A Teenager in Love (2/2)
now that you feel
you say it's not real
For the next few weeks, Eduardo and Mark become closer.
It’s not an overnight change, because Eduardo doesn’t notice any of it until he slides his hand across the table to put it on top of Mark’s and Mark doesn’t pull his hand back. After that, Eduardo starts actively looking. And he notices things.
Like the fact that whenever Eduardo gets to school, Mark is waiting for him at his locker, pretending to be reading through his notes. Or that whenever Eduardo gets up off his desk to as his Calculus teacher a question, Mark lets Eduardo ruffle his hair as Eduardo walks through the row of desks. Or that Mark smiles more openly at Eduardo now, with his dimples showing and everything, even though he hates them because he says they make him look like a child.
It feels very… relationship-y.
Eduardo loves it.
Which is why he’s not surprised when everything goes to shit.
Winter break comes sooner than expected, and everyone gets super busy with putting the last touches on their college applications, last-minute projects, and studying for finals. Before Eduardo knows it, he’s packing for his trip to Sao Paolo and looking at the wrapped package on his dresser.
“I’m going out,” Eduardo calls as he’s walking out the door. He gets on his car and starts driving to the Zuckerberg house, the package next to him on the passenger seat.
Eduardo manages to coax Mark out of his room and the house with some help from Mrs. Zuckerberg. Mark complains about it until Eduardo pulls him into a quick kiss. That shuts him up for the duration of the ride to this diner Eduardo drives by on his way to school. The package is in the inside pocket of his coat now, and it feels like it’s burning a hole through the fabric.
When they’re seated, Eduardo orders a cup of coffee for himself, hot chocolate for Mark, and slice of apple pie for them to share. They make small talk about finals and how annoying it’s going it’ll be when he’s stuck at home with his sisters.
During a lull in the conversation, while fiddles with his mug, Eduardo takes the package out of his pocket and places it on the table in front of Mark. It takes Mark a second to look down at it, but when he does, a confused line forms in the middle of his eyebrows.
“You remember we’re both Jewish, right?” Mark asks, making no move toward the present.
Eduardo shrugs. “I found it at this bookstore one day, and I thought of you.”
Mark eyes him suspiciously as he pulls the package toward him and begins to unwrap it. He unceremoniously tears the shiny wrapping paper apart and freezes.
Eduardo can’t help but blurt out, “Do you like it?” His face feels hot instantly, and he looks down at his hands so he doesn’t have to look at Mark’s disappointed face if he didn’t like the ancient copy of The Illiad that he’d actually spent a couple of weeks looking for. Eduardo figures that lying about these sorts of things is all right.
Mark says nothing, just runs a finger delicately over the cover of the book, like he’s afraid of tearing it.
“Eduardo,” Mark says, but he stops. For the first time since Eduardo’s known him, Mark is speechless.
“Um, it’s getting late,” Eduardo says awkwardly. It is late, though, and he’d hate to have Mrs. Zuckerberg worry. “I should take you home.”
Eduardo pays the bill and leads them toward the car. Mark is silent throughout the entire ride back, and it’s making Eduardo’s fingers twitch on the steering wheel.
When they get to the Zuckerberg house, Mark makes no move to get out of the car. He’s got the book held in his hands and a far-away look on his face.
“Mark?” Eduardo whispers, not sure why.
“I didn’t get you anything,” Mark says, not looking at Eduardo.
“Oh. You didn’t have to. I just-“
“Wardo-“
“Mark-“
“I think we should stop doing this.”
It takes Eduardo a moment to realize what he means. Then it’s like a punch to the gut.
“What?” Eduardo’s voice comes out high and broken, like he’s actually been choked. “What-I don’t understand-“
“I didn’t get you anything, Eduardo,” Mark says, like this explains everything.
“But I don’t care,” Eduardo says back desperately. “I don’t care, Mark, seriously. I just-I found this, and I thought of you, and I-“
“That’s the point.” And Mark sounds frustrated, because, yeah, Eduardo doesn’t get it. He shoves the book back at Eduardo. “Take it back.”
“Jesus Christ, Mark,” Eduardo says and sniffles. He blinks his eyes a few times and realizes that he’s almost crying.
“Take it back, Eduardo,” Mark says angrily, but Eduardo can see a hint of despair in his eyes. “Take it back.”
Eduardo sets his jaw and leans in to say a clear and unwavering, “No.”
Mark sets the book on the dashboard and moves to open the passenger door, but Eduardo pulls him back so he can literally crush their mouths together.
It hurts, of course, because Eduardo just mashed their faces together. But then they start kissing for real, and it’s like they were meant for this, for kissing, because it feels so good. It feels like one of those kisses you only see in the movies, where two people are so passionately in love with each other that it seems like they were for the sole purpose of kissing one another.
But this is what this is. It feels different than any other kiss Eduardo has given, because it is. It’s the kiss of two people who are in love.
(They don’t know this yet, though. How could they?)
It’s when Eduardo tries to drag Mark on top of him that it stops, and the spell, of sorts, is broken with the accidental honking of the car horn.
Eduardo doesn’t let him go, though. He keeps him close, even though he knows the gearshift is probably digging into any of his body parts.
“We can’t do this anymore,” Mark says, with a lot less strength than he had before.
“Why?” Eduardo asks, heart on his throat.
Mark pushes himself off of Eduardo and once again makes a move to open the car door.
“This isn’t just a casual thing to me,” Eduardo says, because if this is ending, he has to let Mark know how he really feels. It’s all or nothing, and if Mark gets out of the car after this, Eduardo will be forced to move on. “It never was. I don’t think I ever could’ve done that. At least not with you.”
There’s a long moment of silence in which neither of them looks at the other. The silence that fills the car feels heavy and charged, like right before a storm hits.
“What do you expect me to say to that?” Mark says with empty viciousness. Because he’s not angry at Eduardo, not really, and the fact that Eduardo understands this feels important.
“I don’t expect you to say anything,” Eduardo says. “I just want you to stay.”
Mark breathes in deep.
And opens the door.
And Eduardo’s heart breaks.
“At least take the book,” Eduardo says softly. “Please.”
Mark hesitates before grabbing the book. Then he gets out of the car and makes his way toward the house.
He doesn’t look back once.
Eduardo stays parked there for about fifteen minutes before he starts the drive back home.
Sao Paolo is hot and loud and the complete opposite of New York. It’s good. It’s helpful; because the familiarity of his first home soothes the stinging he feels whenever he thinks about Mark. His cousins keep him busy too, so that keeps him busy and distracted, and as the days pass he feels lighter and lighter.
When New Year’s Eve rolls around, after the parents have gone to sleep, he and his cousins sneak out of the house to go to a club, where Eduardo gets tipsy and dances with strange people he’ll never see again. There’s a lot of awkward groping, a lot of grinding, but Eduardo doesn’t hook up with anyone. He gets dragged away by his cousins when one guy starts talking about going back to his place a couple blocks away.
He doesn’t feel like he wants to go back to the states, too comfortable in the warmth of Brazil to go back to the uncertainty of his place in school, with his friends, and with Mark.
The first day of school is hard.
It’s not like he cut ties with all his friends during his time in Sao Paolo. He e-mails everyone whenever he gets a chance, and as soon as he gets to his house he calls Christy, because he knows he won’t hear the end of it if he doesn’t.
When Eduardo gets to his locker on the first Monday of the new semester and he doesn’t see Mark leaning against his locker like he’d been doing for the past couple of weeks, he feels like the ground beneath him has just disappeared. He’s falling.
They can’t avoid each other, of course, because they have nearly all their classes together. Neither of them tries to make contact. Neither of them looks at the other’s direction. Neither of them makes a move.
It goes on like this:
Eduardo stops eating with Mark’s friends. Because they were Mark’s friends before they were his, and it feels wrong to take them from him, even if Eduardo does feel Mark’s taken away everything from Eduardo.
It’s not so bad; because he starts eating lunch with Christy and her own friends. He recognizes Alice, because she seems to be attached at the hip to Christy. They’re loud and intelligent and a lot of fun, and Eduardo doesn’t let himself miss what he had too much or feel too badly about cutting ties with the group. Until Erica and Dustin corner him after school one day.
“Why don’t you like us anymore?” Dustin asks bluntly, a pout on his face and his eyes big with sadness.
Eduardo stands back up and turns to look at both of them. Erica does not look sad at all; she’s got her jaw set in a defiant line as if daring Eduardo to even try to make up a lame excuse about why he’s been avoiding them for the past week.
“Mark doesn’t want to see me anymore,” Eduardo says simply, shrugging. “I thought it’d be easier if we didn’t talk for a while.”
“I thought you guys were casual,” Erica says dryly, clearly not amused. “Or at least that’s what Mark kept saying all those months.”
Eduardo swallows back the lump that is forming in his throat. “We are-were. We were, but I figured that-“
“Do I really look like the person who want to fuck with right now, Eduardo?” Erica asks-snarls-at him. “You and Mark might be able to fool yourselves into believing this lie you made up, but you can’t fool me. Or Dustin for that matter, so stop treating us like idiots.”
“Stop being dumb, Wardo,” Dustin says with a lot less anger than Erica.
“What exactly did Mark tell you happened between?” Eduardo asks.
“Nothing, obviously.” Erica rolls her eyes. “I’m just assuming you’re both being idiots who can’t communicate.”
“Did he tell you that he basically told me that he doesn’t want me?”
“No-“
“Did he tell you that I basically told him I loved him and he pretty must shot me down?”
“What? No-“
“I guess he wouldn’t have,” Eduardo mutters bitterly. “He’s never been good at dealing with trivial things, has he?”
“Eduardo,” Dustin starts, eyes big and sad again, and Eduardo hates it.
“I have to go,” Eduardo says, and starts walking away. They don’t even try to follow him.
Spring Break comes faster than expected, and Eduardo wants nothing more than to spend it on his bed.
“No way,” Christy says when he tells her his plan during lunch on the last day of school before break officially starts. “We’re throwing a birthday party for you.”
“I don’t want a birthday party,” Eduardo mumbles sullenly as he plays with his peas.
“You’re dumb,” is all Christy says. And she starts planning a party.
Planning, of course, means getting a connection to get her alcohol and buying bags upon bags of potato chips. Christy’s parents defy any stereotype Eduardo has ever heard about Asian parenting styles. They leave her alone in their house for the entirety of Spring Break in order to visit her mother’s family in Thailand.
So there’s a party.
There’s a party and there’s booze and there’s people, and Eduardo is not miserable for the first time in a couple of months.
And here’s the thing: Eduardo understands, in his mind, that mourning a relationship that never was is foolish and unhealthy. It’s been months, and he’s still not over it. His brain understands this logically. But his gut, that place inside of him doesn’t listen. Can’t listen. This part of him makes it so that sometimes, when he looks at Mark, he feels like he can’t breathe, like his lungs are filling up with water.
He doesn’t tell anyone about this, though. And he does his best to hide the sadness he feels whenever he sees Mark during his classes. Because surely this can’t last. This sadness is temporary, made to feel endless only because of Eduardo’s youth and inexperience when it comes to love.
He wants it to stop.
Christy forces some drinks into Eduardo, because “Booze will make your tummy warm, which will make your heart warm.”
He’s talking to Erica, who had surprised Eduardo by arriving (She’d rolled her eyes at him and had said, “Seriously, Eduardo?”), when Mark arrives.
He’s not alone.
A guy with curly, dirty blonde hair who looks older than Mark by at least two years has an arm slung over Mark’s shoulder. Mark looks like he’s not comfortable with the contact, but he doesn’t brush the guy off.
Eduardo doesn’t peel his eyes away from them as they make their way further into the party. The guy looks like he knows everyone, like he fucking owns the damn place. It pisses Eduardo off for some reason.
“Holy shit,” Eduardo hears Erica mutter under her breath.
“Who’s that?” Eduardo asks, and it ends up sounding a lot ruder than he’d meant, but he has to know.
“Sean Parker,” Erica answers shortly and excuses herself to walk into the kitchen.
Eduardo takes an angry gulp of his drink. Who the fuck is Sean Parker?
“Uh, Sean Parker?” Dustin slurs after Eduardo asks him about Sean fucking Parker a few minutes later. Dustin doesn’t have a verbal filter, so Eduardo figures he’s the one to ask about this. Also he is on his way to getting totally sloshed, so it’s now or never. “He was the CS Club president a couple years ago. When Mark first joined, I think. I never hung out with him, but he was kind of obnoxious and crazy popular. Mark had a crush on him for like thirty seconds freshman year.”
Eduardo’s hand crumples the red Solo cup he’s holding.
He lets Dustin wander off back into the house as he stews by himself in the backyard. It’s illogical to be angry about something like Mark having friends Eduardo doesn’t know. But they looked so chummy, and Eduardo has the urge to drink until he blacks out. But he thinks it’s irresponsible and quite rude to do this at Christy’s, so he refrains.
Until.
It’s a couple minutes later, when Eduardo is ambling toward the kitchen to make himself another cranberry vodka when he hears a commotion from the foyer. He’s curious (and tipsy) enough to walk toward the noise, and when he gets there, he finds Sean Parker’s face soaked with what appears to be a reddish liquid and Amy yelling at him.
“…And I better not fucking see you again,” Amy snarls. “Or I swear to God, Sean, I’ll cut your balls off with a rusty knife.”
“Amy-“ Sean starts, but Amy cuts him off with the most vicious glare.
“Mark,” Amy snaps at Mark who is standing next to Sean, looking embarrassed for the first time in his life. “Get your asshole mentor out of here before I chop his dick into little pieces.”
“Let’s go, Sean,” Mark mumbles, pulling Sean towards the direction of the door.
“What? But this was just getting fun-“
“Sean,” Mark says, and it comes out sounding more like a threat than anything.
“Whatever,” Sean says, rolling his eyes. “I know when I’m not wanted. Let’s go, Mark.”
Mark follows Sean out the door, and suddenly Eduardo is sober and pissed off.
“Mark!” He calls out angrily as he follows them out the door. Mark stops walking and turns to look at Eduardo, a wary expression on his face.
“Mark, let’s go,” Sean calls from down the driveway. “I think I know of another party a buddy of mine’s throwing thirty minutes from here.”
Mark ignores him to say weekly, “Wardo?”
“Why did you come tonight?” Eduardo asks point-blank. “Why are you here, Mark?”
Eduardo sees Mark swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in a way that makes him look almost nervous.
“I don’t-Sean wanted to go out-“
“But why did you have to come to this party?” Eduardo asks, more desperate now. “You know I was gonna be here! You knew, and you didn’t care. Do you realize what it does to me to see you with another guy-“
“I’m not with Sean,” Mark interrupts, disgusted. “And Eduardo I didn’t want-“
“Why did you have to come? Why?”
“Wardo-“
“Don’t call me that!” Eduardo yells angrily. “And answer me, for fuck’s sake!”
“I wanted to see you,” Mark blurts out and immediately turns red. “I wanted to see you, and I don’t know what I was thinking-fuck.”
“You-You wanted to see me?” Eduardo spits out, incredulous. “Are you-Fuck you, Mark. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!”
“Mark, what’s going on?” Sean asks from behind them.
“Eduardo, you’re drunk,” Mark starts and takes a step forward.
“I am,” Eduardo agrees. “I’m drunk and I’m angry and I’m stupid for being in love with you. And you know what? I’m tired of it. You make me stupid. And you make me so angry. And I hate myself for being in love with you. So I’m done. I’m done, and if you really wanted to ‘see me’, you’d stop being such a god damn coward and tell me that you love me too.”
“Eduardo, I can’t-“
“Tell me something that’s true!”
“I can’t,” is the last thing Mark says before he turns to walk down the driveway to where Sean is impatiently waiting.
Eduardo spends the rest of the night getting blackout drunk.
When Eduardo wakes up the next morning, he’s on Christy’s bed, and his head feels like it’s going to explode. Christy drives him home, and he manages to get to his own bed without his parents noticing that he looks like complete shit and smells like vomit and alcohol.
He spends the rest of break in his bed, reading or studying and trying really hard to forget.
Amy calls. Erica calls. Chris calls. Dustin calls. Christy comes over and tries to coax him outside.
He doesn’t respond at first. But then he calls Amy back and asks her if she wants to have lunch with him. That leads to hanging out with Amy, Chris, and Dustin for an entire afternoon. Then the next day he spends the day at the mall with Christy and Alice.
When school starts back up, he doesn’t feel too lonely. He goes to his classes, to practice, talks to his friends, does normal High School Teen things, and he feels better.
He gets into Harvard, and he’s so happy when he finds out that when his mother bursts into tears of joy, he joins her. His dad doesn’t cry, but he places a heavy hand on Eduardo’s shoulder and gives him a rare but genuine smile. He’s proud, and Eduardo couldn’t be happier.
Amy gets into Stanford, because she’s smarter than people give her credit for, and she misses California. Chris gets into Harvard and Yale, and he chooses Yale, because he’s going to change the world and that’s the place his path begins. Dustin gets into Harvard, and Erica gets into BU, and Eduardo is relieved that they’ll be there with him, that he won’t have to start over all by himself.
Mark gets into Harvard, of course, to no one’s surprise. Eduardo’s surprisingly okay with that.
He’s becoming all right.
That’s not to say he’s totally over Mark though. But his heart doesn’t feel too heavy whenever he sees him during class. He’s living with it. Eduardo kind of wants to apologize to Mark for demanding something so impossible from him, but the thought of talking to Mark makes him queasy.
Because Mark has proven that he can’t be what Eduardo wants him to be. Eduardo wants so, so badly, but realizing that Mark is unreachable makes it easier to move on.
Eduardo misses him sometimes, though.
Soon enough it’s the end of March, and prom is quickly approaching. The halls are filled with talks about who’s going with who and how much each person is going to pitch in for the limo and what they’re going to wear.
One morning while Erica and Eduardo are standing beside her locker and talking when Cameron Winklevoss walks up to them. He’s fidgeting when he asks Erica if they can speak in private for a second. She agrees with a blush and they’re gone for all of an entire minute, and Erica comes back by herself with a shy smile on her face. She tells him that Cameron asked her to go to prom with him, and a blush creeps up her face. He tells her he’s happy for her, and he really, really is.
Dustin asks a girl from his AP Chemistry class, a Stephanie something, and when she says yes, Eduardo can hear his cries of joy from the classroom he’s in across the hall.
Chris asks a sophomore boy named Sean who is almost as shocked to be asked as Chris is shocked that he says yes. It’s all really adorable, and Eduardo is really happy for him, happy enough that he doesn’t care that the kid’s name is Sean.
Eduardo tries to ask Christy, but she just scoffs at him and says, “I’m not anyone’s second choice, Eduardo, not even yours. Besides, I’m going with Alice.”
“You’re-You and her?” Eduardo blubbers.
“What, you think you’re the only queer in this school?” Christy asks with a derisive snort.
And then there’s Amy, who gets asked by one skeeze after another until she all but breaks down during lunch one day and says really loudly, “That’s it! What is it about me that attracts so many douchebags? Do I have a special scent or something?”
So Eduardo asks her.
She rolls her eyes and slumps a little, but she still says, “Ugh, fine. But you’re buying me dinner.”
Mark’s not going to prom, Erica tells him. She says that this isn’t a new development; that he’d never meant to go, that it doesn’t mean anything.
“He thinks it’s stupid,” Erica explains. “And he doesn’t want to wear a tuxedo, which is basically Mark 101. He hates all things that pertain to school spirit and solidarity. Have you ever seen him in a pep rally?”
Eduardo has to admit that he hasn’t, and it does make him feel a little better.
Prom comes sooner than expected, and the group meets at the Winklevosses’ huge house so they can ride the limo to dinner and then to the hotel ballroom where the prom is being held.
Their parents take so many pictures Eduardo’s mouth is actually sore from smiling so much. Everyone looks handsome/beautiful, and there’s a lot of crying done by their mothers and a lot of kissing in the cheeks as they leave to have dinner. During dinner, it’s all laughter and fooling around and making too much noise. Cameron turns out to be a really cool guy, and the fact that he’s bringing along his twin brother Tyler and his own date becomes a total nonissue in very little time.
When they finally get to the prom, they’re wired and ready to have fun, even though everyone knows that the real fun will start at Divya Narendra’s house where the after party is being thrown. For now, though, it’s enough to just dance and laugh and have the type of good clean fun that teachers are so fond of promoting.
Amy is an amazing prom date, because she’s basically the most laid back person Eduardo’s ever met. She is determined to keep Eduardo dancing with her, and he tries to keep up. But after five songs, he’s tired, and he goes to sit at one of the tables around the dance floor.
He stays there for a while.
It’s not like he’d planned on taking Mark to the prom, really, because he hadn’t thought that far ahead. But when he looks at Dustin dancing awkwardly with a delighted Stephanie, he can’t help but feel a pang of longing.
“Ahem.”
Eduardo looks up to see Erica standing over him, hands on her hips and a disappointed frown on her face.
“Why are you here all by yourself?” she asks sternly, a little loud to carry over the music.
“I’m a little exhausted,” Eduardo shrugs. “Amy’s kind of a handful.”
“You look like a sad puppy,” Erica says, not without kindness.
“I’m not too much fun right now, I’m afraid.”
“Well that’s because you’re not dancing,” Erica says and leans down to grab Eduardo’s arms.
“Erica…”
“I don’t wanna hear it.” She pulls him up despite his protesting whine and begins to lead him to the dance floor.
A slow song starts up and Erica wraps her arms around Eduardo’s neck.
“Shouldn’t you be with Cameron right now?” Eduardo asks her.
“He had to go to the bathroom,” Erica says simply, swaying to the music. “And you looked like you needed a little pick-me-up.”
“I’m going to take that as an insult,” Eduardo laughs weakly. “Thanks for the honesty, though.”
“I tried talking to him, you know,” Erica says, looking away from Eduardo, as if she’s ashamed. “I told him he was being stupid, but you know him. When he gets an idea in his head it’s kind of hard to get it out.”
Eduardo scoffs. “What, the idea that he doesn’t love me? Yeah, that’s a pretty tough one to shake.”
Erica lets out an unhappy sigh and her gaze is sad when she turns it to him. It’s a hopeless sadness, a useless sadness, like the one Eduardo’s been feeling for the last few weeks. “I’m sorry things are so fucked up.”
“Don’t.” Eduardo can’t really take that look, can’t handle the pity. “It’s just high school. I’m the stupid one for letting myself hurt like this.”
“You’re not stupid.” Erica stops dancing and she looks upset now, angry on Eduardo’s behalf. “And Mark isn’t smart just because he won’t let himself feel this type of stuff like you do.”
“Erica-“
“Eduardo, I don’t-“
Just then Amy comes running (or walking really fast, it’s kind of hard to run on heels) toward them. She looks flushed and excited in a way that Eduardo’s not totally comfortable with.
“Oh my God, you guys,” she says, breathless. “You have to come see this.”
Erica lets out a confused “what?” before Amy is pulling them toward the entrance, where a small crowd has already gathered.
“I’ve already told you that you cannot come in here without a ticket,” comes the principal’s voice from somewhere behind the crowd. Amy pulls them through, yelling, “Move, peasants” and elbowing everyone who doesn’t listen.
The crowd parts and there’s the principal and a couple of teachers and Mark, clad in cargo shorts and a sweatshirt.
“And I’ve already told you,” Mark continues, frustrated and on the verge of calling someone stupid. “That I only have to talk to someone and leave. I’m not going to dance, Jesus, I just want to talk-“
“Son, if you don’t leave now, I will be forced to call security.”
Mark rolls his eyes. “Seriously? You think I’m a threat? Yeah, I’m coming in to shoot everyone and then myself. What are you, stupid?”
“Mark!” Eduardo barks without thinking. He can’t let Mark get into more trouble than he’s already in. “That’s enough.”
Mark’s eyes scan the crowd until they fall on Eduardo, and Eduardo’s heart jumps to his throat.
“Wardo.” Mark looks almost relieved, and Eduardo tries to keep it together. “Wardo, I need to talk to you.”
“Holy shit,” Eduardo hears Amy whisper beside him.
And, well, yeah.
“Mr. Zuckerberg,” the principal continues. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises now.”
Mark rolls his eyes again. “Wardo, I need to talk to you outside.”
“I-“
“Oh my God,” Amy and Erica groan at the same time and push Eduardo toward where Mark is retreating toward the hotel lobby.
“Mr. Saverin,” the principal says as he blocks his way toward the lobby. “You cannot step out of this ballroom until the prom is over. It’s school policy.”
“What?” Eduardo asks, confused about this stupid fucking rule.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mark has moved on from exasperated to pissed off.
“Mr. Zuckerberg-“
“Fuck it, I’ll do it here, then,” Mark says, completely ignoring him, and zeroes in on Eduardo. “You.”
“Mark-“
“You need to stop it,” Mark says quickly.
“Stop what?” Eduardo asks, indignant.
“Doing that thing where you make me be miserably in love with you,” Mark says, and all the air leaves Eduardo’s lungs. “The thing where you’re you and you make me feel stupid and lightheaded. I hate it and I would like it if you would please stop making me feel like this.”
“Mark-“ Eduardo is weary of all the people that have stopped to blatantly stare at them as Mark apparently confesses his love for him.
“Just let me finish,” Mark snaps, completely ignoring everyone but Eduardo. “I feel… things when I’m with you. Was with you. Now I only feel… upset and useless and sad all the time, and I didn’t understand why, but now I do. It’s because you’re not around anymore. It’s because I miss you.”
“This is some When Harry Met Sally realness,” Amy mutters to Erica behind him.
“Yeah, if Harry was a psychopath,” Erica answers.
Mark takes a tentative step forward. “It’s stupid, because high school relationships aren’t sustainable and being in love with you at this point in time goes against every rational thought I’ve ever had about love and relationships and even myself but-“ Mark swallows down what seems to be a lump in his throat. “I don’t want to lose you.”
And suddenly Eduardo is angry.
“See, this is exactly what’s wrong with you,” Eduardo says shakily. “I try and I try, but you make it so fucking hard for me to hate you.”
“Holy shit,” he hears Amy say. “This is so meta.”
“And I want to hate you,” Eduardo continues. “Because you’re an asshole. You’re rude and confusing and you’ve made me feel worse than anyone else I’ve ever known in my life.”
“Pretty sure this is verbatim.”
“Shut up, Amy,” Erica whispers back.
“But I can’t,” Eduardo says, with a resigned slump of his shoulders. “Because I love all those things about you, despite my better judgment. And even after you hurt me, I loved you. I still do.”
“Eduardo-“
“I don’t want you to hurt me anymore, Mark,” Eduardo says, and he’s sure he’s coming off as a frightened child in front of most of the senior class.
“I can’t-“ Mark swallows. “I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend. I-I made a list of all the ways I’d fuck things up.”
“More than you’ve already fucked them up so far?” Eduardo jokes, because he feels lighter, because Mark loves him and he’s been feeling just as awful as Eduardo. “And are you really here to convince me not to date you? Because you’re doing a really shitty job.”
Mark doesn’t have an intelligent response to this. All he has is a confused, “What?”
“I love you too,” Eduardo says simply. “And if what you want is to not hurt me, then all you have to do is not leave.”
Mark doesn’t speak, and Eduardo’s said all that he wanted to. Eduardo is mentally willing Mark to walk over to him and kiss him. He wants Mark to take the first step, because it’s his turn, and it’s only fair, isn’t it?
“Oh my God, Mark, you idiot, kiss him!” Amy bursts out.
Eduardo’s face grows hot, because, yeah, they’re still in front of their classmates and even some of their teachers, and it is a little strange that none of them have stopped them.
“Yeah, Mark!” He hears Dustin call out from somewhere in the crowd. “Kiss him!”
“Kiss him!” someone else yells
“Kiss him, Mark!” yet someone else calls out.
Soon enough they start changing “Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!”
Mark rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, and after a few more chants he shrugs and starts walking up to Eduardo.
“Just this once,” Mark says softly and then leans in to kiss him.
The crowd’s response when Eduardo cups Mark’s face to bring him closer is loud and excited. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re kissing, and God Eduardo has missed this. Mark holds onto Eduardo’s lower back, pulling him closer, closer-
“Okay, break it up, you two,” the principal says, pulling Mark back a little.
“Oh for Christ’s-“ Mark whines, but Eduardo puts a hand over his mouth.
“Sorry, sir,” Eduardo apologizes. “About… all of this.”
He raises a skeptical eyebrow in response. “You can stay, Zuckerberg,” he says, with more than a little disdain. “But if you’re disruptive in any way, I will kick you out and I’ll suspend you.” Then he turns to the audience to say, “All right, kids, show’s over. Nothing to see here.”
The crowd aww’s and slowly disperses.
Eduardo drops his hand from Mark’s mouth, and they stand there, silent until Mark says, “So apparently we can’t leave until the dance is over. Which is a stupid rule, by the way, and I don’t understand it.”
“I guess we’re gonna have to wait it out, then,” Eduardo says, smiling. He runs his left hand down Mark’s arm and links their hands together. “Wanna dance?”
Mark rolls his eyes. “Wardo-“
“Come on,” Eduardo says, pulling Mark toward the dance floor. “You owe me.”
Being in a relationship is a little scary, because there’s always the threat of hurting your partner’s feelings, of making the kind of irreparable damage that will drive that person you love away forever.
For the most part, though, it’s pretty awesome.
“Hey, come on,” Eduardo says, pulling Mark down the hall toward the auditorium. “We’re gonna be late.”
“You’re gonna be late,” Mark says. “I’m the last person they call up.”
“Well if I’m late, it’ll be your fault,” Eduardo huffs. “You were the one who thought it’d be a good idea to make out in the empty biology lab.”
“I didn’t hear a lot of complaining from your end.”
“Your hand down my pants kind of distracted me,” Eduardo giggles, pulling Mark up beside him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder.
“I don’t understand why they make us wear dresses to these things,” Mark grumbles, groping at his burgundy robe. “There’s no dignity in this hat either, Jesus. Your family’s gonna see me in this.”
Eduardo’s heart warms a little at the thought of Mark worrying about what Eduardo’s family will think of him. Eduardo kisses Mark’s temple and mutters, “My family likes you.”
“Your family doesn’t know me,” Mark says, referring to Eduardo’s extended family that’s come from Brazil just to see Eduardo graduate.
“They’ll love you,” Eduardo assures him. “Just like I love you.”
Mark snorts. “Hopefully not like that.”
“I guess not,” Eduardo agrees with a laugh. “But they’re gonna have to get used to you anyhow.”
Eduardo opens the double doors leading to the gym and sees the sea of students already sitting in alphabetical order. Eduardo will have to let Mark go to sit with the other S’s, so he gives him a peck in the cheek before he tries to walk toward his seat.
Mark pulls him back before he can walk another step, though. “This thing between us is not going to end well, you know,” Mark tells him.
“How so?” Eduardo asks, confused.
“It’s either gonna end with us breaking each other’s hearts or having a bunch of gay adopted babies.”
“Hm…” Eduardo mulls this over for a moment. He knows Mark is right, because they’re both so stubborn and they’re still really awful at this communication thing. Eduardo feels too much, and Mark never talks about what he feels himself. They’ll always be struggling, probably, to figure each other out.
Then he looks into Mark’s eyes, blue as ever and says, “Can’t wait.”