(no subject)
[ A little click; hello Rosenhan, you've stumbled in on a therapy session in media res, and Hisoka's rollin' on the Hug Drug. Better than truth serum when you're all loved up! ]
My only friend is Rin.
I pushed her away. I know I did. [ shaky indrawn breath, but it seems so easy to collect himself, to move on ] Especially after we lost Matt. I did it on purpose, because I was useless, and I was so ashamed. I didn't want her to rely on me anymore. She did the right thing by reaching out to other people. I just wish I knew how to return the care she's shown me. I'm not used to it, to people caring. It throws me off, I don't know how to... I don't understand.
Reeve cares, I know he does. He always reaches out, and I don't take it well. He already has so many people he cares about, so I don't understand why he'd bother with me. When I lost my memory, he helped me even though he had no reason to. I could feel how much it cost him, and for that alone, I should treat him better than I do. I guess I just don't want everyone to know how fucked up I am, but it's pretty obvious, right? [ rueful, small laugh] Sasuke thinks so. I think he understands where I'm coming from, and if he does, I feel sorry for him. I wouldn't want anyone to understand me, not like that.
Um, there's... Edgeworth is a genius. I remember when I finally got some tea out of Joshua, and he and I put our heads together for a little while and talked like real people do, like we weren't in some... I know you say it was my memory being all confused, but... [ a confused pause before Hisoka just rolls right on past that ] He reminds me of the best parts of my work. Joshua, though, he's strange. I don't know what to think of him, but he was there when I woke up from the shocks, and he left when we asked him to, so that's something, isn't it?
But friends, and people I care about -- that's what you asked, right? I don't have very many. I never used to have any at all, so it's an improvement. It could be better, I guess. But I always relied on Tsuzuki for that -- for the caring.
My only friend is Rin.
I pushed her away. I know I did. [ shaky indrawn breath, but it seems so easy to collect himself, to move on ] Especially after we lost Matt. I did it on purpose, because I was useless, and I was so ashamed. I didn't want her to rely on me anymore. She did the right thing by reaching out to other people. I just wish I knew how to return the care she's shown me. I'm not used to it, to people caring. It throws me off, I don't know how to... I don't understand.
Reeve cares, I know he does. He always reaches out, and I don't take it well. He already has so many people he cares about, so I don't understand why he'd bother with me. When I lost my memory, he helped me even though he had no reason to. I could feel how much it cost him, and for that alone, I should treat him better than I do. I guess I just don't want everyone to know how fucked up I am, but it's pretty obvious, right? [ rueful, small laugh] Sasuke thinks so. I think he understands where I'm coming from, and if he does, I feel sorry for him. I wouldn't want anyone to understand me, not like that.
Um, there's... Edgeworth is a genius. I remember when I finally got some tea out of Joshua, and he and I put our heads together for a little while and talked like real people do, like we weren't in some... I know you say it was my memory being all confused, but... [ a confused pause before Hisoka just rolls right on past that ] He reminds me of the best parts of my work. Joshua, though, he's strange. I don't know what to think of him, but he was there when I woke up from the shocks, and he left when we asked him to, so that's something, isn't it?
But friends, and people I care about -- that's what you asked, right? I don't have very many. I never used to have any at all, so it's an improvement. It could be better, I guess. But I always relied on Tsuzuki for that -- for the caring.