You've Become What I Hate, Sold Yourself For A Bit Of Fame: Chapter Thirty-One
Summary: Alex has just moved for the last of many times to Dulaney High school. He has decided that this is the year and school that he will try and become "popular" but if that happened would it be a bad thing? And will finding a new friend, that may think of him as more, also affect it?....
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Caraphernelia-Pierce The Veil Feat. Jeremy McKinnon
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Thirty-One
The two boys stood there staring at each other. They were both wide-eyed in surprise. Finally, Alex broke the silence,
“You what?”
Jack didn't answer at first, he just looked at the ground, face burning up with embarrassment. When he realised that Alex wasn't going to speak again he mumbled, “I think you should leave now.”
“I-Jack-”
“Leave.” He looked up at Alex, he eyes wide and pleading as he whispered, “Please. I really don't want to talk to you now, or ever. I can't deal with any of this any more. Please just leave.”
The blonde bit his lip, debating what to do. He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to decide if he should say something then came to the conclusion that yes, he should. “Okay.” He waited to see if he was going to say more and realised he couldn't really say anything else.
He turned around and walked towards the door looking down at his feet. Suddenly he remembered that the sweatshirt he was wearing wasn't his. “Jack.” It came out scratchy and weird. He cleared his throat as the other boy looked up again at him. “I-um. This is your sweatshirt. I found it at my house. Would you-I mean, Do you want me to-”
“I don't want it.”
Okay, well that was it then. The English boy nodded and opened the front door. After he closed it he stopped and stood on the front steps. He remembered how not too long ago he'd been standing in almost the same spot, smiling, and thinking about how every single one of his memories that had occurred in this house had been positive. Boy had that changed.
Without realising it he began walking. His mind numb and his eyes wide. He suddenly just wanted to be curled up in bed with no thoughts of anyone or anything ever again.
~
When he heard his front door close Jack let out a large deep breath. He'd done it. He'd let out everything that he'd been bottling in and now Alex knew. The Lebanese boy had effectively severed any hope that he had of fixing his friendship with the blonde. He should have been happy, he should have been overjoyed, he should feel like a great weight was lifted from his shoulders.
But he didn't. He just felt empty. Guess it was just another thing he was going to have to get used to.
~
The days passed. To say that no one had noticed that something had happened between Alex and Jack would be a lie. Everyone noticed that angry, scary Jack was gone, leaving in his place catatonic, lethargic Jack.
Even more people noticed that change in Alex, seeing as he was popular and all. He'd gone from witty, cool, and collected, to snappy, harsh, and generally just a bitch to whoever talked to him that wasn't of good social standing.
Josh had noticed a difference too. In both boys. Alex glared at him whenever he saw him and only talked to him if they were standing in the same group, i.e. when he had to.
Jack seemed distant to Josh, yet clingy. It was strange. He wouldn't tell the English boy about anything too personal any more but tried to be near him whenever he could and whenever they were at each other's houses Jack would always try and cuddle up to him. It was like he was scared Josh would leave him but was scared that if he told Josh about anything that happened the other boy would be harsh and judgemental. Seeing as the blue-eyed boy didn't want to pry he just let things happen, hoping to reassure the older boy that he wasn't leaving and that his ears were always open.
But Josh desperately wanted to know what had happened between the two. He wasn't usually a nosy, in-everyone's-business type of person, but deep down he knew that Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth had to end up together. Well, Jack and Alex how Alex was when Jack had first described him to Josh, not this weird, stranger with the blonde's face. But anyway, it was just a fact that they'd be together. Josh had known that from the first time he'd gone over to Jack's house and the older boy had spoken about Alex. They were totally in love, even this weird stranger still showed Alex's love for Jack sometimes! They're love was that strong. Besides, they'd be totally cute together, that much was obvious. Josh had even thought of one of those adorable pet names for them, Jalex. How cute would that be?
He'd known that once Jack found out about Alex's little habit that something major would result, but he didn't think it would result in this strangeness. He figured that they'd probably fight a little, but they'd make up because, well, they were Jalex for pete's sake! But the English boy sensed that something even bigger than what he'd expected had happened because now the pair didn't even acknowledge one another's existence. It wasn't like they glared at the other and purposefully gave each other the cold shoulder, it was more like, to each other, the other boy in the friendship (if that's what you could still call it) was a total blank in their mind.
Josh had never seen anything like it and it worried him. He was seriously rooting for them, even through Alex being a total idiot most of the time recently. He didn't want them to be like this and he knew that even though it was affecting them both differently, it was affecting them both negatively.
Josh sighed as he leaned against his locker watching the mad rush in the corridors at the end of the day. He realised he was going to have to talk to Jack and at least try and get him to tell the blue-eyed boy what the big event had been, because even just telling someone one would probably help the lanky boy a little bit.
The English boy honestly didn't know if it was going to fix them though. Of course, he want it to help them, and he wanted Alex to go back to normal so they could be together again, but he just wasn't sure. Maybe there was still hope though, who knows? maybe they'd be Jalex one day after all.
Wow, he really had to cool it with this calling Jack and Alex, “Jalex” stuff. It's weird and not gonna catch on. It's just he loved couple names thought couple names were kind of cute and secretly wanted one with Hayley. They could totally be called Joyley or maybe Haysh. But it's not like anyone actually wanted one, that was stupid.
He shook his head and started to walk out of the building, the hallways considerably less crowded than they had been when he'd started his weird intense thinking session.
~
The next day after school, Josh and Jack were in the music shop they had been in the day they had become friends. The English boy had suggested they go because they hadn't in a while and Jack had just gone along with it like pretty much anything that Josh had been saying lately.
They were standing in the back room that held all the records. It was empty, as usual, because most people didn't really use vinyl any more, instead preferring cds or more frequently, mp3s. Josh liked it back there though, he loved seeing the old records with their extensive, usually hand drawn artwork and the sturdiness of the large black circle, or if you were lucky, a large multi-coloured or neon coloured circle. It was always cool to see what music had been left for a lucky few of the newer generation to discover, that would otherwise have been completely forgotten.
The blue-eyed boy was calmly flicking through the shelves wondering if there was anything new here that he'd like and if he even had the money to buy five albums in one go. He was so immersed in looking for a new gem that he didn't even notice when he walked into another body.
“Oh, sorry, mate, I-Jack?” The English boy crinkled his forehead in slight worry and confusion as he looked up at the older boy.
Jack was staring out of the shop window at a group of people standing in a group on the street corner. He had a weird far-away and hurt look in his eyes as he watched them and when Josh got a closer look he realised why. The group of kids was a “popular” group. It wasn't one from their school though, it was the one from Kellin's school. And said dark haired American was definitely there. With his arm casually thrown around a blonde haired boy's shoulders. Alex.
Josh sighed, deciding that now would probably be a good time to try and get Jack speaking. They were in a room by themselves, and no one else would probably be in in a while, yet they were also in a public place so Jack couldn't exactly start yelling at the younger boy. Though, Josh wasn't really sure that Jack would do that even if they were standing in the middle of an empty field and Josh had just stabbed him in the heart. He just didn't seem to have it in him to muster up the strength to raise his voice to that octave.
“Er, Jack?” He patiently waited for the other boy to respond. Though that didn't happen for about ten minutes, because that was when Alex and the rest of the people left the street. Jack finally tore his eyes away from the window and looked at Josh, the hurt look now gone, but the far-away look still fading away slowly.
“Mmm?” He said, sounding a bit distracted.
The English boy sighed again, 'please don't let him take this badly', “So um, I was wondering...is there, ya know, anything that you'd like to tell me? Or maybe just vent about or something? I don't know...”
Jack bit his lip and looked over Josh's head, looking at a poster, but not really seeing it. He swallowed and when he answered his voice was a bit higher than usual. “No, no. Um, no. I'm good.”
The younger boy raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure?” He asked, really trying to coax Jack into speaking, he knew that if he started, he wouldn't stop and Josh would soon know the full story. He also knew that Jack would feel a lot better if he at least told one person. He might even start acting normal again, to some extent, at least.
The Lebanese boy continued to gnaw on his lip, Josh vaguely wondered if it was gonna start bleeding, but didn't worry too much. Finally, after a few drawn out moments of silence Jack gave a heavy sigh, “Okay, Josh. There-there is something that I've not told you.”
Josh internally rolled his eyes at the way Jack spoke like this was something new, well duhh, it's not like it was exactly a surprise, to anyone. Let alone Josh, who could read humans as if they were children’s picture books.
He knew that he had to act surprised, even though he was feeling far from it. He widened his eyes, “Really? Do you wanna like, talk about it? You know that I'm here for you. And if you want, I don't even have to give you any feedback, no advice, or harsh opinions.” The English boy knew that if Jack was going to tell him about some huge event he wouldn't want Josh to judge him or give him advice as if he thought he was superior to Jack.
It seemed to work because Jack let out a relieved breath and his shoulders slumped to show he was loosening up. “Okay, yeah. I just want to tell someone, I don't want like, any response. It's done and I don't want anyone to make me feel guilty or pity me or any shit like that.”
Josh nodded sincerely and sat down at one of the booths that let you test out the record before you buy them. He gestured for Jack to sit as well, then the older boy told him everything.
~
“Shit, Jack.”
“You said that you wouldn't react.” The older boy sighed and looked at the table.
“No, I said that I wouldn't give any feedback, advice, or harsh opinions. You can't prevent me from reacting.” He said, crossing his arms and giving the other boy a look like 'duh, you peasant'.
Jack rolled his eyes. No matter how often Jack forgot Josh wasn't a wise old man, how mature he acted and how brilliantly he dealt with things, he was still just a sassy teenager.
“Fine. But that's it.”
“What? No. There's more. You told him you love him! Go on with the story, you dick! What happened after that?” Josh's eyes were wide in excitement, he knew there was something to this Jalex theory of his!
Jack sighed again, putting his head in the hands that he had crossed on the table in front of him, as he mumbled, “Nothing.”
Or not. “What do you mean nothing?”
When the Lebanese boy spoke again it sounded strained and tired, “Look, Josh. I let slip a stupid fact, that's outdate by the way, my Alex is fucking dead and gone, I don't love that dick, and then the shouting and fighting stopped, and then I told him leave. Oh and I told him that I never want to talk to him again. That's it. There's no more. Nothing.”
Josh sighed. “Fine. Because I'm apparently not allowed to have a reaction, I'm not gonna say anything. But thanks for telling me. Don't you feel even a tiny bit better having told someone though?”
Jack lifted his head, he'd gone back to biting his lip, something that had occurred a lot during the hour or so that he'd been telling his story. His bottom lip was swollen and actually had started bleeding by now, not that Jack noticed.
Josh saw that as the Lebanese boy thought his eyes started to get a little softer around the edges. Still not completely happy like they used to be before this whole situation, but maybe, after some time, they would be.
With a weak tone of voice and a smile to match, he said, “Actually? Yeah. Kinda.”
xxxxxx
A/N: What's this? A chapter a day after posting? Yeah, not really a surprise, as I do that from time to time. But I felt that I kind of had to post today because I have bad news. I've been seriously thinking about it and I genuinely can not keep posting every other day, due to the prison that I'm forced to attend daily. It fucking sucks and I've been trying to think of every possible way that I can continue posting as I have been, but I can't.
So, I'm gonna try my absolute, complete hardest to update at least every Wednesday. I will definitely update at a sooner date if I have the opportunity. I'm so so so sorry, and I feel so horrible saying this literally the day after all of you were so amazingly, brilliant with all of your comments, they seriously all made my face look like something that would shame even the Cheshire Cat. Thank you for reading, and please, please keep reading, even though I suck and you probably all want to punch me.
But yeah, here's a slightly rushed and shitty filler. Sorry if it's a bit confusing at points, I usually try to make my thoughts more understandable, but truth be told, I have a weird way of thinking, so what I think makes sense usually confuses others... And I'm pretty sure that the next chapter will have a shit load of drama because I feel so guilty and the only reason that this is a filler is because I always get seriously paranoid about having a rushed fic (even though this chapter is rushed and it shows oops). So look forward to the drama, I assure you, it's good.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Caraphernelia-Pierce The Veil Feat. Jeremy McKinnon
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Thirty-One
The two boys stood there staring at each other. They were both wide-eyed in surprise. Finally, Alex broke the silence,
“You what?”
Jack didn't answer at first, he just looked at the ground, face burning up with embarrassment. When he realised that Alex wasn't going to speak again he mumbled, “I think you should leave now.”
“I-Jack-”
“Leave.” He looked up at Alex, he eyes wide and pleading as he whispered, “Please. I really don't want to talk to you now, or ever. I can't deal with any of this any more. Please just leave.”
The blonde bit his lip, debating what to do. He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to decide if he should say something then came to the conclusion that yes, he should. “Okay.” He waited to see if he was going to say more and realised he couldn't really say anything else.
He turned around and walked towards the door looking down at his feet. Suddenly he remembered that the sweatshirt he was wearing wasn't his. “Jack.” It came out scratchy and weird. He cleared his throat as the other boy looked up again at him. “I-um. This is your sweatshirt. I found it at my house. Would you-I mean, Do you want me to-”
“I don't want it.”
Okay, well that was it then. The English boy nodded and opened the front door. After he closed it he stopped and stood on the front steps. He remembered how not too long ago he'd been standing in almost the same spot, smiling, and thinking about how every single one of his memories that had occurred in this house had been positive. Boy had that changed.
Without realising it he began walking. His mind numb and his eyes wide. He suddenly just wanted to be curled up in bed with no thoughts of anyone or anything ever again.
~
When he heard his front door close Jack let out a large deep breath. He'd done it. He'd let out everything that he'd been bottling in and now Alex knew. The Lebanese boy had effectively severed any hope that he had of fixing his friendship with the blonde. He should have been happy, he should have been overjoyed, he should feel like a great weight was lifted from his shoulders.
But he didn't. He just felt empty. Guess it was just another thing he was going to have to get used to.
~
The days passed. To say that no one had noticed that something had happened between Alex and Jack would be a lie. Everyone noticed that angry, scary Jack was gone, leaving in his place catatonic, lethargic Jack.
Even more people noticed that change in Alex, seeing as he was popular and all. He'd gone from witty, cool, and collected, to snappy, harsh, and generally just a bitch to whoever talked to him that wasn't of good social standing.
Josh had noticed a difference too. In both boys. Alex glared at him whenever he saw him and only talked to him if they were standing in the same group, i.e. when he had to.
Jack seemed distant to Josh, yet clingy. It was strange. He wouldn't tell the English boy about anything too personal any more but tried to be near him whenever he could and whenever they were at each other's houses Jack would always try and cuddle up to him. It was like he was scared Josh would leave him but was scared that if he told Josh about anything that happened the other boy would be harsh and judgemental. Seeing as the blue-eyed boy didn't want to pry he just let things happen, hoping to reassure the older boy that he wasn't leaving and that his ears were always open.
But Josh desperately wanted to know what had happened between the two. He wasn't usually a nosy, in-everyone's-business type of person, but deep down he knew that Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth had to end up together. Well, Jack and Alex how Alex was when Jack had first described him to Josh, not this weird, stranger with the blonde's face. But anyway, it was just a fact that they'd be together. Josh had known that from the first time he'd gone over to Jack's house and the older boy had spoken about Alex. They were totally in love, even this weird stranger still showed Alex's love for Jack sometimes! They're love was that strong. Besides, they'd be totally cute together, that much was obvious. Josh had even thought of one of those adorable pet names for them, Jalex. How cute would that be?
He'd known that once Jack found out about Alex's little habit that something major would result, but he didn't think it would result in this strangeness. He figured that they'd probably fight a little, but they'd make up because, well, they were Jalex for pete's sake! But the English boy sensed that something even bigger than what he'd expected had happened because now the pair didn't even acknowledge one another's existence. It wasn't like they glared at the other and purposefully gave each other the cold shoulder, it was more like, to each other, the other boy in the friendship (if that's what you could still call it) was a total blank in their mind.
Josh had never seen anything like it and it worried him. He was seriously rooting for them, even through Alex being a total idiot most of the time recently. He didn't want them to be like this and he knew that even though it was affecting them both differently, it was affecting them both negatively.
Josh sighed as he leaned against his locker watching the mad rush in the corridors at the end of the day. He realised he was going to have to talk to Jack and at least try and get him to tell the blue-eyed boy what the big event had been, because even just telling someone one would probably help the lanky boy a little bit.
The English boy honestly didn't know if it was going to fix them though. Of course, he want it to help them, and he wanted Alex to go back to normal so they could be together again, but he just wasn't sure. Maybe there was still hope though, who knows? maybe they'd be Jalex one day after all.
Wow, he really had to cool it with this calling Jack and Alex, “Jalex” stuff. It's weird and not gonna catch on. It's just he loved couple names thought couple names were kind of cute and secretly wanted one with Hayley. They could totally be called Joyley or maybe Haysh. But it's not like anyone actually wanted one, that was stupid.
He shook his head and started to walk out of the building, the hallways considerably less crowded than they had been when he'd started his weird intense thinking session.
~
The next day after school, Josh and Jack were in the music shop they had been in the day they had become friends. The English boy had suggested they go because they hadn't in a while and Jack had just gone along with it like pretty much anything that Josh had been saying lately.
They were standing in the back room that held all the records. It was empty, as usual, because most people didn't really use vinyl any more, instead preferring cds or more frequently, mp3s. Josh liked it back there though, he loved seeing the old records with their extensive, usually hand drawn artwork and the sturdiness of the large black circle, or if you were lucky, a large multi-coloured or neon coloured circle. It was always cool to see what music had been left for a lucky few of the newer generation to discover, that would otherwise have been completely forgotten.
The blue-eyed boy was calmly flicking through the shelves wondering if there was anything new here that he'd like and if he even had the money to buy five albums in one go. He was so immersed in looking for a new gem that he didn't even notice when he walked into another body.
“Oh, sorry, mate, I-Jack?” The English boy crinkled his forehead in slight worry and confusion as he looked up at the older boy.
Jack was staring out of the shop window at a group of people standing in a group on the street corner. He had a weird far-away and hurt look in his eyes as he watched them and when Josh got a closer look he realised why. The group of kids was a “popular” group. It wasn't one from their school though, it was the one from Kellin's school. And said dark haired American was definitely there. With his arm casually thrown around a blonde haired boy's shoulders. Alex.
Josh sighed, deciding that now would probably be a good time to try and get Jack speaking. They were in a room by themselves, and no one else would probably be in in a while, yet they were also in a public place so Jack couldn't exactly start yelling at the younger boy. Though, Josh wasn't really sure that Jack would do that even if they were standing in the middle of an empty field and Josh had just stabbed him in the heart. He just didn't seem to have it in him to muster up the strength to raise his voice to that octave.
“Er, Jack?” He patiently waited for the other boy to respond. Though that didn't happen for about ten minutes, because that was when Alex and the rest of the people left the street. Jack finally tore his eyes away from the window and looked at Josh, the hurt look now gone, but the far-away look still fading away slowly.
“Mmm?” He said, sounding a bit distracted.
The English boy sighed again, 'please don't let him take this badly', “So um, I was wondering...is there, ya know, anything that you'd like to tell me? Or maybe just vent about or something? I don't know...”
Jack bit his lip and looked over Josh's head, looking at a poster, but not really seeing it. He swallowed and when he answered his voice was a bit higher than usual. “No, no. Um, no. I'm good.”
The younger boy raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure?” He asked, really trying to coax Jack into speaking, he knew that if he started, he wouldn't stop and Josh would soon know the full story. He also knew that Jack would feel a lot better if he at least told one person. He might even start acting normal again, to some extent, at least.
The Lebanese boy continued to gnaw on his lip, Josh vaguely wondered if it was gonna start bleeding, but didn't worry too much. Finally, after a few drawn out moments of silence Jack gave a heavy sigh, “Okay, Josh. There-there is something that I've not told you.”
Josh internally rolled his eyes at the way Jack spoke like this was something new, well duhh, it's not like it was exactly a surprise, to anyone. Let alone Josh, who could read humans as if they were children’s picture books.
He knew that he had to act surprised, even though he was feeling far from it. He widened his eyes, “Really? Do you wanna like, talk about it? You know that I'm here for you. And if you want, I don't even have to give you any feedback, no advice, or harsh opinions.” The English boy knew that if Jack was going to tell him about some huge event he wouldn't want Josh to judge him or give him advice as if he thought he was superior to Jack.
It seemed to work because Jack let out a relieved breath and his shoulders slumped to show he was loosening up. “Okay, yeah. I just want to tell someone, I don't want like, any response. It's done and I don't want anyone to make me feel guilty or pity me or any shit like that.”
Josh nodded sincerely and sat down at one of the booths that let you test out the record before you buy them. He gestured for Jack to sit as well, then the older boy told him everything.
~
“Shit, Jack.”
“You said that you wouldn't react.” The older boy sighed and looked at the table.
“No, I said that I wouldn't give any feedback, advice, or harsh opinions. You can't prevent me from reacting.” He said, crossing his arms and giving the other boy a look like 'duh, you peasant'.
Jack rolled his eyes. No matter how often Jack forgot Josh wasn't a wise old man, how mature he acted and how brilliantly he dealt with things, he was still just a sassy teenager.
“Fine. But that's it.”
“What? No. There's more. You told him you love him! Go on with the story, you dick! What happened after that?” Josh's eyes were wide in excitement, he knew there was something to this Jalex theory of his!
Jack sighed again, putting his head in the hands that he had crossed on the table in front of him, as he mumbled, “Nothing.”
Or not. “What do you mean nothing?”
When the Lebanese boy spoke again it sounded strained and tired, “Look, Josh. I let slip a stupid fact, that's outdate by the way, my Alex is fucking dead and gone, I don't love that dick, and then the shouting and fighting stopped, and then I told him leave. Oh and I told him that I never want to talk to him again. That's it. There's no more. Nothing.”
Josh sighed. “Fine. Because I'm apparently not allowed to have a reaction, I'm not gonna say anything. But thanks for telling me. Don't you feel even a tiny bit better having told someone though?”
Jack lifted his head, he'd gone back to biting his lip, something that had occurred a lot during the hour or so that he'd been telling his story. His bottom lip was swollen and actually had started bleeding by now, not that Jack noticed.
Josh saw that as the Lebanese boy thought his eyes started to get a little softer around the edges. Still not completely happy like they used to be before this whole situation, but maybe, after some time, they would be.
With a weak tone of voice and a smile to match, he said, “Actually? Yeah. Kinda.”
xxxxxx
A/N: What's this? A chapter a day after posting? Yeah, not really a surprise, as I do that from time to time. But I felt that I kind of had to post today because I have bad news. I've been seriously thinking about it and I genuinely can not keep posting every other day, due to the prison that I'm forced to attend daily. It fucking sucks and I've been trying to think of every possible way that I can continue posting as I have been, but I can't.
So, I'm gonna try my absolute, complete hardest to update at least every Wednesday. I will definitely update at a sooner date if I have the opportunity. I'm so so so sorry, and I feel so horrible saying this literally the day after all of you were so amazingly, brilliant with all of your comments, they seriously all made my face look like something that would shame even the Cheshire Cat. Thank you for reading, and please, please keep reading, even though I suck and you probably all want to punch me.
But yeah, here's a slightly rushed and shitty filler. Sorry if it's a bit confusing at points, I usually try to make my thoughts more understandable, but truth be told, I have a weird way of thinking, so what I think makes sense usually confuses others... And I'm pretty sure that the next chapter will have a shit load of drama because I feel so guilty and the only reason that this is a filler is because I always get seriously paranoid about having a rushed fic (even though this chapter is rushed and it shows oops). So look forward to the drama, I assure you, it's good.