Numb3rs ficlet: "Kim's Fear"
Title: Kim's Fear.
Author: Keenir.
Pairing/Characters: Kim Hall; Don Eppes.
With thanks to: Valerie84, who inspired this story with her Numb3rswriteoff entry.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What was in Kim's letter to Don, and why did she send it?
Spoilers: Counterfeit Reality.
Notes: The bold are the highlights of the letter. The italics are her thoughts.
Warnings: Some people really *do* have this problem.
Disclaimer: I own none of the canon characters.
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I won't say 'it's not you, it's me.' We both hate cliches, she thought as her pen stilled, her entire world reduced to her, the pen, and the paper here on their tabletop. And it's not you added to keep him from blaming himself.
I want this to work. I want it to work, I do; but... and looked at her engagement ring, hoping to draw strength from it: Don had picked it out, played with it and tried twice to make things perfect when got down on one knee - Don Eppes, kneeling, smiling at the memory - and asked her for her hand in marriage.
I love you. You know I do. I know you love me.
I want to stand with him. I want to be there for him in his hour of need, but... I mean, does his family even know about me? It had taken a year and a half for Don to tell her anything about his family. I don't want to be like my Aunt Isadore, a complete surprise to the family when my uncle sent out his wedding invitations. I couldn't bear to be that, and I don't want to push the issue, and she never had, not in all the time she had known Don. And even if Don's told his family about me and what I am to him...his mother's in the hospital, and I want to help him, be his shoulder, help him through this, but... and wiped one eye with the back of her hand, a short quick sniffle its only accompaniment. But his mom is in the hospital.
Her mind flashed back to when Don had gotten the news, how he packed hurriedly just enough to last the flight and the cab ride to the hospital. He didn't ask me to come. Probably slipped his mind, which is understandable...but it meant she didn't know if she should go. She did know, though, that she couldn't bring herself to go for one reason: I want to stand with him, but... and hated herself for how she thought:
I can't stand hospitals. Going there means you failed, means you screwed up and got shot or stabbed or any of a dozen other things. And if its not you lying in a bed, then it's someone who got sent there on your watch. And Kim knew she couldn't say that to Don - couldn't say it was his fault his mom was in the hospital.
...and couldn't say that she couldn't go with him to visit his mom. Not any way short of writing the rest of this and sending it to him, a tear sliding down her cheek. Too many times, when someone I know goes in the hospital, they come out to be buried, and, with a violent shake of her head, No way in hell is that going to happen here.
We were great hating the past tense like she hated breaking the news of a death to the deceased's loved ones. We did great. Okay, we were fantastic. And I never blamed you for me leaving the FBI for Secret Service - as I told you then, it was a great move for me, professionally; and you fit in the FBI better than I did. And it let us stay together.
And I want us to stay together. But I wouldn't be any help right now - I'd be useless. No, worse than useless, and didn't know how to put that in writing, so she didn't.
One obstacle, and only one. But it was too big for her to tackle alone.
Kim finished her letter with a kiss beneath No matter what, you're in my heart.
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The End.
Author's Notes: there are two primary pieces of information in Counterfeit Reality I brought to bear here:
* Don dated Kim 3 years before s1.
* Kim was FBI until 3 years ago.
Now it would be easy enough to assume that it was the transfer that precipitated the break-up, but I assumed for this ficlet that Kim didn't mind.
(I also ignored the body language between her and Don, as that's not something I'm good at reading)
Author: Keenir.
Pairing/Characters: Kim Hall; Don Eppes.
With thanks to: Valerie84, who inspired this story with her Numb3rswriteoff entry.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What was in Kim's letter to Don, and why did she send it?
Spoilers: Counterfeit Reality.
Notes: The bold are the highlights of the letter. The italics are her thoughts.
Warnings: Some people really *do* have this problem.
Disclaimer: I own none of the canon characters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I won't say 'it's not you, it's me.' We both hate cliches, she thought as her pen stilled, her entire world reduced to her, the pen, and the paper here on their tabletop. And it's not you added to keep him from blaming himself.
I want this to work. I want it to work, I do; but... and looked at her engagement ring, hoping to draw strength from it: Don had picked it out, played with it and tried twice to make things perfect when got down on one knee - Don Eppes, kneeling, smiling at the memory - and asked her for her hand in marriage.
I love you. You know I do. I know you love me.
I want to stand with him. I want to be there for him in his hour of need, but... I mean, does his family even know about me? It had taken a year and a half for Don to tell her anything about his family. I don't want to be like my Aunt Isadore, a complete surprise to the family when my uncle sent out his wedding invitations. I couldn't bear to be that, and I don't want to push the issue, and she never had, not in all the time she had known Don. And even if Don's told his family about me and what I am to him...his mother's in the hospital, and I want to help him, be his shoulder, help him through this, but... and wiped one eye with the back of her hand, a short quick sniffle its only accompaniment. But his mom is in the hospital.
Her mind flashed back to when Don had gotten the news, how he packed hurriedly just enough to last the flight and the cab ride to the hospital. He didn't ask me to come. Probably slipped his mind, which is understandable...but it meant she didn't know if she should go. She did know, though, that she couldn't bring herself to go for one reason: I want to stand with him, but... and hated herself for how she thought:
I can't stand hospitals. Going there means you failed, means you screwed up and got shot or stabbed or any of a dozen other things. And if its not you lying in a bed, then it's someone who got sent there on your watch. And Kim knew she couldn't say that to Don - couldn't say it was his fault his mom was in the hospital.
...and couldn't say that she couldn't go with him to visit his mom. Not any way short of writing the rest of this and sending it to him, a tear sliding down her cheek. Too many times, when someone I know goes in the hospital, they come out to be buried, and, with a violent shake of her head, No way in hell is that going to happen here.
We were great hating the past tense like she hated breaking the news of a death to the deceased's loved ones. We did great. Okay, we were fantastic. And I never blamed you for me leaving the FBI for Secret Service - as I told you then, it was a great move for me, professionally; and you fit in the FBI better than I did. And it let us stay together.
And I want us to stay together. But I wouldn't be any help right now - I'd be useless. No, worse than useless, and didn't know how to put that in writing, so she didn't.
One obstacle, and only one. But it was too big for her to tackle alone.
Kim finished her letter with a kiss beneath No matter what, you're in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.
Author's Notes: there are two primary pieces of information in Counterfeit Reality I brought to bear here:
* Don dated Kim 3 years before s1.
* Kim was FBI until 3 years ago.
Now it would be easy enough to assume that it was the transfer that precipitated the break-up, but I assumed for this ficlet that Kim didn't mind.
(I also ignored the body language between her and Don, as that's not something I'm good at reading)