[Ships at Sea] Stormy Weather

[roseletters]

Title: Stormy Weather
Story/Character: Ships at Sea / Godscalck, Johim
Rating: PG-13
word count: 1,800

brigits_flame prompt of "if it's not broke...".

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Comments

[white_aster]

:D Oh, I like how this turned out. Snappy and nerve-wracking. The battle didn't need much explaining, and to be honest, the shortness of it helped keep the story moving at the frenetic aAAAHHAAHhahahaAHAHGAAAAAAAAA pace that you probably wanted. The storm was short, so the short description kept it FEELING short.

[darthneko]

\o/ Yay! Oh good. Yeah, I was sort of like "...well, I could TRY to do this blow by blow with a lot of hand waving and fudging but do I really NEED to??" =P It's supposed to be short and quick, not dragged out forever.

...okay, really, mostly it's supposed to be about 3-7 minutes of adrenaline inspiring dramatic shots and sound effects and really awesome CGI on a large theater screen. Ahem. =P

[silverflight8]

I liked the pacing and the way that the sentences sort of flowed during the storm especially (and the part about the ever-hungry thing), and also the little conversation at the end. The only thing that bothered me was the metaphors: "thick and wet as a greenhouse", for example, threw me out of the narrative. And I agree with white_aster about the feeling; the setting is done very well.

[darthneko]

Ah! Thank you. I'm spotting a lot of errors and overused metaphors in retrospect now. u_u'' I'm glad the pacing worked!

[rephen]

I actually exhaled in relief when they finally reached the waters of What-Is. That was brilliant, neko. The action parts were really gripping, and the storm was vividly portrayed. I like the end, too. I hope Theo made it. One day at a time. Love this arc so far, and looking forward to more from you.

[darthneko]

Thank you! ^__^ Whew... I'm wondering if I can wrap this up somehow next week so that I can rotate to a different story for March. Guess I'll find out when we get the prompt!

[rephen]

Prompt's out now! "Those who do not remember the past..."

HHHhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Looking forward to you wrapping Godscalck and co up! :D Im sure you'll do swimmingly! :D

[darthneko]

Johim - first class GOLDFISH. =P

Actually, I want to expand on this later when I string all of these together - that one was a sort of willful selfish forgetting. Because if he'd gone through proper channels then the proper authorities would have taken his shiny AWAY and send it off to be trained up the right way and Johim wouldn't have a shiny any more. =P

[darthneko]

They would, which is why the Captain suggested the compromise - register him when they get back to Amsterdam. Which they just left, for a nice loooong tour down the African coast, around Cape Town, and probably over into the Indian ocean somewhere before they turn around and go back home. On a tall sail ship, which could take a nice long time. So, compromise! Johim can have his shiny now, and register him next time they hit a civilized port of call in the real country, instead of a colony. ^_^

[vyvyan_wilde]

Yes, more of this story! :D

I love Godscalck's attitude; he's so tough and weathered. Completely the opposite of poor Theo- even though he barely appeared in the story, I could just imagine how the storm must have shakened him. Hopefully the experience will help him man up a little XD

The part with the storm was very well-written; it had a great pace and was really suspenseful. And what was that beast? Will we be seeing it again? :D