You've Become What I Hate, Sold Yourself For A Bit Of Fame: Chapter Eighteen
Summary: Alex has just moved for the last of many times to Dulaney High school. He has decided that this is the year and school that he will try and become "popular" but if that happened would it be a bad thing? And will finding a new friend, that may think of him as more, also affect it?....
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Painting Flowers-All Time Low
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Eighteen
The first couple of weeks were perfect. It had started the way that Alex thought it would. They way that it should. Kellin was a perfect gentleman, the sweetest romantic, and was always doing little things for Alex that would leave the blonde smiling for an hour.
They were the “It couple”. They were pretty much their town's version of Brad and Angelina. Everyone loved them together, they couldn't get enough.
Soon though, Alex began to notice little changes in Kellin, things that went on when the pair weren't in the spotlight. Kellin would seem really hostile, constantly rub the underside of his nose and then disappear to the bathroom or something and come back perfectly fine.
He had stopped doing the things that constantly made the blonde smile, stopped complimenting him, stopped the random kisses.
But when the two were in the public everything seemed better than normal and the smiles, compliments, and kisses continued.
Kellin was always very conscious of how the pair looked in public. Always checking Alex over before they went out, making sure that he looked perfect. The dark haired boy was always quick to tell Alex if something didn't look good on him and made sure that the blonde changed.
He always told Alex when he said something stupid, made a horribly unfunny joke, or made a fool of himself, and more importantly, Kellin, in front of “important” people. Or just people in general.
The change really confused the blonde, it seemingly coming from nowhere. He found out the cause though. And it was a shocker.
~
Kellin was having a small gathering type thing. It wasn't big enough to be called a party but there were a good number of people there. After being on his own for about a half hour Alex wandered around to find his boyfriend. Without finding him anywhere the blonde finally found him in his bedroom with a bunch of other guys. They were doing something, Alex couldn't see what, but they were really focused and really intent.
The English boy stood outside the door quietly trying to find out what was happening. After a couple minutes he saw and when he did he couldn't stop the huge gasp from coming out of his mouth. Because it wasn't something innocent like a card game or marbles. It was cocaine. They were doing cocaine.
As soon as the gasp left his mouth Alex saw the whole group of boys whip their heads back and stare at the blonde. Said boy gasped and widened his eyes. He heard Kellin call out, looking a little frightened around the eyes.
“Hey, baby. Haven't seen you in a while. I've missed you. How about you come join us. It can be a couples thing.”
Alex instantly panicked. He couldn't do drugs. What about his parents? What about his brother? What about Jack? He ran.
He vaguely saw Kellin running after him and freaked out, he wasn't fast enough though and he felt an arm around his wrist. It stopped his running, holding him in place.
“Alex. What are you doing?! You completely made a fool out of me back there! Do you realise how pathetic it looks when my own loving boyfriend denies cocaine from them? Do you even like me at all?!”
The English boy opened his mouth to argue.
“No, Alex. Don't try and argue. You're gonna come back with me and have some fun. You need to relax. And we can't have you telling anybody about this now, can we? If you do some too then we know we can trust you.”
The blonde was scared. Surely Kellin wouldn't make him do this?
“I-Kellin. I-I can't. Please.” He practically whispered. He was sure his boyfriend would understand, wouldn't make him, leave him alone.
Alex saw Kellin raise his eyebrows, “Alex. You have no choice. Now come on.”
The English boy tried to pull away from the hand still gripping his wrist but he had no suck luck. That same wrist was pulling him way to hard for Alex to get away. And it was now pulling him back towards Kellin's room.
The next thing he knew he was listening to Kellin attempt to explain Alex's running away, brushing it off, saying “You know how it is with boyfriends,” and then the blonde was being forced to snort cocaine. As he did it he couldn't help feeling the immense guilt at disappointing all the people that he'd promised that he wouldn't get into this stuff. But surprisingly, the one person that he felt the worst about disappointing, was Jack.
~
After that night, Alex decided that he liked the feeling that the cocaine gave. He went on the internet and looked up the symptoms of cocaine addiction. He found some test thing that he could ask himself to find out if he was. He did it and found that he wasn't.
He told Kellin that he liked the feeling of the drug and wanted more. The dark haired boy gave a knowing smile and said that they should talk.
They did, and came up with an understanding, the blonde would continue to get a little fix of cocaine if he did thinks to help Kellin look good in public, made him more popular, and just made him happy in general. He also couldn't tell anyone about it or the supply would instantly stop.
Alex agreed. He kept the addiction test with him and made a pact with himself to take it once every week to make sure.
Kellin then said that one of the things Alex could do would be that he didn't hang out with that Jack kid because he wasn't popular enough. Josh was okay, but only when he wasn't hanging out with Jack.
Alex reluctantly agreed to this too.
~
Alex sat in Kellin's car and thought that if the first couple of weeks had been perfect then now was good. Now was bitter-sweet. He did still have feelings for the American. He wasn't such a bad guy. They had good times together when they were both sober, or both high or drunk.
Alex also thought about the day. It had been a bad one, he was clearly starting to feel the affects of lack of cocaine, he'd been so paranoid around Jack and had accidentally shown him the bruises on his wrist.
Those were a one time thing, from the first time that Alex had been introduced to his white heaven, something that Kellin promised wouldn't happen again, and hadn't, but still, Jack would probably wonder.
The blonde just had to hope that that was as far as Jack would go, no past wondering. He didn't want him trying to break up he and Kellin, they had a good thing going, popularity in return for little splurges of happiness. And they were happy being a couple sometimes. Alex also got a lot of happiness in the bedroom, so it was all good. If Jack ruined this now, the English boy didn't know what he'd do.
Alex shook his head to clear it from thoughts of Jack, those always made him feel horrible and he didn't like to feel bad.
The blonde listened to whatever Kellin was talking about, feigning interest, but only half listening. He decided it probably wouldn't be good if he simply half listened and realised that Kellin was talking about the party that he was hosting this weekend.
The English boy quickly thought of Jack and the time he went to the party with him and smiled sadly, he wished he could do that again. Alex realised the direction that his thoughts were taking and quickly changed it, instead telling Kellin about this new rap group that would be perfect for the party.
~
“I'm telling you Josh, little bruises on his wrist that were finger shaped!”
“Ja-”
“I'm gonna kill that kid.”
“Wh-”
“Kellin. Alex. Both of them. Kellin for doing this to Alex, and Alex for still being with that fucking monster. And for not telling me what is going on.”
“May-”
“What, Josh?! Maybe what?! Fucking hell! Are you always this unhelpful?! Speak to me god dammit!”
Josh sighed. He was sitting on Jack's bed watching the Lebanese boy pace back and forth yelling out random things, muttering random things, tugging at his hair, wringing his hands, and basically every other stressed/pissed off stereotype under the sun.
The older boy had called Josh over right after school saying that he needed to come over, it was urgent. The English boy had told Hayley that he couldn't hang out that night because Jack needed him, and she had understood quickly driving him to the Lebanese boy's house.
“Josh! Say something!”
The younger boy sighed again, knowing that he had to.
“Look, Jack. Maybe you're overreacting, yeah? I mean, maybe it's nothing. Maybe its a nervous habit that Alex had recently started or maybe....maybe he just likes weird things in bed?”
Jack looked at Josh like he was the biggest idiot in the world.
“Overre-? Overreacting?! Josh! No. It's definitely not a nervous habit. One: I would know about it. Two: It's kind of impossible for a person to do that, I mean look!”
He did some awkward thing where he tried to put his right hand over his left wrist in a way that would cause identical bruises if he were pressing down really hard. It didn't work out too well.
“Ohh-kaaay. So it's not a nervous habit then. What about theory number two though? I mean, it's not like you've ever had sex with him. Maybe he's just really kinky?”
Jack wrinkled his nose, “Josh. Ew. Just, just no. Alex wouldn't like that stuff. Besides, he and Kellin haven't even been dating for long, they haven't fucked.”
Josh decided to not tell Jack that at Kellin's last party when Alex and the American were on their first date he heard some pretty loud screaming of each others names, which probably scarred him for life, but yeah, he heard it.
“Jack, I just don't think you should be getting into it. If Alex said not to ask then he's probably fine. Don't worry so much.” Josh said in a soft voice.
It was the Lebanese boy's turn to sigh and then he sat on Josh's lap. “I'm sorry, it's just-I'm worried, you know? I mean, you didn't see his eyes, he looked horrible, and he was kind of like...shaking.”
Josh hugged the tall lanky boy on his lap, giving him the comfort he so desperately wanted and needed. Though Josh knew that Jack wanted a different English boy doing this.
“Jack, it's all gonna be okay. Trust me, things seem shit now, but I promise, one day you're gonna look back on all this with Alex and laugh.”
Jack nodded, he remembered that Josh's comforting skills was one of the things that drew him to the younger boy in the first place.
When he replied his voice was thick with the threat of tears, “I can't do this for much longer, Josh. I just want Alex. I want him safe. I want him to be normal again. I want him with me, now.”
He took a ragged breath, “But I....I don't know how much longer I can wait.”
xxxxxx
A/N: Well here's the chapter that is supposed to explain the whole Kellin/Alex situation. I don't think it came out well. I am not happy with it, I think it's awkward and confusing so I'm really sorry. I couldn't seem to make it work so I just decided that I'd go with this. I'm also sorry that its so inaccurate, I know fuck all about cocaine except for the fact that I'm reading Trainspotting again, but that's more heroin. And I'm aware that the bruises Kellin left on Alex's wrist wouldn't still be there if he left them one time a while ago, but go with it anyway. If anyone has questions about any of this feel free to comment or ask me on Tumblr if you're more comfortable. Tumblr
Also, here's the Jalex one-shot that I promised if I got a lot of comments, I think it's pretty good. Jalex One-Shot that is supposed to make up for the lack of Jalex-ness in this story
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Painting Flowers-All Time Low
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Eighteen
The first couple of weeks were perfect. It had started the way that Alex thought it would. They way that it should. Kellin was a perfect gentleman, the sweetest romantic, and was always doing little things for Alex that would leave the blonde smiling for an hour.
They were the “It couple”. They were pretty much their town's version of Brad and Angelina. Everyone loved them together, they couldn't get enough.
Soon though, Alex began to notice little changes in Kellin, things that went on when the pair weren't in the spotlight. Kellin would seem really hostile, constantly rub the underside of his nose and then disappear to the bathroom or something and come back perfectly fine.
He had stopped doing the things that constantly made the blonde smile, stopped complimenting him, stopped the random kisses.
But when the two were in the public everything seemed better than normal and the smiles, compliments, and kisses continued.
Kellin was always very conscious of how the pair looked in public. Always checking Alex over before they went out, making sure that he looked perfect. The dark haired boy was always quick to tell Alex if something didn't look good on him and made sure that the blonde changed.
He always told Alex when he said something stupid, made a horribly unfunny joke, or made a fool of himself, and more importantly, Kellin, in front of “important” people. Or just people in general.
The change really confused the blonde, it seemingly coming from nowhere. He found out the cause though. And it was a shocker.
~
Kellin was having a small gathering type thing. It wasn't big enough to be called a party but there were a good number of people there. After being on his own for about a half hour Alex wandered around to find his boyfriend. Without finding him anywhere the blonde finally found him in his bedroom with a bunch of other guys. They were doing something, Alex couldn't see what, but they were really focused and really intent.
The English boy stood outside the door quietly trying to find out what was happening. After a couple minutes he saw and when he did he couldn't stop the huge gasp from coming out of his mouth. Because it wasn't something innocent like a card game or marbles. It was cocaine. They were doing cocaine.
As soon as the gasp left his mouth Alex saw the whole group of boys whip their heads back and stare at the blonde. Said boy gasped and widened his eyes. He heard Kellin call out, looking a little frightened around the eyes.
“Hey, baby. Haven't seen you in a while. I've missed you. How about you come join us. It can be a couples thing.”
Alex instantly panicked. He couldn't do drugs. What about his parents? What about his brother? What about Jack? He ran.
He vaguely saw Kellin running after him and freaked out, he wasn't fast enough though and he felt an arm around his wrist. It stopped his running, holding him in place.
“Alex. What are you doing?! You completely made a fool out of me back there! Do you realise how pathetic it looks when my own loving boyfriend denies cocaine from them? Do you even like me at all?!”
The English boy opened his mouth to argue.
“No, Alex. Don't try and argue. You're gonna come back with me and have some fun. You need to relax. And we can't have you telling anybody about this now, can we? If you do some too then we know we can trust you.”
The blonde was scared. Surely Kellin wouldn't make him do this?
“I-Kellin. I-I can't. Please.” He practically whispered. He was sure his boyfriend would understand, wouldn't make him, leave him alone.
Alex saw Kellin raise his eyebrows, “Alex. You have no choice. Now come on.”
The English boy tried to pull away from the hand still gripping his wrist but he had no suck luck. That same wrist was pulling him way to hard for Alex to get away. And it was now pulling him back towards Kellin's room.
The next thing he knew he was listening to Kellin attempt to explain Alex's running away, brushing it off, saying “You know how it is with boyfriends,” and then the blonde was being forced to snort cocaine. As he did it he couldn't help feeling the immense guilt at disappointing all the people that he'd promised that he wouldn't get into this stuff. But surprisingly, the one person that he felt the worst about disappointing, was Jack.
~
After that night, Alex decided that he liked the feeling that the cocaine gave. He went on the internet and looked up the symptoms of cocaine addiction. He found some test thing that he could ask himself to find out if he was. He did it and found that he wasn't.
He told Kellin that he liked the feeling of the drug and wanted more. The dark haired boy gave a knowing smile and said that they should talk.
They did, and came up with an understanding, the blonde would continue to get a little fix of cocaine if he did thinks to help Kellin look good in public, made him more popular, and just made him happy in general. He also couldn't tell anyone about it or the supply would instantly stop.
Alex agreed. He kept the addiction test with him and made a pact with himself to take it once every week to make sure.
Kellin then said that one of the things Alex could do would be that he didn't hang out with that Jack kid because he wasn't popular enough. Josh was okay, but only when he wasn't hanging out with Jack.
Alex reluctantly agreed to this too.
~
Alex sat in Kellin's car and thought that if the first couple of weeks had been perfect then now was good. Now was bitter-sweet. He did still have feelings for the American. He wasn't such a bad guy. They had good times together when they were both sober, or both high or drunk.
Alex also thought about the day. It had been a bad one, he was clearly starting to feel the affects of lack of cocaine, he'd been so paranoid around Jack and had accidentally shown him the bruises on his wrist.
Those were a one time thing, from the first time that Alex had been introduced to his white heaven, something that Kellin promised wouldn't happen again, and hadn't, but still, Jack would probably wonder.
The blonde just had to hope that that was as far as Jack would go, no past wondering. He didn't want him trying to break up he and Kellin, they had a good thing going, popularity in return for little splurges of happiness. And they were happy being a couple sometimes. Alex also got a lot of happiness in the bedroom, so it was all good. If Jack ruined this now, the English boy didn't know what he'd do.
Alex shook his head to clear it from thoughts of Jack, those always made him feel horrible and he didn't like to feel bad.
The blonde listened to whatever Kellin was talking about, feigning interest, but only half listening. He decided it probably wouldn't be good if he simply half listened and realised that Kellin was talking about the party that he was hosting this weekend.
The English boy quickly thought of Jack and the time he went to the party with him and smiled sadly, he wished he could do that again. Alex realised the direction that his thoughts were taking and quickly changed it, instead telling Kellin about this new rap group that would be perfect for the party.
~
“I'm telling you Josh, little bruises on his wrist that were finger shaped!”
“Ja-”
“I'm gonna kill that kid.”
“Wh-”
“Kellin. Alex. Both of them. Kellin for doing this to Alex, and Alex for still being with that fucking monster. And for not telling me what is going on.”
“May-”
“What, Josh?! Maybe what?! Fucking hell! Are you always this unhelpful?! Speak to me god dammit!”
Josh sighed. He was sitting on Jack's bed watching the Lebanese boy pace back and forth yelling out random things, muttering random things, tugging at his hair, wringing his hands, and basically every other stressed/pissed off stereotype under the sun.
The older boy had called Josh over right after school saying that he needed to come over, it was urgent. The English boy had told Hayley that he couldn't hang out that night because Jack needed him, and she had understood quickly driving him to the Lebanese boy's house.
“Josh! Say something!”
The younger boy sighed again, knowing that he had to.
“Look, Jack. Maybe you're overreacting, yeah? I mean, maybe it's nothing. Maybe its a nervous habit that Alex had recently started or maybe....maybe he just likes weird things in bed?”
Jack looked at Josh like he was the biggest idiot in the world.
“Overre-? Overreacting?! Josh! No. It's definitely not a nervous habit. One: I would know about it. Two: It's kind of impossible for a person to do that, I mean look!”
He did some awkward thing where he tried to put his right hand over his left wrist in a way that would cause identical bruises if he were pressing down really hard. It didn't work out too well.
“Ohh-kaaay. So it's not a nervous habit then. What about theory number two though? I mean, it's not like you've ever had sex with him. Maybe he's just really kinky?”
Jack wrinkled his nose, “Josh. Ew. Just, just no. Alex wouldn't like that stuff. Besides, he and Kellin haven't even been dating for long, they haven't fucked.”
Josh decided to not tell Jack that at Kellin's last party when Alex and the American were on their first date he heard some pretty loud screaming of each others names, which probably scarred him for life, but yeah, he heard it.
“Jack, I just don't think you should be getting into it. If Alex said not to ask then he's probably fine. Don't worry so much.” Josh said in a soft voice.
It was the Lebanese boy's turn to sigh and then he sat on Josh's lap. “I'm sorry, it's just-I'm worried, you know? I mean, you didn't see his eyes, he looked horrible, and he was kind of like...shaking.”
Josh hugged the tall lanky boy on his lap, giving him the comfort he so desperately wanted and needed. Though Josh knew that Jack wanted a different English boy doing this.
“Jack, it's all gonna be okay. Trust me, things seem shit now, but I promise, one day you're gonna look back on all this with Alex and laugh.”
Jack nodded, he remembered that Josh's comforting skills was one of the things that drew him to the younger boy in the first place.
When he replied his voice was thick with the threat of tears, “I can't do this for much longer, Josh. I just want Alex. I want him safe. I want him to be normal again. I want him with me, now.”
He took a ragged breath, “But I....I don't know how much longer I can wait.”
xxxxxx
A/N: Well here's the chapter that is supposed to explain the whole Kellin/Alex situation. I don't think it came out well. I am not happy with it, I think it's awkward and confusing so I'm really sorry. I couldn't seem to make it work so I just decided that I'd go with this. I'm also sorry that its so inaccurate, I know fuck all about cocaine except for the fact that I'm reading Trainspotting again, but that's more heroin. And I'm aware that the bruises Kellin left on Alex's wrist wouldn't still be there if he left them one time a while ago, but go with it anyway. If anyone has questions about any of this feel free to comment or ask me on Tumblr if you're more comfortable. Tumblr
Also, here's the Jalex one-shot that I promised if I got a lot of comments, I think it's pretty good. Jalex One-Shot that is supposed to make up for the lack of Jalex-ness in this story
Thanks for reading and commenting!