You've Become What I Hate, Sold Yourself For A Bit Of Fame: Chapter Thirty-Seven
Summary: Alex has just moved for the last of many times to Dulaney High school. He has decided that this is the year and school that he will try and become "popular" but if that happened would it be a bad thing? And will finding a new friend, that may think of him as more, also affect it?....
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Therapy-All Time Low
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The next day Alex's parents were there visiting. They had gone to the hospital whenever they had the time, usually for an hour or two everyday when they were done work. The blonde always tried to act his best when they were there, as some kind of retribution for putting them through hell again.
He knew it wasn't enough though and he was going to have to make it up to them somehow. He was going to have to do something big for them because he loved them, and that's what you do when you love someone!
He attempted to put on the 'happiest son in the world' mask that he usually did when they came but this time it was trickier. The visit from Josh the day before had gotten stuck in the back of his head for some reason. Nothing major, it was just always lingering and if Alex let his mind wander for any amount of time then the words that Josh had said would sneak back up to the forefront of his thoughts. It annoyed him. He didn't understand why they wouldn't go away but he figured he'd just have to deal with it and attempt to put it out of his mind.
The entire visit he and his parents made idle chat, no one really saying anything major or worth remembering. It was mainly the sort of things that people say when they're in hospitals, uninteresting going-ons of peoples' lives.
“Oh! Oh my gosh, I almost forgot, Alex!” His mom said suddenly, after telling her husband and son about the proper method of cleaning a counter top in excruciating detail.
“Yeah?” The blonde replied, a little scared about what she was going to say next, she was really happy.
“I've spoken to that nice doctor that was wearing a Stetson and a bow tie and he said that you've stayed here long enough. He said that he just wants to check your one heart quickly later and then we can take you home! Isn't that brilliant!?” She informed him with a large smile. The blonde returned it although it was a little forced.
It wasn't that he was unhappy to be able to go home, no, he was glad to get out of the place. It was just that he'd been there for about a week and Jack hadn't visited once. He just kinda figured that maybe Josh had been playing some sick joke and the longer he stayed, the better chance he had of Jack visiting. Well, that wasn't going to work.
“That is brilliant, mom! When is he gonna come in?” He said, trying his absolute hardest to sound as thrilled as she had.
“Oh, about an hour or two, I'm not sure. But, Alex, love, we've brought some of your clothes so you can change into those if you'd like.”
The boy in the bed smiled, this time for real, he would love to get out of the stupid hospital gown that he'd been in the whole time. “Yeah, that'd be cool. Thanks, guys.”
His parents smiled at him and put a pile of clothes on the end of his bed. They told him that they'd be back in an hour and then they'd all go home. Alex had nodded and watched them leave.
After they were gone the blonde looked at the pile of clothes on the end of his bed. He felt himself flinch when he saw the garment that was innocently sitting on the top of the pile.
~
Jack opened his school bag and took out his homework. Ooo, solving rational equations! At least he understood that. He sighed.
He was pretty sure Algebra was only created as a form of torture in the middle east. He had no clue as to why it was being taught in schools! Isn't that like, against the law or something?
He looked back down at the paper to see if he could get any form of understanding from it. He scrunched his forehead. He rubbed the back of his neck. He bit his lip.
Okay, so, maybe an after-school snack wouldn't be such a horrible idea at the moment.
~
Alex sat still for a moment and then crawled to the end of his bed. He picked up the piece of clothing that had so largely affected him and brought it to his chest. The sweatshirt still smelled as he remembered. Like Jack.
He sat like that for another moment, with the sweatshirt that was really Jack's that Alex had been wearing on the day of the fight clutched to his chest. At some point he realised that there were streaks of wetness flowing from his eyes and down his cheeks.
All of a sudden his thoughts seemed to be racing around in his head at top speed. They were all thoughts of Jack. The way that his nose crinkled when he thought his own jokes were hilarious, the way that he laughed at those jokes in such a way that it seemed like he couldn't breathe, the way that he got overexcited when a cartoon was on tv, how he thought puppies were “the cutest thing on the planet and if you don't agree I'll have you eaten by a puppy just because that's like, justice or something” and how he was so sure that Blink was the best band in existence, and the way that he completely lost himself when he played guitar, even if it was simply one of Alex's crappy songs that he always fawned over and found amazing. The way that whenever one or the other slept over another's house Jack would let Alex bury his head in his neck, and how he was always there to listen, even if Alex's problem was the most ridiculous thing on the planet.
But, amidst all of his Jack-themed thoughts, there was an even bigger one that loomed like a black cloud in his mind. Josh's visit yesterday. The words Josh had said that had been simply skulking in the back before were now demanding Alex's attention. He'd hurt Jack. Jack. Jack, who was always there for him, no matter what. The blonde had just taken that for granted. He'd not even realised that it would ever be different, that one time Jack wouldn't come back, he wouldn’t be there.
Alex had broken his promise and it had ended up in him overdosing on fucking cocaine. He'd made friends that he didn't even care about, and dated someone who probably didn't even give a shit about him. Yes, the boy had realised that none of his so-called “friends” visited him in hospital. Not one. He wasn't too bothered though, because he found himself realising that he didn't really WANT them to visit.
Alex also thought about the last thing that Josh said. He found himself almost just realising what he had actually said. It was like, up until then, he had just blocked that part out, but now it was coming back full force.
Josh had said that Jack loved him. And not in a bromance/best friends way, like, actually loved him. As that swirled through his mind a few times Alex sat in his hospital bed with wide eyes and Jack's sweatshirt pulled up to his chest.
He wondered if what Josh had said had been true. No. It couldn't. That was ridiculous.
But, wait. On the night of their fight, Jack had said something like, “You aren't the Alex that I fell in love with.”
All of a sudden he gasped and then spoke out loud into the empty room. “Oh my god. I love Jack. I've always loved Jack. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I've messed up big time. Fuck.”
~
'Has this gone bad? It doesn't look good.' Jack thought, carefully looking at some form of leftover that was in his fridge.
He'd started off by just going to grab something quick to eat and then go back to his work, but he'd kind of gotten a bit sidetracked and was now sorting through and cleaning the whole fridge.
'Hmm...where's that cleaner?' He thought glancing around his kitchen. He figured it would probably be in one of the cupboards. But he didn't know which one. He didn't usually clean. The only reason he was doing it now was so he had an excuse not to do his homework.
He shrugged and started to open cupboards at random, it's not like he was in a hurry or anything.
~
Alex sat and stared at nothing in particular. What had before been a racetrack of thoughts was now just a repeating line. 'I love Jack. Oh my god, I love Jack. I don't believe this.'
He wanted to be overjoyed. He wanted to jump, and dance, and laugh, but he couldn't. Yes, he'd realised that he loved Jack, but what good was it finding out now? Jack probably didn't even love him any more. Josh had said that he was getting over Alex. He hadn't even visited him whilst he was in hospital for fuck's sake!
But Alex had never been one to give up without a fight. If there was still any chance that Jack might still love him then he was going to take that chance. He was aware that it wouldn't be easy, and that it was going to take a lot of hard work.
New thoughts were swirling around his mind now. Plotting thoughts. Thoughts about how he was going to accomplish this. It had to be perfect. And he was aware that it had to be big.
But he was okay with doing something big. Because that's what you do when you love someone.
xxxxxx
A/N: Phew! That chapter was not easy to write. I had to get the words perfect and it had to set the right tone and mood. It's done now though so read and enjoy. And leave a comment perhaps? :D
OH and I haven't been able to listen to Don't Panic yet because life hates me, I'm gonna check the post tonight and see if my pre order has come yet and if it hasn't, there shall be tears. So listen to the stream once for me, yeah?
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, sadly. Title goes to Bite My Tongue-You Me At Six, Cut goes to Therapy-All Time Low
A/N: At the End
Masterpost
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The next day Alex's parents were there visiting. They had gone to the hospital whenever they had the time, usually for an hour or two everyday when they were done work. The blonde always tried to act his best when they were there, as some kind of retribution for putting them through hell again.
He knew it wasn't enough though and he was going to have to make it up to them somehow. He was going to have to do something big for them because he loved them, and that's what you do when you love someone!
He attempted to put on the 'happiest son in the world' mask that he usually did when they came but this time it was trickier. The visit from Josh the day before had gotten stuck in the back of his head for some reason. Nothing major, it was just always lingering and if Alex let his mind wander for any amount of time then the words that Josh had said would sneak back up to the forefront of his thoughts. It annoyed him. He didn't understand why they wouldn't go away but he figured he'd just have to deal with it and attempt to put it out of his mind.
The entire visit he and his parents made idle chat, no one really saying anything major or worth remembering. It was mainly the sort of things that people say when they're in hospitals, uninteresting going-ons of peoples' lives.
“Oh! Oh my gosh, I almost forgot, Alex!” His mom said suddenly, after telling her husband and son about the proper method of cleaning a counter top in excruciating detail.
“Yeah?” The blonde replied, a little scared about what she was going to say next, she was really happy.
“I've spoken to that nice doctor that was wearing a Stetson and a bow tie and he said that you've stayed here long enough. He said that he just wants to check your one heart quickly later and then we can take you home! Isn't that brilliant!?” She informed him with a large smile. The blonde returned it although it was a little forced.
It wasn't that he was unhappy to be able to go home, no, he was glad to get out of the place. It was just that he'd been there for about a week and Jack hadn't visited once. He just kinda figured that maybe Josh had been playing some sick joke and the longer he stayed, the better chance he had of Jack visiting. Well, that wasn't going to work.
“That is brilliant, mom! When is he gonna come in?” He said, trying his absolute hardest to sound as thrilled as she had.
“Oh, about an hour or two, I'm not sure. But, Alex, love, we've brought some of your clothes so you can change into those if you'd like.”
The boy in the bed smiled, this time for real, he would love to get out of the stupid hospital gown that he'd been in the whole time. “Yeah, that'd be cool. Thanks, guys.”
His parents smiled at him and put a pile of clothes on the end of his bed. They told him that they'd be back in an hour and then they'd all go home. Alex had nodded and watched them leave.
After they were gone the blonde looked at the pile of clothes on the end of his bed. He felt himself flinch when he saw the garment that was innocently sitting on the top of the pile.
~
Jack opened his school bag and took out his homework. Ooo, solving rational equations! At least he understood that. He sighed.
He was pretty sure Algebra was only created as a form of torture in the middle east. He had no clue as to why it was being taught in schools! Isn't that like, against the law or something?
He looked back down at the paper to see if he could get any form of understanding from it. He scrunched his forehead. He rubbed the back of his neck. He bit his lip.
Okay, so, maybe an after-school snack wouldn't be such a horrible idea at the moment.
~
Alex sat still for a moment and then crawled to the end of his bed. He picked up the piece of clothing that had so largely affected him and brought it to his chest. The sweatshirt still smelled as he remembered. Like Jack.
He sat like that for another moment, with the sweatshirt that was really Jack's that Alex had been wearing on the day of the fight clutched to his chest. At some point he realised that there were streaks of wetness flowing from his eyes and down his cheeks.
All of a sudden his thoughts seemed to be racing around in his head at top speed. They were all thoughts of Jack. The way that his nose crinkled when he thought his own jokes were hilarious, the way that he laughed at those jokes in such a way that it seemed like he couldn't breathe, the way that he got overexcited when a cartoon was on tv, how he thought puppies were “the cutest thing on the planet and if you don't agree I'll have you eaten by a puppy just because that's like, justice or something” and how he was so sure that Blink was the best band in existence, and the way that he completely lost himself when he played guitar, even if it was simply one of Alex's crappy songs that he always fawned over and found amazing. The way that whenever one or the other slept over another's house Jack would let Alex bury his head in his neck, and how he was always there to listen, even if Alex's problem was the most ridiculous thing on the planet.
But, amidst all of his Jack-themed thoughts, there was an even bigger one that loomed like a black cloud in his mind. Josh's visit yesterday. The words Josh had said that had been simply skulking in the back before were now demanding Alex's attention. He'd hurt Jack. Jack. Jack, who was always there for him, no matter what. The blonde had just taken that for granted. He'd not even realised that it would ever be different, that one time Jack wouldn't come back, he wouldn’t be there.
Alex had broken his promise and it had ended up in him overdosing on fucking cocaine. He'd made friends that he didn't even care about, and dated someone who probably didn't even give a shit about him. Yes, the boy had realised that none of his so-called “friends” visited him in hospital. Not one. He wasn't too bothered though, because he found himself realising that he didn't really WANT them to visit.
Alex also thought about the last thing that Josh said. He found himself almost just realising what he had actually said. It was like, up until then, he had just blocked that part out, but now it was coming back full force.
Josh had said that Jack loved him. And not in a bromance/best friends way, like, actually loved him. As that swirled through his mind a few times Alex sat in his hospital bed with wide eyes and Jack's sweatshirt pulled up to his chest.
He wondered if what Josh had said had been true. No. It couldn't. That was ridiculous.
But, wait. On the night of their fight, Jack had said something like, “You aren't the Alex that I fell in love with.”
All of a sudden he gasped and then spoke out loud into the empty room. “Oh my god. I love Jack. I've always loved Jack. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I've messed up big time. Fuck.”
~
'Has this gone bad? It doesn't look good.' Jack thought, carefully looking at some form of leftover that was in his fridge.
He'd started off by just going to grab something quick to eat and then go back to his work, but he'd kind of gotten a bit sidetracked and was now sorting through and cleaning the whole fridge.
'Hmm...where's that cleaner?' He thought glancing around his kitchen. He figured it would probably be in one of the cupboards. But he didn't know which one. He didn't usually clean. The only reason he was doing it now was so he had an excuse not to do his homework.
He shrugged and started to open cupboards at random, it's not like he was in a hurry or anything.
~
Alex sat and stared at nothing in particular. What had before been a racetrack of thoughts was now just a repeating line. 'I love Jack. Oh my god, I love Jack. I don't believe this.'
He wanted to be overjoyed. He wanted to jump, and dance, and laugh, but he couldn't. Yes, he'd realised that he loved Jack, but what good was it finding out now? Jack probably didn't even love him any more. Josh had said that he was getting over Alex. He hadn't even visited him whilst he was in hospital for fuck's sake!
But Alex had never been one to give up without a fight. If there was still any chance that Jack might still love him then he was going to take that chance. He was aware that it wouldn't be easy, and that it was going to take a lot of hard work.
New thoughts were swirling around his mind now. Plotting thoughts. Thoughts about how he was going to accomplish this. It had to be perfect. And he was aware that it had to be big.
But he was okay with doing something big. Because that's what you do when you love someone.
xxxxxx
A/N: Phew! That chapter was not easy to write. I had to get the words perfect and it had to set the right tone and mood. It's done now though so read and enjoy. And leave a comment perhaps? :D
OH and I haven't been able to listen to Don't Panic yet because life hates me, I'm gonna check the post tonight and see if my pre order has come yet and if it hasn't, there shall be tears. So listen to the stream once for me, yeah?