Ch. 2 COEG- Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda
Title: Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda (2/12)
Series: Creature of Extraordinary Grace
Author: Romanceguru
Disclaimer: Joss is boss, I am but a lowly subservient.
Rating: R
Summary: Post BDM. Mal/River/(?)
Notes: Back by demand. Surprise, surprise I’m doing another thing I said I wouldn’t do. ; P
I wouldn’t trade my beta for the ‘verse! Thanks
elsibet34!
Previous chapter: Creature of Extraordinary Grace
They lay in a tangle of naked, cooling limbs, both refusing to break the fusion formed during the heat of passion. Mal moved his body down River’s, resting his cheek on the softness of her tummy. He could feel her breath lengthen as her body relaxed. Absentmindedly, he traced his finger back and forth over the small white scar on her lower abdomen.
River reached down, running her fingers through his hair ever so lightly, causing a pleasant tingling sensation to crawl over his bare flesh. Her voice was soft yet worldly as it cut through the silence. “You miss her.”
“That I do.” Mal answered earnestly. Inara’s face briefly flashed through his mind before he forced it out.
River was silent a moment before she answered meekly. “I’m sorry.”
Mal’s body tensed at her words. He knew what was coming. “It’s not your fault lil’ ‘tross. You didn’t kill her.” He reassured.
“I couldn’t save her.”
Mal lifted his head up, looking fixedly at River as he spoke. “Wasn’t your job to. What you did, giving a piece of yourself, was all kinds of brave. None of us were to know then it was too late.”
River lolled her head back, closing her eyes as memories of ghosts gripped her conscious. “I tried to see, couldn’t. There were pieces, parts jumbled, fragmented, couldn’t finish the puzzle. She didn’t want us to know. Know she was dying. I…I just…if I were to…” River was upset, feeling guilty that she was beneath the captain and not the woman he had for so long languished over. The only woman she believed he had ever truly loved.
“Shhh…none of that now.” Mal grabbed her hand, gently shaking her from the panicked memory. “Goin’ on a year past now and ifs never did anything but bring about undue pain.”
“But you’re still hurt.” River pulled the truth from the weary captain’s face.
Mal sighed. “Been on the mend for some time now, lil’ one. But for some odd reason I’ve been a feelin’ much better of late.” He smiled cheekily over glistening skin and bare breasts. “Now why’d you suppose that is?”
River bit her lip and smiled slyly at the handsome man below. “Um…you have been studying various forms of meditation?”
Mal cracked a mischievous grin and lowered his mouth to her belly, nipping at it playfully and sending River into a fit of squirming giggles. His warm mouth on her skin brought comfort and reassurance, helping her forget the past and the pain it brought.
As River tossed about she answered between fits of laughter. “Taken up…needle point?”
“Nope. Guess again.” Mal burred his face in deep this time, her sweet mirth filling the small bunk.
“Found… us… a… job?” She panted, fighting for words as Mal found the extra sensitive areas along her sides.
Mal stopped and smiled devilishly at her. “You’re one for torture now, aren’t you?
“Have high pain tolerance.” River stated simply, refusing to give in.
“Is that right?” Mal kissed his way back up her body, settling himself right above her angelic face and looking meaningfully into her arresting eyes. “All the hurt in the world don’t seem to matter as much as it did.”
He leaned in and kissed her long and deep with all the strength and fervor he felt in the moment from having this beauty laying willingly beneath him. When their lips finally broke apart he moved his mouth next to her ear and whispered earnestly. “I found me you.”
---
The mess slowly filled with mouth-watering aromas as River worked her culinary magic. She finished chopping the thawed onion and garlic as she reprimanded the man behind her. “Stop it. You’re ruining my very clever concoction.”
Mal had been sneakily adding various spices to the pot whenever River turned from the stove.
“Am I now?” Mal teased as he pulled the small girl into his arms. She set down her knife and hung her arms loosely around his neck, careful not to get her dirty hands in his hair.
“Last time I remember it, your clever concoction sent everyone to the sickbay.” Mal continued to poke fun.
“That is because it was just a concoction and not clever. Been reading up on various cooking methods. Will not poison the crew this time. Promise. May I please resume cooking duties, captain?” River smiled, blinking her eyes sweetly.
“Not ‘till I get a kiss from the chef.”
River squealed as he pulled her closer, the drumming of his heart against her own making her feel alive. Their lips met only briefly before the sound of a deep voice clearing awkwardly interrupted the moment.
River and Mal both turned to see Jayne kicking a chair out and plopping himself down. “Ain’t ya’ll got a bunk ta do dat in?” he grumbled.
River pulled quickly away from Mal and continued stirring the large steaming pot of food. Mal momentarily regarded her abrupt action before answering the foul tempered mercenary. “We do at that.”
He then wrapped River up from behind as she dutifully stirred. “She’s just so kissable.” Mal continued. River smiled as he pecked her cheek and released her. “I’m going to check on our new pilot, still don’t trust the guy not to crash us all to a fiery death. Don’t do anything crazy ‘til I get back.”
“You’re forgetting to whom you’re talking.” River smiled playfully at the man as he made his way from the room.
“Well, fill me in later. Just keep the violence to a minimum. Doc’s still under the weather.” Mal called over his shoulder and he was gone, leaving behind dead silence.
River refused to look up at Jayne but could feel his eyes piercing her like hollow point bullets. She didn’t dare encroach on his thoughts. She had stopped trying long ago. It wasn’t something he took kindly to. He preferred being closed off in every way. She also didn’t want to know what he thought of her. As happy as she was now with the captain, memories of Jayne touched a raw nerve. She had been trying so hard to shut him out that she almost jumped when he spoke.
“Does he ‘least know?” Jayne questioned bitterly.
“Know what?” River played indifferent, refusing to look up.
Jayne relented. “About us.”
River made sure to keep her voice devoid of emotion. She would be strong; she was over him. “There is no us. If there ever was, it’s not worth mentioning.”
Jayne flinched at her words. It felt like a knife to the gut and he’d had more than a few of those.
He had watched her with the captain a good while before letting his presence be known. Felt down right ill to see crazy smiling at the cap like he was some sort of saint. Seeing Mal putting his hands where the girl used to let him made his blood boil hotter than seven suns.
More then anything, he hated that it was all for nothing, these torturous feelings he had been successful at avoiding until now. He knew it was some sort of cruel punishment for the way he had treated the girl.
Spent restless nights in his bunk ever since. Just thinking on how if he could just go back, he would have asked her to stay the night after they’d made love, instead of sending her away like the whores he’d kept. He would have held her close and kissed her on the mouth when she asked him to instead of getting mad at her when she persisted on the subject. He would have paraded her around the ship, his hand folded around hers, instead of shamefully saving their meetings for the dead of night, telling her she best keep quite about the whole thing. What a total hun dun he’d been not to notice the bit of treasure he possessed, if only briefly.
He looked down shamefully at the table but his words were for her. “I made a mistake, alright?” His rugged voice had an uncommon tenderness to it. “I was afraid, girl. Didn’t wanna feel the things ya were makin’ me feel.”
River dropped her spoon and looked at Jayne in confusion, her heart thundering in her chest.
Jayne stood, stepping closer but careful to still keep his distance. Before he knew what was happening, all the things in his head were coming out of his mouth. He didn’t ruttin’ care anymore how it made him sound because he had nothing to lose. “I was stupid fer not seein’ ya…how beautiful ya really are. It’s not just ‘bout the sex’n neither. Ya’ve done somthin’ ta me an’… an’ I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout ya.”
“You can’t. Please stop.” River pleaded, her voice was trembling, tears forming glistening trails over her hot cheeks. She looked down, scared, confused and ashamed of the moment.
“Gorramit, crazy, look at me.”
River obeyed, he always did have a certain power over her. Her chin quivered as she fought back emotion.
“Don’t right know when it happened, but it did.” His heart was like a caged beast now ready to explode. “I love you, ya hear?” Jayne confessed looking her heavily in the eyes, ice blue penetrating her heart. “I miss you, dong ma?”
River just stood frozen in shock. Her knees were like jelly and there was a painful tinge in her heart.
A voice ruptured the intense gaze that Jayne and River now shared.
“It seems I’m the one now interruptin’ somethin’. Care to tell me what the hell is goin’ on?”
TBC…
Next Ch. You Take Care Of Me