Reconnecting (1/1)
Callie Torres has nightmares about the accident. She dreams that she’s in the passenger seat of the car, the sunshine spilling in the windows and lapping at Arizona’s hair, when the truck comes out of nowhere. She goes through the windshield, feels the glass break, and then jolts awake in bed, covered in sweat and panting through her tears.
She’s slightly comforted by the blip of the machines, the printed pictures of Sofia on the shoddy hospital nightstand, the cards and flowers and gifts from all her friends.
Since the nightmares started, Callie reads herself to sleep; anything except for medical journals. All the talk of broken bones remind her of the ones she broke and bruised when she vaulted through the windshield; remind her of all the scars that lay underneath the thin, starchy cotton of her hospital gown.
Mostly she reads stories in Spanish but they don’t always help. One night she reads Marquez’s Un Señor Muy Viejo Con Alas Enormes about an old man with huge wings who falls into a couples’ backyard. The story is different and beautiful and it makes Callie smile but when she falls asleep that night she dreams of sprouting wings and flying over the scene of the accident, of staring down at her limp and bloodied body on the hood of the car.
Just when she thinks she can’t take the nightmares anymore, she and baby are sent home to be with Arizona.
Callie’s sure that being in her bed with her fiancée and the baby sleeping next door will be enough to combat the horrible dreams.
She’s wrong.
At every uneven breath or sigh from the monitor, Callie’s in the nursery, peering into the crib to make sure Sofia’s still breathing. She sets a gentle hand on the baby’s chest to feel the steady rise and fall of it. Arizona waits outside, fighting tears, then pulls her wife into her arms and lets her cry.
Callie repeats the same thing she says each time this happens: “I should have put my seatbelt on, I should have.”
Arizona tells her that it’s okay and that Sofia is a fighter and pulled through. She’s a healthy baby now with a healthy mommy, who needs to sleep all the same. Callie tries to sleep, curled up in Arizona’s tight, protective embrace yet it continues to evade her.
Sometimes Arizona wakes up in the middle of the night, disturbed by the light that’s still on on the bedside table, noticing the ever-growing pile of books on Callie’s nightstand. There’s sappy romances, old classics, baby books, and even the Harry Potter series, all of which seem to make a difference in the way her fiancée dreams.
She pretends to sleep, watching Callie read, nod off, wake herself up, then nod off again. The blonde doesn’t know how the brunette has energy in the morning, but she does see the bags under her eyes.
When Sofia fusses occasionally in the night, Callie’s the first one up, Arizona following in sleepy silence to watch her fiancée change the baby and send her back to sleep, often humming a lullaby. The blonde smiles at the sight, knowing Callie feels like she has some catching up to do. And Sofia is pretty adorable, lighting up their life in the best of ways.
----
On her day off Arizona shuffles into the kitchen and spies Callie making an omelet, sprinkling diced peppers into the pan of eggs. Sofia’s in her high chair, feet kicking while she gums her fist. Like a zombie, Arizona drags herself to the coffee pot and pours herself a generous mug’s worth as she and Callie mumble through their good mornings. Their conversations have been tight lately. Arizona knows it’s because Callie’s guilt-tripping herself for, what she believes is, no reason.
“That smells delicious,” Arizona smiles as she reaches down to unclip Sofia from her highchair, picking the baby up to give her some morning hugs and kisses.
“Thanks, it’s just an omelet with some peppers and onions and sharp cheddar for us, a nice warm bottle for Sofia,” Callie explains, grinning slightly.
Her eyes don’t light up like they used to.
They eat in somewhat of a rigid silence. Arizona feeds the baby who’s more than happy to sit on her lap all the while, reaching up to tug on blonde locks or fussing a little when she’s not stimulated enough.
“Mark has Sofia this weekend. Do you want to maybe see a movie?” Callie asks as Arizona detaches that tiny fist from a blonde curl.
At first Arizona is a little confused. They haven’t done many couple-y things in a while since Callie’s usually too tired on their weekends off and tortures herself into a fitful wake-sleep cycle while Arizona does things like hurriedly put together their wedding plans.
It gets a little lonely.
Breaking into one of those heartbreaking smiles, Arizona nods, “I’d love to, or maybe we could stay here and rent a movie.”
As she trails off, the end part of her statement is laced with the need Callie knows she has.
“That sounds better.”
Mark picks Sofia up at 4:30 P.M. promptly that Friday evening. He’s just come straight from the hospital, hair still a little wet from the shower, diaper bag on his right arm, carrier in his left hand. Sofia squeals when she sees him, which makes his face light up.
Arizona fills him in on how yesterday Sofia babbled out a word that sounded like ‘bottle’ and how she cried when a lady at the grocery store tried to talk to her. Mark loves this, glad his daughter is selective of her interactions. Callie straps the baby into the carrier, kissing her face and giving Mark a quick hug before they’re out the door.
When the door closes, Arizona heads off in the direction of the shower before she feels Callie’s hand gently encircle her wrist.
“I see you, you know? I see everything that you’re doing, how strong you’re being.”
Arizona drops her gaze, the floodgates opening. She hasn’t cried much since the accident; since Callie told her ‘yes’ hoarsely in the hospital room; since Sofia came home and slept for four solid hours while she sat in their nursery’s rocking chair thanking a God she’d almost forgotten about (or at least was sure had forgotten about her).
“It’s all for you, Calliope. You and that little girl, our little girl.”
Callie smiles.
Arizona realizes she hasn’t seen a smile like that in a long time, the kind that takes over every facet of the brunette’s face. It stretches from that perfect mouth across her cheeks and up to her eyes that seem to wake up too.
The phone rings; Mark’s forgotten the pacifier. Arizona takes the opportunity to slink off to the bathroom for that shower.
The spray feels like heaven, warm and cleansing. Arizona takes her time, lathering her body with crisp, citrusy body wash while she sighs, letting the steamy space take over her racing thoughts. When her mind idles like this, she wonders if Callie’s going to be okay. If they’ll be okay.
What if the best part of her beautiful wife-to-be was already exhausted before the accident? What happens if Callie stops smiling at her in the mornings? Stops holding her at night? Starts sleeping on the couch? Starts talking about custody?
The sob choking out of her feels disembodied. She leans her head against the cool tiles of the shower, shoulders shaking as she closes her mouth. She has to be strong. This is her sanctuary, the place she can let it all out before drying her eyes and putting on that smile, mentioning the lilies for the wedding, the band that will play Frank Sinatra.
The knock on the bathroom door jars her from her reverie.
“Hey, Arizona?” Callie calls from behind the wooden plane.
“Yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
“Sure, I’m almost out of here.”
Callie opens the door and sighs, pulling back the curtain. She’s clutching a towel around her, face tilted toward the drain of the shower.
“Are…do you…w-want to join me?” Arizona asks, bewildered.
The brunette nods slowly, unwinding her towel and placing it on the hook by the shower, right next to Arizona’s.
Arizona swallows hard. This is the first time she’s seen Callie fully naked since the accident. She’s thinner, but still beautiful. Angry red lines mar that otherwise flawless skin that she loves to touch. She wants to run her hands along the outside swell of those beautiful breasts, trickle down across Callie’s ribs, ghost along her curves. Her fingers tingle as she holds out her hand. Callie takes it. It’s a serious effort not to run her hands all over the other woman, not entirely sexually but just to reconnect, to rekindle.
They stare at each other until Arizona has to blink, the water running into her eyes and masking the tears from earlier. Fresh ones start to fall as she reaches out for Callie, pulling her into her arms. She feels so good, so warm. Arizona lets Callie bury her face against her neck, strokes the back of those short locks while the brunette cries. And cries. And cries.
It’s almost too tight, the way Callie’s squeezing her. Almost too much for her to bear. But she feels it, and she wants to feel it all. She never wants to stop feeling Callie holding her, needing her. They’re vulnerable like this, naked and new, standing in the shower with Callie still a few inches taller than her girl. But they’re even, they’re equal. This year’s been a lot for the both of them. This year’s been a test. They’ve passed it, barely.
But, Arizona’s used to soaring, over-achieving, excelling.
And so is Callie.
“I missed this so much,” Arizona admits, feeling Callie’s hold get impossibly tighter. “When you were lying in the hospital, I just wanted to hold you. I wasn’t allowed to touch you. So I’d just hold your hand and hope and pray that one day you’d squeeze it back. But you didn’t. So I just sat there, and I’d look at your hands and they’d look so still and calm. I told you everything. About Sofia. About surgeries. And then, you squeezed it back. And then you made me happier than I ever have been.”
Callie sniffles and pulls back to cup Arizona’s face, running her thumb along that slightly pink scar underneath her lip. “You did that?”
“Every day. Sometimes Mark and I would eat lunch together in there and we’d both tell you about the baby and he’d recount all your crazy stories. We missed you,” Arizona swallows.
“You’re amazing. How did I get so lucky, Arizona?”
The blonde smiles easily. “You’re awesome, that’s how. We deserve each other. This hasn’t been Easy Street, but it has been lucky. I foresee only good things in our future.”
Callie cracks a grin, tightening the embrace. She presses her lips gently against the other pair. She wants to believe her.
Just as the kiss deepens the water goes lukewarm and then freezing. Both women scamper from the confines of the freezing water, giggling as they wrap each other in towels.
Arizona’s heart soars. She hasn’t heard that sound in far too long.
----
Callie remembers why she doesn’t let Arizona pick the movies most nights: they’re kids movies or romantic comedies. Callie prefers action flicks or horror movies, but action movies make Arizona jumpy and the scary ones send her burrowing into Callie’s arms.
Tonight they’re watching Up. Callie doesn’t mind, unsure if her heart could take the action-packed car-crash movies tonight.
In truth, she doesn’t mind the cutesy because Arizona’s gone out of her way to make everything absolutely perfect. She went to rent the movie and came back with popcorn, Lemonheads, regular cokes and Pull and Peel Twizzlers. All of Callie’s favorite things. Arizona’s brought out all the comfiest blankets from the linen closet, fluffed the couch pillows, poured the cokes into wine glasses. The popcorn’s popped (with butter and parmesan cheese) and the candy’s in little serving bowls.
“How are you this adorable?” Callie asks as she surveys all of the effort Arizona has put into their date night.
The blonde smiles, flopping onto their couch and patting the space next to her. One of Sofia’s books is lodged between the cushions and Callie smiles, remembering walking in the other morning to see the baby sprawled on Arizona’s chest while the blonde read to her.
It’s that moment where she feels like she has everything that Callie stiffens in Arizona’s arms. It’s that moment, where the balloon-laden movie blurs and she turns away from her blonde, who’s peeling apart a Twizzler and tying the strings into little edible knots.
“You okay?” Arizona asks, noticing Callie shift.
“You, you’re just amazing. I don’t think I tell you enough.”
Tugging Callie even closer, the blonde shifts so she’s on her back with the brunette snuggled on top of her. She smiles, running her fingers through shoulder-length waves.
“You tell me more than enough.”
Callie smiles despite her tears. “I hope so.”
With her palms on either side of Callie’s face, thumbs brushing across her cheeks, Arizona swallows. “I know that this has been a tough year, and part of that is my fault, and part of that is your fault. But the thing that’s important, that’s really, really what we’re all about, is this. Is us. It’s that baby sleeping at her dad’s while we get to enjoy each other. We’re getting married, Calliope. Married. And I know it’s scary, but I think it’s the right thing. Despite how horrible my timing was with the question and the-”
But Arizona’s cut off by Callie’s lips on hers. The blonde can feel tears running from her fiancée’s perfect chin and falling onto hers before losing themselves in blonde waves.
When Callie pulls away, Arizona’s sniffling and wiping away tears of her own. The kiss feels like words that they’d needed to say to one another for weeks, piling up and constricting around them like an angry vice that had just been loosened.
“I should have put my seatbelt on, Arizona. It’s not all your fault. If I would have had my seat belt on, I wouldn’t have - do you know how hard it is to change Sofia into her pajamas or bathe her knowing she’s got that horrible scar down her chest for the rest of her life? That if I would have just -”
“Do you know how hard it is to look at that scar knowing I caused it? That I should have kept my eyes on the road? That I should have waited till we got to the bed and breakfast?”
Callie’s brows knit as she studies Arizona’s face. She looks so tired. A fatigue that needs more than just a good night’s sleep. It needs reassurance. As much as Callie’s been beating herself up, Arizona has been right there with her.
“We were stupid and selfish. But we’re here now. And I think that moving forward is the only thing that we can do. We’re lucky. We have each other and Sofia and even though Mark’s kind of a goof sometimes, he’s in our corner too.”
Arizona smiles as she hears “Squirrel!” from the talking dog on television and giggles despite the seriousness of their conversation.
Callie drops another kiss to Arizona’s lips, smiling at the unexpected sound from her wife-to-be.
“That was cheesy, I know. But I mean it,” Callie says emphatically.
“It wasn’t cheesy, Callie.”
“Says the woman who breaks into eloquent speeches at the drop of a hat,” the brunette teases.
Arizona’s chest feels light and normal, no longer weighed down by the constant nagging worry and wonder. This feels like them. Them before the accident, before Africa, before the tension. It feels like the good old days of sitting on the couch and making out like a couple of teenagers while a movie played, forgotten in the background. They’d “seen” a lot of movies this way.
Instead of pawing, though, Callie lays her head on Arizona’s chest to listen to her heart pounding steadily. It’s these little things that bring her back to earth instead of remaining isolated in her own head. “I just get scared. Like we’re too perfect; like we’ve tempted fate so many times. What if it blows up on us?”
Arizona blows out a breath as she presses a kiss to Callie’s crown. “I worry about that, too, you know? But we’re resilient. We’ll get through it. It kills me to think of you as not being with me for the rest of our lives. If we want it to work we’ll make it work. We’ve been through some hard stuff, we’ll get through more. That’s marriage, I think. I’ve never really had one before.”
Callie smirks and shakes her head, nosing against Arizona’s neck. “Smart ass.”
“I didn’t mean with you and George, I mean. Uh, I just meant-”
“Stop talking,” Callie grins as she lifts herself off of Arizona, holding out a hand. “I’d rip your clothes off out here, but I feel weird with a child’s movie playing on television.”
“Oh, like that’s ever stopped you before,” Arizona says with a roll of her eyes.
Grinning again, Callie takes Arizona by her hands, leading her to their bedroom. Arizona has to pause, though, and push Callie-gently-up against the wall. She just wants to feel her, all of her. Her warm body against hers, all soft curves and pajama clad. It feels good to reconnect slowly.
They stay against the wall opposing their bedroom door. Arizona’s pushing Callie against it while she keeps kissing her, unzipping the sweatshirt the brunette had changed into after her shower and letting it fall into the hallway. Chilly fingers slip underneath the tank top, causing Callie’s back to arch.
“Bed, bed is warmer,” the Latina moans as Arizona palms at her breasts.
“So freakishly sensitive to temperature,” Arizona mumbles in between kisses on the way to bed.
Once they get there, the brunette disentangles from her wife-to-be’s warm embrace and skitters under their soft sheets and fluffy duvet. Arizona wiggles out of her black yoga pants before following suit, comforted by the feeling of warm Calliope under the covers.
The brunette rolls Arizona on top of her, relishing in the feeling of the blonde’s smooth thighs, warm body against hers. Arizona kisses her way up Callie’s neck, nipping very gently on an ear before her lips find the other pair. The sound of hands against skin fill the silence, sliding gently against each other’s bodies in between appreciative little noises muffled in the kiss.
Callie pulls Arizona’s thin t-shirt over her head, hands moving to her breasts in soothing reverence. It’s been a while since she’s been able to touch her like this; taking her time, enjoying her. Arizona, never a fan of tears in the bedroom, feels wrought with emotion, like she could cry at any minute. When Callie’s gaze locks with hers, Arizona shudders, tipping her head back as the brunette’s warm mouth presses open-mouthed kisses down her neck and across her naked torso.
The Latina’s fingers glide across Arizona’s hips, hooking her fingers on either side of her underwear, lifting her gaze to watch the blonde squirm out of them. As she tosses them over her shoulder, Callie grins. “I thought I ripped those.”
“You did, I bought another pair,” Arizona grins as Callie facilitates a flip in position then settles between the blonde’s knees, hands stroking over warm thighs, down toned calves.
“That was a fun night,” Callie mumbles distractedly, realizing how much she’d missed the gorgeous body underneath her.
“Our first night,” Arizona reminds, hissing in a breath as Callie’s fingertips tickle against her inner thigh.
This elicits a giggle from Callie as her hands wander up to Arizona’s hips. She looks at the woman for a moment and then smiles, shimmying up beside her and gathering the blonde into her arms.
“I was excited.”
“Super excited apparently.”
Callie playfully nudges Arizona’s shoulder before the blonde rolls on top of her, lips meeting again for a soft kiss, neither woman in any hurry to break it.
“I want to do this, but can we just stay like this a while?” Arizona says softly as she pulls away, biting her own lower lip in contemplation.
“What, making out in bed?” Callie grins, fingertips skating across the definition of Arizona’s back.
“Yeah, just for a little. I miss this.”
“Me too,” the brunette murmurs as she threads her fingers through silky blonde waves, pulling Arizona in for another kiss.
“Mm,” Arizona mumbles after a few moments. “Remember the first time Bailey walked in on us making out at the hospital?”
“You mean when you insisted on mounting me during the night shift?”
Arizona giggles. “Everyone was sleeping on Peds!”
“Oh man, Bailey’s face,” Callie smirks as she nuzzles her face into Arizona’s neck, pressing even more kisses against the skin there.
“‘If one child comes out here and sees you two goin’ at it like rabbits, I’m gonna fire you. Torres, don’t you have bones to fix by the way?’” Arizona recalls, doing her best Bailey impression.
“Mm, but then came the beauty that was the supply closet,” Callie adds as she nips gently on Arizona’s shoulder.
“Oh,” Arizona grins. “Yes. All the way, yes.”
Callie finds Arizona’s lips again and the pair make good on their promise of a long kissing session. The brunette’s legs wind loosely around Arizona’s back, keeping her locked in place. In truth she never wanted her to leave, and would be content spending a few days holed up in bed with her gorgeous fiancée. Perhaps with Sofia at her dad’s they could make some of this happen.
Arizona moans softly into the kiss that grows more heated by the minute. She feels like a teenager for the second time tonight; almost a little scared, unsure of what to do with her hands, with her heart thudding like a drum behind her ribcage. Callie shifts underneath her, pressing her pelvis pointedly against the other one.
The blonde tries to maintain focus, remembering this is all about kissing, but she can’t help but let a hand wander down between their bodies, along Callie’s smooth, golden skin. First along those fantastic breasts, then along her stomach until she stops at the elastic band of her underwear.
“Please,” Callie whispers, so softly that Arizona’s not sure she’s heard her correctly. “I miss you.”
Arizona sucks in a breath as she scoots backward to allow more room, tugging down Callie’s underwear as she dips down to press kisses across those hips that drove her crazy that first time she saw them at Joe’s.
“Hey,” Callie says, tucking a few fingers underneath Arizona’s chin to tilt it upward. “Stay up here, be with me.”
Smiling, the blue-eyed woman parts Callie’s thighs, settling between them as she plants her left hand beside Callie’s shoulder, right pivoting so that her fingers can tease at her fiancée’s sex, eliciting a gasp from even the briefest of touches. Arizona’s pleased with the welcome heat her fingers receive, tentatively circling Callie’s clit as the brunette spreads her thighs even further. The blonde never takes her eyes off of the woman beneath her, making sure she understands that she’s there, that she’s staying put.
Callie brings her arms around Arizona’s neck, pulling her in for another kiss at the same moment those fingers slide inside, the moan they cause lost in the heated lip lock. Gently at first, Arizona pulls her fingers out before sliding them back in. Slowly. She wants Callie to feel it, the reverence, the reconnection. And the blonde’s getting just as much out of this, watching Callie’s head tip back, her mouth fall open in a gasp when those fingers push back in and up, how her eyes fight to stay open.
They weren’t generally that couple that was making love to soft candlelight and slow jams, but this was different. This felt so good and so right and their general rule of ‘the rougher the better’ needn’t apply here.
Arizona wiggles her thumb upward to tease and flick Callie’s clit while her fingers keep their steady pace. Callie’s chest rises and falls with the ministrations, Arizona’s name tumbling off her lips. Judging by the rhythmic tightening around her fingers, her love is close. Lowering herself, she presses kisses along Callie’s neck, up to her lips where the brunette struggles to keep it going long enough without a moan or gasp taking the reins.
When Callie does come, it starts with a fluttery little moan that transpires into something louder and more definitive. Her arms wrap around Arizona’s shoulders, nails digging in very slightly as her back arches off the bed, thighs shaking on either side of her fiancée. Still, blue eyes stay on brown and try to wordlessly express the love in her heart.
“I love you,” Arizona mumbles, feeling the need to break the silence, against Callie’s lips, gently removing her fingers.
“Love you,” Callie pants softly before she closes her eyes. “So much.”
They take a moment, Arizona laying her head on Callie’s chest as the brunette strokes her fingers through blonde waves. After a few moments of sleepy, sated giggles Callie gently pushes Arizona back. The blonde goes to lie on her back but Callie stops her.
“Stay on top,” the Latina urges as she props herself against the pillows. “I want to watch you like that.”
Arizona shivers as she shifts her weight onto her knees, straddling Callie with enough leeway to allow the brunette’s fingers to find purchase on the blonde’s clit. Instinctively, Arizona’s hands move behind her to support her weight on strong thighs so that Callie can go to work, eyes tilted down to watch the sexy concentration on her fiancée’s face.
Callie’s fingers tease at the blonde’s clit, watching Arizona struggle to keep her head from tipping back, trying desperately to keep her eyes on those brown ones staring so intently. After listening to the hushed gasps grow into substantial moans, Callie slides two fingers inside of Arizona, watching the blonde lose the battle with focusing as her head tips back. The brunette keeps a similar slow and steady pace with her fingers, watching Arizona’s hips respond; they buck forward, meeting Callie’s thrusts in quite possibly the sexiest display the brunette has seen to date.
Arizona’s body is tinged with sweat, stomach clenched so that the definition there is magnified as she takes Callie’s thrusts in stride. Her head rolls forward, blues meeting browns once more as she bites her lip. “God, Calliope.”
Callie, having trouble keeping her thrusts slow when she sees Arizona’s eyes darkened with lust, sweat gathering at her brow, pushes those digits in all the way before pulling them out and repeating the process. Her thumb comes in to join in tandem with her fingers’ thrusts and Arizona’s moans become short and almost panicked, her body signaling time for its release.
“Close,” Arizona warns, but Callie already knows.
“So beautiful,” Callie whispers as Arizona continues riding her fingers.
The blonde quickens the pace of her hips, alerting Callie to follow suit. When the brunette does, Arizona starts panting through her moans, and Callie can feel how much closer she is. It gets harder for Callie to push through the clenching, but she does so, eliciting gasped little “Calliopes” from the other woman.
One more flick to Arizona’s clit and a well-placed curl of her fingers have the blonde’s praises threatening to breech the level of screaming. Callie loves watching Arizona in the throes of passion; how her hands grab and bunch the sheets beneath them; how her brows furrow; her head tipping back for one final moan as her entire body tenses for that final moment.
When she comes back to earth, the blonde grins wickedly at the brunette, “Missed that.”
“Oh, you think we’re finished?” Callie grins. “We have a lot of lost time to make up for.”
Arizona yawns as she wiggles out of Callie’s hold for a moment, burrowing under the covers again as she lays her head on the Latina’s shoulder. “Mmkay, in the morning.”
Callie grins at the sleepy princess that is Arizona Robbins after sex and snuggles her closer. “I love Sof, but I’m happy to have the weekend with you.”
“Maybe we’ll finish watching that movie tomorrow?”
“Doubtful. I see a lot of this and a lot of waffles in bed in our future.”
“Ooh, Calliope!” Arizona giggles as she plants a kiss to the tanned shoulder beneath her.
“God, I missed you like this,” Callie admits again, tightening her hold around Arizona.
“Same,” Arizona yawns once more as she sighs softly, happily.
And then Callie watches those pretty features relax and her blonde fall asleep. She thanks God for the love in her life and asks for it to keep going. Arizona’s breathing lulls her to sleep. And this time when the nightmares wake her up, she only has to look at her love to remember that they’re just dreams. Reality is far more comforting.