As one door closes, another opens.

[roosterbear]

Thanks to my timing, I ended up going to the funeral mass yesterday. When I pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home, most of the parking lot was blocked off, and I had no choice but to drive past two men in suits who made up a sort of checkpoint. I was asked my name, and a valet parked my car. Then, once we'd paid our last respects (being

Comments

[donutgirl]

The God I know, the one who totally won me over and with whom I feel I have a pretty good relationship, who has been a huge source of strength and clarity and support through my darkest moments, is a loving deity who wants the best for all of us, who did not create us to live in constant fear of getting it wrong or simply to suffer, and who is not a projection of all our shame and control issues. I also believe to the core of my being, as surely as I believe anything, that when we die, the everlasting and permanent part of who we are (the soul) rejoins Him/Her/It, that it can't help doing that any more than we can help "obeying" the law of gravity, that I don't need a church's intervention or participation as a middleman in order for that to happen, and further that our lives are an opportunity to try things out and there's no "test" at the end, and there's no heaven or hell about it.It's funny, because to me, this kind of thing is every bit as schticky as mainstream religion. On an intellectual level, I really respect other people's

[roosterbear]

It's funny, because to me, this kind of thing is every bit as schticky as mainstream religion.

I guess I can see that. I will say that looking at a person's religion, or beliefs about the afterlife (or lack thereof) can offer a very telling reflection of the person in question.

more and more I'm starting to feel like every spiritual path is just telling people exactly what they want to hear.Hmm. At times, I think that some spiritual paths are designed to control people, playing on their fears or prejudices, rather than just telling them what they want to hear. I don't feel like my spiritual beliefs are about that, because a lot of it is what I've come up with through my own exploration. Nobody told me this stuff, and it's interesting that since coming to these conclusions I've discovered like-minded people

[popicn]

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm very glad the service was decent. I love funeral services. I've been to so many, even people I have never even met before. It is really the priest who sets the tone for the service. You did hit the nail on the head with what is wrong with some of the services and rites. The priest for O.L.C. in Coventry RI is very-very good. Also there is a brother from the chapel in Providence named Father Juniper. He did services for a transgender friend of mine. We all started in tears and left the service with smiles and empowered. Religion is a tricky and funny thing at times. Sometimes it hurts us, sometimes it comforts us. Kind of like a boyfriend or girlfriend.

[roosterbear]

It is really the priest who sets the tone for the service.

Very true. And I'm discovering that there's a lot of latitude, depending on the church. One of my friends, who committed suicide (not anyone on LJ, BTW, if anyone reading this thinks they know who I'm talking about) had a priest who was really heinous, going on and on about basically how horrible it is to take one's life and to die in a state of sin and he even made some veiled pot shots at homosexuality, and that's really what I was afraid of. If this priest had tried that crap I think I would have gotten up and walked out in the middle of it, to keep from screaming obscenities.

Religion is a tricky and funny thing at times. Sometimes it hurts us, sometimes it comforts us. Kind of like a boyfriend or girlfriend.

That's an interesting way to look at it.

[popicn]

i miss you! You calm me!

[_candide_]

Funny. I was raised Catholic, and the funerals I went to always were for those still here, were always about saying goodbye. The only religious part was a, "And we'll be together again in Heaven through our Lord, Jesus Christ." A reminder of what everyone believes (or is supposed to) as a Catholic attending the farewell.

Though, I can see how being Queer and having Catholic blood-relatives insist on a Catholic funeral can mess things up.

[roosterbear]

Funny. I was raised Catholic, and the funerals I went to always were for those still here, were always about saying goodbye.

I think that perhaps you were fortunate, or perhaps I was unfortunate, in our respective experiences, and perhaps that has to do with where we grew up. Most of the Catholic funerals I've been to in my life seemed to be focused on (paraphrased) "we all need to pray for [x] so that God will show mercy and not keep him/her in purgatory for too long, because we're all sinners." Like we were doing the service for the deceased, and while grieving was something that sometimes spontaneously erupted out of a person, that wasn't what the service was about.

I admit that I still probably carry a lot of baggage around the Catholic church, for the mixed messages I got from them, and maybe that's not a fair or accurate representation of them.

Though, I can see how being Queer and having Catholic blood-relatives insist on a Catholic funeral can mess things up.Yup. I don't mean to come off as saying that I begrudge Catholics

[_candide_]

Hmm... I wonder if it is something local. Since you grew up in TX, I have to wonder if the Catholic churches down there were showing influence from the Southern Baptists. What you describe sounds more Calvinist than Roman Catholic to me...