Don't Blink - 13/?
Title: Don't Blink - 13/?
Characters: Rose, Ten
Summary: AU. What if Rose had stayed through Doomsday and was the one to end up in 1969 with the Doctor? How would they get back to their proper time? Would they want to?
Rating: PG
Beta: nattieb
~ One~ Two~ Three~ Four~ Five~ Six~ Seven~ Eight~ Nine~ Ten~ Eleven~ Twelve
Rose woke up on Saturday with the sure, lovely knowledge that today was her own day. The entire weekend off with nothing to do. She didn’t have to go to work, she didn’t have to spray her hair with enough hair spray to choke a horse, she didn’t have to endure any whistles on the street as she walked to work. Honestly, sometimes this time period was a right pain.
The clock by the bedside read 8:34. Rose stretched for a moment and threw back the covers. She’d bought a nightgown set at work earlier in the week, a pink babydoll gown that went to her knees and had thin straps and a low neckline. It was very pretty and made her feel like a film star. She pulled on the matching robe, which was equally pink but thankfully made of lined cotton so that she had some measure of modesty. The nights were getting warmer in London, and the flat did not have a good cooling system. The nightgown was a change from her usual flannel pajamas, but was a lot more comfortable.
She opened the door of her room and listened. Silence. The Doctor might be out, or he might be reading or writing or trying to rewire the coffeepot to make decent coffee. Deciding to start the day right then, Rose ducked into the bathroom to take a quick bath.
It was the weekend, so she let her hair air dry and hang straight, not wanting to fuss with it. The pants she’d bought from work yesterday were still cute - bell bottomed, of course, but that was all she could find anywhere - and looked almost normal to her twenty-first -century eyes. Granted, the giant red and yellow flowers stood out, but she was learning that the more bizarre patterns on clothing were, the more admiring comments she received.
Rose tugged on the trousers and a red t-shirt, slipped on her trainers and fluffed out her hair some more to encourage it to dry faster. The heart and lock set on her chain caught on her shirt as she was putting on her earrings. She pulled the chain out to hang outside. The charms hung just above her breasts, and she regarded them for a minute. She hadn’t let herself think about what the Doctor might have meant in giving them to her. Something was happening between them, and it was strange and wonderful and she was afraid to do anything that would mess it up. She was afraid that if she pushed the issue she would find out that the Doctor didn’t realize what the gift meant to her. She didn’t want to find out that his feelings for her were not what she wanted them to be. So she pushed those rebellious thoughts away and went to look for him.
“Morning!” He was sitting at the kitchen table, pouring dark liquid into two mismatched, chipped mugs. “I got the percolator to work!” He beamed at her. “Better than Starbucks!”
“Yeah? What’d you do?” Rose slid into the seat across from him and accepted the mug he handed her.
“Nothing much,” he said modestly. “Just convinced its inner workings that it’s a digital coffeemaker.”
“Thought they didn’t have digital in this time?”
“They don’t, no. But this one thinks it’s one now, and it makes lovely coffee.” He toasted her with his mug and tried it. “Not bad.”
“No,” she agreed. “It’s pretty good.”
“It’s a beautiful day out there,” the Doctor observed, gesturing with his mug toward the windows in the living room. “We should go and enjoy the sunshine later.”
“Later?” she questioned. “Do we have something planned for right now?”
He sighed and ruffled his hair. “We should have breakfast first.”
“I’m fine for now.” Rose finished her coffee. “What have you got to do? Are you any closer to fixing things?” She couldn’t keep the hopeful note out of her voice.
“I did some calculations while you were sleeping.” The Doctor stood up and switched off the percolator.
He was avoiding looking at her, and Rose felt a stab of unease. What wasn’t he telling her? Knowing that to push him would only make him more silent, she forced herself to sound upbeat.
“So let’s have a look. Show me what you’ve been doing.”
“There are a lot of bits and pieces here that I haven’t put together yet.” The Doctor indicated a pile of papers sitting on the coffee table.
Rose stood up and walked to the living room, picking them up to glance through. The Doctor followed her, taking the pile from her hands and rifling through it.
He handed her an envelope. “I haven’t gotten around to that yet.”
“You haven’t?” Rose looked up at him in astonishment. “What have you been doing?”
Incredulous, he opened his mouth to issue a retort when he saw her grin.
“Rose Tyler,” he said warningly, “you have to some nerve.”
Her tongue poked out from between her teeth. “Yes, I do. I’m just kidding,” she assured him. “There’s a lot of stuff here.”
“There is,” he agreed. “Volume isn’t the issue here, though. More the fact that nothing here makes any kind of sense.”
“Well, we know what the list of movies is for,” she pointed out.
“Yes, but that leaves us with a few years to fill until technology catches up to that. In the meantime I have to figure out what to do with the remainder. That, and finding new takeaways like the Indian place around the corner, have kept me busy most of the week.”
“That curry was marvelous!” she remembered. “Well worth every moment of your time. I approve.” She gave him a regal nod and sat down. The Doctor sat on the couch beside her and started shuffling through several white papers, murmuring to himself.
Rose opened the envelope and scanned its contents. “It’s a letter.”
“Mm hm,” the Doctor replied absently, still focused on his own reading.
Rose dropped the letter and looked at the black and white photographs that accompanied it. She stared hard at them before reading the letter again.
“Doctor.”
“Hmm?”
“You listening to me?”
“Yep.”
He clearly was not, so she reached over and nudged his arm. Startled, he blinked at her. “Rose?”
“Listen to this,” she said.
“My dearest Sally Sparrow,” Rose read out loud, “if my grandson has done as he promises he will, then as you read these words it has been mere minutes since we last spoke. For you. For me it has been over 60 years. The third of the photographs is of my children. The youngest is Sally. I named her after you, of course.
“I suppose, unless I live to a really exceptional old age, I will be long gone as you read this. Don’t feel sorry for me. I have led a good and full life. I’ve loved a good man and been well loved in return. You would have liked Ben. He was the very first person I met in 1920.
“To take one breath in 2007 and the next in 1920 is a strange way to start a new life, but a new life is exactly what I’ve always wanted.
“My mum and dad are gone by your time, so really there’s only Lawrence to tell. He works at the DVD store on Queen Street. I don’t know what you’re going to say to him, but I know you’ll think of something. Just tell him I love him.”
“Kathy Costello Nightingale Wainwright”
Rose set the papers down, her eyes shining with tears. “She went from 2007 back 60 years! There’s a note here that says this Sally Sparrow brought her to that house the day she went back in time.”
The Doctor nodded thoughtfully. “Wester Drumlins. The Angels are in 2007, sending people back through time and taking their energy.” He frowned. “And unless we get back, they’ll eventually get into the TARDIS, and that will start a chain of events that will be impossible to stop.”
“How come we got sent to 1969 and this Kathy went all the way back to 1920?”
“Each Angel possesses a different year, if you will. We were attacked by the same one, so we landed in the same time.”
“You mean if there had been two Angels we might have ended up in two different places?” Rose was appalled. She might have landed somewhere alone and been completely helpless.
“No sense in fussing over that now,” the Doctor said in a cheerful tone, trying to distract her. “That didn’t happen. We’re here and we’re together. Better with two, eh?”
Rose, her attention back on the letter, was listening with only half an ear. “So the girls went to the - went to Wester Drumlins, started to look around. Kathy vanishes, and then there’s a knock at the door and her grandson is there asking for Sally Sparrow. Incredible!”
“Incredible,” he agreed. “Of course, our Miss Sparrow had just moments to come to terms with what was happening. Kathy had a lot longer to plan and think about what to say.”
“At least she had the chance to say goodbye.” Rose folded everything back into the envelope and set it on the table in front of them. “She got to say goodbye.”
The Doctor looked away. Her forlorn voice, more than the words she spoke, went through him like a spike. There was no accusation there, but he heard it just the same.
“You were able to say goodbye to your mother,” the Doctor said quietly, still not looking at Rose.
“I know. But my mates back home will-” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Well, they’ll miss me, yeah? Only it’s because they think I died at Canary Wharf.”
“I’m sorry.”
She didn’t want him to apologize, and she didn’t want to hear it.
“It’s not your fault, is it? You didn’t bring the Cybermen over. You didn’t open the Void ship and let the Daleks through.”
“I didn’t stop Torchwood, either. How many people died that day? It’s a miracle that we survived.”
She badly wanted to feel his arms around her, to reassure her. But that didn’t seem likely. She stood up, getting a good look at the flat for the first time all week and winced. There were papers everywhere, and remnants of their takeaway dinner from the night before.
“You know what? We need to pick up a bit. And do the washing up, and run some stuff to the laundry. And food! There’s no more food. We need to go shopping.” She glanced over at him, expecting him to enter into her enthusiasm.
He did not. “There are more important things that need to be dealt with, Rose,” he pointed out.
“You don’t do domestic,” she said flatly. “I know that. You make sure I know that all the time. But we’re here, Doctor. We’re here with nowhere else to go, and unless we start doing domestic we will never make it.”
“We need to work on this.” He indicated the papers all around him.
“I’m not any good at that,” she told him. “But I am good at making sure we can stay alive long enough for you to figure it out.”
“By doing the shopping and cooking and cleaning? Is that what you think is worth doing?” The Doctor heard his words but couldn’t take them back. The strain of worrying about how they would get back home was taking its toll. A distant part of him warned that he was overreacting, but he was unable to stop himself. “We happen to be stuck here, but that doesn’t mean we need to act like an ordinary couple from 1969!”
His words stung, because that’s what Rose had thought they’d been doing. They’d been acting like an ordinary couple, and she had loved every moment of it.
“I’m not asking you to get a mortgage!” Her voice was scathing, past hurts coming back to wound her when she’d thought she’d gotten over them. “I’m sorry you have to share this with me, but maybe if we work together we can get back! Do you think I like working in a shop all day? You get to stay here and relax and use your brilliant mind to solve this, and I have to go ring up dresses and ugly, ugly polyester pants!”
She stopped to catch her breath, surprised to feel the tears in her eyes.
He was shaken to the core. “Rose. Please, don’t.”
“I didn’t ask for this!” she cried. “I didn’t ask to get sent back. But we’re here and maybe we’re supposed to be here, so can we please just be normal and act like we belong until we can go home?” She whirled away before he could answer her, stalking back down the hallway.
In the past he might not have noticed if a companion was upset. He would have continued doing what he was doing, leaving them to work things out on their own. But Rose was not just a companion. He stood up and followed her. She was gathering up a small laundry basket that she kept in the bedroom. He hovered in the doorway, unsure what to say.
“She went back in time and had to start over.” Rose knew he was there but spoke without turning to look at him. “Time passed just like it always does, and she got older and she died.”
“That’s what life is, Rose,” he said gently. “That’s what humans do. That’s what every living creature does.”
“Not every creature,” she threw at him, and he dropped his gaze to the floor.
“So what happens, then?” she demanded. “What happens if we have to wait until 1995 to get those DVD eggs going? What will happen to me?”
“Nothing will happen to you! You’ll be here. With me.”
“Here! Aging, Doctor! I’ll be getting older! You’ll look just the same, but I’m getting older every day, and in twenty years I’ll be as old as my mum!” Tears ran down her face. “I don’t want to spend my life here! I want to get home!”
“Once we get the TARDIS back...”
“Will it reverse my aging?” she demanded.
“I...I don’t know. Without the TARDIS to run tests...”
She turned away. “Kathy, that girl in the letter. She grew old and died in the wrong time. She had a husband and a family so she didn’t care. Am I supposed to meet someone now? Introduce myself and act like I’m totally normal? Get married and have a life with you in the background? Call you my weird cousin, and then my nephew, and then -” Rose forced herself to stop.
“I feel like Sarah Jane,” she murmured. “You left her behind and she had a life and then you came back looking like, like you, and she was old.” Fresh tears filled her eyes. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair that we have to stay here in this time.”
“It’s the slow path,” he said quietly. “It never was for either one of us, was it? Only now we’ve got no choice.”
“We managed all right on the TARDIS, though, didn’t we? Stopping for milk and eggs, going to all those markets and bazaars.” Rose wiped at her face.
“It loses its luster when you have to do your own cooking and cleaning and washing up, though,” he conceded.
“Speaking of washing. You’ve been wearing that suit all week. It should be cleaned.”
He glanced down at his clothes. “I’ve been cleaning it,” he said defensively. “Rubbing away the odd dirt stain, for example. And the sonic screwdriver takes care of the rest.”
“Doctor.”
“Rose, this is what I’m comfortable in.” He was not going to change his clothes. Changing your clothes was what humans did. Ordinary men. Not him. He would never have the luxury.
She fingered the sleeve of his jacket. “A tiny rip,” she observed. “How long can you keep it up?” She met his eyes. “We’ll take your stuff to the cleaners and you can go native for a bit. Dress like the locals.”
He winced.
“You can wear the suit on special occasions,” she wheedled.
He sighed, and Rose knew she had won.
“Here.” She walked to the wardrobe and pulled out the bottom two drawers. Rows of the clothing they had bought for him were neatly folded, still wrapped and with the tags attached. “Choose something to wear and we’ll go find the laundry.”
He stood staring at the clothes while she quickly stripped the bed of its sheets and pillowslip. She bundled them up in her arms, headed for the bathroom for the towels, and dropped the entire bundle on the floor by the front door. When she returned he was still standing there, staring at the wardrobe.
“Doctor?”
He answered her without turning around. “This...this is strange, Rose. This is all so strange. I’ve never been stuck anywhere long enough before to...”
“To change your clothes?” she asked humorously, her anger having evaporated.
He didn’t laugh or turn to face her. “I’ve been running for so long that I don’t remember what it’s like to stand still.” The Doctor spoke quietly, his gaze fixed on the wall. “I left home and I hated going back. Every time I left I was relieved to be free of them, and by the time I went back to save them...well, how could I stand still after that?”
She walked over to him, standing close enough that he could sense her presence but not close enough to touch him.
“It wasn’t your fault that you weren’t like them.”
“Wasn’t it? I could have done what was expected and stayed put. Not gone running off, consorting with humans and others.”
She smiled sweetly at him. “If you had, you never would have met me.”
“No,” he said softly. “I never would have known that Rose Tyler existed.”
“And if you’d stayed you would have died in the Time War.” It was the wrong thing to say, and she knew it before the words were out of her mouth.
Her eyes darkened and he frowned. “Maybe. Maybe I could have stopped it. Maybe some other poor bastard would have done what I had to do, and he’d be the one left traveling alone.”
She touched his hand. “Doctor, it’s okay to feel regret and sadness.”
He leaned down so their foreheads touched. “Do you feel regret and sadness?” he asked quietly.
“Sometimes,” she whispered back. “Only because of Mum.”
“I feel it every moment of my life, Rose. Regret for one thing or another. Right now it’s regret that I’ve brought you to this. I’ve put you in danger even though I’ve been trying to keep you safe.”
“How am I in danger here?” she demanded. “It’s safer than the year 2007, to be sure. We’ll find a way back.”
His arms came around her, tightening so hard she gasped.
“I’m afraid, Rose. I’m so afraid this won’t work, and that something will go wrong and I’ll strand you here for the rest of your life.”
“You won’t let anything happen.” She spoke with a forced cheerfulness.
“I don’t know how we’re going to accomplish all that we need to do without waiting thirty years in relative time. You were right.” He released her and framed her face with his hands. “Rose, I don’t know what will happen to you.”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this.”
“But I still can’t protect you!”
“We’re in this together, yeah? We’ll figure everything out and get back. I know we will.”
Her faith in him was staggering. After 900 years, it only took a human girl to bring him to his knees and make him helpless before the universe. His gaze fell on the heart lock and key set he had placed on her TARDIS chain. The feelings he had for her were so strong that he had to let go and take a step back, afraid of what her reaction would be if he did what he wanted to just then.
He turned back to his clothes. “What do I wear? What an appalling assortment of colors.”
Rose blinked. She had been so certain that he was about to kiss her. She’d lifted her face up and parted her lips, and then the look in his eyes was gone and he’d let go of her. She took a step back, disappointment flooding through her.
“Those trousers.” She pointed from the doorway. “And that shirt. I’ll just go put the laundry in a bag.” She turned and left the room, leaving the Doctor alone.
Fourteen
Characters: Rose, Ten
Summary: AU. What if Rose had stayed through Doomsday and was the one to end up in 1969 with the Doctor? How would they get back to their proper time? Would they want to?
Rating: PG
Beta: nattieb
~ One~ Two~ Three~ Four~ Five~ Six~ Seven~ Eight~ Nine~ Ten~ Eleven~ Twelve
Rose woke up on Saturday with the sure, lovely knowledge that today was her own day. The entire weekend off with nothing to do. She didn’t have to go to work, she didn’t have to spray her hair with enough hair spray to choke a horse, she didn’t have to endure any whistles on the street as she walked to work. Honestly, sometimes this time period was a right pain.
The clock by the bedside read 8:34. Rose stretched for a moment and threw back the covers. She’d bought a nightgown set at work earlier in the week, a pink babydoll gown that went to her knees and had thin straps and a low neckline. It was very pretty and made her feel like a film star. She pulled on the matching robe, which was equally pink but thankfully made of lined cotton so that she had some measure of modesty. The nights were getting warmer in London, and the flat did not have a good cooling system. The nightgown was a change from her usual flannel pajamas, but was a lot more comfortable.
She opened the door of her room and listened. Silence. The Doctor might be out, or he might be reading or writing or trying to rewire the coffeepot to make decent coffee. Deciding to start the day right then, Rose ducked into the bathroom to take a quick bath.
It was the weekend, so she let her hair air dry and hang straight, not wanting to fuss with it. The pants she’d bought from work yesterday were still cute - bell bottomed, of course, but that was all she could find anywhere - and looked almost normal to her twenty-first -century eyes. Granted, the giant red and yellow flowers stood out, but she was learning that the more bizarre patterns on clothing were, the more admiring comments she received.
Rose tugged on the trousers and a red t-shirt, slipped on her trainers and fluffed out her hair some more to encourage it to dry faster. The heart and lock set on her chain caught on her shirt as she was putting on her earrings. She pulled the chain out to hang outside. The charms hung just above her breasts, and she regarded them for a minute. She hadn’t let herself think about what the Doctor might have meant in giving them to her. Something was happening between them, and it was strange and wonderful and she was afraid to do anything that would mess it up. She was afraid that if she pushed the issue she would find out that the Doctor didn’t realize what the gift meant to her. She didn’t want to find out that his feelings for her were not what she wanted them to be. So she pushed those rebellious thoughts away and went to look for him.
“Morning!” He was sitting at the kitchen table, pouring dark liquid into two mismatched, chipped mugs. “I got the percolator to work!” He beamed at her. “Better than Starbucks!”
“Yeah? What’d you do?” Rose slid into the seat across from him and accepted the mug he handed her.
“Nothing much,” he said modestly. “Just convinced its inner workings that it’s a digital coffeemaker.”
“Thought they didn’t have digital in this time?”
“They don’t, no. But this one thinks it’s one now, and it makes lovely coffee.” He toasted her with his mug and tried it. “Not bad.”
“No,” she agreed. “It’s pretty good.”
“It’s a beautiful day out there,” the Doctor observed, gesturing with his mug toward the windows in the living room. “We should go and enjoy the sunshine later.”
“Later?” she questioned. “Do we have something planned for right now?”
He sighed and ruffled his hair. “We should have breakfast first.”
“I’m fine for now.” Rose finished her coffee. “What have you got to do? Are you any closer to fixing things?” She couldn’t keep the hopeful note out of her voice.
“I did some calculations while you were sleeping.” The Doctor stood up and switched off the percolator.
He was avoiding looking at her, and Rose felt a stab of unease. What wasn’t he telling her? Knowing that to push him would only make him more silent, she forced herself to sound upbeat.
“So let’s have a look. Show me what you’ve been doing.”
“There are a lot of bits and pieces here that I haven’t put together yet.” The Doctor indicated a pile of papers sitting on the coffee table.
Rose stood up and walked to the living room, picking them up to glance through. The Doctor followed her, taking the pile from her hands and rifling through it.
He handed her an envelope. “I haven’t gotten around to that yet.”
“You haven’t?” Rose looked up at him in astonishment. “What have you been doing?”
Incredulous, he opened his mouth to issue a retort when he saw her grin.
“Rose Tyler,” he said warningly, “you have to some nerve.”
Her tongue poked out from between her teeth. “Yes, I do. I’m just kidding,” she assured him. “There’s a lot of stuff here.”
“There is,” he agreed. “Volume isn’t the issue here, though. More the fact that nothing here makes any kind of sense.”
“Well, we know what the list of movies is for,” she pointed out.
“Yes, but that leaves us with a few years to fill until technology catches up to that. In the meantime I have to figure out what to do with the remainder. That, and finding new takeaways like the Indian place around the corner, have kept me busy most of the week.”
“That curry was marvelous!” she remembered. “Well worth every moment of your time. I approve.” She gave him a regal nod and sat down. The Doctor sat on the couch beside her and started shuffling through several white papers, murmuring to himself.
Rose opened the envelope and scanned its contents. “It’s a letter.”
“Mm hm,” the Doctor replied absently, still focused on his own reading.
Rose dropped the letter and looked at the black and white photographs that accompanied it. She stared hard at them before reading the letter again.
“Doctor.”
“Hmm?”
“You listening to me?”
“Yep.”
He clearly was not, so she reached over and nudged his arm. Startled, he blinked at her. “Rose?”
“Listen to this,” she said.
“My dearest Sally Sparrow,” Rose read out loud, “if my grandson has done as he promises he will, then as you read these words it has been mere minutes since we last spoke. For you. For me it has been over 60 years. The third of the photographs is of my children. The youngest is Sally. I named her after you, of course.
“I suppose, unless I live to a really exceptional old age, I will be long gone as you read this. Don’t feel sorry for me. I have led a good and full life. I’ve loved a good man and been well loved in return. You would have liked Ben. He was the very first person I met in 1920.
“To take one breath in 2007 and the next in 1920 is a strange way to start a new life, but a new life is exactly what I’ve always wanted.
“My mum and dad are gone by your time, so really there’s only Lawrence to tell. He works at the DVD store on Queen Street. I don’t know what you’re going to say to him, but I know you’ll think of something. Just tell him I love him.”
“Kathy Costello Nightingale Wainwright”
Rose set the papers down, her eyes shining with tears. “She went from 2007 back 60 years! There’s a note here that says this Sally Sparrow brought her to that house the day she went back in time.”
The Doctor nodded thoughtfully. “Wester Drumlins. The Angels are in 2007, sending people back through time and taking their energy.” He frowned. “And unless we get back, they’ll eventually get into the TARDIS, and that will start a chain of events that will be impossible to stop.”
“How come we got sent to 1969 and this Kathy went all the way back to 1920?”
“Each Angel possesses a different year, if you will. We were attacked by the same one, so we landed in the same time.”
“You mean if there had been two Angels we might have ended up in two different places?” Rose was appalled. She might have landed somewhere alone and been completely helpless.
“No sense in fussing over that now,” the Doctor said in a cheerful tone, trying to distract her. “That didn’t happen. We’re here and we’re together. Better with two, eh?”
Rose, her attention back on the letter, was listening with only half an ear. “So the girls went to the - went to Wester Drumlins, started to look around. Kathy vanishes, and then there’s a knock at the door and her grandson is there asking for Sally Sparrow. Incredible!”
“Incredible,” he agreed. “Of course, our Miss Sparrow had just moments to come to terms with what was happening. Kathy had a lot longer to plan and think about what to say.”
“At least she had the chance to say goodbye.” Rose folded everything back into the envelope and set it on the table in front of them. “She got to say goodbye.”
The Doctor looked away. Her forlorn voice, more than the words she spoke, went through him like a spike. There was no accusation there, but he heard it just the same.
“You were able to say goodbye to your mother,” the Doctor said quietly, still not looking at Rose.
“I know. But my mates back home will-” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Well, they’ll miss me, yeah? Only it’s because they think I died at Canary Wharf.”
“I’m sorry.”
She didn’t want him to apologize, and she didn’t want to hear it.
“It’s not your fault, is it? You didn’t bring the Cybermen over. You didn’t open the Void ship and let the Daleks through.”
“I didn’t stop Torchwood, either. How many people died that day? It’s a miracle that we survived.”
She badly wanted to feel his arms around her, to reassure her. But that didn’t seem likely. She stood up, getting a good look at the flat for the first time all week and winced. There were papers everywhere, and remnants of their takeaway dinner from the night before.
“You know what? We need to pick up a bit. And do the washing up, and run some stuff to the laundry. And food! There’s no more food. We need to go shopping.” She glanced over at him, expecting him to enter into her enthusiasm.
He did not. “There are more important things that need to be dealt with, Rose,” he pointed out.
“You don’t do domestic,” she said flatly. “I know that. You make sure I know that all the time. But we’re here, Doctor. We’re here with nowhere else to go, and unless we start doing domestic we will never make it.”
“We need to work on this.” He indicated the papers all around him.
“I’m not any good at that,” she told him. “But I am good at making sure we can stay alive long enough for you to figure it out.”
“By doing the shopping and cooking and cleaning? Is that what you think is worth doing?” The Doctor heard his words but couldn’t take them back. The strain of worrying about how they would get back home was taking its toll. A distant part of him warned that he was overreacting, but he was unable to stop himself. “We happen to be stuck here, but that doesn’t mean we need to act like an ordinary couple from 1969!”
His words stung, because that’s what Rose had thought they’d been doing. They’d been acting like an ordinary couple, and she had loved every moment of it.
“I’m not asking you to get a mortgage!” Her voice was scathing, past hurts coming back to wound her when she’d thought she’d gotten over them. “I’m sorry you have to share this with me, but maybe if we work together we can get back! Do you think I like working in a shop all day? You get to stay here and relax and use your brilliant mind to solve this, and I have to go ring up dresses and ugly, ugly polyester pants!”
She stopped to catch her breath, surprised to feel the tears in her eyes.
He was shaken to the core. “Rose. Please, don’t.”
“I didn’t ask for this!” she cried. “I didn’t ask to get sent back. But we’re here and maybe we’re supposed to be here, so can we please just be normal and act like we belong until we can go home?” She whirled away before he could answer her, stalking back down the hallway.
In the past he might not have noticed if a companion was upset. He would have continued doing what he was doing, leaving them to work things out on their own. But Rose was not just a companion. He stood up and followed her. She was gathering up a small laundry basket that she kept in the bedroom. He hovered in the doorway, unsure what to say.
“She went back in time and had to start over.” Rose knew he was there but spoke without turning to look at him. “Time passed just like it always does, and she got older and she died.”
“That’s what life is, Rose,” he said gently. “That’s what humans do. That’s what every living creature does.”
“Not every creature,” she threw at him, and he dropped his gaze to the floor.
“So what happens, then?” she demanded. “What happens if we have to wait until 1995 to get those DVD eggs going? What will happen to me?”
“Nothing will happen to you! You’ll be here. With me.”
“Here! Aging, Doctor! I’ll be getting older! You’ll look just the same, but I’m getting older every day, and in twenty years I’ll be as old as my mum!” Tears ran down her face. “I don’t want to spend my life here! I want to get home!”
“Once we get the TARDIS back...”
“Will it reverse my aging?” she demanded.
“I...I don’t know. Without the TARDIS to run tests...”
She turned away. “Kathy, that girl in the letter. She grew old and died in the wrong time. She had a husband and a family so she didn’t care. Am I supposed to meet someone now? Introduce myself and act like I’m totally normal? Get married and have a life with you in the background? Call you my weird cousin, and then my nephew, and then -” Rose forced herself to stop.
“I feel like Sarah Jane,” she murmured. “You left her behind and she had a life and then you came back looking like, like you, and she was old.” Fresh tears filled her eyes. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair that we have to stay here in this time.”
“It’s the slow path,” he said quietly. “It never was for either one of us, was it? Only now we’ve got no choice.”
“We managed all right on the TARDIS, though, didn’t we? Stopping for milk and eggs, going to all those markets and bazaars.” Rose wiped at her face.
“It loses its luster when you have to do your own cooking and cleaning and washing up, though,” he conceded.
“Speaking of washing. You’ve been wearing that suit all week. It should be cleaned.”
He glanced down at his clothes. “I’ve been cleaning it,” he said defensively. “Rubbing away the odd dirt stain, for example. And the sonic screwdriver takes care of the rest.”
“Doctor.”
“Rose, this is what I’m comfortable in.” He was not going to change his clothes. Changing your clothes was what humans did. Ordinary men. Not him. He would never have the luxury.
She fingered the sleeve of his jacket. “A tiny rip,” she observed. “How long can you keep it up?” She met his eyes. “We’ll take your stuff to the cleaners and you can go native for a bit. Dress like the locals.”
He winced.
“You can wear the suit on special occasions,” she wheedled.
He sighed, and Rose knew she had won.
“Here.” She walked to the wardrobe and pulled out the bottom two drawers. Rows of the clothing they had bought for him were neatly folded, still wrapped and with the tags attached. “Choose something to wear and we’ll go find the laundry.”
He stood staring at the clothes while she quickly stripped the bed of its sheets and pillowslip. She bundled them up in her arms, headed for the bathroom for the towels, and dropped the entire bundle on the floor by the front door. When she returned he was still standing there, staring at the wardrobe.
“Doctor?”
He answered her without turning around. “This...this is strange, Rose. This is all so strange. I’ve never been stuck anywhere long enough before to...”
“To change your clothes?” she asked humorously, her anger having evaporated.
He didn’t laugh or turn to face her. “I’ve been running for so long that I don’t remember what it’s like to stand still.” The Doctor spoke quietly, his gaze fixed on the wall. “I left home and I hated going back. Every time I left I was relieved to be free of them, and by the time I went back to save them...well, how could I stand still after that?”
She walked over to him, standing close enough that he could sense her presence but not close enough to touch him.
“It wasn’t your fault that you weren’t like them.”
“Wasn’t it? I could have done what was expected and stayed put. Not gone running off, consorting with humans and others.”
She smiled sweetly at him. “If you had, you never would have met me.”
“No,” he said softly. “I never would have known that Rose Tyler existed.”
“And if you’d stayed you would have died in the Time War.” It was the wrong thing to say, and she knew it before the words were out of her mouth.
Her eyes darkened and he frowned. “Maybe. Maybe I could have stopped it. Maybe some other poor bastard would have done what I had to do, and he’d be the one left traveling alone.”
She touched his hand. “Doctor, it’s okay to feel regret and sadness.”
He leaned down so their foreheads touched. “Do you feel regret and sadness?” he asked quietly.
“Sometimes,” she whispered back. “Only because of Mum.”
“I feel it every moment of my life, Rose. Regret for one thing or another. Right now it’s regret that I’ve brought you to this. I’ve put you in danger even though I’ve been trying to keep you safe.”
“How am I in danger here?” she demanded. “It’s safer than the year 2007, to be sure. We’ll find a way back.”
His arms came around her, tightening so hard she gasped.
“I’m afraid, Rose. I’m so afraid this won’t work, and that something will go wrong and I’ll strand you here for the rest of your life.”
“You won’t let anything happen.” She spoke with a forced cheerfulness.
“I don’t know how we’re going to accomplish all that we need to do without waiting thirty years in relative time. You were right.” He released her and framed her face with his hands. “Rose, I don’t know what will happen to you.”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this.”
“But I still can’t protect you!”
“We’re in this together, yeah? We’ll figure everything out and get back. I know we will.”
Her faith in him was staggering. After 900 years, it only took a human girl to bring him to his knees and make him helpless before the universe. His gaze fell on the heart lock and key set he had placed on her TARDIS chain. The feelings he had for her were so strong that he had to let go and take a step back, afraid of what her reaction would be if he did what he wanted to just then.
He turned back to his clothes. “What do I wear? What an appalling assortment of colors.”
Rose blinked. She had been so certain that he was about to kiss her. She’d lifted her face up and parted her lips, and then the look in his eyes was gone and he’d let go of her. She took a step back, disappointment flooding through her.
“Those trousers.” She pointed from the doorway. “And that shirt. I’ll just go put the laundry in a bag.” She turned and left the room, leaving the Doctor alone.
Fourteen