[fic] SPLASH - or The Stripper Fic You Should Have Talked Me Out Of Writing
The only word to describe this fic would be “ill-advised”. Or possibly “wretched”. Wretchedly ill-advised. And you thought Prom Fic or Jacking Off In A Cave Fic was stupid and undignified.
Title: SPLASH
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Shisui/Itachi
Summary: On a scale of one to ten-ten being the bomb scare at the Reuters Building last May-this was still registering at least a seven in terms of stupidity.
Warnings: AU. AU like a motherfucker (but hey, at least it takes place in Japan). What am I even supposed to say here? It's the Stripper Fic.
( Pretend that when I say NPA, I actually mean FBI, and when I say Tokyo, I really mean New York. )
I wrote this really, really quickly-and I’m talking like, “Oh my God I cannot stop to think about this for even one second because I will lose my mind.” The problem with me is that whereas most people will look at this premise and think, “Aha! Crack!” I look at it and think, “Aha! Cheesefest romantic comedy meets gritty cop drama with a side of after school special!” A 110% serious sappy ending. And a PG-13 rating. Score!
Notes:
1) If you can place which movie Itachi’s last line is stolen from, we are clearly soul mates and should immediately elope.
2) I know that go-go dancing is not technically stripping. This is probably a cop-out on my part, but consider this: I don’t actually know any male strippers. I do, however, have a couple of guy friends in the go-go scene, who were gracious enough to let me tackle them with a notepad and questions like, “What are some of your signature moves?” and, “On average, how many dollar bills can be stuffed into one g-string?” Besides, while I find stripping to be sleazy-as-hell-unless-you’re-Dita, go-go dancing can be fucking awesome, and is more about energy than, like, nakedness. Most of the time.
3) Splash is a real gay bar in New York, on 17th between 5th and 6th Ave. Yes, I modeled the club in this story after it, and yes, the go-go boys shower on stage. Campus Thursday, kids, free admission for college students and discounts on Long Island Iced Tea. Go hunt for your RL Itachi! /shot with a Glock 22 10mm.
4) OH OH OH I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS. Okay, so this is something that my baby sister pointed out to me (I know, I know...), and I really have to share it with you: Itachi was totally meant to be a stripper, okay? Just listen to his theme music. Seriously, WHAT IS THAT? The anime people must really hate him, because that music makes me want to die a little inside.
To combat my cockblocking ways, soleil_et_pluie has taken the liberty to give you That Time At The Christmas Party in word-form: Office Party. Kakashi/Shisui. If you're not into that, I DON'T KNOW YOU.
And then octavius_x wrote an entire sequel which manages to be much deeper and better-written than my actual fic: Bang. U gaiz why are you so determined to put me out of business? D:
ALSO, did you know that bellicosus is an awful person -- and by awful, I mean FUCKING CRAZY AWESOME. Check dis shit out:
Title: SPLASH
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Shisui/Itachi
Summary: On a scale of one to ten-ten being the bomb scare at the Reuters Building last May-this was still registering at least a seven in terms of stupidity.
Warnings: AU. AU like a motherfucker (but hey, at least it takes place in Japan). What am I even supposed to say here? It's the Stripper Fic.
( Pretend that when I say NPA, I actually mean FBI, and when I say Tokyo, I really mean New York. )
I wrote this really, really quickly-and I’m talking like, “Oh my God I cannot stop to think about this for even one second because I will lose my mind.” The problem with me is that whereas most people will look at this premise and think, “Aha! Crack!” I look at it and think, “Aha! Cheesefest romantic comedy meets gritty cop drama with a side of after school special!” A 110% serious sappy ending. And a PG-13 rating. Score!
Notes:
1) If you can place which movie Itachi’s last line is stolen from, we are clearly soul mates and should immediately elope.
2) I know that go-go dancing is not technically stripping. This is probably a cop-out on my part, but consider this: I don’t actually know any male strippers. I do, however, have a couple of guy friends in the go-go scene, who were gracious enough to let me tackle them with a notepad and questions like, “What are some of your signature moves?” and, “On average, how many dollar bills can be stuffed into one g-string?” Besides, while I find stripping to be sleazy-as-hell-unless-you’re-Dita, go-go dancing can be fucking awesome, and is more about energy than, like, nakedness. Most of the time.
3) Splash is a real gay bar in New York, on 17th between 5th and 6th Ave. Yes, I modeled the club in this story after it, and yes, the go-go boys shower on stage. Campus Thursday, kids, free admission for college students and discounts on Long Island Iced Tea. Go hunt for your RL Itachi! /shot with a Glock 22 10mm.
4) OH OH OH I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS. Okay, so this is something that my baby sister pointed out to me (I know, I know...), and I really have to share it with you: Itachi was totally meant to be a stripper, okay? Just listen to his theme music. Seriously, WHAT IS THAT? The anime people must really hate him, because that music makes me want to die a little inside.
To combat my cockblocking ways, soleil_et_pluie has taken the liberty to give you That Time At The Christmas Party in word-form: Office Party. Kakashi/Shisui. If you're not into that, I DON'T KNOW YOU.
And then octavius_x wrote an entire sequel which manages to be much deeper and better-written than my actual fic: Bang. U gaiz why are you so determined to put me out of business? D:
ALSO, did you know that bellicosus is an awful person -- and by awful, I mean FUCKING CRAZY AWESOME. Check dis shit out: