CH.5 COEG- Bearings
Title: Bearings (10/12)
Series: Creature of Extraordinary Grace
Author: Romanceguru
Disclaimer: Joss is boss, I am but a lowly subservient.
Rating: PG-13 For no good reason.
Summary: Recovery, reflection and regression.
Pairings: Mal/River Jayne/River
Notes: Post BDM 1 yr. + I took that stupid deer part out of the last chapter. Sorry about that one. I cringed as I re-read it. I must have been high that day. High on life that is!
Rayne shipper/Maliver shipper Warning: This story is equally heavy on Mal and Jayne interaction with River, both intimately and romantically.
I love my beta more than Jayne and Mal love River. Thanks elsibet34
All previous chapters to this fic can be found here at my stories links page.
As the long tedious days dragged on through the black, Kaylee and Zoë took turns keeping River company while her body slowly and steadily healed.
Her heart still ached deeply with confliction and she felt more confused now than ever. Somehow, she had hoped a clear answer would avail itself after the bedlam had died down.
She had seen neither Mal nor Jayne in the past several days, and while her tired soul partially mourned their absence, she mostly appreciated it.
Time was of the essence or the essential in her case as she continued to sort through her feelings and inconclusively compare emotional notes. Mostly, her mind moved in continuous, nauseating circles. Deductive reasoning did not apply when it came to love.
The girls had provided encouraging words and advice on the situation and attested that both Mal and Jayne were miserably moping around the ship over what had happened.
Zoë had assured her that the two weren’t set to murder one another anytime soon. All motivation to act vengefully died the night their reckless actions caused nearly tragic results. In no way did that mean they were anywhere near civility. That would take time, and possibly a miracle.
---
Mal unconsciously found himself walking past River’s room at odd hours of the day, and occasionally during the night when he was starved for sleep.
Sometimes he would stop and listen for signs of life; the rustling of blankets, the flip, flip of pages turning, or the soft, gentle panting of her breath cutting through the still of night.
A minute or so with his ear pressed against her door was all he allowed himself before moving on. As long as he received updates from the doc and could hear for himself that she was recovering at due speed, he saw no real reason to visit.
It was painful enough trying to sort through the situation in his head. Seeing her right now would do nothing but cause him more grief. That’s what he was left with for going against his conventions and taking a chance on the very thing he had denied himself up until now.
Everything he was feeling was a jumbled, chaotic mess and he couldn’t spend more than five minutes trying to analyze it all before he wanted to put his hand through something, primarily Jayne.
The yuán rén would have been off the boat by now if it weren’t for his dwindling and ailing crew. Desperation called for personal sacrifices.
Fact was, as angry as he was with Jayne, he was even more disappointed in River. Everything they’d had together felt so achingly wonderful like some sunny dream he never wanted to wake up from. He had allowed himself to become closer to her than any woman that came before, Inara included.
Indubitably, he had secretly loved Inara for about as long as he could remember. He had been hopelessly infatuated by her regal and mysterious aura. He thought perhaps one day when they were done with their dance of fear, they would have ended up together. Of course, life and death had other plans written in the books for the companion.
He missed her still some days and there wasn’t a person on this boat who didn‘t feel the loss of her. Respectfully, he cherished her memory and vowed to move on, and he did.
He found serenity in the last place he would have ever expected. In the arms of a barely legal, formerly insane government trained assassin. Not a one could say he didn’t dare to live life dangerously.
The thing was, she wasn’t dangerous, just misunderstood. There was so much more to her than what met the eye. There were so many reasons why he fell for her like a hopeless fool.
The girl was smart, smart enough to know better than to have chosen a bitter old captain of a run down ship to be with. She was witty. Her sharp, little tongue never left him without an entertaining exchange or a good laugh. She was beautiful, but it wasn’t a predictable beauty, one you’d tire of after a while but something all together unique to match her eccentricity. She was sexy without even knowing it. A slight curve of the lips and one look from underneath her eyelashes would leave him done for. She was everything a man could want to fight for.
She had bared her equally dark and light soul to him and what he saw there was more beautiful than all the supernovas in the ‘verse. For a brief and fleeting moment, he had known what is was like to be happy, and now it was gone.
---
River stared blankly ahead while Simon carefully rewrapped the bandages around her torso, hoping to speed up the healing process. The bruising across her chest was still a deep purple-blue and her fractured ribs needed more time to mend before she could began reconditioning.
River was lost behind her own eyes, barely feeling in the present as her brother spoke to her. “Mei mei, where are you?” There was no sign of perception from his sister and he tried again with slight panic. “River.”
Slowly, she tuned into her surroundings and turned her distant gaze to Simon who sat beside her.
“You are really starting to scare me. I haven’t seen you this reclusive since, since…”
“Since I was out of my mind? Crazy, bonkers, unhinged?” River answered for him monotonically; she was still slightly distracted. She could feel him just outside the door again and it pained her that he refused to come in. The brick wall around his mind was impenetrable and she longed to know the damage she had caused before she could attempt any repair.
“River. I didn‘t mean to imply that…”
“It’s ok, Simon.” River quickly reassured. “I’m not going to revert. You don’t have to worry.”
“Well, I do worry, can’t help it.” A slight smile played on his lips as he jabbed his sister in the side with his finger. “It’s a precursor older brothers are instilled with, part of our genetic makeup.”
“The lesser of the species are always cursed with problematic younger sisters.” She sarcastically retorted.
“At least we’re back to making fun. That’s a start. Now, care to let me in on what’s troubling you?”
The energy faded, Mal was gone from outside her room. River sighed and let go of the hope and breath that she was holding on to that perhaps today would be different.
Yes, she had needed some time to sort things out, but she had never anticipated being cut off from Mal completely would leave her feeling this devastated.
River looked directly at Simon and let spill her quandary. “What’s the use of being a genius if I can’t realize an apposite solution?”
“Um. Have you anything else you want to talk about?” He dryly teased as he secured the final wrap in place with a clip.
“Simon.”
“Alright. I suppose it doesn’t matter how smart you are. No one is naturally learned in that arena. Believe me; I know.”
River smiled at that. “You were such a boob. Maybe you’re not the ideal choice for advice.”
“May I need remind you of the situation? Tease all you want, but you, little miss, have gotten yourself far deeper than even I could have managed.”
“Fine, you win. I am the bigger boob.”
Simon sighed. “No. You’re just young and in way over your head. I really wish you would have come to me sooner.”
“Can’t go back.”
“That is true. I’m not being much help am I?”
“You’re here, and that’s enough.” River whispered quietly.
Simon wrapped his arms around his sister and hugged her downtrodden form gently before tilting her chin up to him. “River, I know you feel some big rush to provide answers, but you need to do what’s best for you. If that includes more time to decide what you want, then take it. They can wait.”
“Ok.” She agreed.
“Ok.” he affirmed.
“Simon?”
“Um?”
“I’m not angry.”
“I know. You always were a little passive.”
River gave her brother a look that said very funny. “Do they know?” she questioned.
“That you’re passive? I imagine that’s how…” River interrupted her brother’s jesting with a fist to the arm.
“Ow! Do you always have to resort to violence?”
“You always were such a wimp.” River countered.
“Thanks.”
Simon looked acutely at is sister and stated seriously, “I don’t know what they think. Haven’t really sat down for a heart-to-heart. Just because you have forgiven them, doesn’t mean I am ready to. You could have died, River.”
“It was an accident. My doing culminated in the events. If you blame anyone, it should be me.” She defended earnestly.
“I just don’t think…” Simon began, when Kaylee bringing in a tray that smelled of all things unpleasant for River, interrupted him.
“Stop it you two.” Kaylee commanded as she set the tray down. “It ain’t anyone’s fault. Things just happen.”
Kayee smiled as she smoothed back River’s hair. “Granted, around Jayne and the cap’n, those things just tend to be a bit more violenty.” She then looked at Simon and announced airily. “They can’t help it if they’re both passionately in love with your sister.”
Simon blanched at that, the absurdity of the situation never fully sinking in as it did when it was said aloud.
---
Later that day, there was a loud rap on her door, hard enough that she thought his fist might break through the thin material. He never could be quiet, even when they were sneaking around.
River granted her visitor entrance and he moved in, shutting the door behind him and plopping down on the chair adjacent to her bed. “Hey.”
River carefully rolled over to face Jayne, resting her cheek on her hands and smiled.
“You feelin’ any better yet?” Jayne eyed the heavy bandaging with a twinge of guilt.
“Reconstruction is slow but progressive. Feeling much improved, thank you.”
“Well that’s good.” He scanned the room uncomfortably before turning his attention back to the girl on the bed. “Would have come ta see ya sooner, ‘cept yer brother’s been playin’ keeper.”
River smiled and reached for the man sitting awkwardly next to her.
Jayne’s face puzzled. “Ya don’t hate me?”
“Very few people I hate. You are not one of them.”
“Yeah, but …”
“Come here.” River commanded.
“Alright, no need to go all dominatrix on me. Well, suppose I wouldn’t mind it if…”
“Jayne.”
He chuckled as he got up and moved to sit next to her on the undersized bed, wrapping his arm around her small frame as River lay her head against his chest. “Always afraid I might crush ya one way or t’other, just didn’t think it’d happen the way it did.”
“Shhh.” River directed as she closed her eyes and basked in the feel of having Jayne hold her.
They lay there like that a long while in comfortable but also insufferable silence before Jayne couldn’t take it any longer, curiosity getting the best of him. “So. Can‘t imagine it bein’ all that pleasant bein’ cooped up in here wit’ nothin’ ‘cept yer brother fer company. Anyone else come at see ya?”
“Kaylee and Zoë.” River mumbled sleepily into his chest.
“Um. That all?”
“No, the captain has not visited.”
“Oh.”
River considered that for a moment before asking pensively. “Is Simon the reason he hasn’t come?”
Jayne’s whole body tensed acrimoniously like an animal rearing up on the offensive. “You’d rather him be here then?”
“Yes. No! I was just wondering if…” Before she could finish, or correct her slip of the tongue, he stood abruptly, tumbling the girl off his chest and back onto the bed with the action.
“Cào dì you!” He muttered angrily as he stalked out. Damn girl still had her mind stuck on Mal. The enraged part of him wondered why he even bothered to come in the first place. “See ya later.” he called back bitterly as he walked out the door.
“Jayne, wait. I didn’t mean…”
The door slammed shut and cut off her apology a second too late, the sharp sound resembling something like the pang regret she was feeling.
River carefully sat up with the thought of going after the merc, but a heavy pain from the bruising seared across her chest, enabling her to move no further. River conceded and plopped her head back on the pillow, annoyed with her helplessness.
---
Jayne stood at the entrance of the cockpit a while, watching Mal ball up little scraps of paper and toss them into the wastebasket across the room, before he finally cleared his throat and spoke up. “I’m here. What do ya want?”
Mal swiveled the pilot’s chair towards Jayne and looked him up and down guardedly before answering. “You understand we have a job in a few days time?”
“Zoë done filled me in.” Jayne responded curtly.
They were both silent for a long while, Jayne with his arms crossed against his brood chest in an imposing manner and Mal casually leaning back in the chair, unflinching.
Jayne finally broke the stare down and looked around casually before making his acute observation. “Where’s Old Man River? He finally go all senile and croak yet?”
Mal shook his head in annoyance. “Jayne, may I remind you time and again that our pilot has a name. Just because he’s a mite old…”
Jayne scoffed. “More like decaying…”
“Doesn’t in no way mean he ain’t good for the job.” Mal finished, braving through the interruption. “How is it that you can have issue with every newest member of my crew?”
The mercenary sneered while looking at the captain pointedly. “He ain’t the only one I have a problem with.”
“We can go there if that’s where you’re headed.” Mal challenged, not liking the big guy’s demeanor. He had taken great pains up until now to be civil but that front was wearing thin.
Jayne smirked cockily. “Don’t think you could right handle another beating anyhow. Yer just about as ancient as Old Man River.”
At that moment and before Mal could react, Zoë stepped in from behind Jayne. “There going to be a problem?”
Mal let the red drain from his face and tore his angry eyes from Jayne to look at his first mate. “Don’t gotta worry, Zoë. The big guy here is just a hop, skip and a jump away from disembarking. Was just about to discuss how he wants that played out.”
Jayne clenched his teeth. “As soon as possible, is what.”
“Cap’n you know we can’t…” Zoë tried to reason with him before she was cut off.
“No matter. We can manage. Might do better ridding ourselves of all and any traitors here abouts.”
No one had noticed Kaylee slip in during the threats and tension until she had cried out. “Stop that right now! The both of you! You ain’t learned a thing, have ya?”
Kaylee glared intently between Mal and Jayne as she spoke. “River’s already laid up feeling for all the world guilty, an’ alls you two can do is think of yourselves instead of trying to deal with the situation like civilized folk. Bù kě jiù yào juān wēi xiao gēr ! If was her, I wouldn’t want a one of ya."
Kaylee singled out the merc standing next to her while he just stared on blankly. “Jayne, your problem is you’re always threatenin’ to beat a man down rather than just givin’ him a good talkin’ to. Can’t even own up to your feelings most of the time. Isn’t that what got you in this mess in the first place?”
She subsequently turned to her next victim, sternly eying Mal as he waited for the verbal assault he knew he had coming. “An’ Capt‘n, when things get a speck bumpy, you resort to your high and mighty captainy powers to rid off whomever thinks dissimilar to yourself. Done it high an’ time before an’ it ain’t ever solved a thing!”
The mechanic took a deep breath before continuing on to the both of them. “Ya’ll are too busy worryin’ about who’s gonna get the girl instead of just bein’ concerned about her. If ya’ll really cared ‘bout River, if ya’ll wanted to prove yourselves, do something really miraculous for a change an’ ruttin’ get along!”
With another long string of explicit mandarin, Kaylee stomped out of the cockpit, leaving a couple masculine jaws hanging open in her wake.
Zoë smirked at the boys before following in the mechanic’s stride.
Mal slumped back against his chair, defeated. “Huh. How about that? She said ruttin’.”
Jayne looked out in a daze towards the empty space where the girls had retreated to and muttered. “Yeah, somehow it just don’t seem right.”
TBC…
Approximate Chinse translations:
Bù kě jiù yào juān wēi xiao gēr !- Hopeless, sad, little boys!
yuán rén - ape-man
Cào dì you! - fucking hell.
Next Ch. The girl or the weapon