmaking meddlers.
Scanning his daddy list, Xander couldn't make up his mind which was next. DC was starting to make him itch - all the politicians who had made deals of some sort. Feeling the need to bathe himself in better feelings, he checked the various states and cities, choosing one in the middle of nowhere.
He landed outside of an old house, with an automotive graveyard nearby. It was getting close to sundown and the shadows produced an eerie effect across the metal skeletons. Almost creepy enough to feel like home.
Dusting off his sweaty palms, he headed toward the front porch.
Continues in Parts 4 thru 6.
Author: Rowaine
Fandoms: Will cover BtVS, NCIS, SG-1, SGA, CSI (various), Leverage, The Sentinel, Criminal Minds, and Numb3rs at times. Story is Xander-centric.
Rating: FR-15. Ish. A bit of foul language and a couple of make-out scenes but no more than kissing.
Pairing(s): Past Willow/Tara, hints of slash and het, final pairings will be made clear later.
Summary: He had to get out of town. It wasn’t just a fight for his own survival - not anymore - but for the future of a daughter he had yet to sire.
Warnings: Some fairly mild character bashing, adult language, almost but not quite mpreg of a sort…
Genres: A bit of angst, some funnies, some romance eventually.
Timeline: Ignore it. All. Seriously. Only pertinent timeline is for BtVS - but that changes almost immediately after Warren shot Buffy and Tara. Suspend all canon for the duration of this story.
Final Word Count: 71,870/50,000 WooHoo!
Author’s Notes: Written for 2013 NaNo on RoughTrade, organized by the delightful Keira Marcos. I’m a tad bit out of practice writing anything these days, as real life’s gotten in the way of fandom, but will do my best. Hope I haven’t thrown in too many cliches *lol* A few weeks ago, I threw out a challenge on Voracity’s Imaginings yahoo group - the idea would NOT go away, so I’m taking it up for NaNo this year.
Disclaimer: I am but a humble fanfiction author. I claim no moneys, gifts, donations or other worldly gain from the writing of this story. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, NCIS, CSI (all varieties), Criminal Minds, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, The Sentinel, and any other characters you may recognize belong to someone else.
Second AN to clarify some things: The whole point of the NaNo project (for those of you who've never heard of it or participated) is to write 'guilt free' - meaning unbeta'd, free range writing. Some people do stream of consciousness - which is close to mine but not quite. Hell, I barely managed to spellcheck reliably. What this means is that this is a very rough draft, but the good news is that it's complete. I'll probably have deleted scenes, outtakes or smut to add later, but this story is finished as is.
The second point of this NaNo - for me and only me - was not the word goal. Which I nearly doubled *blush* It was something more taxing. Those of you who have read my stories in the past will understand better, but I was determined to write a kid-centered fic and keep the rating below R. Excluding profanity and brief mentions of well-deserved torture, I managed to reach that goal too! So maybe the gods are through screwing with my life for awhile and more writing will happen.
Sorry for the extended Notes. On with the story!
Part 1
With Buffy in the hospital, the rest of the Scoobies were taking turns doing minor patrols.
Well, Xander admitted, at least I'm trying. Buffy can't, Giles is stunned, and Willow's... What on the hellmouth is Wills doing anyways? I get that she's mourning - we all are, we loved Tara nearly as much as she did - but she's being all secrety and stuff.
Once a month or so, they tried to patrol out as far as Kingman's Bluff. It was on the boundary of the hellmouth's influence, but they had hints of some ancient temple that Giles said warranted monitoring. So that's where Xander was. Plus, bonus, it was quiet. He really did understand Willow's grief. Hadn't he felt much the same when Jesse was killed? Not that she spent much time thinking of their childhood friend. When Buffy came into their lives, Willow seemed to abandon the years of friendship with Xander and Jesse. It made sense, he guessed, that she would hang on to the first girl friend she'd found that wasn't trying to change her into a fashion plate or take advantage of her giant brain. Not that Buffy didn't do some of that too, but at least she treated Willow better that some home improvement project.
Wandering around the ruins of the ancient temple, Xander's mind kept creeping back to how much Willow had changed from the sniffly little girl in pigtails crying over her broken yellow crayon. He missed his buddy, nearly as much as he missed Jesse. The Willow who ran around town with them, pranking the librarian and scolding like a mother hen, fixing boo-boos and playing doctor from her mother's medical texts. That girl was long gone, with college and new friends and ideas. Far, far gone with her beloved Tara being killed.
His thoughts drifting to the wonderful, shy young woman they'd recently lost, Xander was barely aware of his surroundings. He heard a voice chanting, but it took him a moment to recognize whose. Almost immediately, he was on alert - Willow was at the peak of Kingman's Bluff, a place suspected of holding awesome power to those petitioning an ancient deity. That, he knew, could be very bad, especially with her shaky emotional state.
“Too many gods to choose from... Attis, Nemesis, Lucina, Atropos... alright, not that one, I'm sorta pissed at her. Asclepius? Maybe. How about just one pantheon, that should work. And the Greek gods were all about vengeance and coming back from the /chokes/ dead.”
Xander walked toward the mourning young woman, being quiet without actually sneaking. So far she hadn't done anything to start a spell as he understood it.
“Gods of the ancient Greek, hear my plea! One of Hecate's maidens was taken sobs from her mortal life too soon, her work here unfinished. Aphrodite, I beg you to halt Atropos' vile scissors. Attis, Lucina, please bring her back to our lives. Nemesis!” Willow's voice breaks as she starts her last plea, her tears falling onto the stones at the highest part of the temple. “Nemesis, I beseech your power be added to your brothers and sisters in bringing Tara back into this world - her death was premature, she is needed so, so much. She has to come back, we need her, we love her, I... I can't do this without her.”
She's breaking, again. That's no spell! But prayers are just as powerful, Xander worried as he stepped toward his friend's shaking form. And much more unpredictable. Willow, what have you done?
“Please bring her back, however you can,” Willow's voice faded off into a whisper at the last words, her face turning white as she heard the unspoken answer to her prayer. “That wasn't what I meant!” Sliding down to her knees, she barely registered Xander's arms catching her. “She's going to be reborn. Oh Xander, she's coming back, but I've still lost her.”
He'd get the whole story out of her later. After getting them both off the windy bluff, with a good mug of hot chocolate and a box of tissues. Get her calmed down a bit. Because Xander knew through years of experience that a frantic Willow didn't always think about the consequences of her actions. And from the names he heard? Yeah, she was asking some of the wrong gods.
The trek down the rocky hillside was just hazardous enough to keep his attention. Too soon they were at his car, buckling in and heading back to town.
Part of him wanted to ask Giles for help, to see if maybe this... answered prayer could be altered or something. Maybe a way to make it safer for everyone. Especially Tara. But he honestly couldn't bring himself to bother the former watcher about it. Giles had taken to drinking as many meals as he ate, making his judgement a bit unreliable. And going to Buffy about it wouldn't be much better. She was a slay first, ask questions never sort - having to think about consequences? Not her strong suit. Anya would either cackle in glee over the whole thing, or get really worried about the ancient gods actually answering a prayer of this magnitude. Frankly, Xander was right with her on the worried. And Dawn, poor Dawn... she didn't need yet another trauma. Rumor had it that Spike had left town, not that he would be the best advice giver.
Which meant that Xander was on his own to deal with Willow's breakdown and possible pregnancy. Because the way she'd worded her prayer, and the look on her face when she was answered? Yeah, that's what it sounded like.
Less than a mile from the temple, Xander sent out his own silent prayer. Gods, I know Willow asked for this, for Tara to be brought back, but she can't be the mommy. Willow really believes that Tara was her soulmate. That would be way too weird, okay? We love Tara, we miss her like crazy, and we'd really love to have her back, but let someone else bring her into the world please. Someone who'll love and cherish her, not like her parents from this life. She's such a sweat, gentle soul. She deserves parents who will be good to her and give her all the love and opportunities that she couldn't have in this life.
On the ethereal realm, a small gathering of gods exchanged glances. The witch's prayer was heartfelt but selfish - not that unusual for humans. But the male's plea... he wanted the best for their fallen friend. Several smiles formed, some pleased and some wicked. They had time to plan. After all, it took nine months for a child to develop. With or without a standard womb.
~ * ~
Buffy's wounds had been healed by Willow's stolen power, but the doctors insisted she stay overnight for observation. This was Sunnydale - they didn't question her miraculous recovery. Dawn was allowed to stay in her room on a roll-away. With the Summers girls taken care of, Xander kept his mind occupied on helping Willow. His oldest living friend, no matter how far apart they'd grown, he couldn't desert her.
Puttering around in his kitchen with the makings for soup and grilled cheese - if ever there was a time for comfort food, this was it - Xander watched his Willow-shaped friend flinch and twitch in her sleep. And thank you, Goddess, for making sure she takes a nap. I know she's torn apart right now, but the rest can only help. Tomato soup, buttery grilled cheese, and more hot cocoa were ready in short order. He loaded up the coffee table before sitting down and gently shaking the redhead's foot.
“Hey Wills,” he said softly. “Let's get you fed and chocolated, then we'll figure this out, okay?”
Aching hazel eyes opened, their pain almost more than he could bear.
“Yeah, I know. You don't think you'll ever be hungry again. What's the point of eating or sleeping or taking a shower or going to work or school or anything really, when the one good thing in your life is gone? I get that, I really do!” Xander took her clammy hand in his own. “That was Jesse for me, Willow. We didn't talk about his death, it's like he didn't exist anymore for you. But he was closer than my friend, a brother, like my other half. I get it.”
Casting her eyes away from his earnest gaze, Willow's breath hitched. “I wasn't a good friend, I'm so sorry, Xander. Maybe... maybe you do understand.”
He snorted at that. “No maybe about it. If he was still alive, I figure me and Jesse would be together now.” At Willow's shocked look, he grinned. “Yeah, nothing happened, but we were that close. We even talked about it a few times, how we'd move in together after getting out of Sunnyhell High. Only need a single bedroom.”
“Oh, wow, huh.”
Snickering, Xander handed her a cup of soup. “You need to eat, then take a shower. Cus lady? You be one smelly chica,” he slipped into a truly horrible Mexican accent. Then his expression turned serious once more. “And then you and I are going to sit down and talk about your trip up the bluff.” Her eyes squeezed shut and she shook her head. “Yes, we are. We really, really are.”
He took the untouched soup from her hands and placed it on the table. “Willow girl, you prayed to some pretty ancient gods, after sucking a bunch of magic up and stealing power. You got an answer - I saw the look on your face - and weren't happy with it. Which means you need help, and hey, here I am. Just like I've been since the yellow crayon incident.”
Willow chanced a quick look at her oldest friend. He was right, she knew. And no matter how often she and Buffy put him down about not being any help... he was the common sense and stability in their lives. Tara had taken that place, but now? Tara was gone, Buffy wasn't going to be making much sense for awhile, and Xander... wouldn't let her bull her way through this.
“I've been a bad friend for a long time, huh?” she asked in a little girl voice.
Xander just nodded. “You have. I have. Buffy has. We've all been pretty horrible to each other. But if ever there's a time to grow the hell up, it's now. Tell me what answer you were given, Wills.”
Reaching over to pick up a triangle of sandwich, Willow pulled tiny bits off and dropped them into her tomato soup. The ripples never lasted long enough, but just that repetitive action gave her time to gather her thoughts. “They... they agreed. About T-t-tara being needed. /sniffle/ And that she could come back.” Bigger chunks of cheesy bread met their fate in a soupy death. “But she'd have to be reborn to someone who already loved her and would be a great caretaker... parent. Which they said couldn't be me.” Tears started to drip down her cheeks.
“Willow, look at me,” Xander demanded in a no-nonsense voice. “You can't be her mother and lover at the same time.” She gasped, as if that thought hadn't even occurred to her. Which it apparently hadn't. Goddess save me from the unthinking geniuses in the world. “Which means finding someone else to raise her. Someone who will be a good parent, not like those jackasses we had to run off.” She nodded emphatically. “Someone who will love and cherish her as the most special person in the world as a daughter.” Another nod, this one less enthusiastic. “It'll be like picking out the parents who'll adopt your child. We can search through all sorts of databases and articles to find the most protective, loving, smart people out there and choose from them who'll be her Mommy and Daddy.
“She won't be your Tara anymore, Wills,” he sadly said. “But she'll be back on earth, bringing her light and love and wonderfully caring nature to the world.”
Silently sobbing in both relief and loss, Willow threw her arms around Xander. He held on just as tightly, and they rocked back and forth to finally mourn the missing part of their lives.
And if the gods are benevolent, we'll see her again someday. Tara, I miss you so much. Not just for Willow's sake - you were the bright light that kept us from sliding into the darker parts of hunting. None of us will be the same without you here to gently guide us. But you deserve this second chance. If anyone in all of history deserves to live another lifetime, you do. I wish you the best, most loving and protective parents we can find.
Hallie cackled in glee. She hadn't even needed to prompt them. This was definitely going to be a satisfying case. Smirking to herself, she answered the summons. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.”
~ * ~
Over the next several days, Buffy was quite busy taking out her foul mood on every demon that hinted at being a threat to the safety of humans or kittens. The local poker circuit was shut down, cowering in fear at Willy's bar, and being purred into submission by the mass of tiny furballs they coudn't trade or eat.
While she was beating the fear of a frustrated, mourning slayer into the demon populace, Willow and Xander spent every waking minute researching and brainstorming. They both had the impression that the gods would give them a few weeks to make their decision about possible parents - although Xander kept having dreams where he personally was one of the dads. He chose not to share that with his buddy just yet, knowing that if he was one of the people responsible for raising the baby Tara he would have to move to be with the other father. She just didn't need that kind of stress along with everything else.
“You know, I could probably do a locator spell with some sort of genetic match to help our list,” Willow said out of nowhere. They had stopped for lunch on the fifth day, exhausted and more than a little frustrated. “It shouldn't be that difficult-”
Xander's hand went up in a 'hold on' gesture. “I'm sure there's something for that, Wills, but before you pull out the herbs we should talk with Giles. After your problems? Yeah, we want someone here who can monitor things a bit.” She gave him a kicked puppy look. “Don't even try that, Willow girl. You know how much trouble using magic has been for you. Tara was your tether, your counterbalance. Without her, I don't want you trying anything witchy unsupervised. Unless you'd like to call Ethan Rayne back? Yeah, so we talk to Giles. He loved Tara as much as the rest of us, he'll help.”
Unhappy with her buddy's doubts (however warranted) about her spellwork, Willow nodded and ate a bite of salad. “Fine, but we need to do it tonight. The new moon is one of the best times for stuff related to pregnancy, or y'know, childbearing stuff.”
Xander nodded he understood that much. “That should give us time to make sure he's dried out a bit. Maybe give him enough focus to get over his drinking some.” Until he figures out we'll have to move. Like Willow... hell, they're all going to take this badly.
Part 2
When it came down to making a decision, Xander wasn't the least surprised that Willow's list was full of geniuses. Dr. Spenser Reid - profiler and psychologist for the Behavior Analysis Unit of the FBI. Dr. Charlie Epps - math guru working at CalSci, with NSA and FBI ratings. Dr. Rodney McKay - astrophysicist. Dr. Daniel Jackson - archaelogist, anthropologist, linguist with at least 30 languages under his belt. Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard - currently playing Medical Examiner with DC's branch of NCIS, but might as well be “Where's Waldo”. Dr. Gil Grissom - CSI lead and world renowned bug expert. It wasn't hard to notice the trend. Dr. Bruce Banner - another physicist who apparently turned himself into a screaming green monster via some sort of radiation.
Xander's list had some of the same departments, but not the same people. He wasn't looking for IQ points like she was - he wanted someone who would really love, cherish and protect the precious life of a defenseless infant. Yes, smarts were important in many ways, but so were compassion and integrity and personal strength. And if some of his list had both? Well, maybe he could talk her around. With this being a magical, gods-induced conception... who was to say they only had to pick two sets of genes?
~ * ~
Giles was displeased. For nearly understandable reasons, Willow had called upon some powerful (should be retired) deities in her grief... and now they were supposed to be gathering information about the most likely father of an intended rebirth of her beloved Tara.
At least someone had the sense not to let the mourning, unstable witch do the spell alone. Although he was concerned that Xander was nearby - spells never seemed to go right around the boy. Giles refused to believe that it was Willow's fault for botching spellwork, trying to add a bit of pizazz to her performance. Surely she wasn't that careless.
A little voice in his head reminded him of a time he'd done exactly that to impress a certain chaos sorcerer.
From the next room, Xander let him know they were ready to begin. Candles and incense were lit, furniture moved to allow space, and the young woman sat in the middle of a circle.
“I do hope that it not a summoning circle, Willow,” the watcher scolded.
Blushing at the reprimand, she assured him, “Not really. I just seem to work best after casting the protective corners.” She nearly flinched at Xander's raised eyebrow. He couldn't possibly read minds - maybe it was paranoia.
“Wills, you promised...” Xander's voice held disappointment and censure.
Huffing, she tried to bluff her way through their combined frowns. “It was just a small viewing portal. I wanted to make sure she's alright.”
Xander walked over to her, intentionally scuffing the lines of the circle. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he squeezed a tiny bit of reassurance into his best friend. “Willow, after all that's happened, we don't need to take any chances of a botched spell. Or piss off any of the gods who answered you. If she wasn't alright, I'm pretty sure we'd know by now. Just do the paternity spell like we researched.”
It was easy to see how unhappy she was with those restrictions. Knowing her soulmate would be reborn wasn't enough - she wanted to see the blonde who'd kept her heart so safe and loved. Giles coughed, clearly indicating he was watching her movements. With a heavy sigh, she released the puppy eyes and began the plain, boring spell to show who would get the honor of raising her beloved.
Standing back toward the wall where he had the clearest view, Xander watched the redhead's frustration rise. He knew very well she would try something like that. Having been caught by both him and Giles must grate on her nerves. She's such a contradiction. Self-conscious and nervous, over-confident and cocky. Goddess, may she grow into a better balance, without needing someone at her side to do it for her.
The parchment laid carefully on the floor in front of Willow began to glow. If done correctly, the spell would take bits of Tara (in this case, a small wad of hair from her hairbrush) and divine her parents. Xander figured it wouldn't work properly since 1) Tara's body was no longer 'in use', and 2) her new parents hadn't been decided yet. But it made Willow feel useful, so why not?
Faster than any of them could read, names started appearing and disappearing from the paper. At the end, it flashed brightly and began to burn.
“Well, that wasn't any help,” Willow grumped. “I've got the stuff to do that portal spell, just give me a second-”
Thankfully, Giles stepped in before Xander had to. “No, Willow. I believe you have your answer, whether you choose to accept it or not. Tara's new parents have not been chosen - and isn't that what you and Xander were working on this past week? You are the ones responsible for determining who will raise her. Now cease your worrying and return to your research.”
Breathing a sigh of relief he didn't bother to mask, Xander started picking up the odds and ends of the spell, snuffing out candles as he went. The kicked puppy expression on his buddy's face failed to make him give into her demands. “Wills, we know she's being taken care of right now. We know she's going to have to grow up again, way before you can meet her. Which means that whoever is supposed to be her new parents, they aren't from around here. She'll definitely be safer growing up off the hellmouth.”
Seeing that her famous 'resolve face' was getting her nowhere, Willow tried producing a few tears. Neither man seemed affected by that either. She huffed loudly in annoyance. “I have a right to know where-”
“Stop.”
Mouth dropped in surprise, she stared at her mentor.
“I insist that you stop this silly attempt at manipulation right this instant,” Giles' voice was stern and held a touch of Ripper. “You are entitled to exactly nothing, whether Tara is your true soulmate or not. You prayed to the gods, thereby giving them ultimate authority over her well-being. You attempted to cheat by doing a paternity spell, which would get you out of making a decision on whom her parents would be.” He stared at her over the rims of his glasses. “And if the ingredients you've tried to hide behind your back are any indication, you were also going to attempt an aging spell once you'd found her. This will not occur.” He raised a hand to stop her protests. “You are not in control of this situation, Willow. It is no longer your decision, or concern. For the next eighteen years, you will have to accept that Tara is off limits to you.”
“Not that you're good at waiting for your lover,” Xander muttered under his breath. Lucky for him, his buddy wasn't listening. Giles heard, and manfully refrained from acknowledging the comment. Nor did he scold for it, which meant he agreed.
Clearing his throat, Giles shifted to take Willow's elbow and raised her off the floor. “I believe I've been remiss in your magical instruction. This being the end of the semester, perhaps you should consider taking a summer vacation, hmm? It would be little effort to see you onto a plane, and I'm certain the Devon coven will accept responsibility for your tutelage. I do hope they can instill you with better morals.”
Oh yeah, that's going to go over well, Xander thought with a snicker. Although she'll probably do what he says, since he's one of the few authority figures that actually pays attention to her actions. Blessing in disguise - she'll be gone by the time the decision is made. Summer break starts in two weeks.
~ * ~
Late on the tenth night after Kingman's Bluff, Xander drifted off to sleep. It had been a very long day. Hell, it'd been a long month. Even before the shooting, things hadn't been right. He was so exhausted that his body sent him into REM far faster than normal. Or something supernatural was kicking in. Had he been awake and thinking, Xander would bet on the weird and wacky first.
He woke in a garden on a long bench, surrounded by flowers and birds and assorted columns. The whole area looked like something straight out of a Xena episode. Several figures moved into view and he knew he wasn't far off with that guess.
“Greetings, young one,” said one of the men. “I am Attis, god of rebirth. My companions are Lucina, goddess of childbirth,” she inclined her head in acknowledgement, “Asclepius, god of health and medicine,” he offered a short wave of his hand, “Nemesis, goddess of vengeance,” she smirked, “and one of the Fates, Atropos,” she gave a brittle smile.
Xander stood quickly, proud that he hadn't stumbled and fallen off his perch in front of so many powerful beings. “Uh, hi! Sorry, didn't expect this sort of meeting. It was Willow's prayer, and her soulmate, so-”
Atropos interrupted his stammered apologies, “Your friend brought the situation to our notice, of course. However, your wish for the young lady's well being and happiness had far more to do with this gathering.”
“We agree that Tara Maclay was taken from her life too soon. She has the capacity to bring much light to the world,” Lucina took over. “We also agree with you - her new life should be to parents who will raise her with love and show respect for their placement as her guardians.”
Nemesis' grin was just this side of evil when she added, “Her former family will be shown the error of their ways. And I've had a few words with Hades and Tartarus concerning her murderer. They assure me that this Warren will be suitably chastized.”
Taking in the various expressions of his hosts, Xander knew the time had come to make a decision regarding Tara's new parents. He still had reservations about letting her go to total strangers, but since he'd gotten the impression that he would be her new father...
Asclepius nodded at him, reading his thoughts. “You are correct in that, Alexander.” He gave the mortal a long look. “Defender of men, a fitting name. Are you prepared to defend the reborn Tara as well?” Xander nodded at once. “And have you made up your mind on who will help you raise and provide for your new daughter?”
Stall, stall, stall! Gods, how do you stall gods? Several chuckles broke his mental rant. He groaned quietly. Gods who can read my mind. Great. Humiliation, hi, glad you could join the conversation.
“Relax, Alexander. You have several people in mind already. We approve of your choices so far,” the deity of physicians assured him. “We're here to offer you the chance to meet each of them, test their mettle and see how they would react to your rather unusual situation.”
He stood in silence for a moment, then forced himself to ask, “Unusual... am I going down in history as the first man to be pregnant?”
The goddesses twittered in laughter, as Attis answered, “Not really, but you will be the 'mother' of sorts.”
Xander let out a louder groan. “The girls are never going to let me live this down.”
Asclepius reached out and clapped him on the shoulder. “Their memories will be... modified a bit to allow you a respite. From what we have witnessed of your interactions, they have little faith in your abilities or intellegence. We are agreed that this must change enough to permit your departure from the mouth of hell.”
The sigh of relief caused another round of warm chuckles. “Love my girls, but sometimes...”
Attis nodded, looking as if he understood all too well. He held out a gold coin, offering it to the mortal. “With this, you may travel to meet each of your choices. You must think clearly of who you wish to see, and it will transport you to the nearest out-of-the-way location. We suggest you do so as quickly as possible. While the gestation of a child normally takes nine months, Tara's circumstances are different. You will need time to move away from the hellmouth and set up a home near whichever father will be assisting.”
“I can get one of them to help?” Xander asked in bewilderment. “The way I understood it, we only needed one person's genes to create... but that wouldn't mean they'd be around for... I'm sorry, maybe I'm missing something here.”
Nemesis gave a great sigh, echoed by Lucina, but it was Atropos who answered, “Your witch friend was told of this. It is unfortunate that she did not relay the information she was given. You will be one of the biological parents, yes. You have the responsibility to make sure at least one other person is constantly around to act as the other parent.”
“Tara is a pure soul,” the healing god went on, “one that will bring light and joy to all around her. She deserves the stability of a good home, the balance of two or more parental figures, and the opportunities to learn and grow that she was denied in this life. To that end, we are agreed. She may have more than two people as her biological parents. We leave that choice to you. Alexander, time is moving once more. In seven days we must know your answer.”
Morning light shined through the curtains of his bedroom. Huh, an all night chat. At least they left me feeling well rested. Reaching up to rub the sleep from his eyes, Xander just snorted at the coin in his hand. Subtle.
~ * ~
He quickly jotted a note to Willow, leaving it in the Magic Box's mail slot. Since it was her day to man the register, she was sure to find it. In a couple of hours, when it came time to open, and long after he'd made his first trip. It wasn't that he was trying to keep it a secret exactly... but he'd already started thinking of baby Tara as his. Picking the other parent or parents was a serious job, and one that didn't need Willow's emotional and irrational input. Damn her parents for not bothering to be around while she was growing up. She's so stunted in people skills - I've seen first graders who can read people better. How she thinks she could raise Tara alone... Just no.
The more time passed after his dreamtime meeting, the more Xander felt okay with this very weird and utterly right situation. He was going to pack up all his worldly goods (what Anya hadn't sold or taken), move to the other side of the country, and raise his best friend's formerly dead lesbian lover with a perfect stranger on the decision of a single interview. Yeah, the gods were definitely playing him. But at least it seemed like they were trying to do right by Tara. He'd ride it out for the time being, until something happened to make him want to scream at some meddling deities.
Taking the coin in his left hand, Xander gave a clear mental command of his first target.
~ * ~
“He will be a very good father to our little blessing.”
“We should offer a few suggestions toward his selection process.”
“Nonsense, brother! He has made some thoughtful choices.”
“Yes, but-”
“No. We have no need to step in at this point. So long as he makes his own decisions without assistance from his fair-weather friends, all will be well.”
Part 3
Xander landed in a dark alley. He could hear a few cars and some foot traffic nearby, figuring that this was as close as he could get to his first name without appearing in public. At least it isn't a nasty alley, no trash or rotting food to deal with.
Stepping out onto the street, he heard a woman's voice call out two names. One being the first on his list, the other was on Willow's.
A bobbing pigtail caught his attention as the voice chattered happily. The woman looked to be in her mid-twenties, definitely a goth, but with a bubbly personality that reminded him of Willow before Jesse's death. She bounced through the patrons of a sidewalk cafe to join four men. Hugging each in turn, she sat between an older man with a military haircut and a younger, slightly pudgy man in classic scholastic geek attire. The other two were as different as night and day - one an older gentleman that quietly screamed 'classy', the other a very handsome man in his early thirties who had a playboy look to him.
With so many people around, he wasn't likely to get a quiet word alone with anyone. The coin seemed to buzz in his hand, then a slight sparkle covered two of the men. Well, classy older guy or sporty younger. My guess is the older one's Dr. Mallard, which leaves-
“Tony!” the woman squealed, smacking him on the arm.
Yep, we have a winner. Maybe he's not as... flashy as he seems. At least he'd make a pretty baby. Probably has the protective part down too, with his type of job. But he looks like one of those frat guys we used to dodge to keep from being the butt of their jokes. Casually mean, self-important jocks with a sense of entitlement. Yay. Xander gave an internal sigh at the thought, but scolded himself. First appearances aren't everything. Lots of people put on a show for the world to keep their real self safe. You should know that all too well, Xanman.
Finding a seat at a tiny table off to the side, he ordered a light meal and sat back to eavesdrop. The quintet worked together, obviously, and were good friends. It was easy to see how much they all regarded Dr. Mallard, and that Tony had a sense of humor not too far off Xander's own. When the group finally finished their lunch and made to leave the area, Tony hung back to take care of the bill. Xander stood and followed him to the register. He was trying to be cool and casual about it, but failed.
“Want to tell me why you've been watching us?” the question tossed over a shoulder.
“Um...” Xander replied. With great eloquence. “I'm guessing you're going back to work now, so probably not the best time, but I'd like the chance to talk with you soonish. Sorta looking for someone and you're first on my list.”
Tony turned to offer his undivided attention, only his eyes flickering showed that he was probably inspecting and profiling this odd stranger. “Let me call the boss to let him know I'll be late. You won't have long unless we're talking about a Marine or Navy crime?”
Shaking his head, Xander told him, “No, more of a personal matter. Is there a park nearby? Public without being too near anyone else...”
They paid the waitress and walked in silence two blocks, arriving at a 'dog walking' park. Tony led them toward the farthest end and sat on a bench, making a 'well, go ahead' motion.
“Right, where to begin.” Xander frowned. He had sort of jumped the gun a bit, not stopping to consider how he would approach the topic with the prospective parents. “A few weeks ago, some lunatic shot two of my friends. One's okay now, but the other died. We... we're all still in that shocked state, you know?” Tony nodded, sympathy in his expression. “So anyway, the one who died, she was my best friend's lover. Soulmate even. And Willow nearly went off the deep end. She called on some major players to bring Tara back. Like ancient powers.”
Tony sighed. He thought he knew what might be coming.
“They agreed that Tara was needed and could come back to earth, but not the same.” Xander took a deep breath. This was the part he looked forward to least. “She's supposed to be reborn, and I got told to pick the parents.”
Alright, so he was wrong. And maybe questioning the young man's sanity wasn't a bad thing either.
“Yeah, I know. You don't need to ask if I'm nuts - not most days at least. It does sound like the plot for a bad B movie though.” He shrugged with a grin. “Seriously. Hey, maybe this will help.” Holding out the coin, he placed it on Tony's hand and waited.
The investigator turned the disk over in his hand. It was warm (body heat most likely), obviously old, and heavier than it appeared. He looked up to meet his strange visitor's eyes... and knew. However weird his story, this man was telling the truth.
“So, what? You want me to help you find a surrogate?”
Coughing, Xander retrieved the coin and placed it in his pants pocket. “Not exactly. You're one of the ones on the list of possible fathers. Your personality and character traits, well, you're the type I'd want to help raise Tara.”
Of all the abnormal things that had happened to him, getting the plague came to mind, this young guy propositioning him to have a kid together just bumped its way to the top of the list.
Tony lifted a finger to hold that thought, pulled out his cell phone and quickly dialed. “Hey boss, I'm going to need to take off for a bit. Yeah, I'll make up the time later. Call if we get a case. No, the reports are in your inbox, already proofread. Yes, Abby's got that, we're still waiting on the tests. Sure, I'll fill you in before dinner. Thanks.”
He closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath and said, “Let's start over. I'm Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.”
“Hey, Xander Harris.” They shook hands, then laughed. If it came out shaky, well, they were both 'guy' enough to ignore it. “What did you need to know?”
Tony grinned. “That should be my line.”
This time their laughter was more natural.
~ * ~
By that afternoon, Xander was convinced he could work with Tony DiNozzo, Special Agent. They were different enough to keep a balance, but shared a sense of humor and love of movies. He even found Tony attractive, which was not on his list of criteria. But it was certainly something to think about. Can't imagine having to raise a kid together, knowing that it would cut down our prospects of relationships. I don't know many women who would share the attention, especially if we ended up living in the same house. And here's where the gods are meddling, cus finding a guy attractive? Doesn't usually happen to me. By the looks of things, it doesn't happen to him very often either. So... what now?
They left the park, walking to Tony's car. He offered to introduce Xander to Dr. Ducky Mallard and made a quick call to set the time. That he was being a little sneaky and had called his boss to relay the message? Just a little bit of security. Plus Gibbs would need to know about something like this. If Tony ended up being a daddy, it would seriously cut down on overtime, stake-outs, and undercovers.
By the time they stopped at Gibbs' house, it seemed that they had touched on every important topic. Which superhero was better, favorite black and white film, best middle of the night food, breasts vs butts... and agreed on most. It was almost unnerving for Xander - for years he'd been without male friends, only to find someone he could happily get along with on this warped crusade. He wasn't complaining, but yeah, it was bizarre.
At least he'd had those fears about Tony's upbringing set to rest. No matter how priveledged his childhood looked from the outside, the agent's family was far from ideal. His opinions of how a kid should be raised were nearly parallel to Xander's own. It was something they could both work with.
They parked and walked inside without knocking. Xander wasn't really surprised to find Dr. Mallard and the older military guy already there. Tony offered introductions, and Xander started on his spiel again. The others seemed shocked when Gibbs kept his mouth shut about the supernatural aspects, but Ducky just rolled with it. He said he was flattered, but couldn't possibly take care of a child while dealing with his aging mother. He excused himself, leaving Tony and Xander to cope with Gibbs' questions.
Waiting til he heard the ME's car drive off, Gibbs gestured his guests into the kitchen. Coffee was handed out as they sat at the table. His gaze caught his senior agent's. “My main concern isn't you having to cut back hours or stop putting yourself in the line of fire so often. Tony, are you ready to settle down? I'm not saying you two will start a storybook romance, but how many of your women will tolerate you suddenly being a single dad, who may or may not be living with another guy.”
Tony nodded his agreement. “That was one thing we'd talked about. And honestly, I'm not sure. The fact is that this might be the only way I'll get a healthy kid of my own, boss. Even if I finally find Ms. Right, the chances that we could conceive are pretty slim. Damned plague screwed up my sperm.”
Xander watched the byplay between the two coworkers. He was pretty sure the older guy was interested in his teammate, but neither said as much so he let it go. He refused to get in the way of anyone's relationship - that's just the kind of guy he was. Especially after that mess with Willow smoochies.
Clearing his throat to stop the silent conversation going on, he said, “Alright, we've all got things to think over. So! I'm going to head off to the next on my list, give my little speech again, and then head home for some dinner and sleep. You've got my phone number and email address, so does Ducky, so if you guys make a decision... let me know, either way.”
They shook his hand and said goodbye, promising to get in contact with him in a few days. Those two needed time to talk over the heavy UST going on. Xander only hoped it would be before his deadline.
Walking down the quiet road, he kicked a few pebbles as he thought. Tony was a really good choice in several ways. And the DNA part with him having the plague? Yeah, he'd at least make part-daddy status. According to the meddlesome deities, he could pick up to four (plus himself) for the parental units. Only one really needed to stick around full time to help out.
And Tony wouldn't have to cut back so much of his normal routine. Probably make Gibbs happier that way as well. Favored uncle status to them both? Should've remembered to offer that placement more clearly. Oh well, wasn't that bad for my first attempt. At least no one shot at me, or called a psych ward.
If we hadn't set that rule about 'hadn't had kids and probably couldn't', Gibbs would be an excellent choice as well. And with the two of them at my back? Hell, wouldn't have to worry about Tara ever being bullied or mauled by some handsy jerk. But if I change the list for him... damn, that'd leave so many more options. Strict criteria is good, keeps me from beating my head against a wall of potential daddies. And isn't that such an amusing mental image? Gods, I need a nap!
With a quick shake of his head, Xander realized he'd made his way back to a more populated area. That just wouldn't do at all. He turned around to head back toward Gibbs' place, and settled his hand on the coin halfway there. A fast glance around showed no signs of life outside the occasional bird or small mammal. He needed to hit his next stop, but which would it be?
Xander was having a hard time concentrating on his next location. One of the gods (he thought the snickering sounded like Nemesis) kept putting some homoerotic thoughts into his head. In technicolor. And surround sound. Xander Harris was a guy - every other thought was sexual, sometimes more often than that. Like he'd once said to his girls, even linoleum made him hard. He really didn't need the help finding more material for his personal fantasies.
The gods, it would seem, were bored and needed a new target. So long as Tara was safe, happy and healthy, he'd just have to deal with matchmaking meddlers.
Scanning his daddy list, Xander couldn't make up his mind which was next. DC was starting to make him itch - all the politicians who had made deals of some sort. Feeling the need to bathe himself in better feelings, he checked the various states and cities, choosing one in the middle of nowhere.
He landed outside of an old house, with an automotive graveyard nearby. It was getting close to sundown and the shadows produced an eerie effect across the metal skeletons. Almost creepy enough to feel like home.
Dusting off his sweaty palms, he headed toward the front porch.
Continues in Parts 4 thru 6.