You've Become What I Hate, Sold Yourself For A Bit Of Fame: Chapter Thirty
Summary: Alex has just moved for the last of many times to Dulaney High school. He has decided that this is the year and school that he will try and become "popular" but if that happened would it be a bad thing? And will finding a new friend, that may think of him as more, also affect it?....
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Freaking Me Out-Simple Plan Feat. Alex Gaskarth
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Thirty
Jack lay across his couch and grumpily flicked through the channels on his television. He couldn't find anything to watch. He grumpily threw his changer onto the floor and then grumpily crossed his arms across his chest when he realised he'd set the channel on one of Alex's favourite shows. Incidentally, a crappy show that he'd never really liked anyway.
He'd been doing things like that a lot lately. Grumpily, that is. It seemed to be the only way he could function nowadays. Josh constantly hounded him about going back to “normal” and had soon realised that this was probably the new normal for Jack. Grumpy. The blue-eyed boy had accepted it, finally, seeing as he really had no choice, and besides, that’s what friends do.
'Friends. What a laugh.' Jack thought. You find someone to become your “best friend” and they just end up betraying you and breaking promises. That's how it was and the Lebanese boy was just going to have to accept it.
He'd already decided that Josh was going to be the last “best friend” that he ever had. And when Josh ended up betraying him just like all the others? Well Jack was truly alone. He was not letting another person get that close to him again.
Vaguely, he wondered if this would make love impossible for him. But then he figured it probably wouldn't, he could love someone without telling them every single detail about him, right? If not then he was out of luck for that too. Oh well. Just another thing he was going to have to get used to.
Jack grumpily looked at the television screen again. He debated getting up and changing the channel but decided that that would take a lot of effort and he did not want to get up. He lay there and looked up at the ceiling. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought that he kind of wanted company. But then he made himself stop because that would get him nowhere.
His eyes went back to the shit show and even though it was hard, because that show really sucked, he tried to get himself immersed in it so he didn't have to think about the person that this show was psychically attached to in his mind.
~
The blonde boy trudged through the dark. It was freezing and he was thankful that he was almost at the other boys house. He pulled his beanie down more onto his head and pulled Jack's sweatshirt closer to him to try and get more warmth in his skinny body.
He was a bit nervous, to say the least. He didn't want the other boy to just scream at him for no reason. But, Alex figured, he probably wouldn't when he saw that he'd come over just to try and get him to talk and feel better.
Finally, after probably the hundredth shiver that night, Alex was blessed with the view of Jack's house. He was so cold and realised that he had really misjudged how cold it can get at the end of November at Midnight in Baltimore.
When he got to the house he stood in the driveway just looking at the thing. There were a surprising lot of memories associated with this house. Alex smiled as he realised that they were all good. Every single memory of the blonde being in that place was one that left him with a smile.
With that same arrangement of muscles lined up on his face, the English boy walked towards the entrance. Suddenly, his centre of balance shifted and he fell forward, making him aware that he'd been so caught up in his memories that he'd tripped over the front step. He felt his cheeks go red as he looked around quickly to see if anyone saw, please when he realised that, oh yeah, its the middle of the night, everyone is asleep.
He stood up and brushed himself off, fixing himself before he knocked on the door. After three short raps he waited a moment. After three more sharp raps and another moment the English boy huffed. This is not happening. He can't not be home. Josh said he was! For a fleeting moment Alex wondered if the Lebanese boy was sleeping, then brushed it off because he knew that Jack always went to bed at really late hours on the weekends.
The blonde stood outside of the door for a few moments debating whether he should just leave and wallow in his loneliness at home or grab the spare key that he knew Jack hid under a certain rock, and make his way inside.
He sighed and before he could think of how creepy and probably illegal this was, he walked over to the rock with the key underneath and opened the front door.
~
“She's lying to you, Jessica. He doesn't love her. He loves you! What are you doing?! Don't throw away all that you've shared for that dumb bitch!” Jack found himself yelling at the television screen with his body half up off the couch and his arms gesturing wildly at the people he was watching.
When he realised that this was a futile act he flopped back down onto the couch and sighed staring at the ceiling. He narrowed his eyes in thought as he realised that he had got completely sucked into that show and it was complete crap! He supposed that's how they won so many viewers.
Without moving from the position he was in his eyes flicked back to the box in front of him. He vaguely wondered if anyone would actually buy the ludicrous product being advertised and then looked back up at the ceiling.
All of a sudden, he heard a creak in the floor boards and he jumped up quick as a shot into an upright position looking into his dark doorway.
He saw the outline of a person and his heart started hammering in his chest. 'Fuck. Is this a murderer?' He hoped not. 'But if he is, please let him kill me gently and without pain. I don't like pain. Or shit, what if he's a rapist? I've never fucked anyone before! I wouldn't know what to do! I guess I'll just have to hope all those long hours of watching porn paid off. God, please let him at least be an attractive rapist. I think I deserve an attractive rapist.' All these thoughts went through his head in a matter of seconds. He realised that they weren't exactly the best thoughts to be having in the midst of danger but he couldn't really help it.
Then heard something that made him severely wish for his attractive rapist. 'Thank you whoever rules the universe. I simply ask for an attractive rapist and you send me something worse.' He sighed in frustration. Life was unfair.
He heard a laugh that was all too familiar to him. Which preceded the words, “God, Jack. You look like a deer in the headlights. Calm down. It's just me.” Jack snorted and thought that was a little contradictory. The one person on earth right now that could wind him up saying that he should calm down by his presence.
The blonde intruder glanced at the television show that had just resumed, his eyes widening in slight surprise, “You're watching Love's Greatess Tradgedies? I thought you hated this show?”
Jack didn't respond. He just crossed his arms and turned back towards the screen. He wasn't really doing it to show that he was watching the program, more to show that he didn't want Alex to be there. He heard the other boy sigh and then felt the couch dip down on his right. This made him even angrier and he could feel that his blood was rushing faster out of anger. Why couldn't he just leave him alone? Why was he even here?
He could feel Alex's eyes on his and he didn't respond. He made a point of moving his eyes to follow the people on the TV and show Alex that he was definitely not paying attention to him.
“So I guess when you told me that you didn't want to talk to me ever again that wasn't just....idle banter?”
Jack didn't move. Alex tried again, “Jack, come on. Please talk to me. I just want to help you. I can't do that if you won't let me help you.”
At this Jack scoffed. Seeing that this was an improvement, “Seriously. I can help, I know it! Please tell me what's wrong? Please, Jacky?”
This made the Lebanese boy snap. No matter how much he was screaming in his head not to acknowledge the blonde, that he'd go away if Jack just ignored him, he couldn't help it any more.
He spoke so frostily that it slightly made Alex wish that he was back outside because even the low temperature out there would offer him more warmth than Jack's tone.
“Don't. Call me that.”
The blonde shivered but he was confused, “What? W-why?”
Jack didn't answer the question, instead choosing to respond with his own, “Why are you even here, Alex?”
The English boy's eyes widened, why was he so pissed off? “I-I told you. It's obvious that something is bothering you and I wanted you to tell me what it is so I can try to help. Josh won't tell me and I know that he knows. And that's not right Jack! I'm your best friend!”
This is what made Jack turn to look at the boy that was seated next to him on the couch, his eyes wide and furious. He knew deep down that he should get up, walk away, lock himself in his bedroom and blast music so he didn't say anything that he would regret. But, here was Alex, sitting in his house, uninvited, catching the Lebanese boy off guard and it was just so easy to let it all go. So, resolving to think about it later, Jack just opened his mouth. He wasn't sure what was going to come out but he knew that once he started, he wouldn't stop until everything that he felt and thought came out.
“Oh really?! You're my best friend?! You haven't spoken to me in forever! You hang around with your new, better, “cooler” friends and you haven't even noticed that you've completely left me behind!”
Alex sat there with his mouth wide, looking offended, “Since when!? I've been trying to talk to you for the past week!”
Jack scoffed, “Since when?! Since, since, months ago! Recently you've been privileging me with your small talk at our lockers in the morning, yeah. But honestly, it started off with you just casually ignoring me and then you stopped sitting with me at lunch. You stopped needing me to pick you up for school in the mornings without even telling me. You stopped meeting me at the music shop every week. You stopped hanging out with me. You stopped calling or texting. You stopped talking to me in public! You didn't even give me a fucking explanation. But, I guess I didn't really need one, right? It's obvious that the popular kids don't hang out with loser freaks!”
Alex didn't look at Jack, he looked like he was thinking, “That's not true, Jack! I-I didn't abandon you!”
“Alex. You literally noticed nothing that was going on with me. I bet you didn't even notice that Rian moved away.”
“I-what? No he didn't.”
“Wow.”
“When was this?”
“See?! You're completely oblivious to anything outside of you little bubble!”
“That's not true!”
“Yes it is. Popularity has eaten you alive and you haven't even noticed! If you still claim to be my best friend then that's sad. You aren't my best friend, Alex. I don't know where he went.”
“Jack, you're being totally unfair! Popularity has not “eaten me alive” I'm still the same fucking person that I was a few months ago!”
Jack stood up off the couch and looked right at Alex. “Are you fucking kidding me?! Of course you aren't! You've got completely new friends, you dress like a complete dickhead, you pretend to like crap music that you used to hate, you have an idiot boyfriend, and I bet you've probably even fucked him already. Probably on the first date!” Okay, so maybe Jack didn't think the last bit, but it sounded good. He looked down at the boy he was yelling at and saw that he was squirming around uncomfortably on the couch.
The brown haired boy made a disgusted disbelieving face, “Oh my god. You fucked him on the first date.”
“Look, Jack. I don't see why that matters right now. But-”
“And another thing. The big thing. The thing that makes me so pissed off that I don't even want to be associated with you.”
“What are you talking about?!” Alex asked, he was confused, hurt, surprised, an angry. This was not what he had been expecting at all.
“Oh, don't play dumb with me, Alex. The drugs. The fucking cocaine!”
That made the the blondes eyes go huge. He was so surprised that he could barely speak he just opened his mouth a few times making noises resembling a fish out of water. Finally, he was able to choke out, “H-how did you...?”
Jack looked anywhere but at Alex because he was so mad that he was actually scared that he'd hit him or something. “Josh.”
This made Alex get angry and Jack glancing quickly at the blonde saw this. “Oh, don't you get angry!”
“Why the fuck did he tell you?” Alex mumbled more to himself then to Jack, “He said that he wouldn't. I had one more chance. That fucker. I was so careful.”
“Alex! Do you even hear yourself?! You've completely lost it!”
The blonde looked up at Jack angrily. This time standing up to lower Jack's advantage over him. He was now shouting as well.
“Why do you even care, Jack!? So what? I made some stupid promise. Great! Why are you reacting so over the fucking top about it?”
“See? There. That right there is another factor proving that you've changed. The Alex I know wouldn't break a promise that he made. To. Anyone. No matter how insignificant it seemed. And it's not me you've let down. It's partly me, yes. But it's also your parents. Your mom and dad. And it's yourself. And most importantly, it's the one person that you said you didn't want to end up like. The one person that you promised you wouldn't touch anything of the sort. Your brother.”
Alex looked away breathing heavily. “Yeah, well. Things change. It's not a big deal any more. I'm fine, I can control it, I'm not going to end up like him and I don't see why you're making such a big fuss out of it!”
“Wow. I hate you. I actually hate you.” He whispered, sounding amazed at what he was saying. He continued without really thinking about what he was saying, just saying whatever came to him. “You really aren't the Alex Gaskarth that I know! You are not the Alex Gaskarth that I became best friends with. And you are not the Alex Gaskarth that I fell in love with!”
And just like that, the shouting that they had filled the room with for the last few minutes, suddenly stopped.
xxxxxx
A/N: Please don't be too critical. I'm aware that this is terribly written, it could have, and should have been ten times better. But I have trouble with the important chapters because I'm bad under pressure. So sorry that it's not what you probably expected but um, yeah.
And also: I fucking hate school and if I have to go there for the rest of the year I will slip into actual depression. I hate the classes, the people, and the workload. I've been in tears a whole lot lately. It's the worst feeling ever. So, thank you so much for your comments because they actually make my day and cheer me up so much, even if they're really short or something. You guys are amazing and I love you. Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Freaking Me Out-Simple Plan Feat. Alex Gaskarth
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Thirty
Jack lay across his couch and grumpily flicked through the channels on his television. He couldn't find anything to watch. He grumpily threw his changer onto the floor and then grumpily crossed his arms across his chest when he realised he'd set the channel on one of Alex's favourite shows. Incidentally, a crappy show that he'd never really liked anyway.
He'd been doing things like that a lot lately. Grumpily, that is. It seemed to be the only way he could function nowadays. Josh constantly hounded him about going back to “normal” and had soon realised that this was probably the new normal for Jack. Grumpy. The blue-eyed boy had accepted it, finally, seeing as he really had no choice, and besides, that’s what friends do.
'Friends. What a laugh.' Jack thought. You find someone to become your “best friend” and they just end up betraying you and breaking promises. That's how it was and the Lebanese boy was just going to have to accept it.
He'd already decided that Josh was going to be the last “best friend” that he ever had. And when Josh ended up betraying him just like all the others? Well Jack was truly alone. He was not letting another person get that close to him again.
Vaguely, he wondered if this would make love impossible for him. But then he figured it probably wouldn't, he could love someone without telling them every single detail about him, right? If not then he was out of luck for that too. Oh well. Just another thing he was going to have to get used to.
Jack grumpily looked at the television screen again. He debated getting up and changing the channel but decided that that would take a lot of effort and he did not want to get up. He lay there and looked up at the ceiling. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought that he kind of wanted company. But then he made himself stop because that would get him nowhere.
His eyes went back to the shit show and even though it was hard, because that show really sucked, he tried to get himself immersed in it so he didn't have to think about the person that this show was psychically attached to in his mind.
~
The blonde boy trudged through the dark. It was freezing and he was thankful that he was almost at the other boys house. He pulled his beanie down more onto his head and pulled Jack's sweatshirt closer to him to try and get more warmth in his skinny body.
He was a bit nervous, to say the least. He didn't want the other boy to just scream at him for no reason. But, Alex figured, he probably wouldn't when he saw that he'd come over just to try and get him to talk and feel better.
Finally, after probably the hundredth shiver that night, Alex was blessed with the view of Jack's house. He was so cold and realised that he had really misjudged how cold it can get at the end of November at Midnight in Baltimore.
When he got to the house he stood in the driveway just looking at the thing. There were a surprising lot of memories associated with this house. Alex smiled as he realised that they were all good. Every single memory of the blonde being in that place was one that left him with a smile.
With that same arrangement of muscles lined up on his face, the English boy walked towards the entrance. Suddenly, his centre of balance shifted and he fell forward, making him aware that he'd been so caught up in his memories that he'd tripped over the front step. He felt his cheeks go red as he looked around quickly to see if anyone saw, please when he realised that, oh yeah, its the middle of the night, everyone is asleep.
He stood up and brushed himself off, fixing himself before he knocked on the door. After three short raps he waited a moment. After three more sharp raps and another moment the English boy huffed. This is not happening. He can't not be home. Josh said he was! For a fleeting moment Alex wondered if the Lebanese boy was sleeping, then brushed it off because he knew that Jack always went to bed at really late hours on the weekends.
The blonde stood outside of the door for a few moments debating whether he should just leave and wallow in his loneliness at home or grab the spare key that he knew Jack hid under a certain rock, and make his way inside.
He sighed and before he could think of how creepy and probably illegal this was, he walked over to the rock with the key underneath and opened the front door.
~
“She's lying to you, Jessica. He doesn't love her. He loves you! What are you doing?! Don't throw away all that you've shared for that dumb bitch!” Jack found himself yelling at the television screen with his body half up off the couch and his arms gesturing wildly at the people he was watching.
When he realised that this was a futile act he flopped back down onto the couch and sighed staring at the ceiling. He narrowed his eyes in thought as he realised that he had got completely sucked into that show and it was complete crap! He supposed that's how they won so many viewers.
Without moving from the position he was in his eyes flicked back to the box in front of him. He vaguely wondered if anyone would actually buy the ludicrous product being advertised and then looked back up at the ceiling.
All of a sudden, he heard a creak in the floor boards and he jumped up quick as a shot into an upright position looking into his dark doorway.
He saw the outline of a person and his heart started hammering in his chest. 'Fuck. Is this a murderer?' He hoped not. 'But if he is, please let him kill me gently and without pain. I don't like pain. Or shit, what if he's a rapist? I've never fucked anyone before! I wouldn't know what to do! I guess I'll just have to hope all those long hours of watching porn paid off. God, please let him at least be an attractive rapist. I think I deserve an attractive rapist.' All these thoughts went through his head in a matter of seconds. He realised that they weren't exactly the best thoughts to be having in the midst of danger but he couldn't really help it.
Then heard something that made him severely wish for his attractive rapist. 'Thank you whoever rules the universe. I simply ask for an attractive rapist and you send me something worse.' He sighed in frustration. Life was unfair.
He heard a laugh that was all too familiar to him. Which preceded the words, “God, Jack. You look like a deer in the headlights. Calm down. It's just me.” Jack snorted and thought that was a little contradictory. The one person on earth right now that could wind him up saying that he should calm down by his presence.
The blonde intruder glanced at the television show that had just resumed, his eyes widening in slight surprise, “You're watching Love's Greatess Tradgedies? I thought you hated this show?”
Jack didn't respond. He just crossed his arms and turned back towards the screen. He wasn't really doing it to show that he was watching the program, more to show that he didn't want Alex to be there. He heard the other boy sigh and then felt the couch dip down on his right. This made him even angrier and he could feel that his blood was rushing faster out of anger. Why couldn't he just leave him alone? Why was he even here?
He could feel Alex's eyes on his and he didn't respond. He made a point of moving his eyes to follow the people on the TV and show Alex that he was definitely not paying attention to him.
“So I guess when you told me that you didn't want to talk to me ever again that wasn't just....idle banter?”
Jack didn't move. Alex tried again, “Jack, come on. Please talk to me. I just want to help you. I can't do that if you won't let me help you.”
At this Jack scoffed. Seeing that this was an improvement, “Seriously. I can help, I know it! Please tell me what's wrong? Please, Jacky?”
This made the Lebanese boy snap. No matter how much he was screaming in his head not to acknowledge the blonde, that he'd go away if Jack just ignored him, he couldn't help it any more.
He spoke so frostily that it slightly made Alex wish that he was back outside because even the low temperature out there would offer him more warmth than Jack's tone.
“Don't. Call me that.”
The blonde shivered but he was confused, “What? W-why?”
Jack didn't answer the question, instead choosing to respond with his own, “Why are you even here, Alex?”
The English boy's eyes widened, why was he so pissed off? “I-I told you. It's obvious that something is bothering you and I wanted you to tell me what it is so I can try to help. Josh won't tell me and I know that he knows. And that's not right Jack! I'm your best friend!”
This is what made Jack turn to look at the boy that was seated next to him on the couch, his eyes wide and furious. He knew deep down that he should get up, walk away, lock himself in his bedroom and blast music so he didn't say anything that he would regret. But, here was Alex, sitting in his house, uninvited, catching the Lebanese boy off guard and it was just so easy to let it all go. So, resolving to think about it later, Jack just opened his mouth. He wasn't sure what was going to come out but he knew that once he started, he wouldn't stop until everything that he felt and thought came out.
“Oh really?! You're my best friend?! You haven't spoken to me in forever! You hang around with your new, better, “cooler” friends and you haven't even noticed that you've completely left me behind!”
Alex sat there with his mouth wide, looking offended, “Since when!? I've been trying to talk to you for the past week!”
Jack scoffed, “Since when?! Since, since, months ago! Recently you've been privileging me with your small talk at our lockers in the morning, yeah. But honestly, it started off with you just casually ignoring me and then you stopped sitting with me at lunch. You stopped needing me to pick you up for school in the mornings without even telling me. You stopped meeting me at the music shop every week. You stopped hanging out with me. You stopped calling or texting. You stopped talking to me in public! You didn't even give me a fucking explanation. But, I guess I didn't really need one, right? It's obvious that the popular kids don't hang out with loser freaks!”
Alex didn't look at Jack, he looked like he was thinking, “That's not true, Jack! I-I didn't abandon you!”
“Alex. You literally noticed nothing that was going on with me. I bet you didn't even notice that Rian moved away.”
“I-what? No he didn't.”
“Wow.”
“When was this?”
“See?! You're completely oblivious to anything outside of you little bubble!”
“That's not true!”
“Yes it is. Popularity has eaten you alive and you haven't even noticed! If you still claim to be my best friend then that's sad. You aren't my best friend, Alex. I don't know where he went.”
“Jack, you're being totally unfair! Popularity has not “eaten me alive” I'm still the same fucking person that I was a few months ago!”
Jack stood up off the couch and looked right at Alex. “Are you fucking kidding me?! Of course you aren't! You've got completely new friends, you dress like a complete dickhead, you pretend to like crap music that you used to hate, you have an idiot boyfriend, and I bet you've probably even fucked him already. Probably on the first date!” Okay, so maybe Jack didn't think the last bit, but it sounded good. He looked down at the boy he was yelling at and saw that he was squirming around uncomfortably on the couch.
The brown haired boy made a disgusted disbelieving face, “Oh my god. You fucked him on the first date.”
“Look, Jack. I don't see why that matters right now. But-”
“And another thing. The big thing. The thing that makes me so pissed off that I don't even want to be associated with you.”
“What are you talking about?!” Alex asked, he was confused, hurt, surprised, an angry. This was not what he had been expecting at all.
“Oh, don't play dumb with me, Alex. The drugs. The fucking cocaine!”
That made the the blondes eyes go huge. He was so surprised that he could barely speak he just opened his mouth a few times making noises resembling a fish out of water. Finally, he was able to choke out, “H-how did you...?”
Jack looked anywhere but at Alex because he was so mad that he was actually scared that he'd hit him or something. “Josh.”
This made Alex get angry and Jack glancing quickly at the blonde saw this. “Oh, don't you get angry!”
“Why the fuck did he tell you?” Alex mumbled more to himself then to Jack, “He said that he wouldn't. I had one more chance. That fucker. I was so careful.”
“Alex! Do you even hear yourself?! You've completely lost it!”
The blonde looked up at Jack angrily. This time standing up to lower Jack's advantage over him. He was now shouting as well.
“Why do you even care, Jack!? So what? I made some stupid promise. Great! Why are you reacting so over the fucking top about it?”
“See? There. That right there is another factor proving that you've changed. The Alex I know wouldn't break a promise that he made. To. Anyone. No matter how insignificant it seemed. And it's not me you've let down. It's partly me, yes. But it's also your parents. Your mom and dad. And it's yourself. And most importantly, it's the one person that you said you didn't want to end up like. The one person that you promised you wouldn't touch anything of the sort. Your brother.”
Alex looked away breathing heavily. “Yeah, well. Things change. It's not a big deal any more. I'm fine, I can control it, I'm not going to end up like him and I don't see why you're making such a big fuss out of it!”
“Wow. I hate you. I actually hate you.” He whispered, sounding amazed at what he was saying. He continued without really thinking about what he was saying, just saying whatever came to him. “You really aren't the Alex Gaskarth that I know! You are not the Alex Gaskarth that I became best friends with. And you are not the Alex Gaskarth that I fell in love with!”
And just like that, the shouting that they had filled the room with for the last few minutes, suddenly stopped.
xxxxxx
A/N: Please don't be too critical. I'm aware that this is terribly written, it could have, and should have been ten times better. But I have trouble with the important chapters because I'm bad under pressure. So sorry that it's not what you probably expected but um, yeah.
And also: I fucking hate school and if I have to go there for the rest of the year I will slip into actual depression. I hate the classes, the people, and the workload. I've been in tears a whole lot lately. It's the worst feeling ever. So, thank you so much for your comments because they actually make my day and cheer me up so much, even if they're really short or something. You guys are amazing and I love you. Thanks for reading.